怪妈闯荡记（2015）

I'm so Jill-ous of you, Hazel. I miss getting all dressed up
我真是羡慕死你了 黑兹儿 真是想念打扮得美美哒
and wondering which boy I was gonna dance with.
然后猜猜我要和哪个小帅哥跳舞
Why don't you and Dad ever go dancing?
那你为什么和爸爸从不跳舞
I love Daddy, but he dances like
我虽然很爱你♥爸♥ 但他跳起舞来
a toddler hailing a cab.
就像走不稳的小屁孩一样
Okay, what about this one?
那 这件怎么样
Ugh, I'd rather barf shards of glass.
土得掉渣 好吗
Okay. This one is sweet.
好吧 这件多甜美啊
Just like you.
就像你一样
Hate.
不喜欢
You gotta work with me.
你得配合我啊
You hate full skirts, you hate sleeves-
长裙你不喜欢 泡泡袖的你也不喜欢
I like this.
我喜欢这个
Holy whorehouse! Are you insane?!
妓院才穿的 你疯了吗
Mom!
妈
I'm sorry, what I meant to say was,
对不起 我想说的是
you're going to a Doubles Dance,
你去的可是舞会
not waiting for Liam Neeson to rescue you
而不是等连姆 尼森（电影飓风营救）
from Chechnyan sex slavery.
把你车♥臣♥性♥奴♥役中救出来
How about this one?
那这个呢
You don't have the rack to hold that up!
你那小平胸是称不起来的
All right you're trying these on. End of discussion.
得了 就试这些 没得商量
These are so flowy and disgusting.
花里胡哨的 恶心死了
The tighter the dress, the looser the vagina.
衣裙越长 处子之身更长久
Mom!
妈
This is such a fun age.
这么大的孩子真是可爱呢
It says here the radiation in space could affect
网上说 太空里的辐射
brain function and increase your risk
会影响大脑正常功能 还会增加老年痴呆
of Alzheimer's and cancer.
还有癌症的患病机率
Lex, this is serious.
莱克斯 这事很严肃
And I'm serious about it.
我对这事也很严肃
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
Perfecting my balance and spacial awareness.
完善平衡能力 提高太空警惕
All the astronauts are doing it.
宇航员都这么训练的
But they're not all doing it in my living room.
但他们并没在我家客厅里训啊
I'll put it away.
我到别的地儿训练
This one's for muscular strength and coordination.
这样是为了肌肉和协调训练
"I hereby acknowledge that recruitment in MarsX"
我自愿参加火星X的招募项目
involves risk of serious injury, including permanent
本人明确该项目包含严重受伤的风险
"Disability and death."
包括永久性的残疾和死亡
Lex, you're basically signing your life away.
莱克斯 你这可是在签生死状啊
Didn't I already agree to that when I signed up for
当我注册脸书的时候
Facebook's terms and conditions?
不就已经同意这些条款了吗
Are you sure you want to do this?
你真的想这么做吗
You have a wife and four kids; it's kind of selfish.
你有老婆和四个孩子 这样做有点自私
Not signing up earlier was more selfish.
没早点报名去火星 才是自私
Andy, here on Earth I have everything:
安迪 我在地球 我衣食无忧
a smokin' hot wife,
辣得冒烟的老婆
a rainbow collection of pocket squares,
五颜六色的装饰方巾
A LEGO replica of the Burj Khalifa.
拜迪塔的乐高模型
I don't have any of those things on Mars...
在火星上 我还一无所有啊
yet. But give me a couple of years.
但是 给我几年准备
Oh, okay sorry.
不好意思啊
Jill's gonna love that. I don't get it.
吉尔又可以吐槽了 我不明白
They're sending a rocket into outer space
把火箭发射到外太空
and shitting people out on Mars.
把宇航员扔到火星
To do what?
为的是啥啊
Make it habitable.
变成人类另一个栖息地
Stephen Hawking doesn't think we're gonna survive
霍金觉得我们这脆弱的地球
another thousand years on our fragile planet.
无法再让我们生存一千年了
Trump in office that's probably closer to 300.
当然了 川普上任后可能三百年地球就灭亡了
Maybe that's his plan all along:
或许川普就是这么想的呢
ruin this place so we all have to move to Trump Tower Mars.
搞臭地球 然后在火星建立川普的大本营
Well the decor would be out of this world.
可以太空漫步也不错
Keep up the dad humor and I'll be the next one applying
继续你这老爸式幽默
for a seat on that rocket.
我一会就订去火星的票
And with Hazel's schizo behavior I'm actually tempted.
黑兹儿那熊孩子青春叛逆的样子 我真的想去火星
Babe, do you think I made a mistake
亲爱的 你觉得我在家当全职太太
staying home all those years?
是个错误吗
I walked away from my career so I could raise good kids
我辞了我的工作 为的是好好养孩子
but if they're all going to be monsters, what was the point?
但如果都养了些白眼狼 那意义何在啊
Dottie's not awful. Just dim.
点点又不赖 好一丢丢吧
I'm sorry, am I boring you
对不起
recounting my sacrifices to raise your spawn?
为了养你的小蝌蚪们抱怨太多 烦到你了
No, honey, I just have a really big day tomorrow.
不是啊 亲爱的 只是明天很重要
Oh right, your Dad's Committee Night Out.
是啊 父亲委员会狂欢夜
Well, you've gotta be fresh for Zombie Laser Tag.
你可得做好准备啊 玩僵尸大战激光枪
Hey, Andy. Just checking to see
嗨 安迪 只是来看看
how that analysis is coming.
你的数据分♥析♥做的怎么样了
Pretty good. I should have it to you in time for Wednesday.
挺不错的 我星期三应该就能交给你了
About that, the presentation got moved up.
这个嘛 会议挪日期了
Oh great. Up to when?
太好了 挪到什么时候了
Tomorrow. That's down.
明天 这是往前推啊
No. You're thinking about pushed back.
是啊 你想的是往后推吗
You mean pushed up? Or moved down?
你是说提前 还是推迟啊
Neither way, it's tomorrow.
反正就是明天
I'll do my best, but this is a lot to go through.
我会尽力的 但要看的太多了
Daryl got his done in ten hours,
达瑞尔十个小时内完成了他的那份
so your best should be at most that.
所以你得比那快
Hey, Daryl, sorry to interrupt.
达瑞尔 不好意思打扰一下
No worries. What can I do for ya?
没事 有啥需要帮忙的吗
I'm trying to get through the Machlis analysis
我想尽快完成马克立斯数据分♥析♥
but it's slow going. You want me to take a look?
但进程挺慢的 需要我帮忙吗
Actually, I'm such a pen and paper guy,
其实吧 我挺老古董的 一页一页看
is there some kind of new app or efficiency software-
有没有什么新的软件 或者高效办公软件
Yeah, it's called Riterall.
有的 叫里特奥
Can you send me a link?
发给我个链接
Sure, it's just stimulants now dot com slash
没问题 兴♥奋♥剂♥.com
how hard do you want to focus?
你想要多集中精神
Oh, what does that do?
这是干嘛用的
It makes you you, but better.
焕发自我 更上一层楼
Oh jeez.
天呐
Um, no. I appreciate it,
不 谢谢你
but I think I'm gonna stick to the old fashioned way.
但我还是用老办法吧
Let me know if you change your mind.
改变主意了 找我哦
Ladies. Hi.
美女们 嗨
Hi. Thank you so much for coming!
嗨 你们能来真是太感谢了
I really needed you
我真的很需要你们
since we're in the final phase of dogfooding.
产品到了最终阶段的内部测试（doogfooding 有狗和粮食的意思）
Are we the dogs or the food in this gerund?
那我们在这阶段里是狗呢 还是粮呢
That's Silicon Valley speak for testing the products
那是硅谷在发布产品前
on ourselves before the semi-hard launch.
先在内部人员上测试的行话
Slap a collar on me and scoop my poop,
给我戴个项圈 然后当我的铲屎官
I'll be a dog for a day.
我就是你的汪星人了
Me too. I've always been jealous of those rabbits
我也是 我一直都特嫉妒那些
that get to try face creams first.
第一批体验面霜的那些实验兔子
for my besties from another testes.
安排好了其他测试用的面霜
You're doing the Heaven and Hades for skin and metabolism.
你们去做天上人间套餐 帮助皮肤新陈代谢
The electro-shockingly smooth cellulite treatment
电击丝滑溶脂疗法
and I'm deciding between the Fired Up Facial or the Vampire.
我在想是烫脸还是吸血鬼
Fired up?
烫脸
We set your face on fire to draw out impurities
用火烤你的脸 把杂质烤出来
and reveal a layer of virgin cells.
然后焕发一层新细胞
I'm gonna go Vampire.
那我做吸血鬼
Amazecocks.
真棒宝贝
Saskia, let's start
沙卡亚 来先喝一杯
with a shot of corfo.
科弗吧
It tastes like fish tank.
尝起来就像鱼缸里的水
It is so good for you all right?
明明是大补 好吗
It's the closest thing to drinking human blood.
这是和人血最接近的东西了