热浴盆时光机（2010）

No, I'm not married. Not now, anyway.
我以后会结 她现在才9岁
I will be. She's nine right now.
我能告诉你些我从没告诉过别人的事吗
Can I tell you something that I haven't told anybody?
她背着我偷♥欢♥
She cheated on me.
我发现了一封电邮
I found a e-mail.
现在每当看到她
And now every time I look at her,
我所看到的都是她被一些身材魁梧
all I can see is her getting rammed by
有着大老二 看不见脸的家伙猛干的场景
some faceless dude with a better body and a bigger dick.
事实是 我他妈如此爱她
Truth of it is, I can't even bring myself to say anything
所以对这些我唯有只字不提
because I just love her so fucking much.
我都不知是否能离开她那偷♥欢♥的屁♥股♥
I don't even know if I can live without her cheating ass.
什么是电邮
Hey, what's an e-mail?
这不是关键所在
That's not the point!
似乎你接了他1记防守挥击
Seems like you might've took one defensive swing against him.
说实话 你搞什么 刚才
I mean, honestly, what the fuck, man? That was...
我不知这些年你自己是怎么挺过来的
I don't know how you've lived with yourself all these years.
真可悲
It was pathetic.
真可悲
It was pathetic.
你不能把他打得落花流水吗
You couldn't have kicked him from the ground?
发生什么了
What happened?
说来有点荒唐 我被辆卡车撞了
This is a crazy story. I got hit by a truck.
是的
Yeah, yeah.
只是想救只鹿宝宝 你能相信吗
Trying to save a baby deer, if you can believe that.
我的天
Oh, my God!
我可以帮什么忙吗 你没事吧
Is there anything that I can do? Are you okay?
上帝 我没事 这没什么
Oh, my God. No, I'm fine. This is nothing.
跟我来 我来照顾你吧
You know what? Come with me. I'm gonna take care of you.
把你朋友也带上
And bring your friend.
我们不能
No, we can't.
-我们很想去 但我们不能 -可以 可以
- We'd love to, but we can't. - We can, we can.
实际上 我们该去看下那鹿怎样了
We should probably go check on that deer, actually.
不 我们可以去的
No, we can go. We can go.
我知道你也迫不及待
I know you cannot wait
要见我
Wait to see me, too
天哪
Oh, my God!
这真是有史以来最棒的歌♥
This is like the best song ever!
或许不是最棒的
Maybe not ever.
在汽车电影院
At the drive-in
上帝 他真性感
God, he's so hot!
在老爸的福特车里
In the old man's Ford
在灌木丛后
Behind the bushes
能给我来3000啤酒吗
Can I get 3,000 beers?
下位是谁 下轮啤酒雪橇赛谁来
Who's next? Who's next for the beer luge?
这家伙 这家伙是下一个 他非常期待
This guy! This guy's next! He wants it so bad.
你行的 老兄
You can do it, man.
他想来
He wants it.
喝 喝 喝 喝
Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge!
太差劲了 一点都不够劲
That was so lame. That wasn't, like, even violent a little bit.
你是谁 为什么这样对我
Who are you, and why did you do that to me?
因为你看起来需要啤酒竞赛
Why? Because you looked like you needed a luge.
-我是亚当 -我是艾波儿
- I'm Adam. - I'm April.
你玩得怎样
How are you doing?
还好
All right.
什么风把你吹来的
What brings you here?
热浴盆
Hot tub.
-你呢 -毒药乐队
- You? - Poison.
-好吧 -就是那个乐队 毒药
- Right. - That band. Poison.
我是记者 为疾驰杂♥志♥报道这乐队
I'm a journalist. I'm covering the band for Spin magazine.
你看起来不像这种类型
You don't really look like you're the type.
毒药的歌♥迷吗 天 我根本不是
The Poison type? God, no. I'm not. I'm really not.
大致上我只是上了车
I basically just got onto this bus
然后就被带到这该死的冬令营来了
and it took me here, to goddamn Winterfest.
亚当
Adam!
知道吗 我不能和你说话
You know what? I can't talk to you.
不能
You can't?
但我很棒的 我可以保证
But I'm awesome. I can guarantee that.
我相信 我得丝毫不差地走原路
I'm sure. You see, I have to walk in the exact same footsteps.
这些未曾发生过
This didn't happen.
但它似乎已经发生了
Well, it kind of happened.
我希望如此
I wish it did.
-我看见它发生了 -真没有
- I just saw it happen. - It really didn't.
但是是我促成的
Yeah. No, I contributed.
我希望如此
I wish it did.
好吧
All right.
再会
See you.
我给你弄了些冰块 会让你好过些
I brought you some ice. It'll make you feel better.
试试看
Let's see that.
感觉好些没
Feel better?
那冰块确实让我感觉好些了
That ice does make me feel better.
蝴蝶
Butterflies.
嘿 我刚记起我得见个人
Hey, you know what? I just remembered I gotta meet a guy.
不 等等
No, no. Wait.
不 你不能走
No, you can't go.
知道为什么吗
'Cause guess what?
什么
What?
我每次都是伺候两个的
I only do two at a time.
什么意思
What do you mean?
我什么意思
What do I mean?
就是它们了
There those are.
来吧
Yeah, let's do this.
他先 好
Him first? Okay.
你决定吧 我不想命令你
It's your thing. I don't wanna tell you what to do.
等等 我得接电♥话♥
Hold on, I gotta get the phone.
喂 妈
Hello? Mom?
搞什么
What?
我想知道医生怎么说的
I wanna know what the doctor said.
卢 我们不能这么做
Lou? Lou, we can't do this.
我们能
Yes, we can.
不能 这没发生过
No, this didn't happen.
-我们不能这么做 -我们可以
- We can't do this. - Yes, we can.
-这在过去没发生过 -发生过 闭嘴
- This didn't happen in the past. - Yes, it did. Shut up.
这他妈在过去没发生过
This did not fucking happen in the past.
拜托你♥他♥妈♥的闭嘴
You shut the fuck up, please.
我们这就像让希♥特♥勒♥做总统一样
We're gonna make, like, Hitler president or something.
我们不能这么做
We can't do this.
听着 请你♥他♥妈♥的正常点行吗
Look, can you be fucking normal? Please?
每个年轻人都幻想着3P
Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way.
-但是是和两个女人 -这样也是3P啊
- Not with another fucking guy. - It's still a three-way.
那蝴蝶效应原则怎么办
What about the policy of the butterfly effect?
蝴蝶效应给我吹♥萧♥去吧
The butterfly effect can suck my nuts!
听着 我们要和这女孩做♥爱♥ 好吗
Look, we're gonna have sex with this girl, okay?
你 我 我们一起
You, me, together.
受够这娘娘腔了 把气氛修正过来
Enough of this queer shit. Let's get the mood right.
好了 看着 就这
All right. Look, right there.
什么
What?
完全勃起看上去会太过热情
You don't wanna seem overzealous with a full-on rager.
你没有侮辱这女孩的意思
You don't want to insult the woman, either.
你至少要半勃起 对吧
You're gonna wanna get at least a half-a-chub going, right?
-看看我 -不看
- Look at me. - No.
-看看这个 -不
- Look at that. - No.
看看有多完美
Look at how, like, perfect that is.
我他妈的才不看
I'm not gonna fucking look.
看看这
Look, look. Here.
搞什么
What the fuck, man?
-我要走了 -拜托 杰克
- I'm out of here. - Come on, Jake,
-我只是在帮你热身 -无所谓了
- I was just getting you started. - Don't care!
男人就这样
Guys do that.
没人这样
No one does that!
单干吗
Hey. Onesies?
抱歉
Sorry.
好 没事 我走了