硅谷

到处都是'互利'的人
Hooli people all over the place.
我也说不清 但我真的很适应
I don't know, man, I'm just really into
这种无所事事的生活
this whole rest and vest life, you know,
比我想象的更乐在其中
way more than I thought I would be.
我只是不想丢了饭碗
I just don't want to rock the boat.
对了 我跟你说过没 我买♥♥了艘船
Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat.
还雇了专人打理
And a boat guy to take care of it.
一定要雇专人来打理
You have to have a boat guy.
是啊 一定要雇专人打理
Oh yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy...
如果你有船的话
if you have a boat.
你认识那个姑娘吧
Hey, um, you know that girl, right?
好像叫雪莉 如果我没记错的话
Sherry, I think her name was.
她说你们两个是同学
She said you guys went to school together.
对 没错
Uh, OK, yeah.
我昨晚在'闲话硅谷'的派对上碰到她
I saw her at the Valleywag party last night,
顺便说一句 那派对太棒了
which was crazy, by the way,
至少去了12个姑娘
dude, there must've been like 12 girls there.
-我去 -爽呆了
- Holy shit. - Nuts.
她说你们约会过几次
Anyway, she said you guys went out a couple times
然后她把你甩了 你却死缠烂打
and then she dumped you and you became obsessed with her.
什么 她说我死缠烂打
What? What? She said I was obsessed?
是她原话
She said obsessed.
扯淡 我记得我们就约过两次
Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause I think we went out two times.
什么事都没发生 我怎么可能死缠烂打
Uh, it was nothing so how could I be obsessed? That's...
不 你们输定了
No, you're going down!
'纽核力'会把'魔尿布'打的屁滚尿流
Nucleus is gonna crush Wide Diaper.
你不该拒绝我们老大盖文·贝尔森的
You never shoulda said no to my man, Gavin Belson.
好吧
Ok.
科技博客创业展会
创业竞技场
5月16日-18日
我投资过不少刚创业的公♥司♥
Seeded quite a few new companies.
"老心得" 算是心得[交友软件]的老女人版本
Spinder. It's like Tinder but for spinsters.
老女人们的约炮利器
Elderly women looking for sex.
评委
有个姑娘到处说
There's this girl who's walking around,
我对她死缠烂打
saying that I'm obsessed with her.
真的让我很恼火
Now that just really pisses me off.
真好 咱忘了这事好吗
That's fascinating. Let's just forget about it, OK?
我想说这太他妈扯了 不是吗
I mean it's... it's just so fucked up, right?
我几乎都不记得她是谁了
I mean, I barely remember her.
但有人四处散布关于你的谣言
And it's just so insulting to have someone walking around
有种被侮辱的感觉 不是吗
spreading lies about you. Right?
不知道她同事都有谁
I wonder who she's working with.
她和谁一起来的
Like I wonder who she's here with
因为要是她跟她同事也这么说
because if she's telling her coworkers,
我又要操心那一大帮人怎么想了
then that's a whole 'nother group of people I gotta worry about.
理查德 你现在什么都不用操心
Richard, you don't have to worry about anything
-管好'魔笛手'就行 -我知道
- except for Pied Piper right now. - Yeah, I know.
离预赛还有不到24小时
Because we have less than 24 hours 'til the preliminaries.
-我才没操心 -这就对了
- No one's worrying, that's the thing. - Perfect.
太好了
Perfect.
就是她
OK, her.
她说我"死缠烂打" 迪尼希
She used the word "obsessed", Dinesh.
-死缠烂打 -理查德 我没兴趣
- "Obsessed." - Richard, I don't care.
我也没有 这才是重点
Neither do I. That's the entire point.
我去扫眼她的Instagram
I'm just gonna check her Instagram real quick.
要是她敢在上面说我死缠烂打
Because if she's posting comments about me being obsessed...
这总不能坐视不管
I mean, I can't just ignore that.
有兴趣看个小装置吗
Would you be interested in a device
与智能手♥机♥相连
that links to your smartphone
能在发病前向你预警
and lets you know, even before it happens,
到底是恐慌症发作
whether you're having a panic attack
还是心脏病发作
or a heart attack?
'恐慌技控'的使用方法是这样
OK, here's how Panic-A-Tech works.
全天在指头上戴着这个就能监控生命体征
You wear this on your finger all day and it tracks your vitals.
要是戴这个太尴尬
Or if that's too embarrassing,
我们还有蓝牙栓剂
there's also a Bluetooth suppository
插在你想的那个地方
and that goes right where you think it goes.
附赠回收工具包
And that comes with a retrieval kit.
他是一副"哥俩好"的样子
Was he like, "Bro, you're my bro,"
还是"看爷不一枪崩了你
or was he like, "I wanna shoot you in the face
让你血洗会场
and watch you bleed out all over the stage
谁让你上我老婆 臭傻♥逼♥"这样
'cause you fucked my wife, you cocksuck."
正好在中间 他是这样
Right in the middle. It was like:
怎么了 酒店那边怎么样
What happened? How's it going at the hotel?
太诡异了 他做到提取元数据模块了
Weird. He switched to meta-data extraction
还叫你过去
and now wants to see you.
现在就已经做到元数据了吗 没道理啊
Meta-data? Already? Makes no sense.
他心神不宁的
He seems very distracted.
各位 因为我们的准备工作不怎么充分
OK, guys, since we're kind of playing from behind here
我就去弄了个秘密武器
I put together a little secret weapon.
我整理了所有参展人员的名单
I... I went through the entire list of conference participants
找到了他们的头像和简介 并打印出来
and I found images and I found bios and I printed them out
这样我们就能有备无患了
so we have them all in one place.
-你弄这个干什么 -你看
- Why did you do that? - Uh, OK.
这人是谁 等着 他是...
Who's this guy? Watch. He is...
瑞克·史密斯 '捷径'的联合创始人
Rick Smith, co-founder of Crosscut Ventures.
你怎么...
How did you...?
'快速身份识别' 面部识别应用程序
ID-Keen. It's this facial recognition app
莫妮卡给我们手♥机♥上装的
that Monica put on our phones.
随便对着谁 就能显示个人信息
You just point it at anybody, tells you who they are
还会告诉你他们在展会有多重要
and how important they are to the conference.
都没有你的信息
You're not showing up at all.
也许我没有... 不对我有信♥号♥♥
Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a... No, I'm getting a signal.
好吧
OK. Um, well...
贾里德 可回收的扔那边
Ooh, Jared, Jared, recycling's over there.
怎么样了 那个评委知道吗
Hey, so what's the deal? Does the judge know or not?
我不知道 莫妮卡 他耍我呢
I don't know, Monica. He's toying with me.
也许不是 我他妈也搞不清
Or maybe he's not. I can't fucking figure it out.
埃利希 你不能再这样 他妻子也来了
Erlich, you need to stop this. His wife is here.
有种点 去找她谈谈 搞清楚
Grow a pair and talk to her, find out for sure.
你怎么不有种点 然后我去找她谈
Why don't you grow a pair and I'll talk to her.
什么
What?
你会Java吗
Do you happen to know Java?
你搞笑吗 我最擅长Java
Are you kidding? It's like my specialty.
能帮帮我吗
Will you help me?
荣幸不已
Oh, it would be my honor.
什么事
Yes?
抱歉 我一定走错房♥间了
Oh, sorry. Um, I must not have the right room.
我要找丹·梅尔彻
I'm looking for Dan Melcher.
没错 就是这间
Yeah, that's us.
是吗 好吧
Oh, it is? OK.
我想找他妻子谈谈
I was looking to speak with his wife.
就是我 我是他新任妻子 刚结婚
That's me. I'm, well, his new wife, we just got married.
恭喜你们
Oh, congratulations.
那玛德琳呢
Uh, what happened with Madelyn?
-你是丹的朋友吗 -对
- You're a friend of Dan's? - Yeah.
我俩有过 有一些交集
We've... We have a common interest...s.
有好多交集
Uh, many common interests.
她真是糟透了
Well, she was a nightmare.
嗑药 进了无数趟戒毒所
Pills, in and out of rehab.
还恬不知耻地不断劈腿
Had all of these disgusting affairs.
离婚后丹一度一蹶不振
You know, the divorce nearly killed Dan.
真的吗 恬不知耻地劈腿
Really? Disgusting affairs.
这消息真令人难过
Well, I... I feel terrible.
没事的 他已经看开了
No, it's fine. He's put it behind him.
都看开了吗 所有方面
All of it? I mean, every aspect of it?
那...真是个好消息
Well, that is... that is great to hear.
万一她把这胡话告诉所有参加会议的人怎么办
What if she's spreading this lie to everyone at this conference?
老实说 吉尔弗约尔
I mean, honestly, Gilfoyle...
理查德 你要是再扯这事
Richard, stop talking about this