宿醉3（2013）

孔普雷中♥央♥监狱 曼谷以南37英里
坚持就是胜利
宿醉3
混♥蛋♥
Motherfuckers!
靠
Fuck.
尼玛
Fuck!
我们快到家了 哥们
We're almost home, buddy!
喔
Whoo!
喔
Whoo!
喂...
Hey...
我叫艾伦 我买♥♥了头长颈鹿
My name's Alan and I bought a giraffe!
他是我的了
He's all mine!
他超友好的
He's super friendly!
哦 哇
Oh, wow.
看那头长颈鹿
Look at the giraffe.
天啊 你觉得它要去哪儿?
Oh, my God. Where do you think it's going?
喔
Whoo!
哦 我的生活棒极了 我的生活棒极了
Oh, my life is great! I have a wonderful life!
限高3.8米
我的生活棒极了
I have a wonderful life!
马路杀手 无头长颈鹿使405号♥高速封锁
是的 先生 当然 太感谢了 不 当然
Yes, sir. Absolutely, I will. Thank you so much. No, of course.
不 不 真的太对不起了
No, no. And again, I'm so sorry.
市长打来的 艾伦
That was the mayor, Alan.
这只是场意外
It was an accident.
你说过无论我做什么你都会爱我的
You said you'd always love me no matter what I did.
对啊 你是我的最亲的人
I know and I do. You're my best friend.
可是 艾伦 你干嘛要买♥♥头长颈鹿?
But, Alan, why would you buy a giraffe?
我一直想要一头
I've always wanted one.
我能在我的树屋里喂他
I could feed him from my tree house.
而且 它们让我联想到我自己
Besides, they remind me a lot of myself.
哪方面?
In what way?
它们又高又大 郁郁寡欢
They're majestic, pensive and tall.
-郁郁寡欢? -是啊
-Pensive? -Yeah.
-你从哪儿学的这词? -"跟小伙伴一起记单词"
-Where'd you learn that word? -"Words With Friends."
-哪个小伙伴 艾伦? -电脑随机挑的
-What friends, Alan? -You can set it on random.
艾伦 你不仅害得一条高速公路封锁了...
Alan, aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway...
还害死了一只野生动物 全国都闹得沸沸扬扬
you murdered a wild animal. It's national news.
我为摆平你这件事花的银子你想都不敢想
You don't want to know the checks I had to write to fix this.
别扯了 咱们是土豪
Oh, please. We're rich.
咱们什么也不是 艾伦
We are not anything, Alan.
我生活宽裕 你是我40岁的儿子...
I am well-off. You are my 40-year-old son...
42 我42岁了
Forty-two. I'm 42!
42岁还赖在家里啃老的儿子
42-year-old son who still lives at home.
你必须回去继续接受药物治疗 不然我就不给你钱花
You are to go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off.
别装了 饭好了没?
You're bluffing. When's dinner?
你妈妈和我都已经忍♥无可忍♥了
Your mother and I can't take this anymore!
-你们大概还是得忍♥ -我不忍♥了
-Well, you might have to. -I can't do it!
我受不了了
I cannot do this!
艾伦 艾伦
Alan! Alan!
天啊 他的嗓音跟天使似的
My God, he's got the voice of an angel.
简直动人心弦
It's breathtaking.
我没法相信我父亲已经死了
I can't believe my daddy is dead.
有那么多人 我宁可他们比我父亲先死
I can think of so many people I would rather have died first.
比如我母亲
Like my mother.
正如你们大多数人所知...
As many of you know...
我父亲和我关系很近
my father and I were extremely close.
他曾是我的人生伴侣
He was my life partner.
他经常告诉我 几乎是每天一次...
He would often tell me, almost on a daily basis...
我是他最喜欢的孩子
that I was his favorite child.
我会铭记他给我的遗言:
I'll always remember the last words he said to me:
"我为你自豪 艾伦
"I'm proud of you, Alan.
永远不要改变"
Never change."
是啊...
Well...
我听得很清楚 爸爸
I heard you loud and clear, Daddy.
我绝不改变
I will never change.
永远不会
Never, ever.
哦 妈妈
Oh, Mom.
到你了 神父
Go ahead, chief.
习德·加纳是一位受人爱戴的丈夫...
Sid Garner was a beloved husband...
父亲和邻居
father and neighbor.
难熬的一天啊
Wow, rough day.
-是啊 翠西怎么样了? -不怎么好
-Yeah, how's Tracy doing? -Not great.
她妈几乎完全崩溃了 雪上加霜的是...
Her mother's totally on the edge, and if all this weren't enough...
艾伦已经放弃治疗快六个月了
apparently Alan's been off his meds for almost six months.
天啊
Oh, boy.
是啊 本来就很糟了
Yeah, it has not been pretty.
-又来了这他妈一桩长颈鹿的事 -我倒觉得挺搞笑的
-Then there's the whole fucking giraffe thing. -I thought that was pretty funny.
-什么? -得了吧 他只不过搞死了一头长颈鹿
-What? -Come on. He killed a giraffe.
又不是杀人放火
Who gives a fuck?
我本来不想说什么的 可是艾伦最近一直来我办公室
You know, I wasn't gonna say anything, but Alan's been stopping by my office lately.
你搞笑呢吧 他去干嘛?
You're kidding me. What for?
我不知道 他就坐在候诊室里读"天才宝宝"
I don't know. He just sits in the waiting room and reads "Highlights" magazine.
填填字谜 能做多少算多少 然后离开
Fills in the puzzles, whatever he can, and then leaves.
看
Check it out.
-哇 -天啊 你准备拿他怎么办?
-Wow. -Jesus, what are you gonna do with him?
其实 我正要和你们谈这件事的
Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys about that.
琳达很想给他送他去疗养院
Linda really wants to stage an intervention for him.
"疗养院"? 真的假的?
An intervention? Really?
我觉得听起来很不错
I think that sounds like a great idea.
是啊 不过问题是...
Yeah, the thing is...
她很肯定除非我们都在场 不然他是不会同意的
she's pretty convinced he won't agree to it unless all of us are there.
你知道他什么德行的
I mean, you know how he is.
我得考虑考虑 感觉有点过
I don't know. It seems a little extreme to me.
天啊 看他现在
Oh, God. Look at him now.
好吧 算上我 什么时候?
Okay, I'm in. When are we doing it?
我们今天和翠西谈过了...
So we talked to Tracy today...
她说他们发现那里的医疗设施很棒
and she said that the treatment facility that they found is really nice.
环境很好 我在网上查了查 名声也不错
It's beautiful. I checked it out online. Great reputation.
那又怎样? 那鬼地方在亚利桑那
Who gives a fuck? It's in Arizona.
开两天的车就为去那鸟不拉屎的地方?
We gotta go on like a two-day drive for this shit?
又来了
Here we go.
他们应该省点钱 送他去减肥训练营
They should just save their money and send him to fat camp.
-菲尔 -怎么?
-Phil. -What?
他该减肥了 减完肥 找个妹子
He should lose weight. He'll find a woman.
这才是他需要的 那家伙太孤独了
That's what he needs. The dude's lonely.
要是他这么孤独 你们俩干嘛不多陪他会儿
If he's so lonely, why don't the two of you spend more time with him?
不 相信我 你不会乐意的
No, trust me, you don't want that.
不 你绝对不会乐意的
No. You definitely don't want that.
别嘛 他也没那么坏
Come on. He's not that bad.
最糟能糟到哪去呢? 纹身?
I mean, what's the worst that's happened? The tattoo?
是啊 纹身是最糟的了
Yeah, the tattoo's the worst.
对吧?
Right?
绝对的 纹身是最糟的了 噩梦啊
Definitely. Tattoo was the worst. Nightmare.
说到这个 你有没有去检查过?
Speaking of which, you ever get tested?
什么?
Excuse me?
因为墨水
You know, because of the ink.
其实指的是上一部司徒被泰国人妖爆菊的事
进入了你的身体
That went inside you.
我没事
I'm fine.
-保重 -好吧 明天好运
-Take care. -All right, good luck tomorrow.
多谢
Oh, thanks.
-我11点来接你 -好极了
-I'll pick you up at 11. -Perfect.
多谢了
Thank you so much.
谢了
Thanks.
-再次感谢你们都能来 -应该的
-Again, thank you so much for coming. -Oh, of course.
这位是尼克 尼克是艾伦的小伙伴
This is Nico. Nico is a good friend of Alan's.
-你好啊 哥们 -你好 你好
-What's up, bros? -Oh, yeah, hey.
那是布兰卡
And that's Blanca.
布兰卡从艾伦还是个婴儿的时候就跟我们一起了
Blanca's been with us since Alan was a baby.
-你好 -你好
-Hello. -Hello.
这是提摩西 提摩西住在街对面
And this is Timothy. Timothy lives across the street.
他和艾伦一起游泳
He and Alan swim together.