妈妈叫我警长

早上好 阿比盖尔
Morning, Abigail.
等下 今天是周几来着
Wait a minute. What day is it today?
周日 警长
It's Sunday, Sheriff.
周日吗
Ah! Sunday?
那可不就是要
That's the day when I...
*打扫好房♥间*
*Clean up my room*
*就能拿奖励*
*So I can get a treat*
*赞美周日哥*
*From Sunday Man*
*一周来一次*
*He comes once a week*
*收拾好玩具*
*If I put up my toys*
*不当邋遢鬼*
*And not be a slo-o-o-o-o-b*
*就能吃圣代 顶上加樱桃*
*I'll get an ice cream sundae with a cherry on to-o-o-p*
妈妈叫我警长
第一季 第七集
周日哥
我们干嘛今天还要上班
Yo, why we got to be working today?
今天是周日 哥
It's Sunday, man.
说到周日哥 我觉得
Ah, speaking of Sunday Man, I guess
我应该把这张整洁房♥间的照片带去森林
I should get this photo of my clean room on over to the woods.
-你说什么 -什么
- Say what? - What?
我不该提周日哥的
Whoops. I'm not supposed to talk about Sunday Man.
那应该是我们之间的小秘密
It's supposed to be our little secret.
根本就不存在什么周日哥
There's no such thing as a Sunday Man.
-当然有 -那他是谁
- Yeah-huh! - Then who is he?
好吧 我说 但你们不能跟任何人提起他
All right, fine, but you can't tell anybody about him.
每周日 如果你打扫了房♥间
On sundays, if you clean your room
拍照证明 带去森林
and take photographic evidence of it to the woods,
周日哥 他是真实存在的 活生生的圣代
Sunday Man, a real, live talking ice-cream sundae,
会给你一个圣代
will give you an ice-cream sundae.
别告诉任何人 我得走了
Now, don't tell anybody. I got to go.
那也太诡异了
Yo, that sound creepy, yo.
这个周日哥要不然是打算杀了警长
This Sunday Man is either going to kill Sheriff
要不然就是从裤裆里拉出奶昔
or make a milkshake out his booty hole.
得了吧
Oh, come on.
肯定只是警长妈妈乔装打扮
I'm sure it's just Sheriff's mama in a costume,
想骗他自己打扫房♥间
tricking him into cleaning his room.
才不是 古德曼 警长需要我
Nah, Goodman. The Sheriff needs me.
我得去保护他
I got to go protect him, yo.
你到底要干什么 警长
Yo, what the hell are you doing, Sheriff?
*周日哥 周日哥*
*Sunday Man, Sunday Man*
*今天我打扫了房♥间*
*I cleaned my room today*
*周日哥 周日哥*
*Sunday Man, Sunday Man*
*给我一个圣代吧*
*Bring me an ice-cream sundae*
警长
Sheriff!
周日哥
Sunday Man!
周日哥是真的
Sunday Man real, yo.
见到你真好
Good to see you.
好吧
Oh, okay.
你有没有资格吃我的圣代
Now, art thou worthy of my ice cream sundae-ness?
当然有
Thou am!
我打扫了房♥间 这是我拍的证据
I cleaned my room, and here is my photographic evidence.
真是好警长
That's a good sheriff.
我要给你一个又大又香的奖励
Now you're going to get a big, creamy treat.
天啊 我都流口水了
Oh, boy. My mouth is watering.
不 离他远点 周日哥
No! Get away from him, Sunday Man!
什么
Wha... what?
赫曼 你来干什么
Herman? What are you doing here?
警长 这本该是我们之间的小秘密
Sheriff, this was supposed to be our little secret.
对 对不起
Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry about that.
以后再也没你圣代吃了
There will be no more ice-cream sundaes again.
-什么 别啊 -再见了
- What? No! - Goodbye.
周日哥 快回来
Sunday Man, come back.
赫曼 告诉妈妈怎么回事
Now, Herman, tell momma what's the matter.
周 周日哥
The... the... the... The Sunday Man, yo.
那是谁啊
Who the hell is that?
警长说他是个冰激淋人
Sheriff said he's a man made out of ice cream
只要你打扫房♥间就会给你冰激淋吃
who gives you ice cream if you clean your room.
古德曼说是你扮的 妈妈 但是
Goodman says he's just you, momma, but...
对 没错
Oh, yes. That's true.
真的是你吗
Oh, it was you?
天啊 我真是松了口气
Damn, that's a relief.
你这话什么意思
What do you mean?
我已经有几十年没扮周日哥了
I haven't done the Sunday Man routine in decades.
那我刚才在森林看到的
Then who was the Sunday Man
跟警长在一起的周日哥又是谁
I just saw in the woods with Sheriff, yo?
什么
What?
周日哥 回来吧
Sunday Man, come back!
-别跟着我 -但是我打扫房♥间了
- Leave me alone. - But I cleaned my room.
等等 我们这是在哪里
Wait. Where the heck are we?
我家
My home.
你得走了 再也别回来了
Now, you must leave, and don't ever come back.
你不给我圣代 我绝对不会走的
I'm not leaving until you give me my ice-cream sundae.
天啊 你家简直是猪圈
Geez, your place is a pigsty.
我猜也是时候告诉你真♥相♥了
Well, I guess it's time I tell you the truth.
我不是冰激淋做的人
I'm not really a man made out of ice cream.
我就是个普通人
I'm just a man.
而且 我是你♥爸♥
Also, I'm your father.
什么
What?!
等等 我怎么会有爸爸
Wait. How can I have a daddy?
我以为我爸爸死了
I thought my daddy was dead.
没时间解释了 儿子
Uh, no time to explain, son.
你真该把这里打扫一下 爸爸
You should really clean this place up, daddy.
可能会有被绊倒的危险
It could be a tripping hazard.
你说这话就跟你妈一样
Oh, you sound just like your momma.
你认识我妈妈吗
Oh, you know my momma?
对 儿子 我们以前结过婚
Well, yes, son. We were married once.
冰激淋
我和你妈是在我的老冰激淋店认识的
I met your momma at my old ice-cream shop.
我们的心就像两勺七月的冰激淋一样
Oh, we melted together as fast as two scoops
飞快就融化了
of ice cream in July,
但事实证明有些冰激淋就是不搭
but it turns out some ice creams don't mix
因为过了一段时间 我们开始抱怨
because after a while, the nagging started.
冰激淋不能放在碗柜里
Ice cream doesn't belong in the dresser!
内衣不能挂在天花板的风扇上
Underwear doesn't belong on the ceiling fan!
东西掉在哪儿就该放哪儿
Things belong where they land.
我就是这么说的
That's what I say.
厉害
Whoa. Cool.
她的洁癖要把我逼疯了
Her cleanliness drove me nuts,
所以我就伪造了死亡
so I faked my death.
等下 你伪造死亡
Wait. You faked your death just so
就是为了不用打扫房♥间吗
you wouldn't have to clean your room?
没错
Yep.
总之 因为你妈妈担心你会变得
Anyway, in fear that you were going to turn out
跟我一样邋遢
just like your daddy,
她就会打扮成周日哥
your momma used to dress up like Sunday Man
目的是叫你自己打扫房♥间
in order to trick you into cleaning your room.
最后她不再继续扮了
Eventually, she stopped the whole routine altogether,
我就接替了她
and I took it over.
我知道只有这样我才能见到儿子
See, I knew it was the only way I'd get to see my son,
但现在我们的秘密传出去了
but now that our secret is out,
我被人发现也只是时间问题了
it's only a matter of time before I'm found.
所以我必须收拾东西离开
So I must pack my things and leave.
好了 我收好了 再见了 儿子
There, I'm all packed. Goodbye, son.
爸爸 我才刚认识你
Daddy, I'm just getting to know you.
开心点 儿子
Aw, cheer up, son.
在我走之前再吃最后一个圣代怎么样
How about one last ice-cream sundae before I go?
万岁 圣代
Yay, ice-cream sundae!
*勾起乳♥头♥挤出奶*
*Hooking up the nipples*
*丢给机器做圣代*
*To the serve machine*
*负鼠奶的冰激淋*
*Ice cream made from possum milk*
*才是绝味好圣代*
*Makes some good ice cream*
等下 你一直是用负鼠奶给我做冰激淋吗
Wait, you been making me ice cream out of possum milk?