邻居大战

She's so crazy.
她还在你后边站着呢
She's still behind you.
真无聊啊 你说呢 皮特
Lame, isn't it, Pete?
你还真是神神秘秘的
You're really villaining out in here.
你说什么无聊 怎么了
What's lame? What's going on?
我们被留校 很无聊啊
Lame that we're on probation.
我们没法上这面墙了
We're not gonna end up on this thing.
确实很不爽 但是上了这墙又有什么意义
That is kind of lame, but also kind of meaningless, right?
-你说什么 -我是说 反正你是主席嘛
No, man. I just mean, like, you're the president, you know?
你那么想上墙 你把自己的照片挂上去不就得了
If you want to be up there so bad, just put your picture up.
也没人会阻止你的
No one's gonna stop you.
因为我不是凭借真正实力上的墙
Because then I didn't earn it.
如果你没做什么实事 上墙也没有意义啊
It doesn't mean anything if you don't earn it.
谁管你
Who cares?
"谁管你"
"Who cares?"
你开玩笑嘛
Are you kidding me?
你是我的副♥主♥席♥
You're the vp, man.
从入学新生那年开始 我们就一直渴望这个荣誉
We have wanted this since we were freshmen.
现在都过去4年了好吗
Dude, that was four years ago, okay?
当时我们都是处♥男♥ 好吧
We were fucking virgins. All right?
现在 我们都要成大人了
We're about to be, like, adults now.
两周后我们毕业了 这一切都没意义了
In two weeks, none of this is even gonna matter.
你♥他♥妈♥胡说什么
我说 你知道这面墙上的故事都是假的吧
I mean, you do realize that all this stuff, it's all bullshit, right?
这都是编的
我哥的兄弟会还说他们也发明了兵乓啤酒呢
Like, my brother's fraternity also thinks they invented beer pong.
你哥是胡说的
Well, your brother is a liar.
放下这个 好好说话
All right, let's put that down.
兄弟 我不想让你误解
Dude, I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
但是我觉得 你对于自己
but I think you're freaking out
明年要做什么感到恐惧
about what you're gonna do next year.
什么
What?
我只是当你朋友给你说这些
I'm trying to be your friend, okay?
我不知道你干嘛不跟我谈谈这些感受
But I don't know why you try to hide this stuff from me.
我副业修心理科的啊
I'm a psychology minor, you know that.
"我副业修心理科的啊"
"I'm a psychology minor."
兄弟 你知道为什么你如此放不下
Dude, why do you think you're so obsessed
隔壁那对夫妇吗
with that old couple next door, all right?
因为他们让你想到未来的自己
It's because they remind you of the future.
对不起 但这是事实
I'm sorry, but it's true.
你♥他♥妈♥在说什么
What the fuck are you talking about?
-你是拿我当朋友对吗 -是啊
You're trying to be my friend? Yes!
那你干嘛不再去跟我女朋友来一炮呢
Well, why don't you go fuck my girlfriend again?
-什么 -对
What? Yeah.
我以为我们已经冰释前嫌了 你怎么...
I thought we were over that. What are you...
我怎么可能原谅你
How the fuck could I be cool with that, man?
你睡了我的女朋友
You had sex with my girlfriend!
我们不是说了那些押韵的打油诗吗
What are you... We said all those things, all right?
现在你又反♥目♥...
They rhymed! What the hell was that?
押韵的打油诗 你疯了吗
We said some shit that rhymed? Are you crazy, man?
那些烂玩意怎么可能让我原谅你 你没看出来吗
You don't think I was clearly trying to mask how I really felt,
我只是假装大度 继续跟你做兄弟而已
so I tried to bro out with you?
我怎么会知道 你演得太好了
I don't know! You're a good actor!
我他妈该怎么想
What the fuck am I supposed to think?
快滚出去
Get the fuck out of here!
天噜 你有气找别人撒好吗
God! Dude, take your shit out on someone else, all right?
-这事又不是我的错 -行
This isn't about me. Okay.
他说得对 皮特 快滚吧
That's right, Pete. Walk away.
婊砸
Bitch. Oh, my God.
司寇尼有天在你睡觉的时候
Scoonie put his dick in your mouth
把他的JJ放进你嘴里了 婊砸
while you were sleeping, bitch!
不 我才没睡觉
Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep.
等一下
One sec!
把腿放进去
Get your knees in there.
好啦
There you go.
你好啊 邻居
Hey, neighbor.
你还想怎么样
What the fuck do you want, man?
你好 最近怎么样
Hi, how's it going?
你还想怎样 都结束了
What do you want? It's over. Yeah.
你赢了 我们不想继续了
You won. There's nothing else.
我们才刚刚开始呢
We're just getting started.
我知道你们脑子里想的什么
I know what you might be thinking.
泰迪明年就要毕业了
"Teddy is gonna graduate this year
然后一切就都会平息
"and everything's gonna be fine."
不会的
But it won't.
几周后 学期结束 我们的留校察看也就结束了
Because in a few weeks, when school ends, so does our probation.
还会有千百个泰迪前仆后继地
There's gonna be hundreds and thousands of teddys living
住在你家隔壁
next door to you for all time.
泰迪只是一个符号♥
Because"Teddy" is just an idea.
都结束了好吗
It's over. It's over, man.
没错 结束了
It's over? Okay, it's over, it's over, it's over.
我只想说一件事
I just have one thing I wanted to say.
在这段时间里 你们的女儿
This entire time, your daughter is gonna be growing up
将会看着隔壁无数个年轻赤膊的汉子长大
watching all these young, shirtless men next door,
而我们也会看回去
and we're gonna be watching right back.
你这人咋这么坏 快滚开
You're a bad boy! Get off our porch.
-台达帕普西万岁 婊砸 -快滚 我要报♥警♥了
Delta psi, bitch. Now! I'm gonna call the police!
滚
Get off!
我们绝不搬家
We are not moving.
不 我们逼他们搬
No. They are.
问题是现在 他们被留校察看了
The problem is that they're on probation.
-我知道 -也就是说他们现在行事更小心了
I know. They're being careful.
以前那些荒唐事他们再也不会干了
They're never gonna do anything ridiculous,
所以我们就要让他们以为自己脱离留校察看了
What would be great is if they didn't think they were on probation.
我们的留校察看被撤销了
Our probation's been lifted! Our probation's been lifted!
我们的留校察看被撤销了
Our probation's been lifted!
真不错
Yeah, this is amazing.
我也想要个孩子
I want a baby. I'm gonna have a baby.
-你可不想 -我真的想要
You don't want a baby. Oh, I do.
你愿意当我的代♥孕♥妈♥妈♥吗 凯利
Would you be my surrogate, Kelly?
-不 -老兄 别这么问
No! Dude, don't ask that.
不要用这么受伤的语气 我又没说要跟她上♥床♥
Don't be so fucking offended. It's not like we're gonna have sex.
-我可以自己撸到她里面啊 -代♥孕♥不是这样的
-I would masturbate into her. -That's not how it works.
泰迪刚刚发推特了
Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted.
什么
What?
明天晚上大爬梯
Tomorrow night, party's on.
今晚有免费爬梯 有吃的 有毛毯 会很不错的
There'll be food, blankets. It's gonna be great.
坏小子正在直播 接下来我们来接听听众热♥线♥
We're back on the air with dirty boy.
来电听众 请问你叫什么名字
All right, caller, what's your name?
我是台达帕普西兄弟会的毛蛋蛋
This is nutsack calling over from delta psi.
你好 毛蛋蛋
What's up, nutsack?
我们今晚要举♥行♥狂欢
We're having a huge rager tonight.
你知道如何给爬梯 招揽更多客人吗
You know what brings people to a party more than anything?
名人效应 我是马克·沃尔伯格
This is mark wahlberg.
如果你不来参加我们的爬梯
If you don't come to this party,
我就要对准嘴给你来上一拳
I'm gonna give you a world-class knuckle sandwich.
哦天了噜 我是安妮·海瑟薇
Oh, my gosh. This is Anne hathaway.
我邀请你们这周末
I want to ask you to the party this weekend
跟我的朋友一起来这个有趣的爬梯
that I'm having with friends.
你好 我是茱莉亚·蔡尔德
Hello. This is Julia child.
嗨 亲爱的 你要爬梯嘛
Ho! Hey, babe, you want to party?
问题是 你们想要爬梯嘛
The question is, do you want to party?
就在这里
Right there.
枯树干 也给你一张吧
You, too, deadwood. There you go.
晚上见哦
See you guys.
大家好 我是雷·罗曼诺
Hey, it's ray Romano. What are you doin'?
你说错了 应该是这样 我是雷·罗曼诺
No, this is ray Romano and...
我说的是对的
No, this is ray Romano...
雷·罗曼诺到底是谁
Who is ray Romano?
我是奥巴马总统
This is president Barack Obama,
我号♥召大家今晚都来参加
telling you to come to a great party
在奥姆斯特德西街2033号♥举♥行♥的爬梯