怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!
不要 不要 不要
And a hand-caught smoked trout salad
还有现捕的熏鲑鱼沙拉
atop a small-batch house-fried yam latke.
上面配有一小块家常土豆饼
Great, I'll have the...
不错 那我要
Couple questions.
问几个问题
Is there dill in the trout salad?
在鲑鱼沙拉里有莳萝吗
There is.
嗯 有
Can it be made without?
能不能不放
Sure.
没问题
I'll have the pasta carbonara and a chiante.
那我要烤面条加干酪沙司 和一杯红酒
Thanks.
谢谢
Were you just screwing with me?
你刚刚在耍我吗
No, I really wanted to hear more about
不啊 我是真的想了解更多关于
the artisanal ketchup leather from Circle Jerk farms.
圆杰克农场的手工番茄酱
This reminds me of when
让我想起了
we used to watch movies in simulcast.
我们曾经通着电♥话♥来看同一部电影
Aw, during our residencies.
对 我们还在医院做实习生的时候
I would imagine you wearing nothing
我当时想象着你
but one of my button downs and thigh highs.
上身穿着我的衬衫 下身是渔网长筒袜
Good thing there was no FaceTime or
好在那会没有视频
you would have seen the boner-killing reality of me
不然你肯定 大失性趣
in sweats and a ratty tee.
我穿的是破T恤和运动裤
Hey, maybe later you could invite me up
不然迟点 我们可以通过视频
and we could bump virtual uglies.
做做那不可描述的事情
Hm, well let's see how dinner goes.
先看你晚餐的表现吧
What are you having?
你在吃什么呢
For starters, I am having
首先嘛 我要吃一个
a plant-based, hand-forged antidiarrheal.
纯植物手工制♥作♥的止泻药
Okay.
好吧
The hunter green could be a bit more saturated
这个绿色可以再饱和一点
and the gold chord should pop more.
这个金色该再突出一点
The colors were right in one of the test prints
这些颜色在其中一个样本中看起来挺不错的
and it was here this morning.
今天早上就在这
It's in one of the groups.
就在这一堆里
Ugh, sorry.
不好意思
Don't mind her, darling.
别理她 亲爱的
Due to the colossal amount of money
鉴于你们赫拉克勒斯公♥司♥
you recklessly invested for clients at Hercules Capital,
鲁莽地动用大把资金 替客户进行投资
my office had no choice but to conduct a thorough
我们部门 别无选择
forensic accounting of your firm.
只能对你公♥司♥进行一次彻底的司法审计
Ma'am. My client, Alexander Von Weber,
女士 我的客户 亚历山大 冯 韦伯
was just as much of a victim...
也是受害者啊
Let me finish, Bob.
让我说完 鲍勃
We have been trying to determine if
我们也在决定
these partners were accomplices of Krevitt,
这两个合伙人是否是克莱维特的同伙
or just spectacularly inept.
还是说 这只是一次重大的失误
After our extensive review,
经过我们广泛的调查后
we concluded Hercules was guilty of...
我们认为 赫拉克勒斯公♥司♥
profound negligence on account of total incompetence.
操作失当 能力不足
No charges will be filed, but both men
这次不会进行起诉 但是这两个人
are hereby stripped of their SEC license
会因此被吊销他们的证券交易执照
to invest in publicly traded equities for clients.
从而不能为客户投资公开交易的股票
What?! No!
什么 不
But you just said you found no criminal activity!
但你刚说没有找到任何犯罪行为啊
We can't in good conscience
我们不能昧着良心
let these men handle other people's money.
让你们这些人玩别人的钱财啊
But this was all his fault.
但这都是他的错啊
He's the one who put everything
是他把我们所有的资金
we had into Krevitt's fund!
投到克莱维特基金里的
I didn't even know about it.
我根本都不知道这事
Because you were too busy trying to
因为你忙着
find yourself smoking peyote
和一个打扮得跟猫头鹰一样的人
with a dude dressed like an owl.
一起抽大烟呢
I'm pretty sure that was a real owl.
我很确定那绝对是个真的猫头鹰
The complete dissolution of Hercules
赫拉克勒斯公♥司♥的解散
will mean the immediate liquidation of assets
意味着所有资产破产清算
including the company ski lodge
包括公♥司♥的滑雪度假小屋
complete with the company rescue St. Bernard
宠物犬圣伯纳德
and company whiskey barrel.
还有威士忌木桶
Oh this can't be happening.
这样可不行啊
Oh boo-hoo, now you'll just have to live off your wife.
看吧 这下你可得开始吃软饭了
There are two kinds of people in this world, Wilson.
威尔逊你听好了 这世上只有两种人
Wedgie givers, and wedgie receivers.
一类是扯内♥裤♥党 另一类是被扯内♥裤♥党
And you are the worst kind.
而你就是那个最不光彩的那一类
What's that?
哪一类
Somebody who used to be a wedgie receiver
曾经是被扯内♥裤♥的
but now is a wedgie giver.
现在却去扯别人的内♥裤♥
I don't need to listen to this shit.
我不想听你胡扯
You're always the "Wait up" Guy.
你总是爱搭便车
In college it was, "Where's the party this weekend?
在大学的时候 你就总爱问 这周末哪里开趴啊
Wait up! "Hey are you guys
别落下我啊
skiing in Stadt this winter? Wait up!"
谁要去德国滑雪啊 求收留啊
You know, I got a plane to catch.
我还要去赶飞机
I'm gonna go to Florida
我要去佛罗里达
to lay low for two years until I can reboot.
隐姓埋名两年直到我能东山再起
Florida, perfect! Tilt the country
佛罗里达是个好地方啊
and that's where all the bad eggs roll.
遍地都是混♥蛋♥
Prick-shaped state for a dickhole like you.
这个屌♥地方就适合你这个屌♥人
Hey babe.
宝贝 早啊
Where have you been? I've been texting you for an hour.
你去哪了 我一直在给你发消息没看到吗
I was at Hazel's school for the
我在黑兹尔的学校
Father-Daughter Conflict Resolution Seminar.
参加一个父女冲突化解研讨会
What's up?
怎么了
Well, first your mother trashed one of my prints
首先 你妈把我的照片当作杯垫
by using it as a coaster for Bordello Yellow.
放在了她骚里骚气的黄色指甲油下面
Next I go into Hazel's room
其次 我去了黑兹尔的房♥间
and find one of her votives still burning!
发现她的电臀之魂还在熊熊燃烧
This place could've been Pompeii.
这个家迟早要变成庞贝废墟
What can we do, hon?
那我们能怎么办 宝贝
She was wiped out by Ernie Krevitt.
她被欧尼 克雷维特弄破产了
Well I'm sick of her hazardous candles
而且我受够了那些蜡烛
burning everywhere just because she wants to be
在家里放毒仅仅是因为她想要
"Bathed in a warm light".
沐浴在温暖的光线里
Miles was doing his homework by lantern like Laura Ingalls.
麦尔斯还打着灯笼写作业 弄得像个野外冒险家一样
She'll be out of the house
她四点之后
at four for her dance lesson.
就出门上舞蹈课了
Why don't you work at the library until then?
在此之前 要不你先去图书馆工作
Because it's my house!
这是我的地盘 凭什么
Keep it down, Jill.
小声一点 吉尔
You're scaring Jeong.
你吓到指甲妹了
Candace! It's quarter to four.
坎迪斯 都三点四十五分了
You're going to be late for dance.
再不出发就要迟到了
Oh no, no. I'm right on schedule.
不 我时间掌控的刚刚好
In fact Ernesto and I were just warming up.
我和欧内斯托刚刚在热身
What's he doing here?
他在这儿干嘛
I specifically booked the lessons at the studio.
我特地给你订了在舞房♥的舞蹈课
But then you wouldn't be able to see my progress.
可那样你就没办法见证我的进步
If you're going out, be a dear would you
如果你要出门
and pick me up a few things?
可以顺便帮我买♥♥一些东西吗
Like opaque sleep attire?
买♥♥不那么暴露的睡衣吗
The only thing I sleep in is Chanel Number 5.
我只穿着香奈儿5号♥入梦
Though I could use better thread count sheets
但我还是需要好一点的床单
in twin size and a vacuum.
和一个吸尘器
Why don't you just use mine?
为什么不用我的
Why don't you?
你说呢
Okay, If I promise to get everything
好吧 如果我把你需要的所有东西
that you're asking for,
都买♥♥好了
can you find a ribbon of kindness
你可否
in that Carrara marble heart of yours
大发慈悲一下
to grant me 90 minutes alone in my own apartment?
赏我一个独自在家的时刻呢