疯魔怪（2016）

很糟糕吗
Was it bad?
可能是最糟糕的情况了
About as bad as it can get.
是你还是我
You, or me?
我
Me.
但你还是来了
You came anyway?
我之前以为我疯了 但后来遇到了你
I thought I was crazy and then I met you.
大概我们都是怪人吧
I guess we're both pretty weird.
我喜欢我们的这一点
I like that about us.
我也是
Me too.
让好戏开始吧
Let's get this shit storm started.
从开天辟地之时起
Since the dawn of time,
恶魔就一直行走于我们之间
demons have walked among us.
你们大多数人都看不到他们
Most of you can't see them.
他们会附身到像你 你 和你这样的人身上
They possess people who look just like you and you...and you.
你听出这声音了吗
Recognise the voice?
是《老大哥》节目中的那家伙
It's the guy off Big Brother.
他们活在黑暗当中
They live in the darkness,
等等 等等 他们的大好时间到了
waiting, waiting. Their time is coming.
他们一定会超爱的
They are loving it.
在午夜时分
At the stroke of midnight,
人间和地狱之间会打开一个通道
a gateway will open between this world and the underworld.
地狱军团要来对你们下手了
The legions of hell are coming for you!
好戏开始
Show time.
这是属于你的盛大时刻
This is your big moment.
距离万圣节 还有1秒 0秒
就是现在
Now.
开始吧
Do it!
不
No.
不要
No!
-对不起 -不 不 不要
- I'm sorry. - NO! NO! NO! NO!
不要
No!
好美啊
It's beautiful.
全力以赴
Balls-out!
我知道该怎么阻止
I know how to stop it.
我知道该怎么阻止
I know how to stop it!
去吧
Go!
拉奎尔 拉奎尔
Raquel. Raquel.
你要因为那个混♥蛋♥终结这个世界吗 去他妈的
You're going to end the world because of that prick? Screw him!
他就是个满口谎言的人♥渣♥
He's a lying shit!
别为了他的软鸡♥巴♥终结这个世界
Don't end the world for his limp dick.
你是个强大独♥立♥的女人 你就跟碧昂斯一样
You are a strong, independent woman. You're like Beyonce!
所有的女人 把手举起来
All the ladies. Throw your hands up!
拉奎尔 把手举起来
Raquel! Throw your hands up!
举起来
Throw them!
他根本不在乎你 我在乎
He didn't care about you. I do.
我爱你 我爱你
I love you! I love you.
艾米
Amy?
艾米
Amy?
我以为你死了
I thought you were dead.
我们成功了
We did it.
我们拯救了世界
We saved the world.
不过是借助于碧昂斯和充气僵尸的帮助
With a little help from Beyonce and an inflatable zombie.
我在想着那些醒来之后已经被附身的人
I was thinking about all the people waking up possessed down there.
-你觉得总共有多少人 -很难说
- How many do you think there are? - It's hard to say.
大于10个 少于50个 也可能比这更糟糕
More than ten, less than 50. Could've been a lot worse.
就坐在那里
Sitting there...
吃着麦片 环顾他们的家人
eating their Coco Pops, looking around at their families
想着"我该先杀掉哪一个呢"
thinking, "Which one of you shall I kill first?"
泥锅 泥碗
Eeny, meeny,
你
miney...
滚蛋
..Mo.
很意外吧
There's the kicker.
-就在你面前 -不
- Right in your twot. - No!
拉奎尔 拉奎尔
Raquel! Raquel!
你无法想象那有多爽
You have no idea how good that feels!
在黑暗里等待了千百年
Hundreds of years, waiting in the darkness.
时间 在那下面真得过得很慢
You know...time, it really drags down there.
他们都说
They say...
吸的第一个是最甜的
the first one's the sweetest.
他们没错
They're right.
我天生就是干这种事的
I was born to do this.
该死的电♥话♥
Oh! Bloody phones!
这真的毁了我的兴致
Now, this is totally ruining it for me.
放在哪儿了 快说
Where is it? Come on!
不管是谁打来的 就是下一个要死的
Whoever this is calling you, they're next.
我为他们准备了一个惊喜哦
Have I got a surprise for them!
我们需要再执行一次驱魔仪式
We need to do another exorcism.
-是谁 -杰克
- Who? - Jake.
混♥蛋♥
Prick!
你在想着哈里吗
Are you thinking about Harry?
当初真该让你开枪杀了那混♥蛋♥的
Should've let you shoot the prick.
在我成为通道的时候
When I was being the gateway
你吻了我 还对我说 你爱我
and you kissed me and you told me you loved me...
作为朋友而已 你可以爱自己的朋友
As a friend. You can love your friends.
好吧 朋友 行
Alright, OK. Friends. That's cool.
我需要告诉你我爱你吗
Do I have to tell you that I love you?
-因为我不太能说得出口 -不用
- Cos I'm not exactly comfortable with that. - It's fine.
我知道你爱我
I know you do.
抱歉驱魔的事我帮不上忙
Sorry I can't help with the exorcism.
想象下那家伙是个亡灵
Imagine that idiot as a revenant.
世界可没准备好接受这样的存在
The world isn't ready for that!
我已经失去一个朋友了
I already lost one friend.
我想要我的朋友回来
I want my friend back.
以圣父 圣灵 圣子之名
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti...
如同蜡烛在火焰前融化
Sicuit fluit cera a facie ignis,
让恶灵在上帝面前灰飞烟灭吧
sic pereant peccatores a facie Dei...
杰克
Jake?
杰克
Jake?
杰克
Jake?
杰克
Jake!
杰克 说话啊
Jake! Say something!
快说话啊 你个粗俗的臭嘴巴
Say something, you crude, vulgar cock mouth.
你在我身上撒尿了
You pissed on me!
天啊
Oh, my God!
-你绝逼是爱上我了 -闭嘴
- You're totally in love with me. - Shut up!
成功了 他没事了
Oh, it worked. He's fine.
他在哪儿
Where is he?
在晾干♥他♥的T恤
Just drying his T-shirt.
我在他身上撒尿 让他很激动
He's very excited that I pissed on him.
你没事吧
You OK?
我 我没事
Me? I'm fine.
-看来一切都结束了 -是啊 结束了
- I guess it's over. - Yeah, it is over.
除了其他那些被附身的人
Except all those other people who got possessed.
是啊 除了那个 显然嘛
Yeah, apart from that, obviously.
你接下来几周 有什么打算吗
Got any...plans for the next few weeks?
你知道泰勒还在打听
You know Tyler's still asking
几周后
你给他下药的那晚究竟发生了什么事
about what happened the night you spiked him?
-你是怎么跟他说的 -装无辜啊
- Well, what you telling him? - Playing it innocent.
你听上去可不怎么无辜啊 我隔着墙都听见了
You don't sound innocent! I can hear you through the walls.
-好了 换个话题 这是第几个了 -36
- OK, moving on! What number is it? - 36.
弄完这个还有一个
Oh, we've got another one straight after this.
有个女孩在网上说她男朋友的精♥液♥是冰凉的
Some girl on Facebook says that her boyfriend's semen's all cold.
如果一个女孩被附身了 就会有一个"冷逼"吗
If a girl's possessed, can she get a frosty snatch?
冷逼 你没开玩笑吧
Frosty snatch - are you being for real?
可能的确存在啊
Could be a thing.
好吧 下次遇到一个
OK. Well, next time we meet one,
你可以把温度计插♥进♥她的逼里
you can stick a thermometer in her poon.
哇 你终于掌握这招了
Whoo! You got that nailed!
全靠腕力
It's all in the wrist.
我以前经常打羽毛球
I used to play a lot of badminton.