人力资源（2022）

什么？这是哪里？我怎么会在这里？
What? W-w-where am I? H-How did I get here?
糟了 贝卡 我们迷失方向了 而且完全看不见陆地！
Oh, no, Becca, we're lost! And there's no land in sight.
你会错过复工第一天的！
You'll miss your first day back at work!
也许这样最好 反正你也应付不来的
It's probably for the best. You won't be able to handle it anyway.
你说得对 我对当妈妈才刚有头绪
You're right. I-I'm just figuring out the mom part.
我要怎么同时兼顾工作啊？
How am I supposed to go to work too?
如果你累到把宝宝错当火鸡怎么办？
What if you're so exhausted you think the baby is a turkey?
你会把宝宝放进烤箱里 把火鸡放在婴儿床里！
Then you put the baby in the oven and the turkey in the crib!
然后你就得抚养火鸡 吃掉宝宝！
And now you have to raise the turkey and eat the baby!
史上最糟的感恩节！
Worst Thanksgiving ever!
那是什么？ -大概是很可怕的东西
What was that? -Probably something terrible.
我们在这里孤立无援
And we're all alone out here.
没人在乎你的死活！
And nobody cares if you live or die!
巴里呢？巴里他在乎 对吧？
What about Barry? Barry cares, right?
巴里？
Barry? Barry?
巴里！
Barry! Barry!
巴里？ -噢 是呢
Barry? -Oh, yes.
巴里看上去非常关心
Barry seems very concerned.
什么？你是谁？
What? Who-- Who are you?
我是凯蒂猫 你的新闺蜜
I'm Kitty. Your new best friend.
好吧 我已经好几个星期没睡了 有个人陪着也好
Oh. Okay. I haven't slept in weeks. I could use some company.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
来看看我们在不吵醒巴里的情况下 能哭得多厉害
Let's see how hard we can cry without waking up Barry.
好啊 听起来是个好主意
Okay, that sounds like a good plan.
我告诉你 桑娅简直是一团糟
I'm tellin' ya, Sonya's a damn wreck.
那只可怜的虫子 快要被消极情绪和酒精淹没了
That poor bug is spiraling down a drain full of shit and alcohol.
她需要一点改变
She needs a change.
我知道这是我的首选应对机制 但她需要被♥操♥
I know it's my go-to, but she needs to get fucked.
如果她能认识新的人是挺好的
Well, it'd be nice for her to meet somebody.
出去放松一下 找点乐子
Get out of the house, have a little fun.
你是说给她找个猛♥男♥ 让她好好爽一下？
You mean, like, set her up with a stud to crack her open?
没错 我最喜欢帮别人牵红线了
Yes. I love matchmaking!
通过强迫人家交♥媾♥来解决他们的问题
Fixing people's problems by forcing them to fornicate.
好耶 这个幸运的家伙是谁？
Yeah. Who's the lucky stud?
加文怎么样？
Ooh! What about Gavin?
那家伙是个混♥蛋♥ 而且他的奶♥子♥是假的
Ugh. He's an asshole. Plus his tits are fake.
那你有什么人选啊 挑剔先生？
Well, who do you got, Mr. Picky Pants?
我倒是认识一个刚恢复单身 奶♥子♥又货真价实的老二
Oh! I do know know a recently single dick with great tits.
我不确定我是否已经准备好再次约会
I-- I don't know if I'm ready to get out there again.
你似乎太专注于奶♥子♥了 能不能把范围扩大到奶♥子♥以外？
You seem too focused on tits. Can we expand beyond tits?
好吧 啊 等一下 我有个非常合适的家伙
Fine. Wait. Oh, oh! Hold on. I've got the perfect guy.
或女家伙 -是 但这是个男的
Or gal. -Yeah, right. But this one's a guy.
好吧 我只是想说 我们也得考虑女的
Okay. But I'm just saying, we gotta consider the females too.
我知道 但我这个暂时保密的人选
I got that, but my person, who will remain a surprise,
请不要质疑这一点
and please don't challenge me on this,
绝对是个男的 而且他的奶♥子♥堪称极品
is a dude, and his tits are spectacular.
干♥你♥现在正式成为 我在厕所里第二喜欢做的事了
You're now officially my second favorite thing to do in the bathroom.
很高兴你在我真的需要尿尿的时候 跟着我进来了
I'm so glad you followed me in here when I did actually need to go.
你俩真甜蜜 就像装满酷爱饮料的避孕套一样
Y'all are sweet as a condom full of Kool-Aid.
是你呀 凯蒂猫
Oh! Kitty… Uh…
我们只是在测试这东西的重量限制
We were just, uh, testing the weight limit.
哇 坚硬如同岩石 绝对可靠
Uh, okay. Yeah, she's rock solid. Good.
就像我的棒棒一样 -天哪
So's my donger. -Oh, my God.
我好喜欢听你说“棒棒”
I love it when you say "donger."
棒棒 像这样吗？ -哦买♥♥噶
Donger. Like that? -Oh, fuck.
我撤了 宝贝
Peace, babe.
典型的但丁 对吧？ 其实说起来有点好笑 他…
Dante, right? It's a funny story, actually. He--
不 我明白的 年轻人的爱情
Oh, no, I get it. Young love.
哦 你觉得但丁爱我？
Oh, you think Dante loves me?
难怪他会毫无顾忌地伸手向我要钱
That must be why he's so comfortable asking me for money.
你太搞笑了
You're hilarious.
亲爱的 我真等不及和你在贝卡的团队里 一起合作
Darling, I cannot wait to work with you on Becca's team.
是啊 我简直是搞笑大王
Oh, yeah, I'm a riot.
不过 卧♥槽♥ 如果你在贝卡的团队里 那是不是意味着她有忧郁症？
But, oh shit. If you're on Becca's team, does that mean she's depressed?
只是小小的产后忧郁 不过很好玩的
Oh, just a little postpartum, but it can be fun.
昨晚我和贝卡 用杯子吃了冷冰冰的千层面
Last night, Becca and I ate cold lasagna from a mug
然后连续看了35集《房♥屋猎人》
and watched 35 episodes of House Hunters back-to-back.
我的天哪 你愿意收养我吗？
Oh, my God, will you adopt me?
不如我明天带你去吃午饭怎么样？
How about I take you to lunch tomorrow instead?
顺便向你请教一下贝卡的事
I could pick your brain about Becca?
你说“带我去” 那是指…
So, when you say "take me," does that, uh--
别担心 亲爱的 我来请客
Don't worry, honey. It's my treat.
太好了 因为我把钱都给但丁了
Great. Yeah, 'cause I gave all my money to Dante.
他要给他的前任买♥♥份生日礼物 所以一直在狂购物
He needed to buy a birthday gift for one of his exes, so, you know, he be shoppin'.
天哪 累死我了
God, I am exhausted.
而且你看起来像 穿着唐纳卡兰套装的地窟守卫
And you look like the Crypt Keeper in a Donna Karan suit.
麻麻回来啦！
Mommy's home.
复工第一天过得怎么样？ 表现肯定超棒吧？
How was your first day back? I bet you killed it.
是啊 如果她的职责是躲在厕所里哭 那最佳律师奖非她莫属
Yep. If her job is crying in the bathroom, she fucking kicked ass.
杰克 我的小家伙！
Jake! Oh, there's my little guy.
噢 糟糕 我做了什么吗？
Oh! Oh, no. Did I do something?
不要怕 是麻麻呀
Don't be scared. It's just Mommy.
天哪 孩子已经忘记你了吗？
Oh, dear, has the baby forgotten you already?
因为一份法律摘要而被自己亲娘抛弃
Abandoned by his mommy for a legal brief.
太早复工就是这个下场
This is exactly what happens when you go back to work too soon.
你猜怎么着？他今天翻身了 -真的吗？
Oh! Guess what? He rolled over today. -Really?
你看 我拍了视频
Here. Here! I have a video.
我的天啊 你看到了吗 贝卡？
Oh, my God! Did you see that, Becs?
哎呀 我不小心把相机拿反了
Oh, I messed up and the camera's facing the wrong way.
你没错过这一刻真是太棒啦！
I'm so glad you didn't miss this!
好样的 巴里
Well done, Barry.
宝贝 你看起来很疲惫
You-- You look so exhausted.
你会不会可能是太早复工了？
Is it possible that you maybe went back to work too soon?
巴里明白 -我看起来很疲惫 而且是个坏妈妈？
Barry gets it. -I look exhausted and I'm a bad mom?
谢谢你 巴里 好极了 我们做♥爱♥吧
Thank you, Barry. Very cool. Let's fuck, please.
真的吗？ -你想得美！
Really? -No!
听起来巴里好像 一开始就不希望你回去工作
Sounds like Barry never wanted you to go back to work in the first place.
去他的 贝卡 我他妈发誓
Fuck that. Becca, I swear to fuck,
如果你让那个笨蛋 把你像阿尔夫一样困在家里
if you let that bozo trap you in the house like Alf,
我会一脚把你踢回梅尔马克星球
I'll kick your ass back to Melmac.
我最近在追《阿尔夫》 闭嘴 那超好笑的
I'm binging Alf. Fuck you. It's funny.
（圣诞老人烧烤酒吧）
凯蒂猫 我好喜欢 这家以圣诞为主题的餐厅
Oh, Kitty, I am loving this Christmas-themed restaurant.
一年四季都能享受 一年中最忧郁的时光？
The most depressing time of the year all year round?
算我一个
Yes, please.
呵呵呵 告诉圣诞老人你想吃什么
Ho ho ho. Tell Santa what you want for lunch.
圣诞老人 我想先来点拐杖糖可乐达
Santa, I'll start with a candy cane colada
要双份 谢谢你
and make it a double. Thank you.
我要一整只火腿 谢谢
And I'll have a whole ham, please.
听起来不错耶 那也要双份
Oh, that sounds good. Make that a double too.
那么 当贝卡的爱虫感觉如何啊？
So, how has it been as Becca's Lovebug?
刚开始很艰难 但我们现在是好朋友了
Well, it was rough at first, but now we're buds
她的宝宝很可爱 很懒 还经常吐
and the baby's cute and lazy and barfs a lot,
所以我们真的很懂彼此
so we really get each other, you know?
但她那个老公真是个扫兴鬼 对吧？
But that husband. He's a real wet blanket, isn't he?
你说巴里？是啊 他是个怂包
Who, Barry? Oh, yeah, he's a dud.
“我是巴里 我觉得酸奶葡萄干是糖果
"I'm Barry. I think yogurt raisins are candy.
我是巴里”
I'm Barry."
模仿得像极了
That is Barry spot on.
你不会觉得这样反犹太 对吧？纯粹好玩而已 对吧？
Now, you don't think it's anti-Semitic, right? It's kinda more just fun?
我觉得很准确 巴里是个十足的笑话
I think it's accurate. Barry's a total joke.
你觉得… 天哪 我真不愿意这么问
Do you think… Oh, I hate to even suggest it.
但你觉得她还爱他吗？
But do you think she even loves him anymore?
他无论说什么都会惹恼她
Hm. Well, everything he says annoys her,
而且我一次都没有为他发过光
and I've never even glowed for him once.
还有 他从侧面看简直就像她爸爸
Also, when he turns to the side, he looks like her dad.
对 我这样告诉她 她却哭了起来
Yeah. I said that to her and she started crying.
亲爱的 如果我嫁给了巴里 我也会哭的
Oh, honey, I'd cry too if I was married to… …Barry.
你看 完全不会反犹太嘛 -他就是个怂包
See? That's not anti-Semitic. -He's just a loser.
又正好是个犹太人 -犹太到不行
Who happens to be Jewish. -Incredibly Jewish.
（错误工厂）