热浴盆时光机（2010）

这真是整个事件中
That's the only part of this whole thing
唯一对我来说毫无意义的事了
that doesn't make sense to me.
你不是唯一一个 相信我
You're not the only one. Believe me.
整件事都让人无法置信
I mean, the whole thing is just totally insane.
那未来你怎么样
So, how's the future working out for you?
我是说你是个幸福的大人吗
I mean, are you like a happy grownup?
不算了 不是
Not particularly, no.
是吗
Yeah.
实际上我的朋友认为我是
My friends actually think I ended up being
一个非常自私和糟糕的人
a completely selfish, fucked-up person.
仔细想来 实际上他们确实有些道理
And they may have a point, actually, if I think about it.
诉你一件事 已经好久没跟别人提过了
I'll tell you something I haven't told somebody for a long time.
当我还是孩子时
When I was a kid,
每周五的晚上
every Friday night,
我父亲总会带着我和我妹妹凯莉
my father used to take my sister Kelly and me
到一个叫"福莱特艾伦斯"的地方
to this place called Flatirons
吃牛排三明治
for steak sandwiches.
这是家庭的传统
It was a family tradition.
这是件好事啊
That's sometimes a good thing.
但有一年 我们看见了一个广♥告♥
But one year, we saw this commercial
叫做"比萨饼的魔幻森林"
for this place called The Enchanted Forest of Pizza.
所以下个星期五 我的父亲开车载着我们
So the next Friday, my dad's loading us up into the car.
我们就说 爸爸 我们
We're like, "Daddy, we
想要去"比萨饼的魔幻森林"
want to go to The Enchanted Forest of Pizza."
他就说 你们在说什么
And he's like, "What are you talking about?
我们一直都是吃牛排三明治的
"We always go for steak sandwiches."
但我们不停吵闹
But we just stay at him
我们哭嚷 我们缠着他 最终他答应了
and we're whining, and we're badgering, and finally he relents.
很好 这么说你赢了
Nice. So, you win.
你以厉害的方式脱离了束缚 这很好
You deviated from the plan in a really big way. That's good.
33人因为大肠杆菌死了
33 people died of E. Coli.
包括我的父亲
Including my father.
在他死之前他看着我说
Before he died, he looked at me and he said,
亚当 这是你的错
"Adam, you did this."
不 他没这么说
No, he didn't.
是的 他这么说了
Yes, he did,
眼神里说的
with his eyes.
我不认为他的眼神是这个意思
I don't think that that's what he meant with his eyes.
重点是凯莉和我
The point is that Kelly and I
用不同的方式应对我们的罪恶感
dealt with the guilt of this in very different ways.
她变得很野性
She went wild, right?
她不想控制任何事
She didn't want to have control over anything.
但我却发誓要掌控一切混乱
But I vowed to master the chaos,
让人唯命是从
to impose order.
亚当 我真的不认为
Adam, I really don't think
一块有毒的比萨饼能够毁了你余生
that you can let a poison pizza ruin the rest of your life.
你应该接受这些混乱 你必须这么做
You got to embrace the chaos. You have to.
这样 生活才可能给你惊喜
That way, life might just astonish you.
-我今晚很开心 -我知道
- I had so much fun tonight. - I know!
妈的 好戏开始了
Fuck! Game on.
-你看起来辣极了 -谢谢
- You look so hot, by the way. - Thanks.
我说了 开始吸啊 同性恋
I said, start sucking, gaylord.
对 口♥交♥
Yeah! Suck!
快吸啊 伙计
Suck that shit, man!
口♥交♥ 口♥交♥ 口♥交♥ 口♥交♥
Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck!
你们是什么人
Who are you people?
天哪 你们还是人吗
God, who are you people?
我们继续 我的奶酪火锅要凉了
Let's get on with this. My fondue's getting cold.
快吹那管子 伙计
Choke on that horn, man!
你很棒啊
Good for you.
我知道好吧
I know, right?
这就像是加里·科尔曼该死的前臂
It's like Gary Coleman's fucking forearm.
这太黑了
It's so black!
真是黑的不可思议
It's so impossibly black.
-我爱你 兄弟 -别这么说
- I love you, buddy. - Don't say that!
抱歉 我爱你
I'm sorry, I do.
-不 不 不 -操 操
- No, no, no! - Fuck, fuck...
香烟
你
You.
可能你要找的东西根本不在这里
Maybe what you need isn't in here, after all.
可能你要找的一直都在这里
Maybe what you need has always been in here.
-真的吗 -不
- Really? - No.
浴缸呢 修好了吗
The tub? Is it fixed yet?
快了 准备出发了吗
Can be. Ready to go?
等等 去哪儿
Wait, go where?
去房♥间看看 我在这找到了零件
To the room, check it out. I've got the part right here.
好啊 好 我们走吧
Yeah. Yeah, let's go.
-走啊 -好
- Let's go. - Right.
-他去哪了 -谁
- Where did he go? - Who?
他妈的混♥蛋♥
This fucking guy.
尼古拉斯
Nicholas.
尼克 尼古拉斯
Nicky. Nicholas.
醒了啊
There he is!
-干嘛 -这是他妈的怎么回事
- What? - What the fuck?
什么 什么啊
What? What?
什么 我脸上还有吗
What, do I still have some on my face?
天哪
God!
该死
Damn!
你今天吃了菠萝吗
Did you have pineapple today?
我没脸回家了 什么鬼事
I can't go home. What the fuck?
我他妈和你开玩笑呢 兄弟
I'm fucking with you, dude.
这是洗手液
It's hand soap.
天哪 放轻松
Oh, my God. Relax.
你搞得像从没见过
It's like you haven't seen a little come
这玩意儿射在你朋友脸上一样
on your friend's face before, or something.
你♥他♥妈♥有病吗 伙计
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
开个玩笑嘛 朋友之间正常的 天哪
I'm just kidding. It's what friends do. God!
你没有吗
You didn't?
吸你的管子吗 当然没有
Gargle your hog? No, man.
他们把你从我身上挪开后
After they pulled you off of me,
我和瑞克讲清楚了
me and Rick talked it out.
他真是一个很酷的人
He's actually a pretty cool guy.
我们有很多共同点
We have a lot in common.
我们都喜欢咪♥咪♥和豹纹装
We both love tits and Motley Crue.
这很酷吗
It's cool?
对啊 我还告诉他很多能让他
Yeah, I just told him a bunch of shit
以后发大财的屁事
that's gonna make him rich in the future.
不过我把好东西留给我们自己了
I saved the good stuff for us.
我们去酒吧规划一下我们的帝国吧
Let's go to the bar, plan our empire.
去他妈的苹果 去他妈的丰田
Fucking iPods, you know? Fucking Prius.
交♥友♥网♥站 什么网站 去他妈的互联网
Match. com. Anything. com. Fucking Internet. com!
该死的扎克·埃夫隆 他还没出生呢
Fucking Zac Efron. Nobody invented him yet.
那微博呢 管他妈的是什么
What about Twitter? Whatever the fuck that is.
我们能把微博和伟哥结合在一起
We could combine Twitter with fucking Viagra.
微哥
Twitt-agra.
怎么回事 兄弟 来啊
What's the matter, dude? Come on.
抱歉 伙计 我有点心事
I'm sorry, man. I'm just preoccupied.
你因为是黑人而且有点胖就郁闷了吗
You just kind of down about being black and out of shape?
你♥他♥妈♥的怎么回事 不是
What the fuck is wrong with you? No.
你看起来很不错 知道吗
Because you look good, you know?
你正处于黑人的鼎盛时期
This is a great time for black people.
我是说我们的时代 不是现在的
I mean our time, not this time.
现在这时代对黑人不妙
This is a terrible time for black people.
在这我一个黑人也没看见
I don't see one other black person in here.
和我聊聊 伙计
Talk to me, man.
我发现她他妈的有外遇
I found out she fucking cheated.
什么 考特尼他妈的背叛你了吗
What? Courtney's fucking cheating on you?
我为她放弃了生活 放弃了我的爱好
I gave her my life, I gave up my passion.
但她却在外面
And she's just out there...
为什么你♥他♥妈♥什么都不说呢 伙计
Why the fuck didn't you say something, man?
问题就在这 我再也没见过你们