怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Ahh, orgasmatron.
简直是性♥欲♥高♥潮♥引导器
This is just the kind of pampering I needed
被这公♥司♥多番折磨后 这正是我需要的
after UTH kicked my ath.
舒适享受
And whipped it, slapped it, pickled it.
简直是各种各样的折磨
It was like 50 Shades of Spa.
就像电影五十度灰那样
Now I'll be all preened and polished
现在整个人都焕然一新了
as I descend into Hades for my job.
可以进入地狱工作了
Yeah, I don't know how I feel about that shoot, Jill.
吉尔 你真的要接这个摄影的活吗
Actually, that's not true.
说实话吧
I don't have a good feeling.
我有一种不好的预感
It's a national campaign!
那可是个全国竞选
For Brooke.
为了布鲁克
For myself!
是为了我自己
I still can't believe she asked me.
我仍然不敢相信她让我来做
What's the worst thing that could happen?
最坏情况能怎样
Oh, she throws you in a hole
她把你扔进一个洞里
and asks you to rub lotion on its skin.
然后让你给石壁抹润肤露
I hadn't thought of that.
我没想过那种情况
Four manicures, please.
我们四个人做美甲
Oh, hey Jill.
嘿 吉尔
Hey guys.
你们好
What part of your life did this crew crawl out of?
你什么时候和这帮人搭上关系的
They're moms in Hazel's class.
她们是黑兹尔班上同学的妈妈
So, how are things downtown?
下面那里怎样了
Lila, I'm in agony. Me too.
莱拉 我痛苦极了 我也是
This box is on fire.
辣痒痒的
Move over Alicia Keys.
比艾丽西娅 基斯（歌♥手）还火♥辣♥
What time is your shoot? Shh.
你什么时候拍摄 嘘
I went to Clyde's and Pasteur.
我去了药店
There's no Monistat left on the shelves.
货架上没有硝酸咪康唑(抗真菌药)了
It's like there's a run on it.
好像最近大家都很需要这个
If men had vageens, Mom-istat would be
如果男人们有阴♥部♥
in hand pumps in public bathrooms across the country.
这药会多得连公共厕所的都供应
Seriously.
真的
Lulu, Margaret, do you guys have it too?
露露 玛格利特 你们两个是不是也有
Are we on the same cycle?
我们是不是在同一个周期里
Is there a cycle for yeast infections?
宫颈感染有周期吗
I don't think so.
我不知道
I had my fair share of critch in college,
我在大学里感染过一次股癣
but it was never this bad.
但是没这么糟糕过
I almost molested my desktop cactus.
我差点性骚扰了我桌上的仙人掌
And I can't so much as look at cottage cheese.
我甚至都不能看见白软干酪
Something's rotten
若有东西坏了
and I'm gonna crack it wide open.
我得全打开看看
Jill, I'd like to do a quick walk-through of the line.
吉尔 我想快速地和你讲一遍这些产品
Sure!
好的
Since my life-altering trip to India,
在那次改变我人生的印度旅行之后
I've only been able to think about two things:
我只能思考两件事情
tabletop and housewares.
桌面用品和家居用品
I need these jewel tones to be vibrant.
我需要鲜亮的颜色
Well styling opposing hues together
把相反的色调放在一起
will really make them pop in the photos.
就会让它们在相片里很突出
Perfect. Diana Vreeland once said,
完美 戴安娜 弗里兰曾经说过
"Pink is the navy blue of India," And it's true.
粉色是印度的海军蓝 而且确实是这样
Now, more than ever.
而且 现在比以往更甚
So I was expecting some more animal prints.
我以为会有更多的动物花纹
Didn't you guys see like tigers and elephants
你们没在你们的东亚之旅上
and shit on your East Asian safari?
看到一些老虎大象之类的吗
What happens on safari stays on safari.
旅途中的事就让它留在旅途上吧
What, did you make like a dentist and gun down Mufasa?
有没有猎杀了出名的狮子
So here we have a tasseled throw pillow
所以这是一个有流苏的靠枕
and a sequin-rimmed bolster.
还有一个亮片长枕
Great, right?
很棒 对吧
Ugh, and I love this doormat.
还有我喜欢这块门垫
Over here are Hindu-inspired steak knives.
那边是印度风格的牛排刀
They have uh, leather sheath and handle.
还有皮刀鞘和皮手柄
Feel. Don't you just love their girth?
感受一下 你是不是很喜欢它的围长
I'm pretty sure steak is verboten?
印度是不吃牛排的吧
Oh, and this is a Taj Mahal dog bed. Cute.
然后那是一个泰姬陵狗窝 可爱
And these are some serving trays.
然后这些是托盘
These are coasters here and...
这边还有杯托和
Whoa, whoa! Here we have...
这个是
Brooke, Von Weber cannot sell objects
布鲁克 冯 韦伯可不能卖♥♥有带有
that have swastikas on them.
纳粹十字记号♥的东西
They're Devanagari.
这是梵文字母
It's the Indian symbol for Luck.
是印度的吉祥标志
They're the good kind of swastika.
他们是好的十字记号♥
It's not cholesterol.
又不是胆固醇
There is no "Good kind" Of swastika.
十字记号♥哪有什么好坏之分
Girls, Jill is vetoing the trays.
姐♥妹♥们♥ 吉尔正在否定这些盘子
The swastikas?
十字记号♥的吗
Oh, come now.
得了吧
The design isn't even that big.
这个设计又没有那么坏
At worst, they're just a little Nazi.
最差最差 他们也就是小纳粹而已
The phrase, "Little Nazi," Only makes sense
小纳粹这个词只是在
if it's referring to Hitler youth.
指小时候的希♥特♥勒♥吧
Okay, fine. They're killed.
好吧 不要他们了
Thank you. Okay, let's start.
谢谢你 好了 我们开始吧
So I'm picturing these Vishnu and Shiva salt and pepper
所以我在想把这些毗瑟挐(印度教主神之一)和湿婆的
shakers with the sapphire place mats.
调料罐放在宝石蓝餐具垫上
Why don't you guys set those?
你们去按照她说的摆吧
You're finally ready.
你总算准备好了
Well I've been prepping all week.
我这一个星期都在准备
No, I mean, at this point in your career.
不 我是说 你事业的这个阶段
I couldn't lift you up before
我之前不能提拔你
because I couldn't reach down that low.
因为你当时位置实在太低了 我弯不下腰
You had to climb.
你得自己往上爬一些
Thank you?
谢谢你咯
If this isn't about the itch sitch, I can't talk.
如果这不是关于痒痒的事 我现在不能打电♥话♥
Well I have two more cases: Parker and Simone!
我这边又多了两例患者 帕克和西蒙
So it's a larger population in the affected hot zone
所以说感染区扩大了
than we thought. No, that's the thing!
比我们想象的大 不应该吧
They're not moms at Hazel's school.
她们根本不是黑兹尔学校的妈妈
They're at Nightingale and Sacred Heart.
她们是另一个区的
Ah! A new locus of infection!
新的感染地区
I smell an epidemic.
大感染啊
Where are Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo
就像电影 极度恐慌 那样的瘟疫
in full-on hazmat suits?
作为电影主角
We need to find that monkey.
我们得找到那只病源猴子
Slow down.
慢着
First I need to make an accurate diagnosis,
我需要先做一个准确的诊断
and since I can't examine these women,
但我不能给那些女人做检查
I need you to collect more data.
你得帮我收集一些数据
Okay, I'll just zip over to Duane Reade
好 我这就去药店
and pick up a speculum.
买♥♥一个窥镜
Is the discharge white and chunky?
分泌物是又白又多块的吗
Or colorless and frothy?
还是又透明又薄的
Chunder mid-esophagus and rising.
让人特别想呕吐的
I need to determine if the infection is yeast or bacterial.
我需要确定是酵母菌感染还是细菌感染
I'm hanging up.
我要挂电♥话♥了
At least tell me if it smells like
至少告诉我在你路过她们的时候
a clam chowder bread bowl when you walk by!
有没有蛤蜊浓汤面包的味道
Ew. Bye!
呕 拜拜
Welcome, recruit von Weber.
欢迎 新兵冯 韦伯
Wait, hold on.
等等
Let's take a selfie.
咱们自♥拍♥一张
You ready? Mmmhmm.
你准备好了吗 嗯哼
Over the course of the next two days,
在接下来的两天课程里
we will test your abilities in engineering,
我们会测试你的工程能力
navigation,
航行能力