新喋喋人生

Alan Bennett's Talking Heads S01E10

Part 1 July 7, 2020, 10:18 a.m.

喋喋人生
神之手
我从来不会碰画
I won't touch pictures.
这是一个规矩
Make it a rule.
我见过很多手指污染了画作
I've seen too many fingers burned.
今天早上一个女人来了在她的购物袋里翻找
A woman came in this morning, starts rooting in her shopping bag
说她有我可能感兴趣的东西
saying she has something I might be interested in,
一直放在阁楼里什么的总是那老一套
been in the attic, etc, etc. The usual rigmarole.
显然自己都没有编明白
Hadn't thought anything about it, apparently,
直到她看到我就直到她要这么说
until she saw something similar on - and I knew what was coming -
一个鉴宝节目
that television programme about antiques
说佳士得的一个什么节目
and that someone on the programme from Christie's...
我说"推车小贩" 她说"什么"
I said, "Barrow boys." She said, "Come again?"
我说"苏富比和佳士得[拍卖♥♥行]都是推车小贩
I said, "Sotheby's, Christie's. Barrow boys.
说得好听看起来高档手指干干净净的
"Nicely spoken, lovely suits, finger-nails immaculate.
但终归是推车小贩"
"But barrow boys."
她说"节目上说有2000镑" 我说"当然了
She said, "Well anyway, he said £2,000." I said, "Well, he would.
他可不用每天早上四点钟起床
"He doesn't have to get up at four in the morning and flog
开着古董沃尔沃穿越大半个英格兰就为了
"his ageing Volvo halfway across England just to sit all day in a
在冰冷的店里坐上一整天
"freezing marquee only to come away
只卖♥♥出两个衣帽架和一个雨伞架"
"With two trivets and an umbrella stand."
还2000镑
£2,000!
差点都赶上苏格兰高地牛凭证了
It was one step up from Highland cattle.
她说"这是一幅油画真迹
She said, "It's a genuine oil painting.
你看看这幅画的手笔"
Look at the work that's gone into it."
我说"女士不好意思
I said, "Madam, if you'll forgive me,
我告诉你怎么顺着这条街
could "I point you down the street
走到小玩意咖啡店吧
in the direction of A Tisket A Tasket?
那是一家咖啡店但也卖♥♥些小玩意
"Basically a cafe but doubles as a bric-a-brac shop
伊冯会在那家店边上画画"
"And Yvonne does pictures on the side."
不过我没有明说
Though what I didn't say was
那些人就喜欢收一些不值钱的东西
that they tend to be mice in pinnies-type thing.
我去马路对面告诉德里克和西里尔
I popped over the road to tell Derek and Cyril.
他们刚接待了一名斯德哥尔摩来的顾客
They'd just had a buyer in from Stockholm,
几乎把他们的店搬空了
practically cleared them out.
斯塔福德郡的这是他们的卖♥♥点
Staffordshire mostly, which is their big thing.
我不感兴趣但德里克和西里尔很喜欢
Doesn't do anything for me but Derek and Cyril love it.
胖子都喜欢吧
Chunky, I suppose.
其实我这里没有什么特色
Actually I don't have a particular line.
都是一些上好的乡村家具
Good cottage furniture sums it up,
榆树的果树的任何上过漆的
elm, fruitwood, anything painted.
当然还有钟表了只要我能搬进来
And clocks, of course, when I can get hold of them.
还有各个时期的瓶瓶罐罐
Plus pots of the period.
我有我绝对不会卖♥♥的东西
Some things I won't sell.
比如泰迪熊
Teddy bears, for instance.
泰迪熊是个雷区
Teddy bears are a minefield.
我在萨福克郡的一个拍卖♥♥会上看到两个竞标者
I was at a sale in Suffolk and I saw a teddy bear actually
把一个泰迪熊撕成了两半
torn apart between two bidders,
其中一个还是牧师
one of them a vicar.
这年头大家都会做点副业
These days they're all going in for little sidelines.
买♥♥点果酱和酸辣酱维持生活
Eking the job out with jam and little pots of chutney.
一天有个女人走进来问我有没有酸辣酱
A woman came in the other day, said, did I have any chutney?
我说"等乐购不卖♥♥折叠桌了
I said, "I shall start doing chutney, madam,
我就开始卖♥♥酸辣酱"
"When Tesco start doing gateleg tables."
但是那些车♥库♥里都会卖♥♥花椒你能怎么办
But the garage sells potpourri so what do you expect?
我会想到劳伦斯
I think of Lawrence.
"上帝啊老姑娘我给这个地方小费
"Christ, old girl, I didn't sink my gratuity into this place to
可不是为了让你卖♥♥调味品的"
"Start selling bloody condiments."
他以前是拆弹部队的
He was in bomb disposal,
所以我们是通过买♥♥钟表时认识的
which was why to begin with we went in for clocks.
不过当然了那时候我们真的卖♥♥钟表
Though of course there were clocks then.
那时候什么都有
There was everything then.
家具
Furniture.
陶器
Pottery.
库存满满的
Stock no problem.
有眼光的人比如说我
And if one had the eye, which I do,
就会好好选择
one could pick and choose.
现在不会了
Not any more.
有什么买♥♥什么
Take what you can get.
全都是钱钱钱的
And it's money, money, money.
如果你喜欢美丽的东西
If you love beautiful things,
这也是我一开始选择这行的原因
which is why I came into this business in the first place,
现在这世道会让你伤透了心
it just breaks your heart.
大家现在都是专家了
Oh, and everyone's an expert now,
精通所有营销把戏
up to all the tricks of the trade.
你会发现他们对某件东西感兴趣
You'll see something catch their eye
但是他们不会直接说出来
and they don't ask about it straight away,
他们会先问些别的商品
they'll enquire about something else,
假装不感兴趣然后说
pretend they're not interested, then it's,
"对了顺便这个多少钱"
"Oh, incidentally, how much is this little thing?"
这简直是最古老的把戏了
It's the oldest dodge in the world
他们还指望你真的会信
and they expect you to be taken in by it.
当然了这都是他们在电视上学的
Of course they've picked all that up off the television.
我不会装电视的
I won't have one.
我和南茜·巴纳德说我拒绝看电视
I said to Nancy Barnard, I refuse to watch it.
她说"我们装电视只是为了费伊"
She said, "Well, we only have it because of Fay."
什么费伊他们俩都看着电视就入迷了
Fay! They're both glued to it!
真希望我能换掉这张餐桌
Wish I could shift this refectory table.
我刚买♥♥来的时候只当是个便宜货
It was a real snip when I got it,
但一年过去了一点划痕都没有
but I've had it a year now and not a nibble.
桌面很棒橡树的
Lovely top. Oak.
老文崔斯小姐看到了
Old Miss Ventriss seeing what there is.
有一次从她手里收了两个德比瓷盘
Took two Crown Derby plates off her once,
算是帮个忙有一个还碎了边
just as a favour, one of them chipped.
她看起来有点虚弱
Looking a bit frail.
继续走
Going on.
浮雕胸针真漂亮
Lovely cameo brooch.
他们说话时就当你不存在
They talk as if you're not in the room.
刚刚那对夫妻在看亚洲雉鸡碗
Couple just now, looking at the Asiatic pheasant tureen.
女的说"60镑我愿意2.1镑卖♥♥我的"
"£60!" She said, "I gave £2.10 for mine." "Yes, but when?"
我想说"什么时候的 1955年的吗"
I wanted to say, "1955?"
有的人还很不小心
And some of them so careless
简直就是把东西扫到了地上
they practically hurl things to the floor.
我立了牌子了"尽情欣赏轻拿轻放
I've got a notice up now, "Lovely to look at, nice to hold,
但弄坏必赔"
"But if you break it I say sold!"
有人在看
Somebody looking in.
金鱼碗
Goldfish bowl.
不不管你弯多低你都看不到加钱
No. You can't see the price, however far you bend.
就算你的脖子脱臼你也看不到
You're going to dislocate your neck and you still won't see it,
因为我小心地把标签藏好了
because I've carefully hidden the ticket so that
这样如果你想知道价钱就必须进店
if you want to see the price you'll have to come into the shop.
而你不会进店
Which you're not doing.
就算他们看到了价格他们也不会理解
Even if they could see the price they wouldn't understand
因为我有我的原则
because I've got my little code.
紧要关头我愿意1300镑卖♥♥掉这个
I could take £1,300 for this at a pinch.
我已经拥有一年了
I've had it a year now.
太久了
Too long.
劳伦斯会给我念《暴♥动♥法》
Lawrence would be reading me the Riot Act.
"继续做一个上升股老姑娘加油"
"Keep your stock ticking over, old girl. Move it on."
他就是这样就算这样赚不了多少
And he did, even if it meant not making much.
"那就像是拼字游戏亲爱的
"It's like Scrabble, m'dear.
不要总想着拼大的一定要拼7个字母的词
"Start saving up for the big one, the seven-letter word,
你就没问题拼出你的词
"And you're done for. Get your letters down.
这里5镑那里10镑
"£5 here. £10 there.
这周买♥♥X 下周卖♥♥Y
"Buy for X one week, sell for Y the next.
这样才能赚钱"
"That's how you make your money."
放在会议室里肯定不错
Look well in a boardroom.
或者那种阁楼之类的地方
Or one of those loft conversion things.
1150英镑我也愿意考虑一下
I'd even consider £1,150.
我总是会想文崔斯小姐
I kept wondering about Miss Ventriss.
我很久没见到她了我就想着
So what with not having seen her in a bit I thought I'd just