一分为二（2018）

你知道的 我工作时间很长
I was working so much, you know.
一周70个小时 我不在他身边
Seventy hours a week, I wasn't around.
我的意思是 我想如果我是 也许我 也许我可以...
I mean, I think if I had been, maybe I, maybe I could have...
是的 我也有同样的想法
Yeah, I think the same things.
我想让你知道一些关于你父亲的事情
I want you to know something about your father.
他从没快乐过
He was never happy.
甚至在我们年轻的时候 我第一次见到他
Even when we were young and I first met him
在工会集♥会♥上 他并不高兴
at the union rally, he wasn't happy.
他从不认为自己做的事是好事
He never thought anything he did was good.
他从不认为他做的任何事都是值得的 除了一件事
He never thought anything he did was worthwhile, except for one thing.
他爱你
He loved you.
比世界上任何东西都重要
More than anything in the world.
他为你感到骄傲
And he was proud of you.
我记得你出生的那一天
I remember the day you were born.
你还那么小
You were... you were so little.
你躺在他的手臂里
You fit into his, his arm, just...
你就那么一点大 他抱着你
your whole length of your body, and he held you
他把你靠在他的心脏 我想让你知道……
and he pulled you to his heart, and I want you to know...
是你的父亲想要你
it was your father that wanted to have you.
我不确定自己是否能成为一个好母亲
I wasn't sure that I would be a good mother.
我知道我也活不了 多久了
And I know I'm not a lot of the time.
-我知道我不好 -是的 我也是
- I know I mess up. - Yeah, so do I.
但回答你的问题
But to answer your question,
是的 我知道他的情况越来越糟
yes, I knew he was getting worse.
他一直在喝酒
He was drinking all the time.
就像他的父亲一样 你一定注意到了
Just like his father, you must have noticed that.
我不知道 我想是的
I don't know, I think so.
我知道有点不对劲
I knew that something was very wrong with him.
我希望他能得到帮助
And I wanted him to get help.
你喜欢强迫他吗？
Did you like force him?
事情比这要复杂得多
It was more complicated than that.
没有人强迫任何人
Nobody forced anybody.
好吧 解释给我听听
Okay, well, explain it to me.
为什么你总是这样
Why do you always do that?
为什么你不告诉我？
Why can't you just tell me?
这个...
This is...
嗯 非常...
uh, very...
我很难开口
hard for me to talk about.
这不公平
That's not fair.
我不在乎它是否公平
I don't care if it's fair or not.
-他是我爸爸 -嗯
- He was my dad. - Hmm.
很好 你竟然有这种认知
Yeah, great. That's a stunning observation.
去你♥妈♥的♥ 我他妈的恨你
Fuck you. I fucking hate you.
这样更好 比以前还好
That's better, but still not original.
-你♥他♥妈♥的怎么了？-我觉得挺好
- What the fuck is wrong with you? - I think it's better
你只是呆在你的幻想世界里
for you just to stay in your fantasy world.
在我看来你就是个烂摊子
You're the worst fucking thing that has ever happened to me.
我不敢相信 你不告诉我
I can't believe you won't tell...
我不敢相信……
I can't believe...
我不敢相信 你不告诉我
I can't believe you won't tell me.
我不能...
I can't bel...
我不敢相信……
I can't believe...
我不敢相信 你不告诉我
I can't believe you won't tell me.
我他妈的不敢相信你竟然不告诉我
I can't fucking believe you won't tell me!
告诉我
Just tell me!
好吧
Okay.
那天是星期三
It was Wednesday.
前一天
The day before.
-他死的前一天？-是的
- The day before he died? - Yeah.
出门那天
The day with the door.
出门那天
The door.
对
Yeah.
但我没有告诉你 我在哪里
But what I didn't tell you is that I was there.
-你总是说… -我知道
- You'd always said... - I know.
但我不希望你那样想他
But I didn't want you to think of him that way.
很难想象他会这样
It's hard to even imagine him like that.
我真希望我能瞒着你
I wish I could have hid that from you.
我回家的时候它就在那儿
It was there when I got home.
我所做的一切都是为了保护你不受他的伤害
Everything I did was to protect you from him.
从这一点 从这一点开始
And from that, and from knowing that.
我只是...
I was just...
-反应不过来？-差不多吧
- Reacting? - Something like that.
我甚至不知道我做了什么 我做了什么
I don't even know what I... what I... what I did.
别过来
Stop.
他向我走来
He came towards me...
-妈妈 -拜托
- Mom. - Please.
不要
Don't.
住手
Stop!
罗伯特 别过来
Robert! Stop! Stop!
你不要做傻事
You don't have to do whatever you're thinking of doing!
他说 首先…
And he said, "First you..."
-不 … -先是莉莎 然后是你
- No. - "...then Lissa, then me."
他不会这么说
No. He would never say that.
有些事情我是不会告诉你的
There are things I'm not gonna tell you.
有些事情你是不会知道的
There are parts of this you're never gonna know.
罗伯特
Robert.
我告诉他 我要离开他
I told him I was leaving him.
我要带着你生活
And that I was taking you with me.
我们不能再这样生活了
And that we couldn't live like this.
然后他
And he...
不要…
Don't...
不要告诉她
Don't tell her.
我在找你 我到处找你
And I went looking for you, and I looked all over.
我去了学校 但你不在那里
I went to school, and you weren't there.
我去了丹尼尔父母家 你也不在那里
I went over to Daniel's parents' house, you weren't there.
我去了艾梅家看了看
I went to Aimee's house, I looked all over,
然后我回到家 看你就在家里
and then I came home and you were there.
还和他在一起
With him.
他很平静
He was so calm.
他给我做了一个三明治
He made me a sandwich.
他说 一切都会好起来的
And he said, "Everything's gonna be fine."
我知道
I know.
我真正想的是一切都好
What I really thought is that everything was okay
但是一切都结束了
and that it was over.
然后他离开了
And then he left.
那是最后一次
And that's the last time...
他确实回来了 那天晚上
He did come back. He came back later that night
他和我做♥爱♥之后 给我累坏了
and he got into bed with me and I was too tired to say anything
说不出话来 什么都做不了
or to do anything.
第二天早上 他走了
And then the next morning, he was gone.
你什么都不用做 明白吗
There's nothing you could have done, you know that, right?
-是的 我知道 -听我说
- Yeah. Yeah, I know. - Listen to me.
你什么都不用做
There is nothing you could have done.
我很想念他
I miss him a lot.
不管发生了什么 我一直都很想他
Despite everything that happened, I miss him all the time.
我从没想过你会爱一个人
I never thought you can love a human being
就像你爱你的孩子一样
as much as you love your kids.
你愿意为他们做任何事 任何事
And you'll do anything for them, anything.
一天中最美好的时刻是 每当我的孩子对我微笑的时候
The best part of the day is whenever my kids smile at me
或者他们给我一个拥抱 然后说 妈妈 我爱你
or they give me a hug and say, "I love you, Mommy."
我的孩子是我最好的朋友
My kids are my best friends. They are.
他们是我的世界 很有趣
They are my world. They're funny.
我就是爱他们 我爱他们
You know, I just love 'em, I love 'em.
不管他们做什么
No matter what they do,
作为一个母亲 你将无条件地爱他们
that you will, as a mother, love them unconditionally.
在我对生活失去希望的时候 他们是我
They're the reason that I've chosen to go on with life,
选择继续生活的动力
when I didn't want to.
只要他们能健康地成长
As long as they can grow up happy and healthy
做个好人
and be good people,
为了孩子你会做任何
that you'll do anything that you need to do