人力资源（2022）

人力资源走向全球化了 宝贝！
Human Resources is going global, baby.
国际生物大会 我们来啦
International Creature Convention, here we come!
ICC 嗨得笑嘻嘻
ICC! The big ICC!
真等不及想在 朝鲜上空奇妙的雷迪森酒店
Oh, I can't wait to fuck a bunch of randos
和一群陌生人做♥爱♥
at a magical Radisson in the sky above North Korea.
毛瑞 能不能用记号♥笔 把我的房♥号♥写在我额头上
Ooh, Maury, will you write my room number on my forehead in Sharpie
好让大家知道 上哪里找我和我的洞洞
so everyone knows where to find me and my holes?
没问题 康妮
Of course, Connie.
你呢 沃尔特？
What about you, Walter?
期不期待 你和西蒙性的年度性♥爱♥狂欢啊？
Are you excited for your annual fuckfest with Simon Sex?
不期待 我的心承受不了 这些一年一度的一♥夜♥情♥
No, my heart can't handle these once-a-year flings with him.
我今年要搞西蒙无性
I'm going Simon sexless this year.
靠 这一集这样开场也太惨了点
Oh, damn. That's a sad way to start this episode.
我该怎么办？
Ugh, what am I gonna do?
我不能这样对艾米
I can't do this to Emmy.
我不能这样对艾米
I can't do this to Emmy.
我真的不能这样对艾米 抱歉 但我们不能再继续了
Seriously, I really can't do this to Emmy. I'm sorry, but we have to stop.
得了 萝谢尔 你想继续下去的
Come on, Rochelle, you don't want to stop.
我知道 但我们结束了
I know, but it's over--
嘿 萝谢尔 我最信任的好闺蜜
Hey, Rochelle, my trusted best friend.
我们整个周末 都能当大会伙伴真是太好啦
So glad we get to be conference buddies all weekend, right?
闺蜜时光！
Girl time!
是啊 你第一次参加大会 一定会很棒的
Yeah! Your first conference. It's gonna be great.
是啊 而且谢天谢地但丁没来
Oh, yeah, and thank God Dante's not coming.
我是说 我最近因为他天天吃不下睡不着
I mean, I've been in such a dark place lately because of him.
他真是渣透了 对吧？
He really is the fucking worst, right?
当然了 -你仍然同意这个说法 对吧？
Of course! -You still agree with that statement, correct?
对 他渣透了 你绝对不应该和他在一起
Yeah, he's the worst. You should definitely not be with him.
但不只是我 对吧？ 谁都不应该和他在一起 对吧？
Yeah, but not just me though, right? 'Cause nobody should be with him, right?
对 谁都不应该
Yeah, nobody.
别担心 我来了 没错 这是一条全新的时尚腰带
Don't worry, I'm here. I'm here, yes, with a brand-new fashion belt.
我真迫不及待想在一旁评判 你们可耻的风流韵事
And I can't wait to judge all your shameful dalliances from the sidelines.
嘿 你无须耻于
Hey! There's nothing shameful about
给一大群陌生人轮流吸屌♥榨精
tugging and chugging your way through a parade of strangers.
是啊 我已经预约好时间去洗胃了
Yeah, I already booked an appointment to get my stomach pumped.
记得事先告诉他 你要留着洗出来的东西
Remember to tell him beforehand you want to keep the stuff that comes out.
当然了
Yeah, of course.
（国际生物大会 “给人类最后一次机会！”）
（仅限贵宾通行证持有人）
欢迎来到国际生物大会
Welcome to the International Creature Convention.
请在这里领♥取♥你的姓名牌
Pick up your credentials here.
好咯 我们是室友咯
All right. Roomies.
室友！好好玩！
Roomies! Fun!
我们可以通宵达旦地怼但丁
We can stay up late ripping into that shithead Dante,
那个浑身是衣原体的混球 还是我传染给他的
who is riddled with chlamydia, which I gave to him.
沃尔特 宝贝 你真是秀色可餐啊
Walter, my love. You look good enough to eat.
那你要饿死了 亲爱的 因为厨房♥今年歇业
Well, you're gonna die hungry, boo, because the kitchen is closed this year.
西蒙性 你个帅气的混♥蛋♥ 你好吗？
Hey, Simon Sex, you beautiful bastard. How are you?
毛瑞 我很好 不过沃尔特怎么了？
Maury. I'm all right, I'm all right. But what's wrong with Walter?
他在保护他脆弱的爱虫心
He's protecting his fragile Lovebug heart
因为你觉得你只在乎他脆弱的爱虫屌♥
because he thinks all you care about is his fragile Lovebug dong.
那不是真的 我在乎沃尔特的每一部分
Well, that's not true. I care about every part of Walter.
如果可以 我会把它们一次全部塞进我屁♥眼♥里
If I could, I'd put them all in my ass at once.
你♥他♥妈♥真是个诗人 -你是个勇士 毛瑞 我爱你
You are a goddamn poet, man. -And you're a warrior, Maury. I love you.
我也爱你 兄弟 -哇
Hey, I love you, too, brother. -Wow.
我得先走了 我在研讨会前要和菲利普操喝一杯
Well, I've gotta run. I'm getting a drink with Philip Fuck before my seminar.
菲利普操？我超爱那家伙
Philip Fuck? I love that guy.
毛瑞 继续前进组织的玛莎 刚给我发了短♥信♥
Hey, Maury, I'm getting a text from Martha at moveon.org.
要我告诉她你也爱她吗？ -好啊 她听上去不错
Want me to tell her you love her too? -Sure, she sounds nice.
嘿 我们去参观性博会吧
Ooh! Hey, let's go to the Sexpo.
听说某个冰岛的家伙制♥造♥了 一种以精♥液♥为燃料的车 叫做…
I heard a guy in Iceland made a car that runs on ejaculate, it's called--
丰田精美瑞？ -对 精美瑞 你猜对了
Toyota Cumry? -Yeah, Cumry. Yeah, you guessed it.
不知道今年谁会是多莉的得主呢？
Ooh, I wonder who's gonna win The Dolly this year.
“多莉”是什么？
What's "the Dolly"?
多莉帕顿奖
The Dolly Parton award.
是生物界最有声望的人道主义奖项
It is the most prestigious humanitarian award a creature can get.
想获得这个奖 心胸必须非常宽广 奶♥子♥大也无妨
Yeah, it takes a big heart. And let me tell you, big tits don't hurt either.
萝谢尔 我有种感觉今年轮到你了
Rochelle, I, uh, have a feeling this is your year.
噢 皮特 所以你觉得我奶♥子♥很大吗？
Aw, Pete. So you think I have big tits, huh?
不是 我觉得你奶♥子♥很正常 很完美
No, I think they're very normal. They're perfect.
我是说 我不知道它们长什么样 我都只看你的脸
I mean, I don't know what they look like. I only look at your face.
放松 我跟你闹着玩的
Relax. I'm just fucking with you.
好好笑
That's funny.
嘿 说到娱乐 晚餐前喝一杯怎么样？
Hey, speaking of amusement, we should get a drink before dinner?
好啊 你请客
All right. You're buying.
我很乐意请客
I'd love to buy.
我有借记卡 有旅行支票 你会发现我有很多付款方式
I have my debit card, traveler's checks. You'll find I have many modes of payment.
哎呀 她走了
And she's gone.
喂 小心萝谢尔 她心肠恶毒
Hey! Watch out for Rochelle, dude. Her heart is fucking rotten.
而且偷偷告诉你 她奶♥子♥基本上都是胸垫
And between you and me, her tits are mostly bra.
这个好笑 艾米 你能放手吗？你弄疼我了
That's a good one, Emmy. Uh, can you please let go? You're hurting me.
没错 这招叫萝谢尔
Yeah, that's called pulling a Rochelle
因为她只会伤害人 而且她人烂透了
'cause she's a hurter and she's additionally also bad.
你们好啊 我的羞耻同胞们！
What's up, my fellow Shame-heads?
哈喽 我是美国办事处的莱昂内尔 要不要交换个名片？
Uh, hello, I'm Lionel from the US office. Would you like to trade business cards?
你确定你的名字不是 “系着超丑麻辫腰带的挫男”吗？
Are you sure your name isn't "Pathetic Loser With a Hideous Braided Belt"?
不是 是莱昂内尔
No, it's Lionel.
蹩脚的家伙
That guy is so lame.
不好意思 酒保？
Excuse me, barkeep?
哈喽？我知道你看得见我
Hello? Hello? I know you can see me.
我来帮你吧 酒保！ -你想喝什么？
Here, let me help you. Bartender! -What would you like?
一杯羞格丽特 谢谢
One Shamearita, please.
就跟玛格丽特差不多 不过酒保在递给你之前
It's like a margarita, but the bartender has to whisper something bad
要对着杯子低声说她做过的某件坏事
she did into the cup before she gives it to you.
我踩到了我男友的小狗
I stepped on my boyfriend's tiny dog.
我要一杯自来水 要热腾腾的杯子
And I'll have a tap water in a piping hot glass.
刚从洗碗机里拿出来的 谢谢 -你不喝酒？
Oh, straight out of the dishwasher, please. -You're not drinking?
不喝了 我需要保持感官敏锐
Oh, no. No, I need my senses sharp
这样才能尽可能残酷地评判别人
so I can judge others as cruelly as possible.
这毕竟是出差嘛
It is a work trip, after all.
那就太可惜了 -可惜什么？请你别走
That's too bad. -What is? What's bad? Please don't turn away.
就是吧 人家一直在欣赏 你和你那条超气派的腰带
It's just… I've been watching you and that magnificent belt.
你喜欢吗？我特地为这次大会买♥♥的
You like it? I bought it just for this conference.
如果你愿意把它脱下来
Well, if you're willing to take it off,
我想说我们可以忘掉那个蠢交谊会 一起做些更可耻的事
I was hoping we could ditch this stupid mixer and get a little shameful ourselves.
忘掉交谊会？
Ditch the mixer?
并错过与行业思想领袖 进行交流的独家机会？
And miss an exclusive opportunity to network with industry thought leaders?
听着 我们家乡有个说法
Listen, where I'm from, we have a saying,
“人生短暂 所以上楼到我房♥间来操♥我♥”
"Life is short, so come upstairs to my room and fuck me."
莱昂内尔非常喜欢
Ooh, Lionel likey very muchy.
让我们像我全新的麻辫腰带一样 互相缠绕在一起吧
Let's entwine ourselves like the braids of my brand-new belt.
没错！
Yeah!
抱歉 我下手太重了 很抱歉
Sorry. I went too far. Sorry about that.
快来看哪！ 一罐罐来自世界各地的精♥液♥呀！
Roll up, roll up. Jars of cum from around the world.
咦 这个古怪的小盒子是什么来的？
Oh, my. What's this freaky little box do?
这是擎天柱3000 是一台VR眼镜
This is the Kickstand 3000. It's a VR experience
能让你体验 身处勃起的鸡♥巴♥里是什么感觉
where you can feel what it's like to be inside a boner.
T恤！来买♥♥T恤啊！ 我们有波霸米奇老鼠
T-shirts! Get your T-shirts! We got Mickey Mouse with tits.
我们有荷马辛普森给巴特辛普森乳♥交♥
We got Homer Simpson titty-fucking a Bart Simpson.
我要五百件 皮卡丘给屹耳舔肛的T恤 谢谢
I will take 500 of Pikachu rimming Eeyore, please.
朋友 看在你买♥♥这么多T恤的份上
Hey, amigo, amigo, since you're getting so many T-shirts,
我免费送你个钥匙扣
I'll throw in a free key chain, eh?
谢谢你啊 伙计 我爱你
Hey, thanks a lot, man. I love you.
你到底怎么回事？ 干嘛突然对全世界说“我爱你”？
What is your deal? Why are you telling everyone "I love you" all of a sudden?
我想我就是个非常有爱的男人吧
I don't know, I guess I'm just an affectionate guy.
又不见得你对我说
Well, you never said it to me.
因为对你说会很奇怪
Well, 'cause it'd be fuckin' weird to say it to you.
再说了 你也从没对我说过
And, besides, you've never said it to me either.
人家不想说嘛 -你不说 我也不说
Well, I don't want to say it. -Well, I'm not gonna say it if you don't.
如果真的对你那么重要 那我说 但你先说
If it's so important to you, I'll say it, but you first.
我们一起说出来 -行 现在就说吗？
We'll do it at the same time. -Fine. Should we do it right now?