人力资源（2022）

We better cut this short. -Yeah, before the food spoils, let's go.
传送门恢复运作了没？ 科莫兄弟需要我
Are the portals back yet?! The Cuomo brothers need me.
他们正在地下室里练赤♥裸♥柔道 情况就要升温了
They're doing naked judo with each other in their basement and it's about to escalate!
我们都有客户在等着我们 好吗？
We all have clients to get to, Gavin, all right?
嘿 得有人去重置那个东东
Hey, someone else has to go reset the doohickey thingy!
也许托德有个我们能联♥系♥的儿子？
Maybe Todd has a son we could call?
真是一群丑怂逼 我去吧
What an ugly bunch of puss you all are. I'll go.
你知道能源部在哪里吗？
Do you even know where the Department of Energy is?
知道怎么打开主电涌保护器吗？
Or how to access the main surge protector?
不知道 但你好像知道
Nope, but it sounds like you do.
你要和我一起去 我们需要你的头脑
You're coming with me! We need your brains.
的确
Yeah, you probably do.
你们还需要我的鸡鸡
And you'll need my dicks.
天哪 -还有我的屁♥股♥
Oh, God. -And my ass.
还有我他妈生猛的毅力
And my fucking raw-dog tenacity.
而且我还能顺便刷步数 保持臀部紧致
Plus, I'll get my steps in. Keep the hiney tight.
我知道我说了“屁♥股♥” 但我想改成“气派”
Oh, I know I said "ass," but I wanna change mine to "pizzazz."
还有我的气派
And my pizzazz!
哈喽 你们好像是在组建远征队 要去进行一项伟大的任务啊？
Oh, hello, it seems you're forming a fellowship for a noble quest?
搞任务没有一个巫师怎么行 对吧？
Well, you can't have one of those without a wizard, now, can you?
这个嘛 行的
I mean, we could.
哦 拜托嘛 人家也想参与
Oh, come on, pretty, pretty please? I want to be included!
天哪 好啦 你个羞耻婊
Okay, fine! Jesus, you shame bitch.
好耶！ -算你一个
Yes! -You're in!
喂 也算我一个 等等康妮啊！
Hey, I'm in, too! Wait for me! Connie!
不行 你不能让自己处于危险之中 现在不行
Whoa, whoa, no, no, no. You can't put yourself in danger, not now.
好了 看到了吧？ 这就是为什么我不想要那个东西
Okay, this right here? This is why I don't want that.
康妮 我不喜欢这些笑话 宝宝会听到的
Connie, I don't like these jokes. Baby can hear.
真的吗？
Oh, really?
喂 你啊 我不想要你
Hey, you! I don't want you!
毛瑞 别这样嘛
Oh, Maury, come on.
回来吧？
Come back?
绝对不要跑得太快 然后绊倒滚下楼梯哦
Definitely don't run too fast, and trip and fall down some stairs.
别担心 在车子修好之前 我们会给你租一辆车的
Don't worry, we'll get you a rental while your car's getting fixed.
你知道吗？那些心怀嫉妒的小人 肯定是故意砸坏你的车的
You know what, I bet those jealous creeps smashed your car on purpose.
故意？谁会这么毒啊？
"On purpose"? Who would do that?
酸民 道格 酸民
Haters, Doug! Haters!
那些看不得你在生活中 拥有美好事物的人
People who can't stand you having good things in your life.
我得天哪 你说得对
Oh, my God, you're right!
你们喜欢收集艺术品吗？
So, you two collect art?
那是查尔斯巴克利 曾经在道格车里留下的奶酪条包装纸
That's a string cheese wrapper Charles Barkley left in Dougie's car once.
我们把它铜化了 -所以不是艺术品
We had it bronzed. -Oh! So, not art.
你吃不到查尔斯的奶酪说奶酪酸 你个酸民！
You would hate Charles's cheese, you hater!
干脆开车碾过它啊！
Why not plow your car into that?
天啊 道格 你到底是怎么了？
Jesus, Doug, what's gotten into you?
我的天哪 这些人真讨厌
Oh, my God. Fuck these people.
可不是 他太不讲理了
Ugh! I know, right? He's so unreasonable.
但重点是 我没必要在这里受罪
But the thing is, I don't have to be stuck with them,
所以拜拜啦
so, peace!
搞什么啊？
Hey, what the hell?
找掩护！
Take cover!
窗口被攻破了！
Window breach!
咱们来大干一场吧！
Let's do this!
她飞走了 -我♥操♥！
Oh! There she goes. -Fuck me!
这还差不多 前进！
Yeah, this is more like it! Onward!
耶！
Yes!
小心！
Look out!
站稳脚步 你个软蛋 别像个缩头乌龟一样畏畏缩缩的
Stand your ground, wuss. Stop getting cucked by the wind.
活着当缩头乌龟总比当个死英雄好
Better to be a living cuck than a dead hero.
我还是回去了
I'm just gonna go back.
总是满口之乎者也 闭上你的臭嘴！
You talk like a book! Shut the fuck up!
嘿 你捏痛我了
Hey! Oh! Hey, you got me skin!
等一下 我得尿尿
Hold up, I gotta take a whiz.
真♥他♥妈♥见鬼了！
Holy freaking guac!
靠 尿溅得我满脸都是了
Aw, shit, got wee in my face! Fuck!
但丁 小心！
Dante, watch out!
操！
Oh, shit! Ow!
他妈的！
Fuck! Ahh!
皮特 伙计 你得帮帮我！
Pete, mate, you gotta help!
我其中一跟鸡鸡被卡住了！
One of my dicks is stuck!
你的鸡鸡被雕像压住了？
Your penis got pinned by a statue?
你的鸡鸡有多大啊？
How big is your penis?
很大！巨大！是右下方的那根
Big! Huge! It's the lower-right one.
是我最棒的鸡鸡
It's my very best penis!
它比中间那根粗 比左边那根长 我爱死它了！
It's thicker than the middle one, it's longer than Lefty. I love it!
嘿 伙计们 等等 有人受伤了！
Hey, guys, wait! Man down!
皮特 别走 求求你！
Pete! Don't go! Please!
我来了啦 你就抓稳你的大鸡鸡♥吧♥
I'm coming. Just hold on to your big dicks.
天哪 老乔 这食物也太多了 不可能救得了全部的
Sweet Lord, Joe, there's so much food. We'll never save it all.
但我们必须试试 该死的
But we have to try, God damn it!
你说得对 先救奶制品？
Eh, you're right. Dairy first?
先救奶制品
Dairy first.
毛瑞 开门嘛
Maury, come on.
你走开
Leave us alone.
等一下 先道歉 然后走开
No, wait. Apologize first and then leave.
不如你来为害我错过 那个酷酷的冒险小队道歉吧？
How about you apologize for making me miss out on that cool adventure squad?
我会是性感火♥辣♥的那个耶
I would've been the hot one.
那对我来说意义重大 毛瑞
That means something to me, Maury.
你的孩子难道对你来说就没意义吗？
Does your own child mean something to you?
没有 再说一遍 没有
No. Again, no.
毛瑞？厕所是不是淹水了？
Maury, is the bathroom flooding?
是的 我宁愿坐在污水里 也不愿再看到你的脸
Yes. And I'd rather sit in sewage than see your face ever again.
除非孩子长得像你 那我就爱死了
Unless the baby looks like you, which I would adore.
这蠢透了 你快出来
This is stupid, get out of there.
去你的
Oh, fuck you.
实际上 好主意 我还是出去吧
No, yeah. Yeah, actually, I'm gonna come out.
哎哟我的妈呀！
Oh, goodness! Oh, me, oh, my!
怎么了？肚子痛吗？
What is it? Big cramp?
不是 我把门弄坏了 我被困住了！
No, I broke the door, I'm trapped!
别担心 我会想办法把你救出来的
Don't worry. I'll bust you outta there somehow.
托德有钥匙 你得拿到托德的钥匙 他有钥匙
Todd has the keys! You've gotta get Todd's keys. He has the keys.
那我去他尸体上找 你坚持住哈
Ooh, I'll go find 'em on his dead corpse. Just hang on, okay?
别担心 宝宝 妈咪会…
Oh, don't worry, baby, Mommy will--
给我收回那两个字
Take that fuckin' back.
康妮会救我们的
Connie will save us.
很好
All right, then.
妈咪会救我们的 你妈咪名字是康妮
Mommy's gonna save us. Your mommy's name is Connie.
妈咪是康妮 康妮是妈咪 康妮妈咪
Mommy is Connie, Connie's your Mommy, Connie-Mommy.
伙计们 就是这里了！ 那个东东在里面！
Hey, guys, this is it! The thingy's in there!
来吧！
Come on!
拳头！
Fist! Fist, fist!
皮特 有没有其他的入口…
Pete, is there another entrance we could--
等等 皮特呢？但丁呢？
Wait, where's Pete? Where's Dante?
谁在乎呢？
Who cares?
最重要的是我们进到里面去 那里又温暖又安全
All that matters is we get inside, where it's warm and safe!
但我们进不去啊
Well, we can't get in this way.
加文试过了 他是最强大的那个
Gavin tried, and he's the strongest one.
不知道哦 沃尔特
I don't know, Walter.
没人比恨虫更强大了 懂我的意思吧？
No one's stronger than… Hateworm. You know what I'm saying?
伙计们 那不是个好主意
Oh, folks, that's not a good idea.
你说什么 象腿妹？
What's that, thunder thighs?
去你娘…
Motherfu--
哈 我懂你在干嘛了 但我今天是不会变成一只恨虫的
Okay, I see what you're doing, but I'm not turning into a Hateworm today.
你确定吗 你个该死的长头怪？
You sure, you Pez-headed fuck?
没用的
Nope! It's not gonna work.
我知道了
Okay, I got it. I got it.
玛丽亚凯莉只懂飙高音G炫技
Mariah Carey's high G is a crutch.
炫技？
A crutch?
你好大的胆子
How dare you?
不准你说玛丽亚的坏话！
Don't say a word to me about Mariah!
她是QVC购物频道或美国 唯一的可取之处！