妈妈叫我警长

最近怎么样 古德曼
So, uh... What's up, Goodman?
你什么意思 警长
Uh, what do you mean, Sheriff?
最近怎么样 最近过的好吗
What's up? What are we talking about?
有啥新鲜事吗
What's going on? What's the word?
这几天忙啥呢 兄弟
What's happening, my dude?
最近怎么样
What's up?
-呃... -怎么样
- Uh... - 'sup?
我不知道 没啥事吧
I don't know. Nothing.
就像现在这样坐在巡逻车里
Just sitting here in this cruiser.
好吧 我就是想找点话题聊聊
All right, just trying to make conversation.
想稍微多了解一下你而已
Just trying to get to know you a teeny bit better is all.
你这周末有安排吗
So... You do anything this weekend?
没有
Nope.
这里是调度处
Brr! Yo, yo, yo, yo! It's your boy dispatch.
有消息汇报给你
Got a little word for you.
我们接到报案代号♥567
We got a call about a 567.
收到 调度处
Copy that, dispatch.
好了 副警长 代号♥567
Okay, deputy, a 567
意思是有蒙面歹徒闯空门
is when a masked bandit breaks into a cabin
偷走了一个玉米棒子
and steals someone's corn on the cob.
你说话的语气怎么把我当小孩一样
Why are you talking to me like I'm a child?
因为我不是在对你说
'Cause I wasn't talking to you.
我是在对我的副警长阿比盖尔说
I was talking to my deputy, Abigail.
什么 我不就是你的副警长吗
What? But I'm your deputy.
不 你还不是
Not yet you're not.
副警长必须是能让警长
A deputy has to be someone
亲密无间信任的人
a sheriff trusts on an intimate level.
目前我和你的关系还不够近
And I don't have that with you yet.
这太愚蠢了
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
你听到了吗 阿比盖尔副警长
Did you hear that, Deputy Abigail?
古德曼认为信任是愚蠢的
Goodman thinks trust is ridiculous.
古德曼先生 不
Mr. Goodman, no!
够了 我要把你的玩偶放到储物箱里
That's it! I'm putting your doll in the glove box.
什么 不行 她不是玩偶 她是我的副警长
What? No? Hey, she's not a doll. She's a deputy.
调度处 报告案件代号♥376 罪犯是古德曼
Dispatch, I've got a code 376 with Goodman.
-重复 代号♥376 -放手 不
- Repeat, code 376! - Let go. No, no!
我们被困住了
We're stuck.
五分钟后
该死的安全带 还卡着
Darn seat belt. Still jammed.
我也是 这里还没有手♥机♥信♥号♥♥
Mine too, and there's no cellphone service.
调度处 请接入
Dispatch, come in.
-哟哟哟 这里是调度处 -我们有麻烦了
- Brr! Yo, yo, yo. Dispatch here. - We're in trouble.
古德曼让我出了车祸 现在我们被困住了
Goodman caused me to crash my cruiser, and now we're stuck.
我开玩笑的
Just kidding, playa!
我现在不在 请在哔声后留言
I'm not here right now, so leave a message after the beep!
太棒了
Oh, great.
我们似乎得在这困上一阵子了
Well, seems we could be stuck here a while,
既然如此 不如尽我们所能
so why don't we make the best of it
来深入一点了解对方 怎么样
and get to know each other a little bit, huh?
十五分钟后
拜托 古德曼 有什么关系嘛
Come on, Goodman. What's the big deal?
-不行 警长 -拜托
- No, Sheriff. - Come on.
不行 我就是不想告诉你
No, I just don't think I have to tell you
我是在嘘嘘前洗手还是嘘嘘后洗手
whether or not I wash my hands before or after going "Pee-pee."
那还能从哪方面了解你呢
Well, what else is there to know about ya?
你想了解什么
What do you want to know?
比如你喜欢带面包皮还是不带面包皮的三明治
Like, do you prefer sandwiches with or without crusts?
你相信外星人吗 你...
Do you believe in aliens? Do you...
警长 问这些有什么用
Sheriff, none of this matters.
我们能不能想办法怎么出去
Can we please focus on getting out of here?
好好好
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
这些该死的安全带
Ah! These darn seat belts!
古德曼 控制一下你自己
Goodman, get ahold of yourself.
干得好 古德曼
Great, Goodman.
你的喊叫似乎吸引了一些
Seems your little shout-burst attracted some
森林怪兽
bush monsters.
三十分钟后
原来不是什么蒙面歹徒偷走了玉米棒子
That wasn't a masked bandit stealing corn on the cob.
而是只浣熊
It was just a raccoon.
是哦 它们确实看起来
Oh, yeah, they do look like
像蒙起了面罩
they're wearing little bandit masks.
可爱
Cute.
你好 浣熊
Hello, raccoon.
调度处
Dispatch?
哟哟哟 这里是调度处
Brr! Yo, yo, yo. Dispatch here!
很好 你在啊
Great! You're there.
我们解决了劫匪案 但是...
We solved the bandit case, but...
我开玩笑的
Just kidding, playa!
我现在不在 请在哔声后留言
I'm not here right now, so leave a message after the beep!
靠 该死的安全带
Darn it! Stupid seat belt!
等一下
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second.
你刚才是说 "我们"
Did you say "We"?
除非我信任你作为我的副警长
'Cause you can't officially solve a case
-不然你并不能宣布结案 -什么
- until I trust you as my deputy. - What?
所以说我必须了解关于你的一切
Yeah, that means I got to know everything about you.
一切
Everything.
等等 这个浣熊为什么这样吃玉米
Wait. Why is the raccoon eating the corn like that?
这世上不能解释的事多了
Ah, just one of those things you can't explain.
比如外星人
You know, like aliens.
你相信外星人吗
You believe in aliens?
是啊 伙计
Oh, yeah, dude.
如果能见到或者摸摸它们
Wouldn't it be cool to see one or pet one
或者互相挠痒痒的话就太酷了
or have a tickle fight with one of those little stinkers?
-咯吱咯吱咯吱 -别 警长
- Tickle, tickle, tickle! - No, Sheriff.
咯吱咯吱咯吱
tickle, tickle, tickle!
不 警长 停下
No, Sheriff, stop!
你瞧 现在更了解我了吧
Ah, look at you, learning about me now.
-有感觉到关系更近了吗 -哼
- Don't you feel closer? - Eh.
还有许多可聊的呢
And there's so much more.
比如我为什么在那个之前洗手
Like how I'm a before, on account of
因为我不想让手上的细菌沾到丁丁上
I don't want to get hand germs on my wonker-doodle.
丁丁
Wonker-doodle?
你懂的 小鸡鸡 小♥弟♥弟♥
You know, my pee-pee, my jimmy-jingler.
想想看 你每天都要接触那些恶心的东西
Think about it. You touch gross stuff all day,
像是垃圾桶盖和蔬菜
like trash can lids and vegetables.
你不想这些细菌
You don't want those weird germs
碰到你的棒棒
rubbing off on your Mr. Snobble-wobbler.
-警长 我们能不能... -说到三明治
- Sheriff, can we please just... - And as far as sandwiches go,
我不喜欢带面包皮 这很关键
I'm a no-crust boy, and, yes, it matters.
喜欢吃面包皮的男的总是太严肃
You see, crust boys are usually cheap and uptight,
不喜欢吃面包皮的才奔放
whereas your no-crust boy likes to get a little wild.
比如他会在泳池里快走
Like, he'll do a fast walk at the pool
而不是奔跑
that's not quite running,
但很显然 他是在和救生员比速度
but clearly, he's pushing it with the lifeguard.
警长 闭嘴
Sheriff, please! Shut up!
我们玩一个比谁安静的游戏怎么样
How about we just play the quiet game?
好
Yeah.
行吧
Okay, fine.
你不觉得那个浣熊有点不对劲吗
You think there's something wrong with that raccoon?
一个小时后
别再吃薯片了
No, no more chips!
已经够了
Enough with the chips!
警长 我真的觉得那个浣熊
Sheriff, I-I really think there's something wrong
有点不对劲
with that raccoon.
它想干什么
What does it want?
我想比安静的游戏结束了
Guess the quiet game is over.
五小时后
*我们被困在车里*
*Guys we're stuck in a cruiser.*
*古德曼依然拒人千里*
*And Goodman is still sir.*
*我一点也不了解他的生活*
*I don't know nothing about his life,*
*不知道他之前还是之后洗手*
*for he is a before or after.*
阿比盖尔 为什么不笑呢
Abigail, why no laughter?
因为我不信任那家伙