硅谷

长久以来 我们一直以大小
The greatness of human accomplishment
来衡量人类的伟大成就
has always been measured by size.
越大越好
The bigger, the better.
现在不是了
Until now.
纳米科技
Nanotech.
小型轿车
Smart cars.
袖珍是新时代的伟大
Small is the new big.
未来几周内 互利将推出'纽核力'
In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus,
有史以来最尖端的
the most sophisticated compression software platform
软件压缩平台
the world has ever seen.
如果我们能压缩你的音频和视频
Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller,
我们就能让癌症不值一提
we can make cancer smaller.
还有饥饿
And hunger.
以及艾滋
And AIDS.
真是个混♥蛋♥
What an asshole.
科技博客视频
离正式发布还早着呢 他怎么现在就宣布了
Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout?
没人这么做
No one does that.
他就是要故意恶心我们吧
He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right?
我觉得我们没事
I actually think we're OK.
我只给了他们老版播放器
The player I gave them was from a retired repository
只能压缩音频
that was audio only.
视频压缩完全是另一模式
Video compression is a completely different paradigm.
他们的产品跟'魔笛手'很像 但远没我们的好
What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good.
大家会明白的
People will see that.
他们先上市的话我们就没戏了
Not if they get to market before us.
只要能先上市 劣质产品也能赢得市场
Inferior products win out all the time.
比如耶稣就战胜了撒旦
Like Jesus over Satan.
我本来想说Betamax惨败给VHS的
I was going to say VHS over Beta.
[视频录制格式大战]
我这里可有优质产品
OK, well, actually this is a superior product, right here.
做玛格丽特酒的机器吗
Is it a margarita machine?
比那更好
It's better.
作为首席执行官 这是我做的第一笔正式投资
My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper.
我们不会就用这个做标志吧
That's not really our logo is it?
看起来就像他在吃鸡鸡
It looks like a guy sucking a dick
还在耳朵后面别了个鸡鸡以备后用
and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later.
-就像鸡鸡枪 -不是 这是'魔笛手'
- Like a snack dick. It does. - No, it's... it's Pied Pipe...
拿着 穿上
Here, put them on.
吉尔弗约尔 穿上
Gilfoyle, come on.
我不♥穿♥
I don't want it.
贾里德 我用信♥用♥卡♥买♥♥的T恤
Jared, I bought these T-shirts with my credit card
但我好像快超支了 所以...
but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so...
我们可能有点问题
Yeah, um, we may have a little problem there.
彼得·格里高利的支票 怎么了
Peter Gregory's check. So?
支票是付给'魔笛手股份有限公♥司♥'的
So, it's made out to "Pied Piper Incorporated,"
我上州政♥府♥网站查过了
I checked with the Secretary of State website,
加利福尼亚州已经有一家叫'魔笛手'的公♥司♥了
and there's already a "Pied Piper" operating in California.
所以我们得换个名字
So we need to change our name.
-感谢老天 -感谢黑魔王 真是好消息
- Thank God! - Praise the Dark Lord, that's great news.
这不是好消息 我们喜欢'魔笛手'这名字
No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper.
是个经典童话的名字
It's a classic fairy tale.
我去查了下
Well, I looked it up.
讲的是个掠夺成性的魔笛手
It's about a predatory flautist
把全村的孩子都带进山洞里杀了
who murders children in a cave.
故事不错 理查德 但我还是讨厌这个名字
It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.
理查德 我们要换名的话
Richard, if we are going to change the name,
必须赶紧换
we need to do it now.
叫出去就没法改了 我的名字贾里德
Names stick. My name's only Jared
是上班第一天盖文随口叫的
because Gavin called me that on my first day.
其实我叫唐纳德
My real name is Donald.
但贾里德 我们都买♥♥好T恤了
But, Jared, we already bought the T-shirts.
这些没法退 都是网购的
I can't take these back. It was an online order.
那玩意好恐怖
What is that atrocity?
怎么 难道我们是家爱尔兰色情公♥司♥吗
What are we, an Irish pornography company?
[绿色是爱尔兰代表色]
我一直以为我们会改名的
I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper."
我以为'魔笛手'不过是临时名
I thought it was a place holder.
叫'临时名'都比叫'魔笛手'好
"Placeholder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper.
理查德 其实我一直都没好意思
Richard, I've actually been holding off
跟别人说我是'魔笛手'的联合创始人
telling people I'm the co-founder of "Pied Piper"
说实话
Because frankly,
这名字太丢人了
it's a little embarrassing.
我就是提醒你下
OK Well, um, just to remind you,
你不是联合创始人
you are not the co-founder.
所以别这么跟别人说
So please don't tell anyone.
理查德 用'亚威亚托'吧
Richard, take Aviato.
这名字可不是我想出来的
That's not a name I found,
是奇幻寻名之旅时
it's a name that found me
老天赏我的
on a vision quest.
这种事你值得一试
Something that you should do.
不 我才不会磕一堆药
No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs
坐在沙漠里头
and sit out in the desert,
等着某个名字随机冒出脑海
and hope some name randomly pops in my head.
那我就要质疑你的领导力了
Well, then I question your leadership.
理查德 名字定义公♥司♥
Richard, a name defines a company.
这必须是一种原生态的
It has to be something primal,
一个你做♥爱♥时可以喊出口的词
something that you can scream out during intercourse.
比如'亚威亚托'
Like Aviato.
'Uuuuber'
Uuuuber!
[Uber 美国著名打车软件]
'谷歌♥'
Gooooogle!
'Huuuuuulu'
Huuuuuulu!
[Hulu 美国一家视频网站]
完全没错 '魔笛手'
Exactly, right. Pied Piper!
真不好意思 你的声音完全听不出
I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach
要射时的那种快♥感♥
that register when you ejaculate, does it?
不是 我看你们都在嚎所以我也插个嘴
No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in.
各位 我们不能改名字
You guys, we can't change our name.
我不能带着新名字去见彼得·格里高利
I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name,
让他再写一张支票给我
and ask him to cut me a new check.
他曾因为更小的事撤回过投资
I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less.
'魔笛手'这个名字和商标
Uh, the Pied Piper name and trademark
被吉尔罗伊一家灌溉公♥司♥注册了
are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy.
我觉得你可以过去跟他们谈一下
I guess you could head out there and talk to them.
-不过 -好
- But... - OK.
他们可能会拒绝
They may refuse...
不 不 我去跟他们谈判
No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them.
无意冒犯 理查德 可你不擅长谈判
No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator.
我可是谈判专家 迪尼希
I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh.
你谈判真不怎么在行
You're a terrible negotiator.
谈判上我绝对是个中翘楚
I'm a decent negotiator.
就是
Just, so...
彼得 你回来了
Oh, Peter, you're here.
我们原定于四十分钟前
We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago
跟'星辰'公♥司♥的人见面
with the guys from Astraphile
探讨有关紧急注资的事
about the emergency capital injection.
正如之前我们说过的
As we discussed,
我们在北卡罗莱纳州的工厂出了问题
our North Carolina plant went sideways.
我们要是现在拿不到一千五百万美元
So we need 15 million now
就只能关门大吉了
or we'll have to shut down.
你们中有人吃过'汉堡王'吗
Have any of you ever eaten at "Burger King"?
吃过
Yes...
怎么了
Why?
我刚刚坐车经过了一间
Well, I was just driven past one.
尽管我知道他们市值有七十多亿美元
And while I know their market cap is seven billion dollars-plus,
我意识到我并不熟悉他们的产品
I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings.
好吧
OK, fine.
可是那个跟这个有什么关系
But what does that have to do...
你们喜欢吃这个吗
Is it popular among your peers?
你们觉得好吃吗
Is it enjoyed?
-大家应该挺喜欢的 -还不错
- People seem to like it. - Yeah, it's OK.
他们只卖♥♥汉堡