布拉德·尼利神经秀（2016）

沼泽使我的头发和我的下♥体♥
The swamp keeps my hair and my down there
时刻保持湿软状态
in a constant state of squish.
我就喜欢这样
That's my thing.
因为我是个沼泽女巫
I am a swamp hag!
现在我说完了
Now, I said my piece.
有没有人有一桶小龙虾
Anybody got, like, a bucket of crawdads
或者一条发霉的面包之类的
or a loaf of moldy bread?
没有吗
No?
操你们所有人
Oh fuck all y'all.
肃静 肃静
Order, order!
哟 我是G
Yo, it's me, G.
狗 狗
Dog Dog.
瞧我的乔丹23号♥球衣
Got that jolting J., y'all.
帽子漂在我脑 脑瓜上
Got the hat floating on my pate, pate.
下面绝对啥也没穿 哟
Absolutely no bottoms, yo,
因为全球变暖可是真 真的
'cause global warming be real real.
嘿 我的Lisas最酷了
Hey, peaces to my Lisas.
我叫狗狗 兄弟
Name's Dog Dog, man.
我们有鸡
We have cocks
鸡鸡
Cock cocks
鸡鸡
Cock cocks
我们有鸡
We have cocks
鸡鸡
Cock cocks
鸡呀鸡鸡
Cock cocky cocks
那儿有奇多在地上
There are Cheetos on the floor
奇多在地上
There are Cheetos on the floor
我们有鸡
We have cocks
鸡鸡
Cock cocks
鸡鸡
Cock cocks
你说你的地质比我好
You say you're better than me at Geology?
哈 好啊 很好 方解石
Ha! Yeah, right, calcite.
做梦去吧 橡皮泥
In your dreams, Plasticine.
呵 呵 长石 我是说 去找个纯矿石
Har har, feldspar. I mean, get mina-real.
快说不 同位素
Gotta say no, isotope.
不要脸 泥板岩
Like hell, common shale.
你算个屁 稀有气体
My ass, noble gas.
拉倒 群岛
Screw you, archipelago.
想得美 化石鱼
You wish, fossil fish.
滚回家 石灰岩 随便吧
Go home, limestone. Whatever.
不不 石膏
Na-uh, gypsum.
别妄想 铀精矿
No way, yellow cake.
赶紧滚 冻土层
Get lost, permafrost.
一边儿凉快 石英石块
Take a hike, quartzite.
舔块变质岩
Suck a metamorphic.
他妈的花岗岩
Damn it, granite.
你屁♥眼♥痛吗 侏罗纪
Is your ass sick, Jurassic?
老师更爱我 大洋底
The teacher loves me more, ocean floor.
她是我的 碱性的
She's mine, alkaline.
其实我俩是最好的朋友
We're actually best friends.
唐纳德萨瑟兰味儿的薯片
Donald Sutherland-flavored potato chips.
一餐没它都不行
It's just not a meal without 'em.
现在又有更香甜 风味更佳的唐萨味儿全新上市
Now with even more of that sweet, savory D.S. Kick.
其它牌子都无法将唐纳德萨瑟兰的味道
The other brands just don't know how to bring across
完全原汁原味地展现出来
that full flavor of Donald Sutherland.
但是我们知道怎么做 我们将它
But we know. And we bring it.
从萨瑟兰带到你身边
From the Sutherland to your land.
来吧 宝贝儿 你知道你想来点的
Come on, Bubba. You know you want some.
这就是我为什么要潜水
That's why I SCUBA dive.
所有的那些潜水爱好者
All of the snorkelers,
他们都希望能够看一眼
they all wish they could get the views
我们这些有资格的潜水者能看到的海底风景
that we certified divers can get.
我说的是海底洞穴 还有更深的海水
I'm talking caves, I'm talking deeper water,
我说的是海底和长长的
I'm talking sea floor and long, long --
虎豹小霸王
Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kid
虎豹小霸王昂昂昂
Butch Cassidy, Sundance Kiiiiiid-d!
原则四 永远不要公开地用牙线
Rule number four -- never publicly floss,
挑选 吐痰 喘气 开除 或拉伸
pick, spit, blow, expel, or stretch.
保持可爱 我的朋友
Stay likable, my friends.
一 二 三
One, two, three
一箱30罐啤酒
We got a 30-pack
放进了塑料袋
In a plastic sack
一箱30罐的啤酒
We got a 30-pack
放进了塑料袋
In a plastic sack
让我来跟你讲个故事
Well, let me tell the tale
在一个平凡的周四
Of an ordinary Thursday
我感觉挺好 就是有点渴
Me and mine feeling fine, but kind of thirsty
我们到了比利·克鲁德普家旁边的
We roll up to the store
那家小店
On the street by Billy Crudup's
我们要那个人给我们想要的
And we tell the man to give us what we want
一箱30罐的啤酒
We got a 30-pack
放进了塑料袋
In a plastic sack
一箱30罐的啤酒
We got a 30-pack
放进了塑料袋
In a plastic sack
我们很酷
And we're cool
你不能放弃
You can't quit.
你是冠军
You are a champion.
你的名字不是Brian
Your name is not Brian.
你是便便男
You are Doo Doo Man.
现在你要去竞选总统
And now you are going to run for president.
我不听
Ain't gonna hear that