疯魔怪（2016）

疯魔怪
我爱你
I love you.
前情提要
不要啊
Noooo!
我割伤了自己 好让苏珊妮吸血
I cut myself so Suzanne could feed.
她在哪儿
Well, where is she?
你有没有检查下脉搏
Did you check for a pulse?
-脉搏 -是啊
- A pulse? - Yeah.
她的身体和头隔了八丈远
Her body was here, her head was somewhere over there.
那个金发小贱♥人♥可能会严重扰乱我们的计划
That little blonde bitch could seriously screw up our plans.
淡定
Whoa, easy!
-你♥他♥妈♥是谁 -我叫哈里
- Who the hell are you? - I'm Harry.
最起码让我请你喝点东西
The least you can do is let me buy you a drink.
就一杯 一杯烈酒
One drink. A shot.
好吧
Ok.
昨晚我预见了一个人 他在攻击你
Last night, I saw a guy. He was attacking you.
拉奎尔 拉奎尔
Raquel! Raquel!
拉奎尔 拉奎尔
Raquel! Raquel!
不好意思
Sorry.
我晚点给她回电♥话♥ 晚点再打
I'll call her back. Call her back.
就是他 跟你一起在车上的那个男人
He's the guy! The guy you got in the car with.
他就是我预见的袭击你的人
He's the guy I saw attacking you!
你必须离开他 赶快躲得远远的
You have to get away from him. Just...get away from him!
打给我
Call me!
我们要去哪里
So...where are we going?
去酒吧
To a bar?
你是想灌醉我吗
You trying to get me drunk?
有可能
Could be.
就是他 他就是我预见的人
It's him! He's the guy I saw!
你♥他♥妈♥快开机
Turn your bloody phone on!
我很少和女生约会
I don't usually do this. Go on dates with girls.
因为你通常都跟男生约会吗
Is that cos you usually date guys?
-不是 -不 我开玩笑的 说笑而已
- No. - No. I was...I was joking. It was a joke.
好吧 抱歉
Right. Sorry.
-我太没幽默感了 -好吧
- Sense of humour failure. - OK.
既然已经确定我们两个都不是同性恋
Well, um, now that we've established neither of us is gay.
所以我们现在进展挺顺利 不是吗
We're cooking on gas, aren't we?
-你在上班吗 -没有
- Do you work? - Uh, no. Urgh.
我哥哥有份工作 我花他的钱
My brother has a job, and I take money from him.
那他感觉如何
How does he feel about that?
有时他很不爽
Uh, well, sometimes he gets all pissy about it,
不过我通常都 无视他
but, mainly, I just...ignore him.
工作的话题算谈过了
So...that's work covered.
兴趣爱好呢
Hobbies?
我喜欢做普拉提 每周二晚上去练
Ah. Yeah, I do pilates, Tuesday evenings.
我的下犬式做得可到位了
My downward facing dog is all the shit.
-合十礼 贱♥人♥们 -合什么来着
- Namaste, bitches. - Namas...namas-what?
合十礼 上完瑜伽课要说的一句话
Namaste. It's what you say at the end of a yoga class.
说"合十礼 贱♥人♥们"吗
"Namaste, bitches"?
不 不能说"贱♥人♥们"
No, you don't...you don't say the "Bitches".
那就违背了瑜伽和谐的本质
That's kind of against the whole yoga vibe.
你也应该来上一节课
Hey, you should, you should come to a class.
真的 那些妹子穿着紧身瑜伽裤
Yeah. All these women in their yoga pants,
屁♥股♥撅得高高的
arses in the air.
你都能见到一点...
You can totally see a little...
我...我得去尿尿 大泡的
I...I need to wee. Big time.
我的膀胱只有发育前的小孩膀胱那么大
I've got a bladder the size of a small, prepubescent child.
-快去尿吧 -好的 很快就回来
- Go. Wee. - Yeah. Good. Back in a minute.
你为什么跟踪她
Why are you following her?
如果我告诉你 他会让我下地狱的
If I tell you, he'll send me to hell.
但你不说 我这就送你去
If you don't, I will.
看来你左右为难
So looks like you're caught between a rock...
那就吃屎吧
and some really nasty faeces.
你好 我可以解释
Hi. I can explain.
你最好解释 否则我把你的头也一起塞进去
You better, or I'm sticking your head down there with his.
没事的
It's OK.
没事了
It's OK.
我认识你♥爸♥爸 你的恶魔爸爸
I knew your dad. Your demon dad.
如果他发生意外 我发誓会照看你的
If anything happened to him, I swore I'd look out for you.
我们在山上那样认识...
Us meeting like that, on the hill...
你那时是在跟踪我吗
you were following me?
你骗了我 你到底是谁
You lied to me. OK, Who are you?
我猎捕恶魔
I hunt the pricks.
但只抓坏的那些
Well, the nasty ones anyway.
你♥爸♥爸 是好恶魔
Your dad, he was one of the good guys.
我很喜欢他 很遗憾
I liked him a lot. I'm sorry.
我答应过一定会保护你 这家伙刚才跟踪你
I promised I'd keep you safe. This guy was following you...
我不需要你来保护 你这个自以为是的混♥蛋♥
I don't need you to keep me safe, you patronising dick!
你做的这一切 对我好 请我喝酒
So, all this, making nice, going for a drink,
-都是在演戏 都是屁话 -不
- it was an all an act, it was all bullshit! - No!
一开始是的 但当我遇见你后 一切都改变了
Well, at the start, but then I met you and everything changed.
这不再只是个工作了
It wasn't just a job anymore.
-那是什么 -是个快乐的巧合
- So what was it, then? - It was a happy coincidence.
去你♥妈♥的♥"快乐的巧合"
Shove your happy coincidence down your lying throat.
难道还不明显吗
Well, isn't it obvious?
我真的很喜欢你
I really like you.
我不知道如何告诉你
I didn't know how to tell you.
我讨厌对你说谎
I hated lying to you.
我很抱歉
I'm sorry.
那么...
So...
现在要怎样
What happens now?
你刚才说的是真心的吗
Did you really mean what you said?
什么 快乐的巧合吗
What, about the happy coincidence?
不是 笨蛋
No, numbnuts.
-说喜欢我 -真的
- Liking me? - Yeah.
你把他的头塞进马桶 就因为他跟踪我吗
You stuck his head down the toilet because...he was following me?
你该看看马桶里有什么
You should've seen what's down there.
你这样还挺...牛逼的
That's...kind of kick-arse.
并且有点浪漫
And a bit romantic.
我也有个秘密要告诉你
There's something you should know about me too.
我的膀胱并非是跟小孩的一样大
I don't have the bladder of a small child.
这也出乎意外地浪漫
Also strangely romantic.
你第一次杀的恶魔
First demon you ever killed?
那时我15岁 杀的是希金斯太太
I was 15. Mrs Higgins.
她是我家政课的老师
She was my home economics teacher.
她罚我课后留校
She kept me back for detention...
然后那贱♥人♥想把我的头塞进烤箱里
And the bitch tried to stick my head in an oven.
我点火烧死她个死胖子 还在她头顶放了颗樱桃
Flambeed her fat arse, stuck a cherry on top.
-你呢 -我那时12岁
- What about you? - I was 12.
他是我的足球教练
He was my football coach.
他从来不准我们戴手套 哪怕下雪也不行
He never let us wear gloves - even when it was snowing.
他还杀了守门员
He also murdered the goalkeeper.
怎么了
What?
能跟一个男生聊这些很开心
It's nice to talk about this stuff, with a guy,
不必担心他们会认为你疯了
without them thinking that you're bat-shit crazy.
-这些事真的会毁掉恋情 -是啊
- It really messes with your relationships. - Yeah.
我为了解释
The lies I've had to come up
身上的伤口和淤青也说过很多谎
with to explain all the wounds and bruises.
我曾告诉一个女孩 我被驴子踩踏了
I told this one girl I got trampled by a donkey.
驴子吗
By a donkey?
她有着耷拉的大耳朵 让我联想到驴
She had these big floppy ears - kind of reminded me of a donkey.
驴耳朵 好吧 那她相信你了吗
Donkey ears. OK. Did she believe you?
没有
No!
-没有啊 -完全没有 这谎太扯淡了
- No. - Not at all. It was a ridiculous lie.
-我到了 -该死
- This is me. - Oh, shit...
-怎么了 -我把车落在酒吧了
- What? - I left my car at the bar.
我让你忘记你有车了吗
I made you forget you had a car?
你明天有什么安排 我们可以一起玩玩
Are you doing anything tomorrow? We could hook up.
-抱歉 我太猴急了吗 -是有点
- Sorry, is that too pushy? - It is kind of pushy.
不过我没意见
I think I'm OK with it, though.
你到底到哪去了
Where the bloody hell have you been!?