哈萌小镇（2014）

哦 这个啊
Oh, that.
这很不可思议 他坐在离我三英尺远的地方
It's been incredible, he's sitting three feet from me,
有点不舒服
so it's a little bit uncomfortable.
我觉得挺有意思的
I think it's really interesting, like,
你有预料到观众们对于龙与地下城这么热情吗
did you anticipate that level of audience excitement with the D&D?
绝对没有
Not at all, no, God, no.
我们来玩龙与地下城吧 怎么样
All right, well, let's play Dungeons & Dragons, right?
来玩吧
Let's do this.
好的
All right.
讲真 他们真的是在
They're absolutely and really, unironically,
为摇骰子而欢呼
cheering for rolls of the dice.
这是关键一击 - 对啊
It's a critical hit. - Fuck yeah.
为施法术而欢呼
Cheering for spells being cast,
他们在为玩家拔出某种武器而欢呼
they're cheering for people pulling out certain weapons.
我挥舞长剑奋力刺向心脏
I swing my far sword as hard as I can at the heart.
你的长剑打偏了
Your far sword goes wide,
没有刺中心脏
and rather than hitting the heart,
而是击中了触手
it instead strikes a tentacle.
这 这是好事吗
Is... is that good?
总好过什么也没刺中
It's better than not hitting anything
或者刺中自己的脚
or hitting yourself in the foot.
这些我都是没想过的
It's all... the... it's... it's... I'd never anticipated
一点都没有 相当的酷
any of that, it's pretty cool.
这不是我们的错
All right, well, it's not our fault.
Neil希望只拍到我们两个的精彩画面
Neil wants this awesome shot of us
而不带其他东西
not carrying a bunch of shit.
但我忍♥不住
I can't help it.
我不能
I don't...
我们需要那个镜头 - 我都快冻死了
It's the shot that we need. - I'm just freezing.
我得赶紧离开这个破
I gotta get outta this fucking...
我的手冷死了
My hands are cold.
我穿的可不是那种性感的意式派克大衣
I'm not wearing a sexy, multicoast parka right now.
哈萌
Harmon.
我被她 我女朋友在叫我 我该怎么办
She's caught... my girlfriend's calling me, what do I do?
导演 - 去找她吧 去吧
Director? - Go to her, go to her.
她在叫你吗
She needs you?
幸好要拍摄的部分不包括这些
All right, lucky me, that the shot doesn't involve...
所以我才不需要你来帮忙的
That's why I don't need your help over here.
哦 是吗
Oh, what?
我们是要拍你受苦受累的样子吗
The movie's about you being encumbered?
不是
No.
我觉得有点儿 - 这部片子就是要拍你到处走来走去吗
It could be. - Is the movie about you walking places?
某种程度上确实是这样
In point of fact, yes...
差不多 - 我就只是喊你帮忙
almost certainly. - I was just asking your help...
搬点东西 - 我知道啊 我这不是来了吗
to help move things. - I know, I understand, and here I am.
我都不知道你们在拍一个重要的入场的镜头
I didn't know that you were doing a big entrance shot.
你要是想的话也可以重来啊
You can redo it if you like.
你可以把那个挂我脖子上
You could put that around my neck.
我们可以重新来一遍 这样的话
We could redo those,
就有900个人可以帮你搬这些东西了
so 900 people could help you with those.
是谁呢 他们在附近吗
Well, who, that was nearby?
我只是想要弄完这些 把一切都布置好
I want to get in there, and I have to get set up.
我一直在这趟旅行中打理东西什么的
Yeah, I've been doing the merch for the tour, and like,
负责布置东西
setting it up.
非常吃力不讨好的活
It's a thankless job.
该死 快看
Goddamn it.
而且是都没人拜托你去干的活儿
And one that no one asked you to do.
太牛逼了 而且是真的
It's awesome, and true.
各种意义上的
In every sense.
再见宝贝
Bye, baby.
这就像 这就像那部汤姆·汉克斯出品的电影里
It's like, it's like in that Tom Hanks-produced movie
那些披头士一样的家伙们 不得不分开
about those Beatle-type guys... being separated...
但你爱我吗
But do you love me?
我在等镜头拍向我
I'm waiting for the camera.
你有过令我心动的时刻
You have your moments.
没错 只是个玩笑 哦 不要啊
Yes... it was a bit... oh, no.
不要啊啊啊
No.
我会编一个段子 讲她如何被车撞到
I would make a joke about how she got hit by a car,
然后有个人
but, then there was that guy
拿给我一封写在酒吧餐巾纸上的信
who brought me a handwritten letter on bar napkins
讲述他的未婚妻如何在三年前
about how his fiancé three years ago
被一个醉酒的司机撞死
got killed by a drunk driver,
然后<废柴联盟>如何帮助了他
and how Community helped him
修复他的情感创伤 多多少少吧
repair himself emotionally, a little bit,
然后他想跟我道谢
and he just wanted to thank me,
却买♥♥不到来看演出的票
but he couldn't get a ticket to the show
因为很快就卖♥♥光了
because it sold out so fast.
然后我答道
And I said,
"抱歉了兄弟 深表遗憾"
"Buddy, sorry for your loss,"
"但卖♥♥光了就是卖♥♥光了"
"but sold out means sold out."
开个玩笑
Just kidding.
我在对他施加压力
Squeezin' him in there,
因为我就是那些废柴白人的奥普拉
because I'm the Oprah of ineffectual white people.
霍格沃茨开门法
Hogwarts reference.
咱们来做个实验吧
Let's do an experiment.
让我们把Spencer立刻请出来
Let's get Spencer out here immediately.
好吧 等会儿我靠
All right... oh, shit.
我们从来没这么做过
We've never done it.
丹 我们从来没有 这
Dan, we've never... it's...
等一下 Spencer
Hang on, Spencer.
Spencer
Spencer.
Spenser 我听说你今天吃了些大♥麻♥布朗尼蛋糕
So, Spencer, I heard you did some hash brownie today, man.
是真的吗 - 你感觉怎么样
Is that true? - How you doing?
谁都不许给Spencer的父母发短♥信♥告状 - 我感觉超棒
Nobody text Spencer's parents... - I'm doing great!
跟他们说他嗑高了
...and tell them he gets high.
也 也不要跟他们打电♥话♥说哦
Don't, don't call them, either.
噢 Spencer
Oh, Spencer.
他在吃东西的时候出了点意外
He had... he had an accident with an edible.
那个是 我是故意的
It was... it was on purpose.
但是那是今天早上九点钟的事情了 不是吗
But that was... that was at nine A.M. Today, right?
我没事 我很好的 很好
No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
棒极了
Great.
他简直就是一个人的火人节
He's a one man burning man.
Spencer吃下了什么东西
Spencer seems to have eaten an edible.
你服下了一剂魔药
You have partaken of a potion
它似乎在你身上产生了魔法效果
that seems to be having a magical effect on you.
你感到昏昏沉沉 意识模糊
Gripped by haziness and lethargy,
然后把手伸向了奇多零食
you reach for the Cheetos.
看吧 我一点事都没有
See, I'm fine.
没错 他还是很可以的
Oh, yeah, oh, he's still got it.
纪录片的制♥作♥组里有个人
One of the guys making the documentary,
我们在一家泰国餐厅吃饭
we were at this Thai food restaurant,
然后有个哥们就问了"你没事吧"
and one of 'em said, "Are you all right?"
然后他回答"我没事啊"
And he's like, "Yeah, I'm fine."
然后他们问"那你今晚能不能做地下城主啊"
And they said, "Are you gonna be able to Dungeon Master tonight?"
他答道"当然 先给我来个怪物的名字"
And he said, "Yeah, give me the name of a monster."
我们现在能试试吗
Can we try that out right now?
咱们来玩玩看 - 好啊 好啊
Let's try a couple here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
好的 那么 Spencer
All right, so, Spencer...
有没有哪位观众
anyone from the audience,
你有没有 想象一个不存在的怪物
do you have a... think of a, not a real monster,
创造一种新的怪物出来
make up a new monster.
巨牙怪 Spencer 巨牙怪
The tooth beast... Spencer, the tooth beast.
你听到牙齿彼此擦摩和碰撞的响声
You hear the gnashing and grinding of ivory against ivory.
我他妈要笑死了
I'm gonna fucking die.
我快笑死了
I am gonna die.
我还要继续吗 还是
Should I even go on at that point or are we...
不用了 我是说 不管你能不能继续往下编
No, you shouldn't... I mean, you could or you couldn't,
都不要紧了
it doesn't matter.
我要笑死了
I am gonna die.