犯罪现场清理员 2022圣诞特辑（2022）

圣诞快乐，妹妹
Happy Christmas sis.
你要去吗？
You going then?
我要去哪里？
Am I going where?
今天是圣诞节
It's Christmas day,
你当然知道要去哪里
you bloody know where.
去爸爸那里
To dads.
车尾箱，尼祖
The boot Nigel,
醒醒！那么，你要去吗？
wake up! Well, are you?
不，我跟你说过我不去
No, I've told you I'm not.
我们要去尼祖的父母家 然后这个寄生虫真的很兴奋
We're going to Nigel's folks and the parasite is really kicking off.
爸爸！她又叫我寄生虫了
Dad! She called me parasite again.
你就是个该死的寄生虫
Well, you are a bloody parasite.
你毁了我的身体，毁了
You've ruined my body, ruined it.
你必须去，威基，就这样
You'll have to go Wicky, end of.
我有计划
I've got plans.
白马酒吧会准备一顿丰盛的圣诞大餐
The White Horse is doing a full Christmas dinner.
微波火鸡很危险，威基 你还没有从上次吸取教训吗？
Microwave turkey is dangerous Wicky, have you not learnt from last time?
不仅仅是晚餐
It's not just the dinner.
国王演讲期间 维索会举办一个抽奖活动
Weasel's doing a raffle during the King's speech,
你可能会赢得一匹马
you could win a horse.
就是一匹真正的马
Like, an actual horse.
圣诞节，威基
It's Christmas Wicky,
你应该在圣诞节时放下彼此的分歧
you should be able to put aside your differences at Christmas.
你在圣诞节时放下我的分歧
You put aside my differences at Christmas,
带他去尼祖的父母家
take him to Nigel's parents with you.
好吧，我不能带，因为巴勃罗
Well, I can't because of Pablo.
尼祖的妈妈对狗过敏 她的喉咙会肿得像一只蟾蜍
Nigel's mum allergic, her throat puffs up like a toad.
到底谁是巴勃罗？
Who the hell's Pablo?
爸爸的新狗
Dad's new dog.
我喜欢巴勃罗！
I love Pablo!
是啊，我们都知道你喜欢巴勃罗
Yes, we all know you love Pablo.
我的天啊，他们这个年纪 就开始重复自己的话了
My god, they repeat themselves at this age.
他买♥♥了一条狗？
He's bought a dog?
对，它真的很可爱
Yes. It's really cute.
你知道我们小时候
Have you any idea how many times
我向他要过多少次狗吗？
I asked him for a dog when we were kids?
这是我唯一的愿望
It's all I ever wanted.
他过去常说，哦，不 狗就是会叫又会拉屎的老鼠
And he used to say, oh no, they're rats that bark and shit.
会叫又会拉屎的老鼠
Rats that bark and shit.
好吧，那就这样，我肯定不去了
Right, well, that's it, I'm definitely not going.
他活该自己一个人，你知道的
He deserves to be on his own and you know it.
你最后也会变得像他一样
And you're gonna end up just like him.
考虑去爸爸那里吧，威基
Think about going round to dads, Wicky.
他是个老人，今天是圣诞节
He's an old man, it's Christmas.
尼祖！
Nigel!
你能把这该死的车尾箱打开吗？
Will you open this bloody boot.
好吧，让我们开始吧
Right then, let's dance.
一个干净的圣诞节
中度至重度积血
Moderate to severe blood pooling.
多孔表面有限度的染色 但主要是假大理石和富美家板材
Limited staining on porous surfaces, but mostly fake marble and Formica.
两个小时，最多30分钟
Two hours, 30 tops.
然后是火鸡，啤酒，新马
And then turkey, pint, new horse.
开始吧，圣诞老人
Let's have it Santa.
圣诞宝贝
Santa baby,
帮我把貂皮放在树下
put the sable under the tree for me
我一直都是个糟糕的乖女孩，圣诞宝贝
I've been an awful good girl Santa baby,
今晚赶快从烟囱下来
hurry down the chimney tonight
圣诞宝贝，一辆1954年代的敞篷车 浅蓝色的
Santa baby, a 54 convertible too, light blue
好吧，我会等你
Well, I'll wait up for you,
亲爱的圣诞宝贝
dear Santa baby,
所以今晚赶快从烟囱下来
so hurry down the chimney tonight
所以今晚赶快从烟囱下来
So, hurry down the chimney tonight
嘿！
Hey!
滚开！
Get out of it!
下午好，我的名字是罗拔肯德里克
Good afternoon. My name is Robert Kendrick.
店铺关门了
The parlour's closed.
店铺…
The parlours...
下午好，我的名字是罗拔…
Good afternoon, my name is Robert...
听着，你在这里干嘛，孩子？
Look, what are you doing here kid?
今天是星期天
It's Sunday.
那又怎样？
And?
每个星期天我都会在艾伯托的店 吃一个蜜桃梅尔巴雪糕
Every Sunday I get a peach Melba ice cream in Alberto's.
今天是圣诞节
It's Christmas day.
今天也是星期天
It is also Sunday.
好吧…听着，罗拔…
Right. Okay, listen, Robert...
罗拔肯德里克
Robert Kendrick.
是的，听着，罗拔肯德里克 店铺关门了
Yes, listen Robert Kendrick, the parlour is closed.
大多数商店都关门了，今天是圣诞节
Most shops are closed, it's Christmas day.
艾伯托每个星期天都会开店
Alberto opens every Sunday.
他是一位意大利犹太人 所以他不庆祝圣诞节
He is an Italian Jewish person, so, he does not celebrate Christmas.
现在，请你告诉艾伯托 我要来吃我的蜜桃梅尔巴了
Now, could you please inform Alberto that I've arrived for my peach Melba.
好吧，你可能不应该 在新闻上听到这个，进来吧
Okay, you probably shouldn't hear this on the news. Come in.
我很抱歉不得不告诉你，罗拔
I'm sorry to have to break this to you, Robert,
但艾伯托已经去世了…离世了
but Alberto's passed... on.
他已经离世了
He's passed on.
他已经去了另一个世界
He's gone over to the other side.
他已经离开了这个凡间
He's left this earthly plane,
他是个云中的园丁
he's a cloud gardener.
他和天使共舞，罗拔
He dances with the angels, Robert.
他…他有两个鹅手臂
He is... he's got two goose arms.
你是想告诉我艾伯托死了吗？
You're trying to tell me Alberto is dead?
恐怕是的
I'm afraid so.
把这个拿下来
Take that off.
我需要知道死因
I shall need to know the cause of death.
为了我的日记
For my journal.
好吧，他被杀了
Okay, he was killed.
是怎么死的？
How?
一个坏人用一块木板打了他
A bad man hit him with a plank.
木板不是合适的武器
The plank is not a suitable weapon.
可能不是木板
It might not have been a plank.
但你刚才说是木板…
But you said it was a plank just now...
是啊，我知道，但是…
Yeah I know, but...
到底是不是木板？
Was it a plank or not?
可能是一个球棒
It might have been a bat.
是板球棒还是棒球棒？
A cricket bat or a baseball bat?
板球？
Cricket?
说实话，我总是在考试中及格 板球棒？
To be honest I always past at a test. Cricket bat?
对
Right.
不是我做的
I didn't do it.
我会告诉警♥察♥的，这样他们可以排除你
I'll be sure to tell the police, so, they can rule you out.
你最好回家吧
You better go home.
艾伯托说 他会在下午5点42分带我回家
Alberto said he'd take me home at 5.42pm.
那是我通常搭巴士回家的时间
That's the time my bus usually goes home.
由于圣诞节当天没有巴士
As there are no buses on Christmas day,
艾伯托说他会在同一时间带我回家
Alberto said he'd take me home at the same time.
下午5点42分
5.42pm.
我是一位有效顾客
I'm a valid customer.
艾伯托不能开车，因为他已经去世了
Alberto can't drive because, the whole dead thing.
恐怕店铺是关闭的 即使对于重要顾客也是如此，所以…
I'm afraid the parlour is closed. Even to valued customers. So...
但是你在这里，而你只是一个清洁工
But, you're here and you're just a cleaner.
尽管如此，我还是得打扫
Be that as it may, clean I must.
所以，罗拔，如果你原谅我的话…
So, if you'll forgive me Robert...
罗拔肯德里克
Robert Kendrick.
是的
Yes.
我不会去的
I'm not going.
保罗，去一下就好
Paul just popped in there.
听着，他真的很抱歉
Listen, he's really sorry.
他说他一直在想你
He says he thinks about you all the time.
他其实认为他过去的许多行为是因为
He actually thinks a lot of his past behaviour was caused
他的乳糖不耐症造成的
by his lactose intolerance.
哦，看在上帝份上 你听听你自己在说什么