怪妈闯荡记（2015）

You're home right now?
你现在在家啊
Don't go anywhere.
哪儿也别去
Who buys books anymore? That's my con...
现在还有谁买♥♥纸介书呢 我有点担心
Devon! Hi.
戴文 嗨
Jill, hi, what-what are you doing here?
吉尔 嗨 你 你在这儿干什么
Um, realizing or crushing my dreams, not sure yet.
实现或者粉碎我的梦想 是哪个还不确定
Do you work here now?
你现在在这儿工作吗
Not exactly. Okay, well good to see you.
不是的 好的 见到你很高兴
Yeah, you too!
我也是
Brooke! Brooke!
布鲁克 布鲁克
Dan, Doyle.
丹 多伊尔
So, how are we pacing?
我们进展如何
This has honestly been the least stressful
真的是压力最小
quiet period we've had.
最容易的时期
The SEC said your books were cleaner...
证券交易委员会表示
Than a street corner in Singapore.
你的账簿比新加坡的街角更干净
Are you ready to pick your stock ticker?
准备好挑选股票名字了吗
Are you kidding?
你在开玩笑吗
This is the happy place I go to
当我被迫和孩子们在一起的时候
when I'm forced to be with the children.
我就想去看股票行情
I want V-O-N.
我要VON这个名字
Taken. Velocity Omega National.
被占用了 欧米茄公♥司♥
BVON? Bank of Vanuatu.
BVON呢 瓦努阿图银行
VONW? Venezuelan Oil Now.
VONW呢 委内瑞拉石油
Well what do you suggest?
那你的建议是什么
W-e-b-r.
W-e-b-r
I was really hoping to get the Von in there.
我真的希望用上Von
How about V-O-N-Z?
V-O-N-Z怎么样
It's like the Fonz but with a V.
看起来像Fonz（演员） 但其实是V开头
VONZ. Yeah, I like it.
VONZ 不错 我喜欢
Let's do this!
就这么决定了
Don't make waves for five more days
再有五天 别闹什么事出来
and the next time we see you...
下次我们见你的时候
You'll be ringing the opening bell
你就该在纽约证券交易所
of the New York Stock Exchange.
敲钟了
To VONZ!
敬VONZ
Nooners are so underrated.
午间来一发太被低估了
No one's tired and it's supposed to end quickly.
不会很累 结束得也快
Yeah, this feels good.
是啊 感觉不错
Lex has come to his senses,
莱克斯头脑清醒了
the kids are mostly okay,
孩子们大体都还不错
you and I are back on track.
你和我也回到正轨
Watch, now something terrible is going happen.
看着吧 马上有些坏事要发生了
Why do you always do that?
你为什么老那样啊
What? Poop on your rainbow?
啥 毁了你的彩虹美梦吗
Why is it so hard for you when things are going well?
为什么事情顺利的时候你就很难接受
History has shown that the Jews are always
历史告诉我们
two rugelach away from persecution.
犹太人很快就会受到迫♥害♥
Regardless, thank you
不管怎样
for the very unexpected encounter.
要为这不期而遇的一发谢谢你
Oh! That reminds me.
噢 这倒提醒我了
I forgot to text Brooke I ran into her old assistant,
我忘记给布鲁克发短♥信♥了 我在出版社那里遇到了
Devon, at the publisher's.
她之前的助手 戴文
Oh shit!
啊 糟了
Six missed calls from Hazel's school.
六个未接来电 是黑兹尔的学校
Did they call you? No.
他们给你打了吗 没有
I turned off my ringer for the meeting
我开会之前关掉了铃♥声♥
and I forgot to turn it back on.
但忘记设置回来了
Relax honey. They probably just
放松 亲爱的 他们大概只是想
want you to stuff envelopes for the benefit.
让你帮忙塞信封
Hi, this is Jill Weber, Hazel's mom.
嗨 我是吉尔 韦伯 黑兹尔的妈妈
Do you need me to come get her?
需要我来接她吗
She did? No, no, my mother's in Palm Springs.
我妈去了吗 不 不可能 我妈在棕榈泉
My mother-in-law.
是我婆婆
Well, why didn't you call my husband?
好吧 但你们为什么没有打给我丈夫
Oh I see, okay. Thank you.
我明白了 好 谢谢
Is she okay?
她还好吗
Hazel just got her period.
黑兹尔来月经了
Hazel, honey. How are you feeling?
黑兹尔 亲爱的 你感觉怎么样
I am so sorry that I wasn't there.
我很抱歉我没在场
It's no big deal, Mom.
没什么大不了的 妈妈
Nemo didn't have a mother and he did just fine.
尼莫没有妈妈 它也过得还不错
We bought her a new ensemble and went for bellinis.
我给她买♥♥了一身新衣服 带她去喝了东西
Thank you for being there, Mother.
谢谢你帮忙 妈妈
We'll see you at the party?
我们聚会上见
Yes. And, Jill, I know I've made what's perceived
好的 还有 吉尔 我知道
to be mistakes in the past
以前没经过允许做的一些事
by not asking permission, so might I add
后来发现是做错了
a few adornments to tonight's dinner?
我能帮你们装饰一下今天的晚餐吗
Well...
这个嘛
I was recently sequestered for 41 days.
我已经被隔离了四十一天了
That's one day longer than Jesus lasted, Jill.
比耶稣还多撑一天呢 吉尔
Humor me?
就依了我吧
That would be lovely, Candace,
那真是太好了 坎迪斯
and thank you for asking.
谢谢你提出来
I'm going to make it extra festive
我会为我们的小妇人
for our little woman here.
准备得更喜庆一些
Thank you, Candace. Love you.
谢谢你 坎迪斯 爱你
See you tonight!
晚上见
Come on, sweetheart.
过来吧 甜心
Brooke von Weber.
我是布鲁克 冯 韦伯
Yeah, I'm a producer from the Wendy Williams Show?
我是温迪 威廉姆斯秀的制♥作♥人
Is it true your company...
你公♥司♥是不是真的
Sorry, but I'm not at liberty to say at this time.
对不起 我现在不能随意回答这个问题
Ma'am, I'm trying to give you
女士 我这是打算给你
an opportunity to tell your side...
一个表述立场的机会
Sir, I appreciate your interest in Von Weber,
先生 我很感激你对冯韦伯公♥司♥感兴趣
but my official comment is, "No comment."
但我的官方回复是 无可奉告
Ugh, the press is clamoring for my story.
媒体现在正抢着报道我的故事
I can't wait until I can officially give them one.
我等不及去给他们做官方发表了
Scaly, pustulant skin lesions
鳞状 起脓的皮肤伤口
isn't the worst Torah portion.
还不是犹太教经♥文♥中最糟的部分
Can we not.
我们可以不谈这个吗
It could have been sodomy.
或许是鸡♥奸♥
Jill!
吉尔
What is wrong with you?!
你有病吧
Fml.
卧♥槽♥
Why don't you go pick up the twins and go home.
不如你去接双胞胎然后回家吧
I'll deal with Maleficent.
我来处理黑魔女
Good luck.
祝你好运
I got mine when I was thirteen.
我十三岁的时候来的月事
Pop pop and I were going out
那次外公和我一起出去
for a daddy daughter date.
过一个爸爸女儿的约会之夜
I got all decked out in my Naf naf skirt and neon socks
我盛装打扮 穿着我的纳芙纳芙裙子和荧光色袜子
and as many black rubber bracelets
还戴了满手的黑色橡皮手环
I could get my hands on.
直到戴不上了为止
We went for Peking Duck
我们先去吃了北♥京♥烤鸭
and then he took me to Forbidden Broadway.
然后他带我去看禁忌百老汇
And then halfway through the Fiddler on the Roof spoof,
屋顶上的提琴手（舞台剧）演到一半的时候
I felt Niagara Falls in my undies.
我感到下面就像尼亚加拉大瀑布一样倾泻
During intermission I went to the bathroom.
中场的时候我冲进洗手间
And my Calvins looked like Butcher Lazar Wolf's apron.
发现我的CK内♥裤♥就像是屠夫的围裙一样血腥
I knew what it was but I didn't know what to do!
我知道那是什么 但我不知道该怎么办
So I put a quarter in the machine
所以我往机器里投了币
and I got a pad the size of California.
买♥♥了一个有加州版图那么大的卫生巾
And we went back for Act 2.
然后我们继续看了第二幕
And then afterwards, we were walking
演出后 我们在路上走着
down the street on a theater high
沉浸在看剧过后的兴奋之中
and all of the sudden, my pad falls out
突然 我的卫生巾掉了下来
sunny side up on 60th and Third.
正面朝上掉在第六十街和第三大道交叉口