雨季来临前（2019）

你就是看不够我 是吗
You just can't get enough of me, can you?
我有那种魅力
I have that effect.
所以你在这里出生的
So you were born here?
对
Yeah.
就在西贡
Here in Saigon.
你几岁时离开这儿的
How old were you when you left here?
六岁
Six.
嗯 我也是战后出生的
Yeah, I was also born after the war.
啤酒就行
Just a beer.
我也一样
I'll have the same.
你有兄弟姐妹吗 -没有
Do you have any siblings? - No.
没有家人吗
No family?
是的 我妈妈在新泽西州
Yeah, my mother's in New Jersey.
她是我的交付协调员和直线经理
She's my delivery co-ordinator/ line manager.
你父母以前在这里做什么的
What did your parents do here?
我父亲为一个南越官员工作
My dad worked for a Southern Vietnamese official.
当送货员 司机 帮手
Delivery man, driver, helper.
统一后 他是否受到怀疑
Was he under suspicion after the reunification?
是的 没错
Yeah, he was.
谢谢 -谢谢
Cam on.- Cam on.
你知道 当我准备第一次过来这里时
You know, when I was getting ready to come here my first time...
我想在背包上缝一个加拿大徽章
..I thought about sewing a Canadian badge on my backpack.
我只是不确定……
I just wasn't sure...
他们会如何对待我
..how they'd treat me.
你有没有感觉到……
Do you ever feel a sense...
这跟我没有关系 我不是说我没有感觉
It's not my gener... I don't mean I don't.
我并不是没有负罪感 我当然会有
It's not that I don't feel any guilt. Of course I do.
再问我一次
Ask me again.
你感觉如何
How do you feel?
我很好 很完美
I'm great. I'm perfect.
你看我
Look at me.
最开始时 我觉得毫无准备
In the beginning, I felt unprepared.
但这里的孩子们
But the kids here...
他们不再关心那场战争
they don't care about the war any more.
他们渴望梦想 渴望事业
They want their dreams... their careers.
我记得我在伦敦长大
I remember growing up in London.
我遇到的每个越南人都在这里失去了家人
Every Vietnamese person I met lost a family member here.
这也让我们付出了很多
Yeah, it took a great deal out of us too.
被遗忘的一代人 分♥裂♥的国家
A generation forgotten, a country divided.
这不是一场能让我们自豪回忆的战争
It's not a war we can recall with pride.
你为什么想自豪地回忆它呢
Why would you want to recall it with pride?
不管怎样 我没有缝上徽章
Anyway, I didn't sew the badge.
怎么了
What is it?
我能在这抽烟吗
Can I smoke in here?
你得出去抽烟
You've got to go outside.
那个木盒是骨灰盒吗
Is the wooden box an urn?
是我母亲的骨灰
It's my mother's ashes.
我们要把他们送回家
We're returning them home.
“我们”是谁
Who's "we"?
我哥哥下周会来
My brother arrives next week...
他会带着父亲的骨灰
..with my father's ashes.
但不是你想的那样
It's not what you think, though.
他们不是同时去世的
They passed at different times,
妈妈是最近走的 大约一年前
Mum more recently, about a year ago now.
你要把骨灰撒在哪里
Where will you scatter the ashes?
我几乎认不出这个国家了
I hardly recognise this country any more.
我父母很少谈及
My parents rarely talked of it.
你也从没问过他们吗
You never asked them?
这就像从石头里抽血一样
It was like drawing blood from a stone.
这对他们来说是段痛苦的时光
It was a traumatic time for them.
你还记得你年轻的时候吗
Do you remember when you were young?
你是如此渴望像其他人一样
You were so desperate to be like everybody else...
可以去玩
..to have fun...
加入童子军 去露营
join the Scouts, go camping.
他们很喜欢去露营
How they loved to go camping.
他们喜欢在袋子里煮饭
They loved boil-in-the-bag bloody rice.
天呐
For fuck's sake.
突然间 他们就消失了
Then suddenly they're gone.
只留下一个坑
And there's this cavity.
要是我当时知道这些就好了
If only I knew then what I know now.
我会每天都问他们一整天 问得他们疲惫不堪
I would have asked them all day, every day, just wore them down.
你应该等你哥哥吗
Should you wait for your brother?
不 他很高兴我先去做了解
No, he's happy for me to do the searching.
就选一个明显又俗气的地方
Just choose somewhere obvious and tacky.
你想到什么地方了吗
Do you have anywhere in mind?
某个重要的地方
Somewhere momentous.
你以前住的地方呢
What about where you lived?
我认为那地方很快就要被推了
I think they're gonna knock that down soon.
那他们出生的地方呢
How about where they were born?
对 我要去河内 那是他们的家乡
Yeah, I'm heading over to Hanoi. It's where they're from.
你什么时候去
When are you going?
几天后 我要坐火车过去
A couple of days. I'm taking the train.
之后你哥哥就要来吗
And then your brother arrives after that?
是的
Yeah.
你会爱上河内的 那地方变化不大
You'll love Hanoi. It hasn't changed much.
真的吗 -真的 那里很美
Really? - Yeah, it's beautiful.
你父母的老房♥子可能还和以前一样
Your parents' old house might look exactly as it was.
我可以开车送你去车站
I can give you a lift to the station.
你不必这样做
You don't have to.
池塘以前就在这里
The pond was here.
我对这个地方有美好的回忆
I've got fond memories of this place.
池塘上有座木桥可以通向这些公共厕所
There was a wooden bridge over the pond to these communal toilets.
对 每年他们都有一个节日
Yes. Every year they have a festival.
来这里抓鱼
To catch the fish.
给
Here.
你父母在河内的旧地址
Your parents' old address in Hanoi.
我们想去那里
We'd like to be there.
可以找到合适的地方
We will find the right place.
当然 绝对可以
No, of course. Absolutely.
我能问你些事吗
Can I ask you something?
当然
Sure.
你有我小时候在这里的家人照片吗
Do you have photos of my family when we were young here?
我不知道
I don't know.
我父亲把我们所有的照片都烧了
My father burnt all our pictures.
我们逃走的时候 他非常担心如果政♥府♥发现了
When we escaped, he was so worried that if the government found pictures
我们朋友和家人的照片 他们会受到惩罚
of our friends and family, they'd be punished.
所以他全部烧了
So he burnt them all.
我会问问我母亲
I'll ask my mum.
这是当地的一座寺庙 没有游客
It's a local temple. No tourists.
我们的家人经常来这里
Our families would come here often.
不记得吗
No?
西贡现在变化的很快
Saigon is changing so quickly now.
但这个地方还是老样子
But this place has stayed the same.
她是海员女神
She's the goddess of seafarers.
我对这些街道了如指掌
I know the streets like the back of my hand.
笑什么
What's funny?
没什么 只是你这个表达挺不错的
No, it's just... It's a nice expression.
你为什么这么久才回来
Why has it been so long for you to return?
出于尊重
Out of respect.
他们不准我们回来
They forbade us.
你很孝顺
You're a good son.
你一定很想念她
You must miss her.
要我背你到入口吗
Want a piggyback to the entrance?
拜托不要
Please don't.
我得走了
I'd better go.
嘿 等等
Hey, wait.
那天晚上
The other night...
我不想让你认为我……
I don't want you to think that I'm...
我相信一代人已经迷失了 我爸爸就是其中之一
I mean, I do believe a generation was lost. My dad was one of them.
但我不是那种认为我们赢了的美♥国♥佬♥
But I am not one of those Yanks that think we've won