死神有约：死后的生活（2009）

死神有约电影版: 死后生活
让我给你讲一个 关于生和死的故事
Let me tell you a story. A story of life and death.
我的死亡
My death.
但讲这个之前
But before we go there, we need to
我们先回到一切的开端
go back to a time where it all started,
当上帝忙于创造世间万物
when God was getting busy with the creation of the universe,
那时只有一锅宇宙汤
where there was only cosmic goo.
你也可以称之为神的橡皮泥
God's Play-Doh, if you will.
当上帝在玩彩泥 制♥造♥生命时
While God was messing with this Play-Doh, creating all living things,
安全起见 他把死亡封进一个陶罐
he put death into a ceramic jar for safekeeping,
直到他想明白该用它干嘛
until he could figure out what to do with it.
一天 上帝找来青蛙和癞蛤♥蟆♥
One day, God gave the jar to a frog and a toad
让它们好好看守罐子 以便去创造更梦幻的事物
to guard it from harm while he went off to create something more fantastic.
我不知道他为何给青蛙和癞蛤♥蟆♥
Why he gave it to a frog and a toad, I'll never know.
但我知道
But one thing led to another.
罐子碎了 死亡跑了出来
The jar shattered, letting death out.
从那时开始 万物皆会死亡
And ever since, everything has to die.
死亡的神秘面纱被揭开了
So there you have it. The mystery of death finally revealed.
带来我的故事
Which brings us to my story.
人人都会死 这是自然规律
Everybody dies. That's just the way it is.
每人的生命时钟都以同样的速度转动
The life clock ticks at the same speed for everyone.
我们都知道 总有一天它会停下
And we all know that one day that clock will stop.
到那时 我们只来得及说...
And when it does, we're only going to have time to say...
我被告知别费力争吵或质疑
I'm told I'm not supposed to argue or question,
甚至用不着理解
or even try to understand.
自从我被天外飞厕砸中挂掉以后
I'm told it a lot these days, ever since my life was snuffed out
就被教导了很多东西
by a toilet seat from an old space station,
我加入不死者的行列 成为一名死神
and I joined the ranks of the undead and became a grim reaper.
这是Rube 老大 他维持着秩序
This is Rube. He's our boss. He keeps us reapers in line.
每天早晨我们去华夫饼屋见他
Every morning we meet Rube at a restaurant called Der Waffle Haus,
他会查看死亡名单
where he would review the list which
安排了死者 死亡地点和时间
has who's to die, when and where,
他都写在随意贴上
which he writes out on a Post-it
然后分给每个死神
and then passes on to all the grim reapers.
Rube说 小花生 别玩弄命运
Rube says that you don't mess around with fate, peanut.
人们注定会死
People die when they are meant to die.
你们没法干涉
You cannot intervene in any way.
生命到了尽头 那就玩完
When life is done, it's done.
我们这些不死者 注定只存在于人世边缘
We, the undead, are meant to exist on the fringe of the living world.
我们自♥由♥穿行人间 完成工作
We can move freely among the living to do our job.
我是George Lass 丧命五年
My name is George Lass. I've been dead for five years.
我负责带走灵魂
I take souls for a living.
我的部门是外界因素
My division is External Influence.
意指: 谋杀
Translation: murders,
天灾 意外 等等
natural disasters, accidents, et cetera.
这个"等等"内涵丰富
And I do mean et cetera.
嗨 Gregor教授
Hi, yes, Professor Gregor?
我是Fielding先生 从亚瑟·巴里斯福德基金会打来
This is Mr. Fielding from the Arthur Barrisford Foundation.
我激动地通知您
I am thrilled to announce to you
经过不懈努力 您终于获得了
that you have finally been named the recipient
我们奖金50万美元的天才奖
of our $500,000 genius grant.
这个丑家伙 是鬼雾灵
That ugly guy? He's a graveling.
它们推波助澜 一旦事情开始
They set things in motion. And once things start moving,
就得小心喽
look out below.
太阳升起 又落下
The sun rises, the sun sets.
生命降临 但对这个终于 成功了一次的发明家来说
Life comes, and for a once successful inventor
运气用完了 生命消逝
who's down on his luck, life goes.
欢迎来到死后世界 Gregor先生
Welcome to the afterlife, Mr. Gregor.
抱歉这会儿才来
Sorry about the last-minute reaping,
我们不常接自杀
but we don't normally do suicides,
所以到刚才我才确定你是我要找的人
so I wasn't sure you were our man till the last second.
我不在乎 我赢了 我终于赢了
I don't care. I won. I finally won.
没错 先生 中了大奖
Yes, you did, the jackpot.
来 走进你的光
Now, into your lights.
我以为会很痛的 结果没有 一点都不痛
You know, I thought it would hurt more, but it didn't. Not at all.
那是因为我在你死前 就取出了你的灵魂
Well, that's 'cause I took your soul before you died.
噢! 真是很感谢 呃...
Oh! Well, thank you very much, Miss, uh...
Lass 也可以叫我George
Lass, but you can call me George.
在我要去的地方也能见到你吗?
Am I gonna see you again where I'm going towards?
最后会吧
Eventually.
当我面对我的光
When I get my lights.
不知道什么时候
I don't know when.
死亡真是充满惊喜啊
Death is full of surprises, huh?
多得你难以想象
You have no idea.
我喜欢清早干活
I love morning reaps,
当别人还在酣睡时 就完成了使命
accomplishing so much when everyone else is still in bed,
而眼前还有崭新的一天
and I still have the whole day ahead of me.
死神收集灵魂的额度是未知的
Reapers are assigned an unspecified allotment of souls to collect.
你不知道要干多久
You don't know how many souls
直到你取出最后一个 然后就会离开
until you've nabbed the last one, and then you move on.
这就像死亡一样 写在时刻表上
Moving on, much like death, has its own timetable.
你不知道什么时候会发生 直到预定的那一刻
You don't know when it's going to happen until it happens.
今天 命运告诉我们这群快乐的死神
And today, fate is telling our band of merry grim reapers
得离开华夫饼屋了
to move on from Der Waffle Haus.
闻起来像熏肉 - 可能是纵火
Smells like bacon. - Looks like arson.
Rube去哪了? 我想喝咖啡
Where the hell is Rube? I need my coffee.
各位 这是我们的圣地 尊敬点
People, this is hallowed ground. Show some respect.
我很尊敬 再见 华夫饼屋
I'm showing respect. Auf wiedersehen, Der Waffle Haus.
永别了 破烂小餐厅
Fond farewell to a shitty little restaurant.
一点都不让我赊账 去死吧
Which didn't extend me any more credit, so fuck you.
你和这起火灾有关吗 混♥蛋♥?
Did you have something to do with this fire, you limey bastard?
首先 我不用回答 因为...
First of all, I don't need to answer that, 'cause I...
信不信我搞得你硬不起来 以后每次你要打飞机
How about I just make it so every time you kneel
都会想起被我教训
in front of a glory hole, you think of me?
我早就硬不起来了!
I already do!
不是他放的火 Roxy 他没那么聪明
He didn't do it, Roxy. He's not that smart.
谢谢 George
Thanks, George.
打扰一下!
Excuse me!
我来找Daisy
I'm here to pick up Daisy...
用性为自己开道
Uses sex to get her way.
Roxy
...Roxy...
她会揍得你屁滚尿流
She could kick your ass.
Mason
...Mason...
唉 Mason Mason Mason
Ah, Mason, Mason, Mason.
...还有George
...and George.
他们叫我"马桶盖女孩"
They call me "toilet seat girl."
这样才对
Yes. That's right.
等等! 要等他为我们开门
Wait! He's supposed to open the door for us.
噢 我的错 我没去过正式舞会
Oh, my bad. I didn't go to prom.
谢谢
Thank you.
有小零嘴!
Ooh, snacky snacks.
在时空里 万物皆会改变
In the space-time continuum, everything changes.
哇! - 改变可能很慢
Whoo! - Change can be slow.
秀秀胸部!
Show me your tits!
呜哇!
Whoa!
可能很快 可能很好 可能很坏
Change can be fast. Change can be welcomed or feared,
也可能是辆高级轿车带你去高档餐厅
or it can come to you in a black limo and take you to a fancy restaurant.
只有变化本身永远不变
One thing you can count on is change.
不 我已经说过了 不行
No. Look, I told you already, no.
说不就不
No means no.
我不会改变主意 等一下
I'm not gonna change my mind. Oh, one second.
你们都来了 欢迎 随便坐
Ah, there you all are. Welcome. Please, have a seat.
Daisy
Daisy.
1939年 在《乱世佳人》拍摄中死亡
Died on the set of Gone with the Wind, 1939.
Mason - 什么?
Mason. - What?
1966年 自己给脑袋钻了个洞
Drilled a hole in your head, 1966.
Roxy 1982年被腿套勒死
Roxy, strangled with a legwarmer in 1982.
还有George
And George,
2003年 被天外飞厕砸死
killed by a toilet seat from outer space in 2003.
死了更好 死了更好
Better off dead Better off dead
抱歉