人力资源（2022）

你指的只是他丁丁很舒服吗？
♪ Do you just mean how nice he fits in your box? ♪
是的 不是！
Yes! No.
他让我内心暖呼呼而波涛汹涌
♪ He gives me warm, strong waves of affection ♪
就像你骑在他三根鸡♥巴♥上的时候吗？
♪ Like when you're riding on his three sweet cocks? ♪
那也是 不过…
Well that too, but--
上完床后你是否留下来相拥而眠？
♪ Do you cuddle and coo when the sex is through? ♪
还是高♥潮♥后就拍拍屁♥股♥走人？
♪ Or get your rocks off and you're out the door? ♪
我喜欢互相依偎
♪ I like to cuddle ♪
你想在他需要的时候在他身边 -对！
♪ You want to be there when he's needy ♪ -Yes!
当他的救世主 他的宝贝 -对！
♪ His savior and his sweetie ♪ -Yes!
还是只是他深夜约炮的婊♥子♥？ -无意冒犯
♪ Or just his late-night booty call whore? ♪ -No offense.
我是坠入爱河了吗？ -是吗？
♪ -Am in love? -Are you in love? ♪
还是纯粹是个混♥蛋♥？ -可能就是个混♥蛋♥
♪ -Or just an asshole? -Could be an asshole ♪
激♥情♥是在我心里还是在我的阴蒂里？
♪ Is the passion in my heart or my clit? ♪
在你的阴蒂里
♪ In your clit ♪
我是否正直、真诚？一个痴情女子？
♪ Am I righteous and true? A lovestruck ingénue? ♪
还是只是个卑鄙 恶心 背叛朋友的渣女？
♪ Or just a vile, disgusting, friend-betraying lowlife piece of shit? ♪
我是坠入爱河了吗？
♪ Am I in love? ♪
还是纯粹是个混♥蛋♥？
♪ Or just an asshole? ♪
可能是坠入爱河了
♪ Could be in love ♪
你就是个混♥蛋♥吗？
♪ Are you just an asshole? ♪
我想我坠入爱河了
♪ I think I'm in love ♪
我坠入爱河了
I'm in love.
是的 我确实爱他 谢谢你们！
Yeah, I do love him. Thank you!
那么 我们俩呢？
So, what about us?
你是爱我 还是就是个混♥蛋♥ 亲爱的？
Is it love or are you an asshole, honey?
宝贝 我爱你的蛋蛋
Baby, I'm in love with your asshole.
好吧！
Okay!
嘿 你在这里真是太好了 我们能谈谈吗？
Hey, I'm glad you're here. Can we talk for a second?
好吧
Okay…
我在道格的婚礼上吻了但丁
I kissed Dante at Doug's wedding,
从那时起我们就不止接吻那么简单了
and we've been more-than-kissing since then,
我真的真的很抱歉我对你隐瞒了
and I'm so, so, so, so sorry I kept it from you.
好啊 哇
Oh, okay. Wow.
她在二十四天半后终于承认了
Finally, she admits it after 24 and a half days.
我很抱歉 真的很抱歉
I'm sorry. I really am.
天哪 你真是个混♥蛋♥
Oh, my God, you're such an asshole.
不是 我不是 因为事情是这样的
No, I'm not, 'cause here's the thing.
我爱他 他也爱我
I-- I love him, and he loves me.
什么？那可要糟糕一万倍！
What? That's a million times worse!
不 那就好多了
No! No, it's better.
也许对你来说是这样 但那让我感觉糟透了
Maybe for you, but it makes me feel like shit.
你基本上是在告诉我但丁爱你
I mean, you're basically telling me that Dante loves you
而他却从来没在乎过我
when he never gave a fuck about me.
不是 那不是…
No, that's not--
而且你认为告诉我这些
And the fact that you thought telling me that
就会让我对你的背叛感觉好一点
would make me feel better about what you did just shows
就说明了你有多么以自我为中心
how fucking self-centered you are.
艾米 别这样… -你知道吗？去你的 萝谢尔
Emmy, please. I-- -You know what? Fuck you, Rochelle.
希望你喜欢我的衣原体 这种菌株可强大了
I hope you enjoy my chlamydia. It's quite the strain.
看看这房♥间 简直是一团糟！
Look at this room! It is a mess!
我才不要把衣服放在衣柜里 我们只待两天而已！
I am not going to put my clothes in a wardrobe! We're only here for two days!
哼唧 哼唧 你这只猪就应该像猪一样睡在外面！
Oink, oink! You should sleep outside like the hog that you are!
要扇我巴掌呀？那我就赏你一巴掌！
Oh, you're gonna slap me? Well, I'm gonna slap you!
真是个禽兽
Oh, he's a monster!
我恨死你了！
I hate you so much!
可惜啊 你摆脱不了我
Well, you're stuck with me.
“直到死亡将我们分开” 记得这部分吗？
"Till death do us part." Remember that bit?
给我把这该死的房♥间收拾好！
Now clean up this goddamn room!
那真是糟透了 我们应该按他说的把房♥间收拾好吗？
That was horrible! Do you think we should clean up the room like he said?
我不知道该怎么办 我觉得自己被囚禁了
I don't know what to do. I feel so trapped.
好吧 让我想想 哦 我有个建议
Well, well, okay. Let's see. Oh! Here's a pitch.
不如我们一起私奔吧？
Why don't we run away together?
阿萨兰宁可杀了我也不会让我离开的
Arsalan would rather kill me than let me leave.
我真希望他死掉
I wish he were dead.
哦 好吧 他有什么慢性疾病吗？
Oh, well, okay, does he have any, uh, chronic illnesses?
不幸的是 他的健康状况非常好
Unfortunately, he's in perfect health.
哦 那看来是没办法了
Oh, well. Well, there you go. I guess we're stuck.
除非有人自己动手
Unless someone takes matters into their own hands.
对 什么？你是说谋杀他吗？
Yes. Uh, what? You mean like, uh, murder him?
天哪 你愿意为我这么做？
Oh, my God! You would do that for me?
哦 我想…
Oh! I suppose, uh…
是吧？我会杀掉你的丈夫？
Yes? I'll kill your husband?
我爱 真是太不道德了 -太卑鄙了
I love it. It's reprehensible. -It's dastardly.
太可恶了
It's repugnant.
我想谋杀也不是什么大不了的事
I guess murder's not such a big deal. It's just, uh…
不就是夺取一个性命嘛 对吧？
You know, it's just… What is it? It's just taking a life, isn't it?
闭嘴 快吻我！ -哦 对
Shut up and kiss me! -Oh, right.
嘿 你朋友是迟到了吗？ -只是迟了1小时17分钟
Hey, is your friend running late? -Oh, only one hour and 17 minutes.
你要不要让出你的座位啊？ 外面大排长龙呢
So… you maybe wanna give up your table? There's kind of a line.
没错 伙计 如果能让你离开那卡座 我们愿意吸你的屌♥
Yeah, buddy. We will blow you if it'll get you out of that fucking booth.
呃 买♥♥单吧
Um, I'll just take the check.
嘿 -我爱你
Hey. -I love you.
真的吗？ -真的 我仔细想过了 我爱你
Really? -I do, yes! I've thought about it and I love you.
萝谢尔 死藤水之旅的第五个小时 都不如这让我高兴
Oh, Rochelle, that makes me happier than… than hour five of an ayahuasca trip.
如果你不了解死藤水… -让我猜 那是最棒的部分
And if you don't know ayahuasca-- -Let me guess, it's the best part?
没错
It really is.
你是个诗人 还是个勇士 但丁
Ugh, you're a poet and a warrior, Dante.
进来吧
Ooh! Get in here.
他们应该弄一种叫做 “性感海滩之两面派绿茶婊”的鸡尾酒
They should make a drink called, "Backstabbing Whore on the Beach."
我知道某个人会非常喜欢的 -我觉你喝够了
I know somebody who would love that. -Maybe you've had enough.
天哪 你是想照顾我吗？
Oh, my God, you're trying to take care of me?
你是喜欢我吗？
Are you into me?
不是 一点也不喜欢
No, nope. Not at all.
哎哟 这让饥渴的艾米宝宝好伤心呐
Oh, no! That makes horny baby Emmy so sad.
你还是喝点水吧
Okay, you should drink some water.
不如让我喝你那根鸡♥巴♥吧 负责任博士？
How about I drink that dick instead, Dr. Responsibility?
不用了 谢谢
No, thank you.
（朝鲜上空的雷迪森酒店）
我只需要把他推下窗台
Shall I just push him over the ledge?
此刻看起来相当容易 我像河马一样冲向他就可以了
Seems rather easy at the moment. I could just rush him like a hippopotamus.
不 漫长的坠落是无痛的 那样太便宜他了
No! A long fall is painless. Too good for him.
用这个
Use this instead.
枪♥械♥
A firearm.
哇哦 在你面前谋杀你丈夫 实在是太毒辣了
Oh, it's so sinister, murdering your husband right in front of you.
莱昂内尔 我胯下都烫得能蒸熟西兰花了
Ooh, Lionel, I could steam broccoli with my crotch right now.
噢 我调皮的快煲电压力锅…
Oh, my naughty little Instant Pot--
哎哟
Oh! Hello…
快去吧 杀了我老公
Now, go! Murder my husband!
好的 只为博得你一吻
Yes, your kiss is my demand.
哎哟哟 这不是我的大会敌人阿萨兰吗？
Well, well, well, if it isn't my conference-long enemy, Arsalan!
你♥他♥妈♥是谁？
Who the fuck are you?
我是你最可怕的噩梦 -什么？
I'm your worst nightmare. -What?
我是一个带着枪♥械♥ 而且在睡你老婆的巫师
I'm a wizard with a firearm who's making love to your wife.
你要向我开枪 你个该死的怪胎？
You're gonna shoot me, you fucking weirdo?
你没有这个胆量 你没有…
You don't have the balls and you don't--
你做到了 我的英雄！
You did it! My hero!
我做到了 真是惊心动魄啊
Oh, I did! That was thrilling!
我说“你最可怕的噩梦” 是不是太强硬了？
Was it too heavy-handed when I said, "your worst nightmare"?
我觉得真的增加了庄严感
I thought it really added some gravitas.
多谢称赞 阿萨兰
Oh, why thank you, Arsalan.
阿萨兰！你是怎么…
Arsalan! How did you…
防弹衣 你个傻♥逼♥
Bulletproof vest, you dumb asshole.
说晚安吧 莱昂内尔
Ooh! Say goodnight, Lionel.
现在一切都很奇怪
Everything's weird now.
是啊 我们说了“我爱你”之后
I know! Now that we said "I love you,"
我不想操破你的屁♥眼♥ 我想保护它
I don't want to destroy your ass, I want to protect it.
该死的 康妮 我就知道这会毁了一切
Damn it, Connie, I knew this would ruin everything.
这个问题之所以会发生
Maybe we wouldn't have this problem
还不是因为你
if you weren't saying the L word
对全酒店的怪物说“我爱你”