怪妈闯荡记（2015）

Turn that racket down! I'm trying to work.
别闹了 老娘我要工作的啊
It sounds like there's a DJ spinning it in here.
这就跟个打碟的在屋里一样
It's not that loud, Jill.
吉尔 还没那么大声啊
Mom, do you even
妈妈 你知道吗
understand how cool it is that my last name
把我的姓写在流行歌♥曲里面
is in a rap song?
有多牛逼吗
Aunt Brooke's bags are in a rap song
是你小姨布鲁克的包包品牌在歌♥里面
and you are a Weber not a Von.
还有你姓韦伯 不姓冯（贵族姓）
Not yet.
那也快了
Bye! Ha!
拜拜了您
You know why grandparents and grand kids
想知道为什么奶奶辈和孙子辈的
get along so well?
玩得这么好吗
Why? Because we have a common enemy.
为什么呢 因为我们有共同的敌人啊
She leaves out her erotica.
她的小黄书到处乱扔
I find a trail of stray ostrich feathers
我在她的睡衣上
from her negliges.
发现一串鸵鸟毛
There are pills everywhere.
把药片扔到哪都是
It's like a prescription Lucky Charms spill:
那药多得就像打翻了一袋彩虹糖似的
Yellow moons,
黄色的
green clovers, blue rhomboids.
绿色的 蓝色的
Are you surprised?
这有什么好奇怪的
Her monogram is one letter off from CVS.
她的名字读起来就像药店名字一样
She literally does not leave my house.
她基本上就没出过我家家门
She's found a way to fulfill all her needs
她成功地找到 不离开我家沙发
without leaving my couch.
而又啥都不缺的方法
I aspire to that.
人家好羡慕啊
The only thing I'm living for is
我活下去的动力就是
the two hours of quiet when she schleps
她跑到一个真人秀节目组和欧尼斯特
to Hell's Kitchen for her private tango lesson with Ernesto.
学跳探戈舞的安静的两小时
And tonight's dinner with Ollie!
今晚和奥利一起的晚餐呢
I'm thinking fondue.
我好想吃芝士火锅
Yes! I'll drown my sorrows in Gruyere.
对 我要将我的悲痛 化作吃芝士的动力
His longevity spa is really taking off.
他的延缓衰老的按♥摩♥开始见效了
You mean Uth?
你是说 活力四色
You know it's pronounced "Youth".
明明是活力四射好吗
But it's spelled U-T-H.
但就是色啊
Even with the umlaut it's "Uth" To me.
虽然说平翘舌 但我觉得就是色
More like, "Uch".
就像这样
I want to be supportive, but I refuse to believe
我也想支持他 但我真不愿意相信
that electroshock to my cellulite
电疗我屁屁上的肥肉
will give me the thass of a 25 year old.
就能让它像25岁小姑娘的那么紧致
I don't know.
我也说不准
I've read his chromo-so-much-better
我知道他的色温面膜
facial does wonders.
确实很牛逼
You know that's fancy for baby dick-tops?
你知道吗 那可是婴儿的包皮呢
What?!
啥
Yeah, Ollie pays hospitals for infant circumcision flaps.
对啊 奥利从医院买♥♥婴儿的包皮皮瓣
Then he sends them to a lab in Long Island City
然后再送到长岛市的实验室
that extracts the proteins
提取其中的蛋白质
and makes them into a serum.
然后制成乳液
If dabbing foreskin on your face is so effective,
如果说把包皮敷在脸上这么有效的话
then why didn't you have
那你大学的时候
a better complexion in college?
肤色怎么没那么好？
Oh! Someone's feisty today!
哎呦 老司机今天狂飙车吖
Speaking of complexion.
说到保养皮肤
What's going on?
怎么了
You never wear lipstick during the day.
你白天从来不涂口红的
And, no offense, but you look really nice.
我没恶意 但你看起来真的好看
You're gonna judge. Of course I am.
你肯定会说我 当然了
Graham and I have gotten a bit rote
格雷厄姆和我老视频
in our FaceTimes, so we decided
都有点尴尬了 所以我们决定
to spice it up and have a date
为生活增添点情趣
in a nice restaurant.
去家高档餐厅约个会
So wait, you're in the restaurant
等等 你是指 你在餐厅
and he's Ed Snowden on an iPad?
他在Ipad那边吗
I knew I shouldn't have told you.
我就知道 我不该告诉你
No, it's a Modern Love column in the making.
这简直就像写一个爱情专栏的小故事
Not a good one, but it'll get printed.
故事不咋地 但还是会刊登出来的
Since Dot the Rapper's "Mad Cheddar"
疯狂芝士 这首嘻哈歌♥
was the official song of summer,
是这个夏季的主题曲了
it's time to get to work.
那就赶紧开始干活吧
I'm so ready for fall.
人家已经迫不及待等秋天了
I had such bad swimmer's ear.
人家游泳都游出耳疾了
I had tennis elbow!
我打网球肘部都发炎了
I had spinner's labia.
我下♥阴♥发炎
It's an old college injury.
那是早年大学时候受的伤了
Huh, first bit of business...
额 来谈正事吧
Wait, are we all gonna wait on Stephanie or...
等等 我们要等斯蒂芬妮还是
In light of their financial situation,
鉴于他们的经济状况
her husband moved the family
她老公举家迁移
to a kibbutz in Israel.
到以色列的农场了
I'm pretty sure they're in a five bedroom
我记得他们是搬去了斯卡斯代尔区（以色列人居多）的大房♥子
in Scarsdale. Same thing.
那就是我说的农场
And, and who's this?
那 这位是谁啊
This is Parker Winchester.
她是帕克 温切斯特
She just moved into the Krevitt's
她刚刚搬到克莱维特在
old townhouse on Fifth.
第五大街上的别♥墅♥
Well, I don't usually buy discount,
虽然我不怎么买♥♥打折货
but this was the only place on the market
但这是市面上唯一一个
with a full-size ballroom.
有着大舞厅的房♥子
Well, I'm... Pleased to make your acquaintance.
嗯 我是 很高兴见到你
Anyway, in this continuing compromised
好了 在这持续的金融危机大潮中
financial climate, indiscreet indulgence seems tone deaf.
已经不流行草率的消费了
Von Weber needs to become synonymous
冯 韦伯 要打造成
with something other than consumption.
和消费无关的品牌
So, what is the opposite of "Getting"?
那么 获得 的对立面是什么呢
Wanting.
需求
Giving. It's the currency of the South.
给予 这可是南部的潮流
Well, that and passive aggression.
额 还有被动型好斗
Giving.
给予
Brooke, excuse me.
布鲁克 不好意思
Brooke, which one?
布鲁克 选哪个
Orange says criminal and I do not want you going to Club Fed.
橙色像罪犯 我不想你跟着大家一起进局子
Why? You're the hottest guest
为什么 你可是市里
in town afterward.
最性感火♥辣♥的嘉宾呢
Cindy Adams' husband says,
辛迪 亚当的老公说
"If you're indicted, you're invited."
如果你被起诉了 欢迎参加这个大派对
Can you please give us the room?
能让我们单独谈谈吗
Come here.
过来
I haven't dreaded a meeting
我从没为一个会议这么紧张过
this much since the Dartmouth Disciplinary
除了大学那次纪律委员会的
Committee hearing.
听证会
And look how that turned out.
那次结果不是很满意吗
My family had to gift the campus a beach club,
我们家不得不给学校捐了个海滩俱乐部
complete with lazy river, so I didn't get expelled.
还有游泳池 我才没被开除
Oh. Well, don't you worry.
别担心哦
You are Lex Von Weber
你可是莱克斯 冯 韦伯啊
and no matter what happens today
不管现在发生啥
they can't take that away from you.
你还是你自己
Thanks, Brooke.
谢谢你 布鲁克
Go get 'em!
碾压他们
Would you like a drink or
您要点喝的
would you like to wait for your guest?
还是继续等你的客人呢
Oh, uh, he's here.
他就在这
Is this like a Sixth Sense kinda thing?
这难道是 第六感什么的吗
It's like a virtual date kinda thing.
这就像个虚拟约会那样的
Hard to split the check that way, but, okay.
但这样子没法AA啊 不过也没什么
I've got a few specials today.
我们今天有几个招牌菜
I've a ramp-stuffed chicken
香茅鸡肉
braised to perfection, very fork-tender.
炖熟的刚刚好 很筋道