妈妈叫我警长

He just needs some kisses from Abigail
这样能让伤口好起来
to make it all better.
你会没事的 亲爱的
It'll be okay, baby.
你读了我的日记吗
You read my diary?
我只想进一步了解你
I just wanted to know more about you!
没错 那些奇怪的脱衣舞♥女♥故事他就是看不够
Yep, couldn't get enough of your weird stripper stories.
你怎么能这样
How could you?
不
No!
-我们终于能一起玩了 -什么
- Ah, finally now we can hang. - What?
我不知道谁更粘人
It's like I don't know who's clingier,
是她还是鲨鱼
her or the shark, right?
-你最坏了 哥们 -什么
- Ah, you're the worst, buddy. - What?
还是最差劲的弟弟
And the worst brother.
你得去和坎迪重归于好
You need to go make things right with Candy.
离开我的厨房♥
Now get out of my kitchen.
妈妈要打鲨鱼了
Momma has got a shark to whack.
这里储藏了我们的气候武器
And in here is where we store our climate weapon...
刀云
The knife cloud.
天哪 那些是什么
Whoa. Uh, what are these?
-机器裤 -有什么用
- Robopants. - What do they do?
能用来踢屁♥股♥[很牛逼]
They kick ass.
还能把人变成蜂蜜芥末
Also, they turn people into honey mustard.
那里还有巨型蚊子
And over here, we have some giant mosquitoes.
月球上的猫
Oh, the cats on the moon!
总统先生 请不要这样
Mr. President, please.
那些猫太让人捉摸不定了
Those cats are too unpredictable.
你不知道它们会在何时何地出现
You just never know when or where they'll show up.
等等 收到
Hold on. Got it.
总统还活着
The president is still alive.
不不不
No, no, no, no!
好吧 还有谁知道
Okay. Who else knows about this?
你 我 詹森
You, myself, Jenson,
还有老镇上的一些居民
and some of the residents of old town?
这我能搞定
Hmm, I can work with that.
喵 喵 喵
Meow. Meow. Meow.
你好啊
Oh! Hey, you.
走开 警长
Go away, Sheriff.
要我跳舞吗 卡尔
You want to dance, Carl?
行啊 来个膝盖舞
Sure, I'll take a lapper.
-卡尔 -你好 警长
- Oh, Carl. - Oh, hey, Sheriff.
坎迪 是我偷了你的日记
Look, Candy, I'm the one who stole your diary
还让总统看了 好吗
and had the president read it, okay?
我真的很抱歉 坎迪·凯恩
I'm really sorry, Candy Cane.
你好多年没这么叫我了
Aww, you haven't called me that in years,
但这不重要
but it don't matter.
如你所说 他现在觉得我就是一个奇怪的脱衣舞♥女♥
He thinks I'm just a weird stripper now, like you said.
什么 他希望成为你的爱人
What? No, he wants to be your sweetheart.
他和我这么说过
He told me so.
-真的吗 -真的
- Really? - Really. Now,
我们去追回美国总统的心吧
let's go get your president of the United States back.
等这首歌♥结束再说
Not until the end of this song.
就耽搁几分钟
Just another couple minutes here.
什么情况
What the hell is going on?
是副总统 他想杀了总统
The vice president, he's trying to kill the president
然后抹杀所有可能知道总统还活着的人
and wipe out anybody who might know he's alive.
什么 我们必须阻止他
What? We got to stop him.
救命啊 快来人
Somebody help! Anybody!
什么 古德曼
Huh? Goodman?
这群嗜血的混♥蛋♥飞得到处都是
Bloodthirsty bastards are everywhere.
救命啊
Ow, ooh, ow! Help!
这些裤子想把我变成蜂蜜芥末
These pants trying to turn me into honey mustard!
裤子 你省省吧
Hey, pants! Shake a leg.
太好了
Yeah!
味道真浓
Mmm, tangy.
这边 快
This way. Come on!
气候变化是真的
Climate change is real!
快跑
Run!
去死吧 刀云
Die, you knife cloud.
不好 没子弹了
Hey! Oop, I'm out.
我也是
Me, too.
刚刚是我♥干♥的
Hey, that was me.
等等 有敌人来了
Hold it. We've got company.
妈妈和总统可能有危险
Momma and the president could be in trouble.
你们去看看
You guys check it out.
我来解决这个家伙
I'll handle the little guy.
蚊子
Hey, mosquito!
来吸吸这个
Why don't you suck on these?
快
Come on!
总统
Ah, the president!
总统是我 前提是总统本人
That's me! Well, as long as the president
和知道他还活着的人都死了
and anybody who knows about him is dead.
不
Oh, no.
但在我杀了他和你们之前
But before I kill him and then you,
我只想知道一件事 警长
there's just one thing I want to know, Sheriff.
你真的有娃娃吗
Is it true that you have a doll?
-妈妈 -阿比盖尔
- Momma! - Abigail!
他娃娃的名字叫阿比盖尔
His doll's name is Abigail.
我现在知道你为什么来这了 这镇子很棒
I see why you came to this town. It's great.
警长可能很奇怪
Sheriff might be weird,
但他还是我的弟弟
but he's still my brother.
这是你对我说过最贴心的话
Aww, that's the sweetest thing you've ever...
蚊子 解决他们
Mosquito, finish them all!
卡尔 把它变成蜂蜜芥末
Carl, honey-mustardize it.
-我一滴都没有了 -来
- I'm all jammed up. - Here.
我试试 快点 快点 快点
Let me try. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
我发誓 这是我第一次经历这种事
I swear this has never happened before.
我们完了
Ah, we're doomed!
不 还没有
No, we're not.
蚊子 你那根针不错啊
Hey, skeeter, nice pole.
介意我在上面转个圈吗
Mind if I take it for a spin?
*亲爱的 让我转个爽*
*Baby, spin me all around*
-太棒了 坎迪 -钞票接好
- Yeah! Candy! - Get it, girl.
太棒了 坎迪
Yeah, Candy!
亲爱的 你没事了
Baby, you're okay.
太不可思议了
Oh, that was amazing.
我
I...
真的得接这个电♥话♥
Should really take this.
是我妻子打来的
It's my wife.
什么 你结婚了
What?! You're married?!
你好吗 亲爱的
How are you, sweetheart?
坎迪 别担心
Candy, don't worry.
反正总统也配不上你
You deserve someone better than the president anyway.
你们好
Hello.
我听说总统来过这
I heard the president was here.
我在找我的钢笔
I'm looking for my pen.
你是哪位
Oh, and who might you be?
谢谢你让我当你的伴郎 坎迪
Thanks for asking me to be your best man, Candy.
谢谢你当我最好的朋友
Thanks for being my best friend.
天哪 我不敢相信
Man, I can't believe
坎迪要成为英国女王了
Candy is going to be the queen of England!
安静
Shh.
坎迪 你愿意接受国王做你的...
And do you, Candy, take the king as your...
愿意愿意 搞快点
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Get on with it!
国王 你愿意娶坎迪为妻吗
And do you, the king, take Candy as your wife?
我愿意
I do.
话说 那些是猫吗
Say, are those cats?