妈妈叫我警长

欢迎回到《向宇航员提问 斯蒂芬斯队长专场》
Welcome back to "Ask An Astronaut with Captain Stevens."
你好 冥王星不是行星
Hi. Is Pluto not a planet,
只是因为它是一块小岩石吗
'cause it's just a small rock?
不 它是矮行星
No, it's a dwarf planet.
-明白了吗 -明白了
- Okay? - Okay.
好了 最后一个问题
All right, last question.
你好 我是老镇的汤米
Hi. I'm Tommy in Old Town.
我的问题是 你漏扣了一个皮带环
And my question is, you missed a belt loop.
拜托 这都不算问题
Come on, that's not even a question!
这些小孩真蠢
These kids are so stupid...
看来我确实漏扣了一环
Oh. Well, I guess I did miss a belt loop.
不
Oh, no!
什么
Wha...?
妈妈叫我警长
第一季 第五集
我们将会马上带来更多
And we'll be right back with more coverage of
斯蒂芬斯队长太空悲剧的报道
Captain Stevens: Tragedy in space.
死在外太空 真够倒霉的
Ugh. Dying in space. That sucks.
-对吧 卡尔 -没错
- Right, Carl? - Yep.
看 所以你才这么酷 卡尔
See, that's why you're so cool, Carl.
你总是知道什么是对的
You always know what's up.
我得回家了
Well, I gotta head home.
为什么 再玩会呗
What? Why? Come on, man. Let's chill.
潘姆想邀请我去吃下午茶
Pam wants me to come by for an afternoon snack.
对了 我还没见过你的新女友呢
Oh, yeah, I haven't even met your new girlfriend yet.
你觉得她会是你的真命天女吗
You think she might be the one?
现在说还太早
Too early to tell.
我很喜欢她
I like her a lot,
但我不知道她有多喜欢我
but I'm not sure how much she likes me yet.
你告诉她你有多酷了吗
Did you tell her how cool you are?
你告诉她你有多酷了 对吧 卡尔
You told her how cool you are, right, Carl?
你得告诉她 不然她怎么知道
You gotta tell her. How's she gonna know?
好了 再见
Okay, bye.
他肯定会搞砸的
He's gonna mess it up.
有人吗
Knock-knock. Oh!
这里看着就像很酷的人
This sure looks like the kind of place
会住的地方
where somebody cool would live.
有酷的人在吗
Hello, anybody cool here?
你好
Hello?
你肯定是潘姆
Hey. You must be Pam.
我只想告诉你 卡尔很酷
I just wanted you to know that Carl's cool.
好了 再见
Okay, bye-bye now.
不许动
Freeze!
你是谁
Who the hell are you?
卡尔
Carl.
我的错 卡尔
My bad, Carl.
你戴着假发 我没认出来
I didn't recognize you in that wig.
你看着很滑稽 卡尔
You look funny, Carl.
-假发 -是的 对不起
- Wig?! - Yeah, sorry, I...
我还以为你很酷
I thought you were cool!
但你是秃子
But you're bald!
我们俩结束了 滚出去
We are over! Get out!
她真的把你赶出了自己的家吗
Wow, she really kicked you out of your own house?
-没错 -古德曼 别问了
- Yep. - Goodman, back off.
你会有一个新家 然后再有一个新女友
You'll get a new house and a new girl.
你知道 因为卡尔真的很酷
'Cause, you know, Carl's really cool.
我真的不酷 警长
I'm really not cool, Sheriff.
在我们还年轻的时候
Well, when we were young,
你是老镇上最酷的人了
you were the coolest guy in old town.
没错 我曾经是
It's true, I was.
不过是在那次事件之前
But that was before... The incident.
哪次事件
The incident?
古德曼 说真的 你别问了
Goodman, seriously, back off.
卡尔不想说他失去了头发的那天发生了什么
Carl doesn't like talking about the day he lost his hair.
真抱歉
Oh, sorry.
从那以后 我的人生一直处于低谷
Life's been pretty downhill since then.
我试过戴假发 但这只是个谎言
I tried the wig, but that was a lie.
现在我把大多数时间都花在
Now I spend most of my time just scrolling through
浏览"伤心秃顶男孩镇"网站上的消息区
the message boards at baldboyzsadtown.bald
看看有没有人治愈了秃顶
to see if anybody's cured baldness yet.
目前还没有
No, nothing yet.
我认识一个人 他的聪明程度
Hey! I know a guy who's as smart
和你以前的酷炫程度不相上下 卡尔
as you used to be cool, Carl!
他可以治愈你的秃顶
He could cure baldness.
完全没问题
No problem.
刀锋 来治秃顶
Hey, blade? Cure baldness.
消息区肯定会炸锅的
The message boards'll be buzzing about this.
汤米 你能回答一下
Tommy, can you answer some questions
-关于那起太空悲剧的问题吗 -不 不
- about the space tragedy? - No! No!
汤米 怎么了
Hey, Tommy, what's going on?
我要自首
I'm turning myself in!
因为人们说是我杀死了"宇房♥员"
'Cause people say I murdered the asker-not!
但他还活着啊
But he's still alive.
你不是杀人犯
You're not a murderer.
我刚刚得到消息
Well, I've just received word
斯蒂芬斯队长的氧气即将耗尽
Captain Stevens is running out of oxygen
而且 他会死
and will die...
就因为这个小谋杀犯
Because of this murderer.
刀锋 治愈秃顶的药研发得怎么样了
Hey, blade. How's the bald cure coming?
我合成了一种可能治愈秃顶的药物
I synthesized a potential bald cure and tested it
并在网上买♥♥的蜘蛛的头上进行了测试
on spider scalps that I bought on the world wide web.
但是这种药物仍然需要催化剂
But it still needs the right ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-catalyst.
我试了青蛙尿 埃及木乃伊汗液
I tried frog urine, egyptian mummy sweat,
基本上所有东西都试过了
pretty much everything.
但这个应该能行了
But this should do the trick.
迷幻舞曲贝丝手的胡子提取液
The juiced beard of a trip-hop bassist.
药做好了
Bald cure.
你真厉害 刀锋
You're the man, blade.
好了 准备好长头发了吗 卡尔
All right, ready for some hair, Carl?
其实 我想先试试
Um, actually, I wanna try it first.
行吧 先给这辆车试试也没问题吧
Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess the car can go first. Huh?
给
Here you go.
再见
Peace!
该死 警长
Damn it, Sheriff.
你真是个蠢
You are one stupid mother
蠢蠢蠢蠢蠢 蠢鱼
fu-fu-fu-fu-fu... Fish.
汤米 无论斯蒂芬斯队长在哪
Tommy, wherever Captain Stevens is,
我相信他会原谅你的
I'm sure he'd forgive you.
他会吗
He would?
我们已经通过卫星连线到他了
Well, we have him live via satellite.
斯蒂芬斯队长 你能告诉我们你在哪儿吗
Captain Stevens, can you tell us where you are?
好的 我正在向冥王星前进
Uh, yes, I'm, uh, heading towards Pluto,
你可以在我肩膀旁边看到
which you can see over my shoulder.
看来那孩子说得没错
I guess that kid was right.
冥王星就是一块小岩石
Pluto is just a small rock.
看来冥王星卡在了某个虫洞里
Seems like pluto is stuck in some kind of wormhole.
你好 斯蒂芬斯队长
Hi, Captain Stevens.
能请你告诉我儿子 这不是他的错
Could you please tell my son that this isn't his fault
而且你会原谅他
and that you forgive him?
不 我办不到
No. No, I cannot.
你们都听到了
You heard it here first.
冥王星只是个卡在洞里的小岩石
Pluto, just a small rock stuck in a hole.
而汤米·古德曼 没有得到原谅
And Tommy Goodman, not forgiven.
遥控车 我是警长
Remote-controlled car, this is the Sheriff.
立刻停车 不然我就开枪
Stop or I will shoot.
你永远也抓不到我
You'll never catch me!
警长
Uh, Sheriff?
不许动 车
Stop right there, car!
那个秃顶药是给卡尔的 不是给你的
That bald cure is for Carl, not you!
-其实 -什么
- Actually... - Huh?
现在是给我的了
It's for me now.