一分为二（2018）

他的早晨和过去的26年一样
His morning was the same as it had been for 26 years.
他每天都喝两杯咖啡
He always drank two cups of coffee,
但验尸报告说他的体内里有酒精
but the autopsy report said that there was alcohol in his system.
我宁愿认为没有
I prefer to think there wasn't.
上午8点15分左右 他买♥♥了一包香烟
At about 8:15 a.m., he bought a pack of cigarettes.
-他听到的最后一句话是…-祝你过得愉快
- The last words he ever heard were... - Have a good one.
-或者听到的是 -明天见
- Or he heard... - See you tomorrow.
-或者是 ... -需要火柴吗？
- Or he heard... - Need any matches?
或者他什么也没听到
Or he heard nothing.
他往教堂街向南开去
He drove south on Church Street...
在31号♥公路右转
turned right on route 31...
从坡道到70号♥公路向东
took the ramp to route 70 heading east...
继续在119北
continued on 119 north...
右转了
took a right...
再右转
then another right.
开车时 他抽了五支烟
As he drove, he smoked five cigarettes.
他早晨到的时候有点晚了
He arrived at his destination some time late in the morning.
他在哭吗？
Was he crying?
他想起了他的妻子 他的女儿吗？
Did he think of his wife, his daughter?
他在请求原谅吗？
Did he ask for forgiveness?
他最后的感觉是解脱吗？
Was his last feeling relief?
我们花了6个小时才找到他的尸体
Took over six hours for his body to be found.
我记得……
When I remember it...
我记得我希望……
I remember wishing...
我可以重新开始
I could start over.
我可以回到开学的第一天
I could go back to the first day of school.
我可以再努力一点
I could try harder.
我可以取得更好的成绩
I could get better grades.
我可以收回初吻
I could take back that first kiss.
我可以抹去我所犯的错误
I could erase the mistakes I've made.
我可以和他说再见
I could say goodbye to him.
我可以告诉他不要开车
I could tell him not to make that drive.
我可以解释他留给我们的是什么
I could explain what he left us with.
我可以多听妈妈的话
I could listen to my mom more.
我可能会更有耐心
I could be more patient.
更多的理解
More understanding.
更善解人意
More empathetic.
我可以做很多事情
I could do all of those things.
我可以重新开始
I could start over.
自从我爸爸死后
她就是这样生活的
我是琼·马鲁斯卡
I'm Joan Maruska.
非常感谢你的到来
Thank you so much for coming out.
我要跟你们谈谈工会在我们生活中的重要性
I'm going to talk to you about the importance of unions in our lives,
在我们国家的生活中
in our country's life.
工会之所以重要 是因为它们是唯一有组织的工会
Unions are important because they are the only organized
美国工人的集体呼声
collective voice for workers in America.
妈妈？
Mom?
我知道已经有很长时间了 但是发生了一些事情
I know it's been a long time, but something's happened.
你为什么不进来跟我谈
Why don't you come in and we'll talk about it?
是丹尼尔的 对吗？
It's Daniel's, isn't it?
我还不确定
I'm not sure it's anything yet.
但是 应该
But yeah.
你必须开始好好照顾自己了
You know, you're gonna have to start taking care of yourself.
你必须吃得好 你……
You're gonna have to eat better and you're...
-停 我明白 -你必须要负责
- Stop, I get it. - You are going to have to be responsible
为了别人
for someone else.
-我需要… -你需要长大
- I need... - You need to grow up.
-我他妈的 -别说这种没文化的字眼
- I can't fucking... - Stop that language and don't you raise...
-你在批评我 -你就不能...
- You're judging me. - Don't you raise your...
我来这里是寻求帮助
I came here for help,
你就盯着你那该死的酒杯
and all you can do is stare at your fucking wine glass.
你就知道以自我为中心
All you can think about is yourself.
什么意思？
What does that even mean?
我感觉很糟
Look, I feel bad.
情况很糟糕 真的很糟糕
The situation is bad, it's really bad.
我很高兴听到你活感到难过
I'm glad to hear that you feel bad,
因为如果你不觉得难过
because if you didn't feel bad...
我会感觉你一点人情味都没有
I would be worried that you wouldn't feel anything at all.
不知道我是从哪里感觉到的
Wonder where I get that from.
我满足不了你的期望
I can't live up to your bullshit expectations.
我努力 我每天都在努力 这就是我所做的
I try, I try every day. That's all I do.
你总是让我失望
You're a constant disappointment to me.
我每天都在想你 你知道我在想什么吗？
Every day I think of you, and you know what I think?
你认为我可以接受吗 被困在这里？
You think I'm okay with this, to be stuck here?
你凭什么认为我的生活还好？
What makes you think I'm okay with my life?
太可惜了
I think, what a waste.
我不指望你去哈佛
I don't expect you to go to Harvard,
获得罗兹奖学金
to win a Rhodes Scholarship.
-我对你没什么期望 -我讨厌它
- I don't expect much out of you. - I hate it.
我恨爸爸的所作所为 我恨你的所作所为
I hate Dad for what he did, I hate you for how you are.
我希望你能付出点实际行动
I expect you to do something.
你浪费了所有的机会
You've squandered every opportunity,
你父亲想要的一切
everything your father wanted for you.
-我讨厌这一切 -看看你 看看你自己
- I hate everything. - Look at you, just look at you.
-我讨厌我愚蠢的生活 -这就是你对一切的认为
- I hate my stupid life. - That's your answer for everything.
哦 我讨厌这个 一切都糟透了
Oh, I hate this. Oh, everything sucks.
是的 妈妈 你就继续嘲笑我吧
Yeah, Mom, keep mocking.
我只是一个一无是处可怜的小受害者
"I'm just a poor little victim baby with nothing,
除了我 每个人都很糟糕 -继续
and everybody sucks but me." - Keep it coming.
-还有什么？还有吗？-你知道吗？
- What else? What else? - You know what?
我讨厌和你在一起 我病了
I'm sick of trying with you. I am sick.
是的 你是对的
Yeah, you're right.
这是你说过的第一件正确的事 你生病了
That's the first right thing you've ever said, you're sick.
你让我恶心
And you sicken me.
至少我自己做了一些事情
At least I do something with myself.
-说吧 就这些 -你才20岁
- Talk talk, that's all it is. - You are 20 years old.
-你做什么了？-当我需要你的时候 你就不在
- And what do you do? - When I really need you, you're not present!
-我来找你 因为我需要你的帮助 -我不认识你
- I came to you, I need your help. - I don't even know you!
-我需要你 -去你大爷的 去你♥妈♥的♥
- I need you. - And the shit you do! The shit you do!
我没有杀他 这不是我的错
I didn't kill him. It's not my fault.
你说你试试 我没看见你在尝试
You say you try. I don't see you trying.
你说你试过了？我尽力了
You say you try? I try.
我尝试了
And I tried.
我现在仍然在尝试
And I still try.
你只是沉湎其中吧
You just wallow in it.
我爱他
I loved him and...
说的好像我不爱似的
As if I didn't.
我不是那个意思
That is not what I meant.
你知道吗？你确实杀了他
And you know what? You did kill him.
同样的 我八岁那年 你说我嘴唇太厚了
The same way, when I was, what, 8, you told me my lower lip was too big.
说我是斗鸡眼
My eyes were too close together.
我没那么说
I didn't do that.
你说了 你对他做了同样的事 慢慢地 慢慢地
You did. You did the same thing to him, slowly, over time.
就像你在我学习数数时贬低我一样
Like when you belittled me when I was learning to count.
我总是把4和5搞混
I'd always mess up four and five.
我很抱歉发生了这样的事
I'm sorry that happened.
它并没有发生 那不是意外
It didn't just happen. It wasn't an accident.
你做了
You did it.
一次又一次
Again and again.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
很抱歉 我那样对你
I'm sorry I did that to you.
你♥他♥妈♥的
You fucking should be.
顺便说一下 生日快乐
Happy birthday, by the way.
我以为你忘了
I thought you forgot.
好吧 莉莎
Okay. Okay, Lissa.
你想谈些什么？
What do you want to talk about?
你知道……
Did you know...
你认为……
Did you think...
你觉得他会做那样的事吗？
Did you know he would ever do anything like that?
不会
No, no.