硅谷

肾功能 肝功能
Kidney function, liver function,
还有睾丸素 我不知道你是怎么搞的
testosterone... I don't know how you did it,
但前七个星期里你整整老了四十岁
but you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks.
真的吗
Wow. Really?
我们这今早来了个瘾君子
We had a meth addict in here this morning
他的生理年龄都比你年轻 他都58岁了
who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58.
[社交网络服务网站]
是个'我的空间'的家伙
MySpace guy.
到底怎么回事
So what is going on?
都是因为那个配置云服务
It's this cloud service configuration,
我已经在这上面卡了一个多星期了
I've been stuck on it for over a week.
我是个好程序员
I'm a good programmer.
这是我唯一擅长的事
I mean, it's the only thing I am good at.
就去年 我扔飞盘结果敲碎了自己的牙
I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and it chipped my tooth.
你要看的可不止是牙医
That's more of a dental issue.
好吧 我
Yup, OK, I...
我要说的是 我17岁时
The point is, I learned
[一个使用Ruby语言写的开源Web应用框架]
用一个周末就掌握了基于Rails平台的Ruby语言
Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17.
我肯定能学会云计算 我必须学会
I should be able to learn cloud, I have to.
你想听听我作为你医生的专业意见吗
Can I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor?
你应该收下盖文·贝尔森那一千万美元
You should have taken that ten million dollars from Gavin Belson,
知道吗
OK?
但你会因后悔而自杀的
But regrets will kill ya
所以千万别太沮丧
so try not to dwell on it.
我之前就提醒过你的
I tried to tell you.
外援 我们才不要什么外援
Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help.
还有一周就是'科技博客'创业展会
It's a week until TechCrunch,
理查德 不能再等下去了
Richard. We can't wait any longer.
理查德 你看看这块板
Richard, look at the board.
云架构就像是
OK, cloud architecture is
堵住了下水道的一大坨大便
just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes.
我们得找水管工来疏通下
We have to call in a plumber to fix it.
我讨厌这个比喻 但埃利希说得没错
OK, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right.
吉尔弗约尔和我几天前
Gilfoyle and I finished
就把分配服务这块搞定了
the distribution services days ago
我们就一直干坐着等你
and we're just sitting around waiting for you.
我自己能解决
I can solve it.
理查德 你♥他♥妈♥绝对是编程好手
Richard, you're a fucking rock star, OK?
但你就是学不会云计算
You just don't know cloud,
就这么个微不足道的破领域
this tiny, little, shitty area,
现在已经变得举足轻重
which is becoming super important,
在很多方面都称得上是计算机业的未来
and in many ways is the future of computing.
我有点跑题了
That sort of went south on me,
但你明白我的意思
but you understand what I'm saying.
我已经跟彼得·格里高利
I've already talked to
谈过要引入一位顾问
Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant.
我和一位程序员联♥系♥过
I've made contact with a programmer
他在云架构上的造诣
whose cloud architecture
可算得上是登峰造极 人称'雕刻者'
is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver.
[指恶意破坏网络安全为个人谋利的黑客]
'雕刻者' 那个黑帽黑客
The Carver? That Black Hat guy
黑进了'美国银行'
who apparently hacked into the Bank of America
搞垮了他们整个系统 就那个'雕刻者'
and took down their entire system, that The Carver?
如果可以一定要拉他入伙
We should get him if we can.
好吧 我们可以跟他谈谈
OK, we can talk to the guy,
但他得让我信服才行
but, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me.
半年前 这帮家伙赚了三千五百万美元
Six months ago, these guys had 35 million
拿到了新一轮融♥资♥
and Series B Financing.
而现在'雕刻者'正在对它进行分拆
Now The Carver's here doing teardown.
他要让公♥司♥的残骸升♥天♥入云了
He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud.
让世界更美好
什么都不要碰 失败是会传染的
Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious.
应该就是他
I think that's him.
打扰下 雕刻者先生
Excuse me, Mr. Carver?
对 大家都称我为雕刻者
Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver,
但没人当面这样叫我
but no one actually calls me that,
那就是个网名
it's what people call a screen name.
你们懂的
You know.
我叫凯文
I'm Kevin.
好吧 凯文 我们是'魔笛手'的
OK, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper,
之前跟你聊过
we spoke earlier.
对 你们这帮人搞砸了 对吧
Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh?
不 我们才没搞砸
No. No, we're not fucked.
没错 我们简直失败透顶
Yes, we are totally fucked.
我们一星期后要做展示程序
We have a live demo in one week
结果云计算这块便秘了
and our cloud is in the shitter.
-正是如此 -等等 你是理查德
- That's accurate. - Wait, are you Richard?
对 是我
Yes, I am.
你的算法很不错 架构相当完美
Yeah, your algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema.
多谢夸奖
OK, thanks.
你比我想象中老 你多大 25
I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25?
Twenty-six.
妈呀
Yikes.
我周一时要参加个模拟联♥合♥国♥会议
Uh, so I have a model U.N. thing on Monday,
但我应该这个周末能把你们的活搞定
but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend.
你觉得你能在两天内把活都干完
You think you can do our whole job in two days?
我知道自己两天内能搞定
I know I can do it in two days.
我准备靠美乐耶乐[饮料]
I pound Mello Yello,
[治疗注意力缺失药物 俗称聪明药]
奥利奥和阿德拉过活 做不完我不睡觉
Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done.
好吧
Ok.
但你们知道吗 '基塔翁克'这周末
But you know what? I also have an offer to do some migration
请我去做跨平台移植
at Gittawonk this weekend.
还挺让人兴奋的
It's... it's kind of chill,
而且说实话 他们的技术更强一些
and frankly, their tech's a little stronger.
什么 你说什么
Whoa. What? What?
你觉得'基塔翁克'的技术比我们强
You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours?
真是抱歉 但我可没在PandoDaily[科技网站]上看过
I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily
盖文·贝尔森和彼得·格里高利
that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory
争抢'基塔翁克'的报道
were fighting over Gittawonk.
从没有人开价一千万美元购买♥♥'基塔翁克'
No one offered ten million dollars to acquire Gittawonk.
对 我同意理查德说的
Yeah, I agree with Richard,
你应该来为我们工作
you should come work for us.
-什么 -你想要什么 给你咬吗
- What... - What's it gonna take, a blow-job?
因为理查德绝对会吸到你精尽人亡为止
Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis.
你逗笑我了 狮头男
Now you make me laugh, shaggy man.
好吧 我加入
All right, I'm in.
咱们周五见
I'll see you guys Friday.
好吧
Ok.
-干得好 -是啊
- Well done. - Yeah.
打扰一下 你们好
Excuse me. Hi, um,
你们有兴趣买♥♥些糖果吗
would you guys be interested in buying some candy
这样我们教堂小组才能凑够钱去野营
so you can send my church group to camp?
没兴趣
Nope.
埃利希 拜托
Erlich, come on.
我赌一百刀根本没有什么教堂
Hundred bucks says there's no church.
就是骗人的 小人♥渣♥
Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags.
他们还只是孩子
They're just children.
看来吉尔弗约尔和他那女撒旦崇拜者
Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist
从机场回来了
are back from the airport.
你们能想象等下会是什么恶心的画面吗
Can you imagine what kind of shit-show this one's gonna be?
[已故英国女歌♥手]
他说她有种艾米·怀恩豪斯的气场
He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe.
那是什么意思
What does that mean?
她也浑身刺青对人生迷失了方向吗
All tatted-up and nowhere to go?
嗑奥施康定[止痛药]的瘾君子吗
Hooked on OxyContin?
也可能都开始腐烂了
Decomposing?
好吧 这也太恶毒了
Oh. Oh, OK, that was dark.
先生们 这位是塔拉
Gentlemen, this is Tara.
-你好 -塔拉 他们是我朋友
- Hi. - Tara, this is the fellas:
贾里德 迪尼希 埃利希和理查德
Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard.
-我是埃利希 -很高兴终于见到你们了
- It's Erlich. - It's great to finally meet you guys.
好了