人力资源（2022）

We are so proud of you, Nadja.
我先回房♥间去了
I'm gonna go to my room.
你卡在墙里了吧？
You're stuck in the wall, aren't you?
闭嘴 你个皱巴巴的怪胎
Shut it, you scaly little creep.
好嘞 再来一份鸡尾酒虾好呢 还是…
All right. Should I get another shrimp cocktail or…
哇哦 蛤蜊赌场 听起来真美味
Ooh! Clams casino. Oh, ho, ho! That sounds good.
那个灌水男可真能磨蹭哈
The, uh… the Chugger sure is taking his time, huh?
什么？你什么意思啊？
Ooh-- What? What do you mean?
别担心 艾米全都告诉我了 -她告诉你了？
Don't worry. Emmy told me all about it. -She did?
是啊 而且我觉得超搞笑的
She did. And I think it's hilarious.
好吧 所以你知道你是灌水男 而且完全不介意？
Okay, so you know you're the Chugger? And you're okay with it?
我当然知道…
Uh… Of course I know…
我是灌水男了
…that I'm the Chugger.
我们是有机会获得相同信息的 群体中的一份子
We are a-- a part of a community of people who have access to the same information.
也就是为什么我现在要跑开
Which is, uh, why I'm going to run away.
去他的 我两个都要吃
You know what? Screw it. I'm getting both.
反正我今天有大把时间拉肚子
I got plenty of time for diarrhea today.
我就是灌水男？
I'm the Chugger?
你不是啊 谁这么说了？
Hey! No, you're not. Who told you?
为什么？我为什么是灌水男？
Why? Why am I The Chugger?
一切始于五十年前
It all started 50 years ago.
我和萝谢尔觉得很无聊
Rochelle and I were bored,
所以就去厨房♥偷了三十袋薯片 留着以后吃
so we went to the kitchen to steal 30 bags of chips for later.
接着你走了进来 我们的生活就从此改变了
And then you walked in and our lives changed forever.
你喝了一杯水 咕咚咕咚地真的好大声
You drank a cup of water and it was really loud.
等等 就这样？就因为我喝水了？
Wait. That's it? I drank water?
对 但真的超大声的
Yes, like really loud, though.
真的很好笑 因为你喝了好大一杯
And it was funny because it was a really big cup.
所以你们在我背后嘲笑我 笑了五十年了？
So you've been laughing about me behind my back for 50 years?
你本来不应该知道的嘛
Well, you weren't supposed to know about it.
要不是你在我电脑上搞那些有的没的
And this would have never happened
这一切就不会发生了
if you didn't try to do your dork shit on my computer.
真的很抱歉啊 我不像拿我来开玩笑的你和萝谢尔
Well, sorry if I'm not cool and fun like you and Rochelle,
那样酷、那样有趣
with your hilarious inside jokes about me.
我真心以为你讨厌我 因为我工作干得很糟
Well, I honestly assumed you hated me because I'm bad at my job
我都故意不看你的邮件 因为它们让我很压力
and I ignore all your emails on purpose because they stress me out.
我并不讨厌你 我觉得你挺酷的
Well, I don't hate you. I thought you were neat.
但我想你知道该如何处理 这份友谊了 第四个D
But I guess you know what to do with this friendship, the fourth D.
是 当然了 第四个D
Yeah, um, of course. The fourth D.
呃 这个D代表…
Uh, and the D stands for…
删除！
Delete!
我那酷酷的巫师演示 你连听都没听
You didn't even listen to my cool wizard presentation.
操
Oh, fuck.
佩特拉 是我 加文
Petra. It's me, Gavin.
你好啊 加文 我能为你做些什么吗？
Oh! Hello, Gavin. Is there anything I can do for you?
我今晚要去一家意大利餐厅 吃意大利面
I wanna go eat spaghetti at an Italian restaurant tonight.
你要和我一起去 小精灵
You're coming with me, gremlin.
噢 所以是约会咯？
Oh! So, it's a date?
随你爱怎么叫
Yeah, fine. Whatever you wanna call it.
我今晚8点半用我的大臭车来接你
I'll pick you up in my big, stinky car at 8:30.
穿宽松点的衣服 -哦耶！
Wear something loose. -Yes!
你准备好去看一百个青少年 连续互蹭五个小时了吗？
Hey. You ready to go watch 100 teens grind for five hours straight?
你在说什么呢？
What're you talkin' about?
毕业舞会啊 记得吗？娜佳？
Uh… Prom night? Remember? Nadja?
噢 该死的
Oh, shit.
加文刚刚邀请我出去看他吃意大利面
Gavin just asked me out to watch him eat spaghetti.
可惜我们不是朋友了 不然我会很愿意给你代班的
Well, too bad we're not friends anymore or I'd offer to cover for you.
好吧 听着
Okay, here we go.
我很抱歉我因为比你强而沾沾自喜
I'm sorry I gloated about being better than you.
能不能拜托你给我代班 好让我能被加文狠狠操一顿？
Will you please cover for me so I can get hardcore humped by Gavin?
哇 -说完了
Wow. -There.
我怎么能对这么唯美的道歉说不呢？
How can I say no to a beautiful apology like that?
所以你愿意帮我？ -好啦 但我不是为了你
So you'll do it? -Fine. But I'm not doing this for you.
我这么做是为了你的小♥穴♥ -好棒！
I'm doing this for your snatch. -All right!
先失陪了 我得给我的洞洞热热身
Excuse me as I get my hoo-hoo ready.
喂 快他妈醒醒 该你上场了！
Hey! Wake the fuck up! It's go time.
哟哟哟 宾戈邦戈 道奇杜兰戈
Well, well, well. Bingo, bango, Dodge Durango.
不好意思 小姑娘
Pardon me, little lady,
你那迷死人不偿命 又圆润饱满的完美翘臀
is this seat next to your fat, fucking gorgeous,
旁边的座位有人吗？
ferkin', fuckin' perfect, fuckin' round fuckin' ass taken?
请坐吧 这位好先生
Please, good sir, take a seat.
我一整晚都在等着
I've been waiting all night for a gentleman
一位有条大鸡♥巴♥的绅士出现
with a heavy dick to come round.
我是鲍嘉 鲍嘉圣亨弗莱
The name's Bogart. Bogart Saint-Humphrey.
从我的塑料徽章可以看出来
As you can tell by my plastic badge,
我是冰雪皇后的初级冰淇淋元帅
I'm a Junior Blizzard Marshall at the Dairy Queen.
我叫克娄巴特拉狄更斯 -好名字
The name's Cleopatra Dickens. -Great name.
我是一名世界级女间谍 -绝对的
And I am a world-class spy. -I bet you are.
我正在追捕一个操♥逼♥狂魔
I'm on the hunt for a serial killer
他在全国各地操了很多逼
who's been murdering pussy all over the country.
你知道我在哪里 可以找到这位绅士吗？
Do you know where I might find this gentleman?
我也许有一些线索
I might have a couple of fuckin' leads.
（富兰克林高中 毕业舞会）
你今晚看起来真漂亮
You look so beautiful tonight.
你喜欢我
You like me.
噢 宝贝 别哭
Oh, babe, babe. No, don't cry.
我只是希望我们能一直像现在这样
I just wish things could stay like this.
我知道 我也是
No, I know. Me, too.
但我为你被伯克利加大录取 感到非常骄傲
But I'm so proud of you for getting into Berkeley.
让我们好好享受今晚 好吗？
Let's make the most of tonight, okay?
嗯 你说得对 现在不是哭的时候
Yeah, you're right. You're right. Crying is not the vibe.
我不想和丹妮儿谈远距离恋爱
I don't wanna do long-distance with Danielle.
我知道 她近距离看实在太火♥辣♥了
I know. She's so hot up close.
但佩特拉非要我上伯克利加大不可
But Petra's so psycho about me going to Berkeley.
这个嘛 佩特拉现在不在这里
Well, Petra's not here.
是诶 等等 她在哪儿？
Yeah, wait, where is she?
篮球！ -嗯
Basketball! -Yeah. Mm-hm.
扑克！ -对 再来
Oh, poker! -Yeah, come on. Come on.
大男人的玩意儿！ -对
Guy stuff! -Yup, yup, yup, yup.
背部还是头发？ -哈？
Back or hair? -What?
你想让我射哪里？背上还是头发上？
Where do you want me to cum? On your back or in your hair?
都不要 你个疯子 -那我就扔在你的灯上了
Neither, you lunatic. -Alright, I'll just throw it at your lamp.
你搞什么啊？那可是传家之宝！
What the fuck?! It's a family heirloom!
好棒 真得谢谢萝谢尔告诉我你想操
Whoo! Man. I am glad Rochelle told me you were down to fuck.
那是我的最爱 除了金枪鱼汤之外
It's my favorite thing, aside from tuna soup.
什么？萝谢尔？ -是啊 她说你想要我的巨雕
What? Excuse me? Rochelle? -Yeah, she said you wanted my hog.
那个该死的双面果蝇！
That two-faced fuckin' fruit-fly!
嘿 你想成为男女朋友吗？ -才不要！
Hey! You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend? -No!
很好！因为我是开玩笑的
Good! 'Cause I was… I was joking.
跟我说说这个到处操♥逼♥的家伙吧
So why don't you tell me all about this darn pussy killer man?
我确实有几条线索想和你分享
Well, I did find a few clues I'd like to share with you.
好呀
Oh, yeah.
它们正好就存放在我的屁♥眼♥和喉咙里
I happen to have been storing them in my asshole and throat.
看来我们应该回到犯罪现场
Sounds like we should return to the scene of the crime
大干一场来获取指纹
and fuck for fingerprints.
不好意思
Excuse me.
桑娅 我这就给你叫出租车
Sonya, I'm calling you a cab.
我没事
I'm good, I'm good. Oof!
靠 我们得过去看看她
Oh, shit. We need to check on her.
好啊 我在你体内淘金的时候
Well, I reckon she could spit tobacky at me
她可以朝我脸上吐烟沫
while I pan for gold inside your guts.
我碰巧也是个探矿者噢
I'm also a prospector. You should know.
桑娅 是我呀 康妮
Sonya! It's me, Connie,
因为云雨之事所以戴着假发
in a wig because of sex stuff.
我送你回家 好吗？
I'm gonna help you get home, okay?
别傻了 我能自己飞回去
Don't be silly, I'm fine to fly.
桑娅 别啊！
Sonya, no!
看到了吧 康妮？我安全到家了
See, Connie? I made it home fine.
毛瑞 帮我把她弄下来
Maury, help me get her down.
毛瑞？毛瑞是谁啊？
Maury? Who's Maury?
我是鲍嘉圣亨弗莱 来自马屌♥瀑布城的圣亨弗莱家族
I'm Bogart Saint-Humphrey of the Horsefuck Falls Saint-Humphreys.