怪妈闯荡记（2015）

From this humble airfield,
这座简陋的机场
a journey of epic proportions.
即将开启一段百年难遇的旅程
These brave explorers will make their way
明天 这些勇敢的探险家们将前往
to Cape Canaveral
卡纳维拉尔角(美国火箭发射基地之一)
for tomorrow's historic launch of the
并代表人类首次飞往火星
first ever manned mission to Mars.
这将会是个历史性时刻
These pioneers of space known as
这些太空先驱者们被称为 火星九勇士
"The Mars 9" Must today say goodbye
他们今天将向他们的挚爱之人告别
to their loved ones and tomorrow to this
因为明天 他们将踏上征程
spinning blue marble we call Earth.
告别地球
Whenever you look at the moon,
请记得 虽然相隔万里
just know that I'm looking at the same moon.
但我们共赏一轮明月
Are you?
你确定吗
I think Earth and Mars have different moons, Baby.
地球和火星的卫星好像不是同一个
What about the sun?
那太阳呢
Same sun.
太阳是同一个
Then sun. Yeah.
那就共赏一轮太阳 好吧
These intrepid men and women will depart
这些勇敢的同志们将要离开了
not knowing when, or even if, they will return.
他们不知道什么时候能回来 甚至是否能回来
Mrs. Von Webber, over here.
韦伯太太 看这里
You look stunning.
你看起来好极了
Well, said goodbye to Lex.
和莱克斯说再见了
I can't believe he's really leaving.
真不敢相信他真的离开了
I'm sorry, Honey.
我很抱歉 亲爱的
Could you use some cheering up?
需要做点令你高兴的事吗
Yeah. I know just the thing.
对 我知道做什么
Great minds think alike.
英雄所见略同嘛
Quality time with the people I love.
与我爱的人们共度美好时光
Or person. We could really use some reconnecting.
或者就和其中一个 我们该再亲近亲近了
Exactly.
对啊
That's why I signed us all up for the sleepover
所以我报了一个全家团
at The Brewton Museum of Natural History.
到布鲁顿自然历史博物馆露营过夜
Wait, what?
等等 你说啥
The whole family. No.
全家所有人 不不
I mean, I love The Brewton Museum but sleeping
我是挺喜欢布鲁顿博物馆的
there with 1000 other parents and their kids?
但是让我跟一千多个其他的家长和孩子一起过夜
I won't survive!
天哪 我会死的
You'll be visiting me in the Hall of Extinction.
你将在灭绝物种展馆看到我
Isn't it a New York rite of passage?
这不是每个纽约人都要经历的事么
It's a nightmare.
这是场噩梦
And, between work and his Dad's Committee,
安迪不是忙工作 就是去父亲委员会
Andy and I haven't had sex in weeks.
我们已经好几周没有爱爱了
The other day I caught myself winking at a zucchini.
几天前我就发现自己在向黄瓜抛媚眼儿
At least you're not Brooke,
最起码你不是布鲁克
she's not getting any for light-years.
她起码要饥渴几光年
Am I the only one who thinks Lex going to
难道我是唯一一个觉得
Mars is just a little bit crazy?
莱克斯去火星这事儿有点疯狂吗
It's insane. Mars?!
去火星 真是疯了
It takes eight months just to get there
仅仅是去程就得八个月
and once you do it's a life sentence
旅途就像囚牢一样
of smelling other people's farts.
到处是别人的屁味
Oh my God, I never thought of that.
我的天啊 我没想到这点
Yeah, you can't just crack a window!
对啊 也不能开个窗透气
I'd rather live in the upside-down with a Demogorgon.
我宁愿跟一个大魔王过得乱七八糟的
Hm?
什么
"Stranger Things." Binge pronto.
剧集怪奇物语的梗
I'll watch it tonight.
我今晚要看看
You're not working?
你不上班吗
Nope, my schedule got shifted around.
不 我的上班时间改了
No more Fridays.
不再是周五啦
Okay, in that case,
好的 既然这样
Forget Winona Ryder talking to Christmas light.
忘记薇诺 娜莱德（美国演员）和圣诞灯
I all caps begging you come tonight,
求求你今晚过来陪我
please! Yeah. Pass.
求你了 不行
It'll be fun if you come! It will be like camping.
你来了多有意思啊 就像露营一样
Minus the campfires, and s'mores, nature,
没有篝火 没大自然
shooting stars.
也没有流星看
Okay, I didn't wanna have to do this,
好吧 我本来不想这样的
but desperate times... you owe me.
但现在没办法 你别忘了 这是你欠我的
For what?!
哪欠你的
For getting you laid, like monster laid,
那个劲爆的激♥情♥之夜
with that hot rocker dude in L.A.
在洛杉矶 跟性感摇滚哥儿的那次
Damn it, that was an epic lay.
是的 确实是很劲爆
This is already the longest night of my life.
这一定是我生命中最长最难熬的一夜
Don't worry, I packed us an array
别担心 我打包了一堆东西
of essentials to get us through.
好让我们愉快地渡过
You did?!
真的吗
Yeah, camping sucks if you don't bring all
当然 如果你不带上让你像在家一样舒服的东西
the comforts of home.
那野营就不好玩了
I've got wine and booze
我带了各种酒
wasn't sure what we'd be in the mood for.
不同心情 有不同的挑选
Sandwiches from Katz's Deli,
卡茨熟食店的三明治
and some edibles I got from a neighbor.
还有些从邻居那儿拿来的食物
No drugs or alcohol. No outside food.
禁止药品和酒精 禁止外来食物
No smart phones or tablets.
禁止带智能手♥机♥或平板
Please have your bags open and ready for inspection.
请把你的包打开 并准备好检查
You'll need to surrender your phone, ma'am.
你需要交出你的手♥机♥ 夫人
Just one last text.
最后一个短♥信♥
You're the wife of one of the Mars 9, right?
你是火星九勇士其中一个的妻子 对吗
The famous one, from the paper?
最出名那个 报纸报道那个
Yes, I'm Br...
是的 我是布
Mrs. Lex von Weber!
莱克斯 冯 韦伯 太太
If you don't mind me asking, how are you holding up?
如果你不介意 我想问一下 你还好吗
Never better!
好的不能再好了
Other people sacrifice their lives for our country.
有的人为了我们的国家 牺牲了自己的生命
The least I can do is sacrifice my husband.
我能做的 至少是牺牲我的丈夫
It's not enough to get us hammered
这些酒肯定不够喝醉
but it'll at least take the edge off so
但至少能缓解不爽
we don't beat ourselves to death with a dinosaur bone.
以免我们用恐龙骨头把自己敲死
Next.
下一位
Quick, he's not looking. Put them in your pockets.
快点 他没在看 放进你口袋
I don't have pockets!
我没有口袋
Mine aren't big enough.
我的口袋不够大
Andy, you have to hide these
安迪 你必须把这些藏起来
Shove them up your butthole, whatever it takes.
不管什么代价 比如捅进你的菊花
What? No! I can't break the rules!
什么 不行 我不能破坏规定
Honey, I tried to sneak apple slices into a movie
亲爱的 我上次试图把切块苹果顺进电影院
theater and the usher kept glaring at me like he knew.
那个引座员使劲瞪我 就好像他知道了一样
I had to leave Passion of the Christ halfway through.
电影耶稣受难记才放一半 我就走了
Spoiler, he dies.
剧透 他死了
Do it!
动手啊
Next!?
下一位
Bet you get a lot of people trying to smuggle stuff in, huh?
我赌你这儿有一大堆人想要偷带东西进去 是吧
Rules are rules! Why don't people get that?!
规则就是规则 怎么人们就是不明白呢
Sir, what's that in your pockets?
先生 你口袋里的是什么
Every year there's a trouble maker.
每年都有一个搞事的
I've got my eyes on you.
我会盯着你的
Dad...
爸
Quick, kids.
快点 孩子们
Now we know what a one percenters'
现在我们知道富人阶级的难民营
refugee camp would look like.
是什么样了
I'll drop the twins off for story hour.
我先把双胞胎送去听故事
Then Hazel, we'll start the scavenger hunt.
然后 黑兹尔 我们去参加寻宝游戏
Mom...
妈妈
Babe, why don't you run the twins over then come back.
宝贝 不如你先去送双胞胎 然后自己回来
We haven't hung out since we got his and her flu shots.
自从陪他俩打流感疫苗之后 我们都没怎么待在一起了
Plus, I think the scavenger hunt
另外 我觉得寻宝游戏
is for the kids to do with each other.
是给孩子们自己玩的
It's for everyone!
谁都可以参加啊
Let's head over, kiddo!
走吧 年轻人