不良教育（2015）

别碰我，我们走
Don't touch me. Let's go.
- 伙计们，伙计们 - 呕，一股尿味
- Lads, lads... - Eeuw, it smells of wee.
苏珊，你怎么带行李了 你知道这不是UKIP战斗巴士
Susan, why do you got luggage? This isn't the UKIP battle bus.
只有我也去乔才能去
Joe is only going if I come too.
这是什么下流的笑话吗，弗雷泽？
Right. Is this some kind of sick joke? Fraser?
弗雷泽？
Fraser?
不，不可能，这不可能
No. No way. This is not happening.
她不会跟我们走，这是 学校郊游，不是该死的传奇旅行
She is not coming with us. This is a school trip, not a bloody Saga tour.
脱掉手套，眼镜启动
The gloves are off. Glasses, on.
- 那是什么鬼 - 可穿戴设备
- What the hell are those? - It's wearable tech.
我会用这个设备记录你的每一步
I will use this device to record your every move.
如果你有一步越界的
If you put one foot out of line...
我就会采取极端行为 终结这次旅行
I will terminate this trip with extreme prejudice!
放屁
Bullshit!
傻♥逼♥女人，傻♥逼♥的眼镜
Stupid woman. Stupid bloody glasses.
眼镜，显示A303的路况
Go Glasses, show me traffic updates for the A303.
那眼镜是什么？她好像 要发表关于绝经期的TED演讲
What are those glasses? Looks like she'll give a TED talk on the menopause.
威克s先生完美旅程的第一站 伊甸项目
First stop on Mr Wickers' fabulous itinerary. The Eden Project.
什么？
What?
（欢迎来到康沃尔）
在我的左边是世界上最大的铁铲
Over on my left, we have the world's largest spade.
喔
Wow!
难以置信我们居然开了 6小时车来看园艺中心
I can't believe we've driven 6 hours to see a garden centre.
- 我好像被咬了 - 伙计，那讨厌鬼在哪？
- I think I've been bitten. - Oi, mate, where's the skunk?
混♥蛋♥，不，放手
Dick! No! Get off!
小心点
Watch it.
嘿，要我就不会吃那个 那是泻鼠李，天然泻药
Hey! I wouldn't eat that. Purging buckthorn, nature's laxative.
你会拉得好像肚子要爆开
You'll have a storm blast so hard out your bum
他们会看着你几星期都起不来
they'll be finding bodies up in the trees for weeks.
感谢你，上帝
Thank you God.
这趟旅行是为了创造回忆
This trip was meant to be about creating memories.
10年后没人会说“噢，记不记得 我们看到最大的铲子那一次”
No-one's gonna look back: "Ooh, do you remember the time we saw a big spade?".
求你了
Please!
- 求你了，苏珊，为了上帝 - 行
- Please, Susan, for the love of God. - Fine!
- 太好了 - 但这只会在泪水中结束
- Yes! - But it will only end in tears.
天啊，女人，这只是滑索而已
God, woman. It's just a zipwire.
来吧，老师
Come on, sir.
天啊，好高
Oh God, this is high.
你会没事的，记住不要尖叫
You'll be okay. Just remember not to scream.
以前有个倒霉蛋把被自己的 舌头噎死了，准备好了没？
We had a guy once who choked on his own tongue. Ready?
天啊，我改主意了
Oh God, I've changed my mind.
快点，混♥蛋♥
Get on with it, you tart!
迈克尔！
Mitchell!
对不起
Sorry!
救命，苏珊，苏珊，救命
Help, Susan. Susan. Help.
眼镜，照张相
Go Glasses, take photo.
给“家庭教师协会”发群体邮件 标题：第一击
Send to group email marked 'the PTA'. Subject heading: strike one.
我的弟弟都缩回肚子里了
My willy's gone inside me.
必须干掉这贱♥人♥
We have got to ditch the bitch.
屎蛋爆♥炸♥
Shitty shitty bang bang.
博尔特，那眼镜是声控的？
Mrs Poulter, are those glasses voice activated?
是的，迈克尔
Yes, Mitchell.
- 眼镜 - 我开车时别叫
- Go Glasses... - Not when I'm driving.
搜索“两女一杯”
...search 'two girls, one cup'.
噢
Oh!
混♥蛋♥小屁孩，给我回去坐下
You revolting little boy, sit back down!
佩勒文城♥堡♥，由亨利四世建造
Penleven Castle was built by Henry VI.
在1497年的康沃尔翻盘中
And in the Cornish rebellion of 1497
城♥堡♥抵抗了5个多月的进攻
the castle withstood a siege for over 5 months.
- 伙计，看，女巫 - 那是修女，蠢货
- Mate, look, a witch. - It's a nun, you tit.
阿尼，迪特，刚特，海尔格 哈尔玛，乌拉和雷亨德
Arnie, Dieter, Gunter, Helga, Helma, Ulla und Rem Hund.
有问题吗，孩子们
Any questions, my children?
这城♥堡♥是谁建造的
Who build that castle?
有人有问题吗
Does anyone have any questions?
来吧，有吗
Well, come on. Anything?
- 天啊 - G点在哪？
你更喜欢人棍吗
- Where's the G-spot? - Would you rather have no arms or no legs?
- 哈吉斯是什么 - 甘道夫和德怀恩·约翰逊谁更厉害
- What's a haggis? - Who would win, Gandalf or Dwayne Johnson?
很明显是甘道夫，他会魔法
Obviously Gandalf. He's magic.
停下
Stop!
如果鸡和猪性♥交♥ 能产下苏格兰煮蛋吗
If a chicken had sex with a pig, could it lay a Scotch egg?
- 你溺水的时候会高♥潮♥吗 - 正确
- Do you get a boner when you drown? - Correct.
苏珊，你听过空调吗
Susie, have you ever heard of conditioner?
我说的是关于城♥堡♥的问题
I meant questions about the castle!
这里似乎有一个被走私者 改装成秘密通道的牧师出入口
There seems to be a priest hole that smugglers turned into a secret passageway.
我们能看看吗，因为那听起来 比这城♥堡♥要有趣得多
Can we see it as it sounds mildly less shit than this church?
这里没有走私者的密道
There's no smugglers' passageway.
有的，我在网上看到过 能直通海滩的
There is. I read about it on the internet. It goes down to the beach.
我觉得老师的意思是 想看看你的后门
Sir wants to see your back passage.
闭嘴，小混♥蛋♥
Shut up, you little toad!
这是康沃尔最神圣的遗物
This is Cornwall's most sacred relic
是十字军东征时期带回来的 而且据说拥有
brought back from the Crusades and believed to possess
无与伦比的治愈力量
miraculous healing powers.
看，施洗者圣约翰的皮
Behold, the prepuce of Saint John the Baptist.
- 那是什么 - 包皮
- What's a prepuce? - A foreskin.
呕
Eugh!
他们对一根老鸡♥巴♥祈祷？
Eugh, they're praying to a bit of old willy?
一件有两千年历史，曾经保护 施洗者阴♥茎♥的圣物
A 2,000 year old holy relic which sheathed the Baptist's phallus.
不好意思，能不能请你带我去 最近的厕所
Excuse me. Could you please take me to the nearest WC?
- 我必须呆在这里 - 带我去厕所
- I'm required to remain in this room. - Take me to a toilet!
- 那我们就去咖啡厅坐坐？ - 不，你呆在这
- Well, we might hit up the cafe. - No, you stay here.
苏珊，这趟旅程不能因为 你的肚子受干扰
This whole trip can't be dictated by your bowel movements.
你就在这安静的坐5分钟，我...
If you just sit here quietly for 5 minutes, I will...
- 我就给你一点自♥由♥时间 - 成交
- I'll let you have some free time. - Deal!
快点，让开
Quickly, move out of the way!
听到了吗？自♥由♥时间 意思就是串酒吧
Did you hear that, guys? Free time means pub crawl.
你们只要老实5分钟
All you've got to do is behave for 5 minutes.
- 迈克尔 - 我只想许个愿
- Mitchell! - I just wanted to make a wish.
那又不是鬼
It's not a fucking genie!
天啊，包皮去哪了
Oh my God. The foreskin, where is it?
操，帮忙，帮忙
Shit. Help, help.
天啊
Oh my God.
怎么了？我听到撞击声
What's going on? I heard a crash.
天啊
Oh, dear.
- 哪里 - 那边
- Where? - Through here.
来吧，伙计，快点给我
Come on, boy. Come on, give it!
你在对我的狗做什么？
What are you doing to my dog?
好多了
Much better.
- 快点，快 - 她回来了
- Quickly! Hurry! - She's coming back!
所有人别动
Everybody freeze!
包皮去哪了？把手举起来 我要给你们所有人搜身
Where is the prepuce? Hands where I can see them! Need to search you all.
你手里是什么，威克s先生？ 手给我看看
What's that in your hand, Mr Wickers? Show me your hands!
两只手
Both of them!
操
Fuck.
现在转过来
Turn round now!
你能不能解释一下怎么回事
Would you care to explain what the hell is going on?
快点，说啊
Well, come on. Speak!
嘿，在我这
Hey, I got it.
看，包皮，就在里面
See? Foreskin, innit.
伙计，你把它怎么了
Well, boy, what were you doing with it?
小家伙想要个奇迹 所以就擦了擦，现在他能走了
Little man wanted a miracle. So he gave it a rub and now he can walk.
老师，我们什么时候吃午饭？ 还是你吃了根远古鸡♥巴♥就饱了？
闭嘴，贱♥人♥
When we getting lunch? Or are you full after that ancient dick you ate?
- 我们在哪？ - 捕鱼小镇雅各港
- Where the hell are we? - The fishing town of Port Jago.
感受一下腥咸的海风
Drink in that crisp sea air.
- 一股男人味 - 搞得你知道一样
- Smells of minge. - Like you'd know.
- 他跟阿提库斯有关系吗 - 那是他爸爸，当地议员
- Is he related to Atticus? - His dad. The local MP. Bit Marmite.
- 他们那有麦当劳吗 - 不知道，乔
- Do you think they've got a McDonald's? - No, Joe, I don't.
我们应该在一个鸟不拉屎的小镇
I think we're in a creepy little town in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.
那标语是真的
That's a genuine sign.
年轻的女士，康沃尔不是什么 中世纪遗老遗少聚居区
Young lady, Cornwall is not some mediaeval backwater.
这是个现代，包容的乡村