犯罪现场清理员 2022圣诞特辑（2022）

Oh, for god sake, will you listen to yourself.
他要给你写一封信
He's gonna write you a letter.
他要写信？写在什么上？赌注单？
He's gonna write a letter? What on? A betting slip?
他说他已经改变了
He says he's changed.
他想让你见见那条狗，威基
He wants you to meet the dog, Wicky.
我爱巴勃罗
I love Pablo.
是的，我们知道
Yes, we know.
你先毁了我的胸部，现在又要把我逼疯
First you wreck my tits and now you drive me crazy.
如果我能倒转时光…
If I could turn back time.
我想要一个蜜桃梅尔巴，请
I'd like a peach Melba please.
兄弟，我是不是漏掉了什么？
Am I missing something here mate?
店铺关门了
The parlour is closed.
你忘了我的名字，用兄弟来代替
You have forgotten my name and used mate as a replacement.
我应该正式介绍一下我自己
I should have formally introduced myself.
我没忘记你的名字，店铺关门了
I haven't forgotten your name. The parlour is closed.
我的名字是罗拔肯德里克，我22岁…
My name is Robert Kendrick, I am 22 years old...
至少现在我们得到了一些新的信息
At least we're getting some new information through now.
我住在北伍德 从这里搭巴士需要23分钟
I live in Northwood, 23 minute bus journey from here.
给我一支笔，我去写你的回忆录
Hand me a pen, I'll go strike your memoirs.
而且我是自闭症患者
And I'm autistic.
是的，嗯，那…太棒了
Yes, well, that's... fantastic.
是吗？因为一个…
Is it? Because of a...
欢迎的范围很广，我们想要包容、欢迎
the broad of the welcoming, we want to include, welcome.
我们都受欢迎，不是吗？这就是生活的薄饼
We're all welcome here aren't we, it's the pizza of life,
我们…我们想要什么？
we... what do we want?
我们只想要芝士吗？
Do we want just cheese?
不，我们想要的话可以加一些泡菜
No, we want to put some pickles on it if we want.
我想…而且我认为每个人都这么想
I think and I think everyone thinks this,
每个人都有一点自闭症，不是吗？
everyone is a little bit autistic aren't they?
不
No.
不
No.
谁说的？我说的
Who said that? I did.
我有自闭症吗？
Am I autistic?
不，我没有自闭症 你有自闭症，这是好事
No, I'm not autistic, you're autistic and that is good.
艾伦图灵就患有自闭症
Alan Turing was autistic,
他是一位在第二次世界大战期间 帮助破解谜题密♥码♥的数学家
the mathematician who helped to crack the enigma code during World War II
拯救了数以万计的生命
and saved hundreds and thousands of lives.
你知道当局对他做了什么吗？
Do you know what the authorities did to him?
嗯，我希望他们给了他一个漂亮的奖牌
Well, I'm hoping they gave him a lovely medal.
他们阉♥割♥了他，因为他是同性恋者
The castrated him because he was a homosexual.
通过化学手段，他的睾丸变得多余了
Chemically, his testicles became redundant.
嗯，我知道那种感觉
Well, I know that feeling.
是吗？你是同性恋者吗？
You do? Are you a homosexual?
不，罗拔，我对自己的生殖器感到厌恶
No, I'm disgusted by my own genitals, Robert.
我不想让其他男人参与其中，但是
I don't wanna get another mans involved, but,
祝那些家伙好运
good luck to those lads.
可能因为你的年龄，你的睾酮水平
Could be that your testosterone levels
已经自然降低了
have naturally lowered because of your age.
你有发现你的乳♥房♥♥在发育吗？
Have you found you're developing breasts?
蜜桃梅尔巴，马上就来
Peach Melba, coming right up.
然后我们就可以过圣诞节了，不是吗？
And then we can all go for Christmas can't we?
谁允许你越过红线的？
Who gave you permission to go behind the red line?
警♥察♥允许我的
The police gave me permission.
红线的权限从艾伯托转到了警♥察♥
The red line authority went from Alberto to the police.
嗯，艾伯托总是告诉我 出于健康和安全的原因
Well, Alberto always told me I would never be able to cross the red line
我永远不可能越过红线
for health and safety reasons.
警♥察♥已经对我进行了健康和安全审查
The police have vetted me for health and safety reasons
并确认我是安全和健康的
and they have confirmed that I am safe and health.
你怎么做梅尔巴？
How do you make a Melba?
一勺朱古力雪糕，一勺云呢拿雪糕
One scoop of chocolate ice cream, one scoop of vanilla ice cream,
一勺桃子雪糕
one scoop of peach ice cream.
然后在雪糕上加奶油
Then cream on top of the ice cream,
接着在奶油上撒白朱古力碎片
then white chocolate flakes on top of the cream
然后在白朱古力碎片上淋覆盆子酱
and then on top of the white chocolate flakes is raspberry sauce.
好的
Right.
再加一根朱古力棒
And then a chocolate stick,
不过我会得到两根朱古力棒 因为我是一位有效顾客
except I get two chocolate sticks because I'm a valid customer.
所以，云呢拿…
So, vanilla...
-但是… -接下来是什么？
-But, the... -What's next?
-但是… -接下来是什么？
-But, the... -What's next?
桃子，这是蜜桃梅尔巴
Peach. It's a peach Melba.
对
Right.
但是，那不是云呢拿
But, that's not vanilla.
那是香蕉，没有香蕉
That is banana, there is no banana.
好吧
Okay.
现在我的杯子上有香蕉残渣
Now there is banana residue on my glass.
没问题
Not a problem.
接着，云呢拿
And, vanilla.
但是…对，但是…
But, yes, but...
桃子
Peach.
毕竟它是蜜桃梅尔巴
It's a peach Melba after all.
然后加奶油
And, then cream.
而且，我没有忘记
And, I haven't forgotten,
白朱古力碎片，谢谢你
white chocolate flakes, thank you.
接下来？
And, next?
现在，呈弧形运动淋覆莓子酱
Now, raspberry sauce in an arcing motion.
呈什么？
In a?
弧形运动
Arching motion.
否则酱料会结块
Or the sauce will pulp.
我正想说，如果我不做弧形运动 酱料就会结块
I was going to say, if I don't arc, the sauce will pulp.
最后，一根朱古力棒…
Finally, a chocolate stick...
不过我会得到两根…
Except I get two...
不过！你会得到两根朱古力棒
Except! You get two chocolate sticks
因为你是一位重要顾客 罗拔肯德里克
because you are a valued customer, Robert Kendrick.
这里没有朱古力雪糕
There is no scoop of chocolate.
你没有提到朱古力
You never mentioned chocolate.
我提到了朱古力
I mentioned chocolate.
我很确定你没有提到朱古力
I'm pretty sure you didn't mention chocolate.
如果我把这些都写下来对你有帮助吗？
Would it be helpful if I wrote it all down for you?
不，如果你把这些都写下来 对我没有帮助
No, it wouldn't be helpful if you wrote it all down for me.
你觉得我很烦吗？
Do you find me irritating?
不
No.
嗯，你看起来似乎觉得我很烦
Well, you seem to find me irritating.
我不觉得你烦
I don't find you irritating.
你完全可以觉得我很烦 我知道我有时候会很烦
It's perfectly okay that you do find me irritating, I know I can be.
对我来说不是
Not to me.
朱古力放在云呢拿下面
The chocolate goes under the vanilla.
你在开玩笑吗？
You joking?
这怎么可能是个玩笑，这只是个事实
How can that be a joke, it's just a fact.
艾伯托把朱古力称为 在上面盖房♥子的土壤
Alberto calls the chocolate the soil the house is built on.
我竟然不知道怎么做梅尔巴，真是愚蠢
Silly me for not knowing the Melba protocol.
我最好回去雪糕大学重读
I better go back to the university of scoops.
-对不起… -哦，嘿…
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry... -Oh hey, hey...
对不起…
I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
对不起，是我的错…
Sorry, my fault. It was my fault.
我有麻烦了，对吧？
I'm in trouble aren't I?
不…
No, no, no, no, no.
我会清理好，那是我的工作
I'll clean it up, that's my job.
然后，我会在艾伯托的店 在星期天做另一个蜜桃梅尔巴
And then, I'll make another peach Melba in Alberto's on a Sunday.
谁杀了艾伯托？
Who killed Alberto?
他很好
He was nice.
为什么有人想杀他？
Why would anyone want to kill him?
你知道“外遇”是什么意思吗？
Do you know what playing away means?
艾伯托太胖了，无法参加组织化的运动
Alberto was too obese to be involved in organised sports,
所以我想你是指他和别人的妻子
so, I presume you mean that he was having sexual intercourse
发生了性行为？
with another man's wife?
你知道那是什么意思
You do know what it means.
当然
Of course.
福格斯先生和伦科恩之家的副经理
Mr Fuggs and the deputy manager at Runcorn House
一再背叛他的伴侣
was repeatedly being unfaithful to his partner,
直到他的阴囊出现损伤