犯罪现场清理员 2022圣诞特辑（2022）

we'll talk about as much as you like as soon as I'm out of the freezer.
所以，听着
So, listen,
我知道你不能越过红线 我也不希望你这么做
I know you can't cross the red line and I don't want you to,
但你能为我做件事吗？你能打电♥话♥给999吗？
but can you do something for me? Would you phone 999?
但那是紧急服务
But, that is the emergency services.
是的，因为事情是这样的
Yeah, because here's the thing,
一个快要被冰冻死的胖子是个紧急状况
the fat man freezing to death is kind of an emergency.
我需要你打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
I need you to call the police.
有没有违反法律？
Has a law been broken?
如果我能从这里出去的话，就会有！
It will be if I ever get out of here kid!
对不起…
Sorry, sorry.
打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
Call the police.
但是，他们会问问题
But, they will ask questions.
我不允许回答警♥察♥的问题，记得吗？
I'm not allowed to answer police questions, remember?
我答应过我父亲
I promised my father.
我就是你的父亲
I am your father.
什么？
What?
我不知道
I don't know.
我脑子不清楚了，打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
I'm not thinking straight, call the police.
但是，如果我父亲知道了 他可能不会回来
But, if my father finds out, he might not come back.
你父亲是错的，好吗？
Your father is wrong, okay.
打电♥话♥给警♥察♥是正确的人选
The police are the right people to ring,
他们会知道该怎么做，打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
they'll know what to do. Call the police.
我父亲告诉我会发生什么事
My father told me exactly what would happen.
我将成为正义的逃犯
I would become a fugitive from justice
并不得不深入到犯罪黑帮
and have to descend into the criminal underbelly
以获得伪造文件
in order to procure false papers,
但警♥察♥会在一个仓库里抓到我…
but the police will corner me in a warehouse...
什么？
What?
会有一架直升机带着聚光灯
And there would be a helicopter with a spotlight
和一个拿着扩音器的人试图…
with a man with a megaphone trying to
-嘘…罗拔… -穿着蓝色夹克
-Shh, shh, Robert... -wearing a blue jacket
背上写着警♥察♥
with police on the back
告诉我必须保持冷静 我已经被包围了…
who told me I must remain calm and that I'm surrounded...
-罗拔… -但是，会有个狙击手
-Robert! Robert! -But, there will be a sniper perched
栖息在公♥寓♥大楼的屋顶上…
on the roof of the apartment building...
罗拔！
Robert!
是的？
Yes?
你有没有想过你的父亲可能不会来…
Has it ever occurred to you that your father might not be come...
嘿，罗拔，我的手♥机♥在那里吗？
Hey Robert, is my phone up there?
妹妹…
Sis? Sis?
混♥蛋♥，你去了吗？
Shithead. You been round?
没有…听着，我这里真的有个问题
No, no, listen, I've got a real situation here.
你有个问题
You've got a situation,
孩子在尼祖妈妈的地毯上吐了一地 然后他爸爸
the kids throwing up all over Nigel's mum's rug and it's dad,
正坐在车里
is sitting in the car
听着真实犯罪播客，喝着假香槟
listening to true crime podcasts and drinking Babysham.
听着，我需要你…
Listen, I need you...
我不常求你，威基
I don't ask you for much Wicky,
我只希望你今年能放下你的自尊
I just want you to swallow your pride this year.
谁会把马抽奖看得比自己的家人重要？
Who prioritises a horse raffle over their own family?
这跟马抽奖无关，听着…
It's got nothing to do with the horse raffle, listen...
天啊，那该死的孩子又吐哈瑞宝软糖了
Oh god, the bloody kids throwing up Haribos again.
离那该死的地毯远一点
Step away from the bloody rug.
我被困在雪柜里 我需要你打电♥话♥给警♥察♥，妹妹…
I'm trapped in a freezer, I need you to call the police. Sis, sis!
有时候我觉得你是对的，你知道
I sometimes think that you got it right, you know,
从来没有结婚，去看看爸爸吧
never marry her and go and see dad.
如果你不想，那就写封信给他之类的
If you don't want to do that, write him a letter or something.
妹妹！
Sis!
让他从痛苦中解脱，你至少欠他那个…
Put him out of his misery, you owe him that at least...
我被困在雪柜里 我需要你打电♥话♥给警♥察♥
I'm trapped in a freezer, I need you to call the police.
妹妹！
Sis!
谢谢
Thank you.
罗拔肯德里克
Robert Kendrick.
我就知道可能是你
I thought it might be you.
信封上就是这么写的
That's what it says on the front of this letter.
罗拔肯德里克
Robert Kendrick.
我不明白
I don't understand.
我找到一封信
I found a letter
信封上写着 给罗拔肯德里克，来自他的父亲
and on the front it says to Robert Kendrick from his father.
我父亲的信？但是怎么会？
A letter from my father? But how?
我不知道，我猜可能 他把信交给艾伯托保管
I don't know, I guess maybe he gave it Alberto to look after
在打斗期间可能从他的口袋里 掉了出来之类的
and during the fight maybe it fell out of his pocket or something,
就是这样
something like that.
信上说什么？
What does the letter say?
我没有权限打开它
I don't have permission to open it.
打开别人的邮件是…
Opening other people's mail is,
这是犯罪行为，我没有得到允许，罗拔
it's a criminal offence and I don't have permission, Robert.
你有我的允许
You have my permission.
恐怕那还不够，我需要书面允许
That's not good enough I'm afraid, I need written permission
否则法官会把书扔到我头上严惩我
or the judge will throw the book at me,
然后我和警♥察♥发生枪战，罗拔，你懂的
then I get into a shoot out with the police, Robert, you know.
法官会扔什么书？
What book would the judge throw?
圣经
The bible.
拜托…
Please, please, please.
一
One,
二
two,
三
three,
四
four,
五
five,
六
six.
你好，罗拔肯德里克
Hello Robert Kendrick.
你骗我
You lied to me.
没有信
There's no letter.
哦，不，我把那封信拿去哪里了？
Oh no, what did I do with that letter?
你是个骗子
You're a liar.
不！我一定是把它掉在那里了
No! I just must have dropped it down there.
我去拿
I'll get it.
在那里！
There!
我想我可以为你读这封信，如果…
I thought I might read it for you if...
亲爱的罗拔，这是你的父亲
Dear Robert, this is your father.
哦，真的是他
Oh, it is him.
我想通过这封信告诉你我有多么自豪
I wanted to write this letter to tell you how proud I am of you.
我敢打赌你每个星期天都会来吃雪糕
I'll bet that you've come for ice cream every single Sunday
自从我们告别以来
since we said goodbye.
他记得
He remembers.
你是可靠的罗拔，这将永远帮助你
You're reliable Robert and that will always help you.
我希望你明白
I hope you understand
做父母有时候是很艰难的
that sometimes it's hard being a parent.
我知道我答应过要回来
I know I promised I would come back,
但有时候生活会拦在路上
but sometimes life gets in the way
而且它会替你打破承诺
and it breaks your promises for you.
我想让你知道生活充满了可能性
I want you to know that life is full of possibilities.
去享受你的人生
Go off and enjoy yours
并且知道即使我的工作让我们分开
and know that even though my work has kept us apart,
我一直在想你
I am always thinking about you.
顺便说一下，我发现我有乳糖不耐症
By the way, I found out that I am lactose intolerant,
这是我不能回到艾伯托的店的 另一个原因
which is another reason why I can never return to Alberto's.
雪糕让我起疹子
Ice cream brings me out in a rash,
也许这就是为什么我过去那么易怒
maybe that's why I was so angry in the past.
啊，保重，爱你
Ah, take care, with love.
你的父亲
Your father.
哇，那真是美好
Well, that was lovely
最后那部分似乎有点匆忙 但还是很美好
and that last bit seemed a bit rushed, but it is lovely.
是啊，我喜欢
Yes, I liked it.
我可以看一下吗？
May I see it?
信，我可以看一下吗？
The letter, may I see it.
如果你想的话
If you want to.
我想
I do.
我的意思是，这是你的信，如果你想看
I mean, it's your letter, if you wanna see it,
你可以看