妈妈叫我警长

晚安 各位
Well, goodnight, fellas.
老兄 没夜班算你走运
Man, you lucky you ain't gotta work the night shift, yo!
是啊 你也不用看着他们上夜班
Yeah, you don't gotta watch the night shift.
回去睡觉吧 汉克
Uh, go back to sleep, Hank.
古德曼 等你回家后
Hey, Goodman? What TV show are you gonna watch
打算看什么电视节目
when you get home, playa?
我不看电视
I don't watch TV.
-什么 -什么
- What?! - What?!
但有好多剧可以看
But there's so many shows to watch.
是啊 比如《巨♥乳♥老妪》
Yeah, like "Nannies with fat fannies."
-《鬼混鲨爸》 -《面包与枪》
- "Deadbeat shark dads." - "Buns 'n' Guns."
没错 《面包与枪》 "带枪的姑娘们
Oh, yeah! "Buns 'n' Guns: Girls packing heat...
一起烤面包"
And baking treats."
-看来警长知道是怎么回事 -没错 我很酷的
- Yeah, Sheriff knows what's up. - Yeah, I'm pretty cool.
在我家
Well, at my house,
我和家人有更好的事可以做
me and my family have better things to do.
警长
Hey, Sheriff?
给我发把枪怎么样
How about you let me get a gun, yo?
-不行 -拜托
- No. - Man!
-我回来了 -亲爱的
- Hey, I'm home! - Hi, dear.
贝弗莉
Beverly?
我买♥♥了新电视
I bought a new TV.
不
Oh... No.
妈妈叫我警长
第一季 第六集
长官 海豚警探宇航员
Sir, Astronaut Dolphin Detective
阻止了巨型太空水母
stopped the giant space jellyfish
刺死所有火星人
from stinging all the martians to death,
但现在 他在和你妻子 还有一只水母
but now he's having a three-way
一起玩三人行
with the jellyfish and your wife!
那只该死的海豚
Damn that damn dolphin!
能把电视关了吗
Can we please turn this off?
放开我 腌黄瓜夫人
Get off of me, Mrs. Pickles.
不如共度一些高质量的家庭时光 怎么样
How about we have some quality family time?
智能电视拥有很多
Well, smartie TV has lots of shows
可以全家共享的节目
we can enjoy as a family.
智能电视 播放《胖角卡门》
Hey, smartie? Play "Fat 'n' Stuck."
正在播放《胖角卡门》
Playing "Fat 'n' Stuck."
我好胖
Uh! I'm fat...
还卡门了
And... Stuck!
这剧真烂
Oh, this is garbage.
话说 今晚挺适合看星星吧
Say, it's a great night for stargazing.
如果你想看明星 看我就行了
If you wanna see a star, dad, just look at me.
我会成为一名演员 就像《吸毒忍♥者》一样
I'm gonna be an actor, like "Ninja Junkie"!
正在播放《吸毒忍♥者》
Playing "Ninja Junkie".
汤米 当演员
Tommy, being an actor
是一个不切实际的职业选择
is an unrealistic career choice.
当吸毒律师妓♥女♥怎么样
Well, how about "Crackhead Lawyer Prostitute"?
正在播放《吸毒律师妓♥女♥》
Playing "Crackhead Lawyer Prostitute".
不
No!
我可以帮你摆脱这些指控
I can get you off of those charges.
只要你有粉
But if you have some crack,
我现在就可以帮你脱罪
I'll get you off right now!
够了
Enough!
明早第一件事 我们全家外出远足
First thing tomorrow, we're all going on a hike
在大自然里共度高质量的家庭时光
to spend some quality family time in nature!
还想分离我和我的家人
Try to divide me and my family.
现在谁才是聪明人 你这个傻♥逼♥电视
Who's the smartie now, you dumb TV? Ha!
什么情况 天哪
What the hell? Oh, my god.
取悦我
Entertain me!
要我说 要是我有枪
I'm sayin', if I had a gun,
-我会像这样 -不 赫曼
- I'd be like, brr, blap, blap, blap! - No, Herman.
-调度员没配枪 -真没劲
- Dispatchers don't get guns. - Yo, man, this sucks.
真希望我在家看电视
I wish I was home watching TV.
你们俩闭嘴行吗
Will you two shut up?
我在里面看电视呢
I'm trying to watch TV in here.
等等 你有电视
Hold up, son, you got a TV?
在哪儿呢
Ohh! Hey, where is it?
该死
Damn, yo.
好了 再见
Okay, bye.
别再打我了
Oh! Please don't hurt me again... gah!
没意思
Not entertaining.
我尽力了 我不知道怎么玩杂耍
I tried. I... I don't know how to juggle.
-斯坦利 -什么
- Stanley? - What?
大家都回楼上
Uh, everybody, go back upstairs now!
很好 来了新的娱乐项目
Oh, good. Some new entertainment.
-爸 -出什么事了
- Dad?! - What is going on?
取悦我 老头
Entertain me, old man.
拜托 警长
Man, come on, Sheriff!
如果你给我枪
If you give me that gun,
我就能把锁打爆
I could blast that lock off, fool!
那样太危险了
That'd be too dangerous.
反弹回来的子弹会杀了我们的
The ricochet could kill us.
-反弹什么 -反弹...
- Rico-what? - The rico... say.
我有主意了
That gives me an idea.
如果我射出的子弹正好能反弹到正确的角度
If I shoot so it ricochets at just the right angle,
我就能击中紧急释放按钮
I could hit the emergency cell release button.
警长 要是真能做到 你就牛逼坏了
Damn, Sheriff. You the man if you do that, yo.
我知道 你先闭嘴
I know, I know. Now, quiet.
走你
Aha. Shpow!
-什么 -我们要死在这了
- Huh? - We 'bout to die!
-外公 -怎么了
- Psst! Hey, grandpa? - What?
我要上楼拿枪
I'm gonna go upstairs and get my gun.
对 枪 快去拿
Yeah, the gun. Get it.
在哪儿呢
Where is it?
在找这个吗
Looking for this?
你想杀了我 对吗
You were trying to kill me, weren't you?
不 你喜欢魔术吗
No, I... I... Say, uh, do you like magic?
不 我爱死魔术了
No. I love it.
你现在还看得见我 然后我就不见了
Well, now you see me, now you don't!
快跑 斯坦利 快跑
Run, Stanley! Run!
去找人帮忙
Go get help!
取悦我
Entertain me!
该送你去死了 英格玛
Time to top you off, Ingmar!
他们杀了英格玛
Oh, they killed off Ingmar.
回来
Get back here!
尝尝这个
How 'bout a subscription to this?
-放开我 -你放我下来
- Get off of me! - No! Put me down!
然后取悦我
Then entertain me!
我死了
I'm dead.
出什么事了
What's happening?
电视怎么了
Hey, the gosh is going on with my TV?
取悦我
Entertain me!
什么
What?
还没结束呢 取悦我
We're not done! Entertain me!
拜托 警长
Yo, please, Sheriff.
-说真的 把枪给我 -不 不行
- Let me get that gun, for real! - No! No! No.
赫曼 这次我一定行
Herman, I got it this time.
我只需要把枪扔过墙角
All I gotta do is throw the gun around the corner
然后击中紧急释放按钮就行
and hit the emergency cell release button.
什么 不
What?! No!
警长
Sheriff!
别死在我眼前 我爱你
Please don't die on me! I love you!
松开我
Get off me!
该死 你心脏差点中弹
Damn, you almost got shot in the heart,
但警徽救了你
but the badge saved you, yo!
不 是我的腿被打中了
No, I got shot in the leg.
但我想起来我的备用钥匙放哪儿了
But I remembered where I keep my spare key.
现在 我们去拆了那个炸♥弹♥ 然后继续看电视节目
Now, let's disarm that bomb and go watch some TV.
就是这样
That's what's up.
取悦我们
Entertain us!