夜色（2016）

Nightcap S01E10

Part 1 May 24, 2021, 8:55 a.m.

托德工具秀
温蒂·威廉姆斯秀
我是踩着点到的
I timed it perfectly.
我们几乎同时到
We arrived at the exact same time.
- 早上好潘妮 - 早上好
- Good morning, Penny. - Good morning.
我觉得今天会是美好的一天
I think it's gonna be a good day.
- 你今天容光焕发 - 哦
- You look radiant. - Oh.
我天温蒂威廉姆斯肯定会喜欢你的鞋子
Oh, my God, Wendy Williams is gonna love your shoes.
- 访谈是几点来着来着? - 我不知道
- What time is the interview? - I don't know.
电梯上楼的时候查一下
I have to look it up when we get upstairs.
好
Okay.
我开玩笑的是两点
I'm just kidding. It's at 2:00.
我的胃都搅在一起
Ah, my stomach's been in knots.
整个晚上都在放屁
I have been pooping all night.
我知道你不想让
So, um, I know that you didn't want
别人知道今天是你生日
anyone to know that it's your birthday.
潘妮不是的我是不想
Oh, Penny, please, I don't want
搞个什么办公室派对然后尴尬地切蛋糕
some big office party with awkward cake cutting,
我也不想让别人
and I can't stand the faces of everybody
因买♥♥不起贵的礼物送给我而尴尬
who can't afford to buy me an expensive gift.
呃...
Well...
我做了这个送给你
I made this for you.
哇
Ohh.
许个愿
Make a wish.
好哒
All right.
我要闭上眼睛吗?
Should I close my eyes?
- 闭上眼睛 - 好
- Close your eyes. - Okay.
这就是你许的愿?
Was that your wish?
我们在纽约城中心的9B演播室
From Studio 9B in the heart of New York City,
为您带来本期《吉米睡帽秀》
it's "Nightcap with Jimmy."
今晚我们请来了刚刚逮捕了一位性♥爱♥狂魔的
Tonight, fresh from arresting a sexual predator,
玛莉丝卡哈吉塔
Mariska Hargitay.
传奇般的导演乔舒马赫
Legendary director Joel Schumacher.
《托德工具秀》请来了萝西培瑞兹
Todd the Tool takes on Rosie Perez.
现在让我们有请收视率排名第五
And now, the man who's number five in the ratings
但在我们心中永远第一的
but number one in our hearts,
吉米!
here's Jimmy.
大家在学校董事会都会给谁投票啊?
Who's everybody voting for in the school board election?
我想在我那个区表现得活跃一点
I like to be active in my borough.
- "钻孔"? - "地洞"
- "Bore-ow"? - "Burrow."
- "古坟" - "博瑞夫"
- "Barrow." - "Burrough."
- "钻头" - 嗨大家好
- "Bur-rog." - Oh, hi, everyone.
站着别动
Got to stop you right there.
那双鞋简直没法脱下来
Those shoes, not even close to pulling them off.
马库斯并不是只有你
Okay, Marcus, you're not the only person
懂时尚
that gets to dabble in fashion.
- 和啪啪啪 - 当心点你这老司机
- And genders. - Watch it, ginger.
好了回到正题
Okay, anyway, uh,
重大节目重大节目
big show, big show
今天有《法律与秩序 : 特殊受害者》的玛莉丝卡哈吉塔
Mariska Hargitay from "SVU,"
我们还邀请了导演乔舒马赫
we have the director Joel Schumacher,
他执导过《圣艾尔摩之火》
"St. Elmo's Fire,"
还有身携四十英尺的大蟒蛇的蛇人小哥
Guy the Snake Guy with a 40-foot anaconda,
最后托德不知用了什么办法
and last, somehow Todd
让萝西培瑞兹同意参加《托德工具秀》
got Rosie Perez to do a "Todd the Tool" Sketch.
就这样!
So whoo!
我迫不及待想知道我扮演什么工具
I can't wait to see what tool I get to play.
我希望是锤子
I'm really hoping for a hammer.
最棒的是我们请到了玛莉丝卡对吧?
Pretty great that we landed Mariska, huh?
我们是《法律与秩序 : 特殊受害者》的超级粉丝不是嘛?
Big "SVU" Fan, are we?
当然谁不是呢?
Yeah. I mean, who isn't?
这要弄一整天她很棒
It's on all day. She's great.
这秀也很棒这是双赢啊
And the show's great. It's a win-win.
你觉得她很漂亮?
Do you think she's pretty?
- 是的她很漂亮 - 真的很漂亮?
- Yeah, she's pretty. - Really pretty?
对她真的很漂亮
Yes, she's really pretty.
你觉得自己是个跟踪狂吗?
Would you consider yourself a stalker?
什么?
What?
最近我意识到
Well, it has recently come to my attention
我应该保护
that I am supposed to be protecting
睡帽秀的嘉宾
the guests of this show
免受跟踪狂的困扰
from stalkers.
现在请你向我坦白
Now, I want you to be honest with me.
你是否打算对她进行身体上的攻击?
Do you plan on physically attacking her?
不会的菲尔我没有打算攻击玛莉丝卡
No, Phil, I'm not planning on attacking Mariska.
我会时刻盯着你的
I've got my eye on you.
据说呃吉米和玛莉丝卡谈过了
FYI, uh, Jimmy talked to Mariska,
他们打算在今晚的秀上给大家一个大大的惊喜
and they worked out a special surprise for tonight's show.
- 什么惊喜? - 我不知道
- Well, what is it? - Well, I don't know.
吉米没有告诉我
Jimmy didn't tell me.
真棒你知道嘛?
Great. You know what?
太棒了
Fantastic.
今天我有好多事情要做
I have so much to do today,
我很高兴吉米能帮我解决这个问题
I'm happy to have Jimmy take this off my plate.
朋友们今天真的是特别的一天
You guys, it's a really special day today.
- 潘妮! - 抱歉
- Penny! - Sorry.
今天跟平时一样特别没有非常特别的事
It's just normal special, nothing big special.
每天能和你们一起工作
It's just so great to get to work with you every day,
一起待在办公室
to share an office with you every day,
一起摸鱼一起学习真的很开心
to hang out with you all day, and learn every day.
你觉得她漂亮吗?
Do you think she's pretty?
真的很漂亮吗?
Really pretty?
当然
Obviously.
最近我意识到
It's recently come to my attention
我得处理下跟踪狂的事情了
that I am supposed to handle stalkers.
现在我坦诚地问你
Now I'm gonna ask you, honestly,
你是否打算对她进行身体上的攻击?
are you planning on physically attacking her?
朋友们
Hey, gang.
你们在说什么?
What are we talking about?
什么事托德?
What's up, Todd?
你现在正注视着一位导演
You're looking at a director.
我们在注视着一个工具
We're looking at a tool.
不是不是是导演
No, no, director.
吉米同意我导演
Jimmy's allowing me to direct
今天的《托德工具秀》
the "Todd the Tool" Sketch today.
我天托德这可是大事
Oh, my God, Todd, that's huge.
- 恭喜 - 谢谢
- Congrats. - Thank you.
你为什么要告诉我们?
Why are you telling us?
因为我们是朋友啊
'Cause we're friends.
- 我们是吗? - 是啊
- Are we? - Yeah.
除了吉米以外你们就是我最好的朋友了
Besides Jimmy, you guys are like my best friends.
啊
Aw.
- 我们也很喜欢你托德 - 谢谢
- We like you too, Todd. - Thank you.
我喜欢你服装上木质的点缀物
I love the wood detailing on your costume.
这不是真正的木头做的
It's not real wood.
它太软了
It's too soft.
玛莉丝卡
Oh, Mariska.
- 我是史黛西你好 - 你好史黛西
- Staci. Hi. - Hi, Staci.
很荣幸能邀请到你来参加这个秀
It's so great to have you on the show.
吉米刚刚打电♥话♥给我
I just got a call from Jimmy.
我想确认一下你真的愿意
Can I actually confirm that you're okay
在节目上被一条蛇活吞吗?
being eaten by a snake on the show?
你真的没问题吗?
Can I confirm this?
是的是的是的他昨晚打电♥话♥给我了
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He called me last night.
他详细地跟我说过了我非常乐意
He told me all about it. I'm totally game.
- 你昨天没喝醉吧? - 没有我没喝酒
- You weren't, uh, drinking? - No, don't drink.
- 好的真棒 - 我... 我很乐意
- Okay, great. - But, um, I'm... I'm game.
我很喜欢我不怕
I'm fun. I'm fearless.
今天或是其他任何时候我都不能
This day, of all days, I can't have
让嘉宾意外死亡
a celebrity die.
听着我敢肯定你们