政坛混战（2012）

战争有规则 泥地摔跤有规则
政♥治♥没有规则
罗斯·佩罗 1988年总统候选人
这一切是为了什么
What's it all about?
美♥利♥坚♥ 耶稣 自♥由♥
America, Jesus, freedom.
再说一遍
Say it again.
美♥利♥坚♥ 耶稣 自♥由♥
America, Jesus, freedom.
可那是什么意思
And what does that mean?
我怎么知道 我一说他们就爱得要命
Shit, I don't know. But the people sure love it when I say it.
发型怎么样
How's my hair?
坚定 很坚定
Strong. Real strong.
把他送回华盛顿吧
Let's send him back to Washington.
今日的民♥主♥党议员 明日的副总统
Democratic congressman today, vice president tomorrow.
他来了 所向披靡的
Here he is, running unopposed...
-你们好 -卡姆·布雷迪
- Hello, everyone! - Cam Brady!
辛勤工作
北卡罗来纳州在辛勤工作
North Carolina is taking care of business.
和你们一样 每天我都生活在美国梦中
Just like you, every day, I'm living the American dream.
我的出身低下
I come from humble beginnings.
我父亲用双手勤劳工作
My father worked with his hands
他是维达·沙宣的首席发型师
as head stylist for Vidal Sassoon,
维达·沙宣 著名发型设计师及品牌
典型的美国家庭
very much the typical American family.
我今天也带来了我的一家
I'm here today with my beautiful family,
希望你们欢迎他们
and I'd love for you to welcome them.
我的两个孩子 杰西卡和小卡姆
My two children, Jessica, Cam Jr.
爱你们 杰杰 卡卡
I love you, J. Lo. Camouflage.
加油 小卡姆
Get them, Camo!
当然还有我的坚定基石
And of course, my Rock of Gibraltar
我妻子罗斯·布雷迪
Mrs. Rose Brady, my wife.
爱你 宝贝
Love you, baby.
我的梦中人 谢谢你们能来
My dream maker. Thanks for coming out.
2012选卡姆·布雷迪
Cam Brady '012.
我国的国防从未如此强大
Our nation's security has never been stronger
因为军队和退役军人
because our troops and
是这个国家的支柱
our veterans are this nation's backbone.
因为农民是这个国家的支柱
Because farmers are this nation's backbone.
学校是这个国家的支柱
Schools is this nation's backbone.
装汽车音响的
Audio-installation specialists
给车窗染色的 是这个国家的支柱
and window tinters are this nation's backbone.
因为操作大转轮的
Because Filipino Tilt-A-Whirl
菲律宾工人是这个国家的支柱
operators are this nation's backbone.
今天我向你们承诺
And I wanna make you a promise today
如果你们把我送回华盛顿
that if you send me back to Washington,
让我第五次连任
D.C., for a fifth consecutive term
我会让他们了解
I will let them know
什么是美♥利♥坚♥ 耶稣 自♥由♥
it's about America, Jesus and freedom.
我们爱你 卡姆
We love you, Cam!
我也爱你
I love you too.
真是精力充沛的姑娘
You got a lot of energy, don't you?
-莎娜 -卡姆
- Oh, Shana. - Oh! Oh, Cam!
你身体真结实
Your body's so toned.
-卡姆 -真结实
- Cam! - So toned.
卡姆 这里臭死啦
Cam, it smells horrible in here.
习惯了就好了
It's not that bad once you get used to it.
他们在建筑工地的临时厕所里
看到它在摇晃 就别来敲门
If it's a-rocking, don't come a-knocking.
政坛混战
很糟糕 卡姆
This is bad, Cam.
三周后
很糟 我一点都不喜欢这些数据
This is real bad. Okay? I don't like those numbers at all.
一次民♥意♥调查而已 本来也不科学
Just one poll. Those things aren't scientific.
这很科学
Yes, they are.
这都是科学 数学算出来的
All this is is science. This is math.
要是你拿了数字 这么放在轴上
But if you took it and put it on its axis this way...
听着卡姆 我告诉你
Hey, look, Cam, I'm telling you right now,
是因为那个电♥话♥
it was the phone call.
-是吗 -是的
- Mm-mm. - Yes.
-不可能 -就是这样 看这里
- No way. - Yes way. No, look at this, look at this, okay?
支持率调查
被调查的62%的人支持你
Sixty-two percent of the people that got asked liked you, okay?
但是电♥话♥事件发生了
Then the phone call happened.
然后再问同样的问题
Then they asked the same question.
只剩下46%的人支持你了
Now only 46 percent of the people like you.
再给我讲一遍
Run through it one more time.
在那次电♥话♥之前
Look, before the call,
这是你 就像电视游戏似的
this is you. Like Price is Right.
然后 看呀 直线下降
And then look at that. Straight down.
我想打莎娜的 拨错号♥了
I thought I was calling Shana. I misdialed.
主 我们祈祷你保佑这张桌子
And, Lord, we just pray that you bless this table
食物 我们的家和国家
this food, this family and this nation.
等等杰瑞德
Hey, Jared,
让留话机替上帝接了吧
let's let the machine take one for God.
莎娜 我是卡姆·布雷迪议员
Hey, Shana, it's Congressman Cam Brady here.
我从我家晚饭上溜出来
I just stepped away from a family
告诉你我真不想吃煎牛排
dinner to tell you I wish I wasn't eating fried steak.
我真希望吃的是你
I wish I was eating Shana pussy.
说真的 宝贝 你让我
Seriously, baby, you get me
硬得小♥弟♥弟♥抵在拉链上
so hard my dick presses against my zipper
疼死我啦
and it hurts like a motherfucker.
还有什么
What else?
我帮你♥爸♥妈弄来《金牌监制》的票
Oh, hey, I got your parents tickets to The Producers.
还有 咱们下次来点疯狂变♥态♥吧
And, oh, yeah, let's do something crazy weird next time
比如在丹尼餐厅的厕所里互舔菊花
like lick each other's buttholes in a Denny's bathroom.
就这样 再见
All right, I gotta go.
2012选卡姆·布雷迪
Cam Brady in '012.
很明显 他打错电♥话♥了
Okay. Now, that was clearly a wrong number.
-是啊 -他没听耶稣的话
- Right. - He is not listening to Jesus
因为要是他听了
because if he was,
耶稣一定会跟他有场口舌大战
oh, Jesus would give him a tongue-lashing.
不是他想要的那种哈
Not like the one he has requested.
那家人很生气
And that family's hopping mad.
-你想让我说什么 -你说呢
- What do you want me to say? - You tell me.
我搞砸了
I fucked up.
我们现在状况很不乐观
Yeah, we're in a bad situation here, okay?
你要我做什么
What do you wanna do?
收回污点 重返原位
Get out front. Walk it back.
我们不允许 这种行为要停止
We can't have this. It's a behavior that has to stop.
竞选大本营
但议员先生 电♥话♥是你打的
But, congressman, you made the call.
我这辈子
I have made in my lifetime
大概打过十万个电♥话♥
probably over 100,000 phone calls
我可以说其中有1%内容不雅
of which I could say maybe 1 percent have been inappropriate.
算算那有多少 一千个电♥话♥
What is that, a thousand phone calls?
没错一千个
That is exactly 1 000.
一千个不礼貌 不文雅
A thousand phone calls have been rude,
有性内容的电♥话♥
inappropriate, sexually explicit.
我希望不曾打过的电♥话♥
Phone calls I wish I could take back.
但那只是十万个里头的一千个
But that's only 1 000 out of 1 00,000.
这是多么低的概率啊
I'll take those odds any day of the week.
华盛顿
先生们 这个法案我不能提
Gentlemen, I can't bring this bill to the floor.
我会被杀的
I'll get killed.
议会不可能允许摩奇跨国集团
There is no way Congress will let Motch Worldwide Global
在中国造的产品上贴美国制♥造♥的标签
put "Made in America" on goods made in China.
为什么不 中国有个小镇叫美♥利♥坚♥
Why not? The name of the town in China is America.
不 镇名是美丽镇
Oh, now, technically it's Mera-Kai.
我们兄弟制♥造♥就业机会
My brother and I are job creators.
因此 我们也制♥造♥候选人
And because of that, we're also candidate creators.
我的权力有限
My hands are tied.
-真可惜啊 韦德 -是啊
- That's a real pity, isn't it, Wade? - Yeah.
等我们跟你弄完
By the time we're finished,
你选区一半的人会认为你是共♥产♥党
half your district will think you're a Marxist
另一半的人会认为你有广♥告♥栏里
and the other half will think you've got every D.C.
所有妓♥女♥的电♥话♥号♥码
craigslist hooker on speed dial.
明白吗