绅士联盟（1999）

什么样的傻♥逼♥会签这种东西
What daft twat signed that?
你
You did.
自动照相亭
欢迎使用"拍我"
性别
男
女
尚未决定
体型
过轻
过重
不好说
婚姻状况
已婚
同居
孤独终老
已婚
对准面孔
正在拍摄
莱斯·麦昆到底怎么了 传言很多
Whatever happened to man Les McQueen? Rumours abound.
有说他因煽动革命而被当局射杀
He shot dead by authorities for inspiring revolutionary fervour.
有说他像乔治·马克洛夫一样被带毒的伞刺死
He stabbed with poisoned umbrella like Georgy Markov.
有说他像猫王一样发胖死在了马桶上
He grow fat and die on toilet like Elvis -
不过是在托德莫登的公厕里
but public toilet in Todmorden.
这点和猫王不一样
Not like Elvis.
莱斯·麦昆现在在哪
Where is Les McQueen now?
如果他出现了 他将举世闻名
If he were to be found, he would be world famous,
至少在赫佐斯洛伐克会闻名 总比没有的好
or quite famous in Herzoslovakia - which is better than nothing.
莱斯·麦昆
Oh, Leslie McQueen.
你看 莱斯 条件摆在这了
So you see, Les, the offer's there.
我有合适的人脉
I know the right people.
你在虚线上签字即可
Just sign on the line that is dotted.
这一切都太惊人了 瘦子提姆先生
It's all so overwhelming, Mr Slim Tim.
我们可以组建一支世界级的伴奏乐队
We could a get a top backing band together.
泥巴乐队的雷·斯泰尔斯
Ray Stiles from Mud,
我以前认识他的驾校教练
I used to know his driving instructor.
还有...
And then there's...
不行 他性侵被抓了
Oh, no. Yewtree.
莱斯 莱斯 重点是你
Les. Les, this is all about you.
别管其他人 别管乐队
Forget the others, forget the band.
-这是莱斯·麦棍 -麦昆
- This is Les McGann. - McQueen.
麦昆 英雄回归
McQueen! The hero returns.
问题全部解决 梦想全部实现
All your troubles taken care of. All your dreams come true.
你也看到新闻了
You've seen the news.
这个小镇十有八♥九♥都要亡了
This town is going down the pan anyway, probably.
没错
Oh, yeah, yeah.
知道吗
Do you know what?
想了想 还是算了 瘦子先生
On reflection, I don't think so, Mr Slim.
这是个操蛋的行业
It is a shit business.
而擦地板的好处是
The thing about polishing -
你知道自己站在哪儿 地板上
you know where you stand, on a floor.
一个擦亮了的地板 是踏实的 不是幻想
A polished floor. It's dependable. It's not a fantasy.
有时确实会很滑
I mean, they do get slippy,
擦亮之后千万不能在上面放地毯 但是
and you must never put a rug on them afterwards. But...
它坚实可靠
It's solid.
无论如何还是谢谢
Thanks all the same.
如果你心意已决
Well, if you're sure.
你不用送我了
I'll see myself out.
跪下 里奇 跪下
On your knees, Richie. On your knees!
当我被迫去"度假"的时候
When I had to go away on my little holiday,
我把什么生意托付给你了
what was the business I entrust to you?
-配钥匙 -什么
- Key cutting. - What's that?
配钥匙生意
Key cutting business.
没错 配钥匙生意
That's right. Key cutting business.
用配钥匙机配钥匙
A key cutter cuts keys.
也许 只是也许 他还能修鞋
Maybe - just maybe - he repairs shoes as well .
但当他开始卖♥♥大啤酒杯
But when he starts dealing in tankards,
奖杯 蛋糕刀
in trophies, in cake slices...
怎么不干脆什么都卖♥♥
Why not sell anything?
怎么不去卖♥♥盒装大便
Why not sell big craps in boxes?
-那只是个想法 -一个让我破产的想法
- It was just an idea. - An idea that make me bankrupt!
爸爸也有想法
Well, Pop has ideas too, you know.
你坑我 我也坑你
You do me in the ass. I do YOU in the ass.
我们来看看一个人的排粪管
We're going to see how many Piri-Piri olives
能塞多少个霹雳霹雳橄榄
can fit in one man's shit pipe.
你的排粪管
Your shit pipe.
我们要一直塞到
And we're not going to stop
这个臭罐子空了为止
until the whole stinking jar is empty.
不过你最好给甜点留点空间 里奇
But you'd better leave some room up there for dessert, Richie...
不
Not...
是的 九根梅芙里克巧克力棒
Yes, nine Maverick bars.
可是爸爸 已经没有梅芙里克巧克力棒卖♥♥了
But, Pop, they don't do Mavericks any more.
没事
It's OK.
我带了皮克尼克巧克力棒
I brought Picnics.
本土
保护罗伊斯屯本土文化
这里欢天喜地 约翰
Really extraordinary scenes here, Jon.
人♥质♥危机
谈判成功
我们刚刚听说首相
We've just heard that the Prime Minister
撤销了更改边界的决定
has reversed the decision to alter the boundary lines.
这意味着罗伊斯屯
This means that the town of Royston Vasey has
被这对夫妻拯救了
essentially been saved by this couple
他们刚出来
and they're just coming out now...
塔斯勒普夫妇 我是BBC新闻台的
Mr and Mrs Tattsyrup, BBC News.
你们肯定很满意这个决定
You must be delighted with this decision?
当然 这是常识的胜利
Absolutely. This is a victory for common sense.
我们父亲从小教导我们要勇敢面对校园恶霸
Our father raised us to stand up to the school-yard bully,
这也是我们所做的
and that's what we've done here.
塔斯勒普夫人
And Mrs Tattsyrup,
你成功让罗伊斯屯留在地图上了
you've really managed to put Royston Vasey on the map.
-地图 -是的
- Map! - Yes.
你的举动激励了这里的很多人
And your actions have inspired a lot of people here,
你有什么想对他们说的吗
so do you have a message for them?
我想谢谢学院以及所有投票支持我的人
I'd like to thank the Academy and everyone who voted for me.
卧室在这儿
There's the bedroom.
外界对你们通过挟持人♥质♥
There has been some criticism over your taking of hostages
向政♥府♥传达讯息的方式有不少指责
to get your message through to the government.
你们有什么想要回应的吗
How would you respond to that?
我曾参加过战争
Well, I used to be in a war...
琳赛 你能听见吗
Lindsey! Can you hear me?
学到的一件事就是为达目的可以不择手段
And one thing you learn is that the end justifies the means.
有失才有得
You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
首相介入
首相同意撤销改变边界的决定
-你什么意思 -我们没有割掉他们的脸
- And what do you mean by that? - We didn't cut their faces off!
老天
Oh, Christ...
这里不欢迎陌生人
Strangers are not welcome here.
这里是本地人的本地小镇
This is a local town for local people!
本地人的本地国家
A local country for local people!
本地人的意志终将胜利
And the will of local people will prevail!
拦住他们 别让他们跑了
Stop them! Don't let them get away!
谢谢 我们得走了
Thank you. We must leave now.
你能让我上《舞国争霸》吗
Is there any way you can get me on Strictly?
拦住他们 拦住他们
Stop them! Stop them!
守卫 拦住他们
Guards! Stop them!
吸取教训吧
Let that be a lesson to you.
你高尚的梦想毁掉了你触碰过的一切
You ruin everything you touch with your high-minded dreams.
你总是有不切实际的幻想
Your head always in the clouds.
一个喜欢童话故事的基佬
A fairy who loves fairy stories.
是的 爸爸
Yes, Pop.
我离开了一段时间 但现在我回来了
I've been away, but now I'm back.
永远地回到了你的生活里
Back in your life forever.
爸爸是至高无上的 爸爸是不可战胜的
You see, Pop is supreme, Pop is invincible!
爸爸无所不能
Pop can do anything.
是吗
Is that right?
瞧啊
Oh, look!
你的娘炮弟弟和他的美人老婆
Your Mary-queen brother has come to your rescue
来救你了
with his little dolly wife.
如果你是真爷们 为什么要这样对他们
If you're such a big man - why do you need to do this to them?
你才不是男人 你屁都不是
You're no man. You're nothing.
屁都不是