邻居大战

邻居大战
好吧 我们真的在做了 好随性哦
Okay, it's happening. It's spontaneous.
真是...谁能想到呢 我是真心没想到啊
This... who saw this coming? I did not see this coming.
行行行 我们开始吧
Okay, okay, okay. Okay, let's do it.
我们做了哦 真的做了哦
Okay. It's happening. It's totally happening.
真是百转千回 好耶
What a twist. Oh, yeah. Okay.
太随性了
This is so spontaneous.
我们现在居然在啪啪啪...
We're having sex one minute...
谁知道接下来我们又会干点啥呢
Who knows what's gonna happen next?
谁知道十分钟后我们又会干啥呢
Who knows what we'll be doing in 10 minutes?
哈哈要疯啦
Okay. This is crazy!
我从来都没在餐厅的椅子上啪啪啪过诶
I've never had sex on a dining room chair in my whole life.
太爽了啊
This is amazing.
小婊砸 我带你去大鸟镇溜达一圈吧
I'm taking you to boner town, bitch.
-你别骂我呀 -哦 对不起哦
Don't call me"bitch!" Okay. I'm sorry.
我带你去大鸟镇 亲爱的
I'm taking you to boner town, love. Okay.
怎么了 宝贝
Baby? Baby?
女儿正看着我们呐
She's totally fucking looking at us.
你好啊 宝贝
Hey, baby.
她知道咱俩干嘛呢
She knows what's happening.
她肯定知道
She totally knows what's happening.
不会的 她看不清的 她只看得到两个黑影
She can't see anything. She just sees shapes.
她...看到的是两个黑影 在啪啪啪啊
She sees shapes fucking each other, is what she sees. She can...
没事 她只看得到黑影啦
She's fine. She just sees shapes.
就好像弹力球一样
It's like bouncing balls.
那是我胯下的弹力球啊
My bouncing balls.
她不碍事的
She's fine. She's fine. You know what?
这样 我们把她转过去吧
Let me turn her around. Let me turn her around.
好吧
Okay. Okay.
嗨 小宝贝 乖女儿
Hey, sweetie. Hey, little girl.
转过去吧 看看墙
Gonna turn around now. Gonna look at the wall now.
继续吧
Let's go.
好的 就这样吧 爱你哦 小宝贝
Okay. There you go. Love you, sweetie. Okay.
好啦 继续吧
Okay! Let's do it.
我们继续 继续干正事
We're back. We're back in business.
好嘞
Okay. Okay.
继续咯 我们开始做啦
We are back. It's happening. Okay.
天啊 她还在不断扭过头来
Oh, God. She keeps turning... turn around.
看那边啦 转过去啊
Just look that way. Just turn around.
她为什么总是...唉
Why is she... okay.
我没感觉了
I think it's over.
我们还是做过了呀
We still did that.
-不好意思 -对 我们做过了
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. We still did that.
你好啊
Hello.
在你的跳跳车里面待的怎么样啊
What are you doing in your jumperoo?
刚才你什么都没看见哦
This never happened.
-我们还没做完呢 -对 我们要做完的
We're gonna finish that. We will finish that.
告你一声 我们每个房♥间都要做一遍
Fyi, we're gonna do it in every room.
这次我一定要射出来
And this time, I'm going to ejaculate.
并不是说我们有了房♥子跟小孩
Just because we have a house and a baby
就说明我们老了
doesn't mean that we're old people.
当然不是 老个屁
No. Fuck old people.
你见过谁家老人像我们刚刚那样啪啪啪的
Old people don't fuck like we just did.
亲爱的 我刚刚都要高♥潮♥了
Baby, I nearly came.
这一切都好像脱线家族呢
This is like the Brady bunch.
我知道 我觉得这个房♥子最好的地方就是
I know! What's nice about the house
让我感觉到我们花的每一分钱都值了
is that it looks like every penny we have is inside of it.
最起码看上去很值
So, at least it looks like it.
看着特好 对吧
It's legitimate, right?
跟邻居打个招呼
Neighbors. Hey. Hi.
哦 一对基友
Hey. Oh. Gay couple.
-基友哦 -真的是基友哦
There's a gay couple. Gay couple.
-他们看着真不错啊 -好幸福的感觉
They seem like a nice couple. They're so happy.
-太棒了 -简直就是人生梦想啊
That's awesome! Dream!
也不算...算是第二人生梦想吧
It is. Well, it's the second dream.
第一人生梦想是塔可钟在隔壁开分店 那才叫爽
First dream, taco bell opens next door. That would be fucking dope.
你们好
Hi! Hi!
嘿 这个小区超级棒的哦
Hey. It's a fabulous neighborhood.
-哦 女儿醒了 -真的吗
Oh, she's awake. Really?
-真的醒了 -好吧
She's awake. Okay.
好吧 再见
Okay. Uh... well, bye.
再见 爱你哦
Okay. Bye. Love you.
再见 亲爱的 祝你今天开心
Love you. Bye. Have a good day.
我能跟你一块去吗
Can I come?
哈哈哈玩笑
Kidding.
我们会开心的 一定会开心的 好啦 再见
No, we'll have a great day! We'll have a great day. Okay. Bye!
爱你哦
I love you!
啊哦 这不是马克嘛
Uh-oh. Mac attack.
嘿
Hey!
他就坐在这儿呐
Hey, there he is.
嘿
Hey.
四点钟之前 你得把门德尔松的文件给我交上来
I need that mendelson file by 4:00.
好的
Okay, yeah.
我现在可是你老板 不是你哥们儿
And this is not your bro, this is your boss talking.
三点半我就把文件给你 行不
I'll have it to you by 3:30. How's that?
-马克 -好吧
Mac! Okay.
马克
Mac!
怎么了
What?
你等我一下
Wait. Hold on.
好吧
Okay!
太远 跑的好累
Oh, jeez, it's so far.
我们得出去谈谈我们谈的那事儿
Hey, we gotta go work on that thing we were discussing.
-什么东西 -怎么了
What thing? What's going on?
我们得谈谈我们一块起"草"的那个文件
We have to go work on that joint file.
哦 我们起"草"的那个文件
Of course. The joint file.
你们一起起草了什么文件
You guys are doing a joint file?
对 我们为了那个文件很拼的
Yeah. We're pretty deep into it. It's tight.
-很拼的 -很重要的文件
It's pretty thick. It's a big file.
-很重要啊 -费了很大劲
Pretty fat file. It's dank.
thc是大♥麻♥中的主要活性成分 这里是大♥麻♥笑话
我们给Thc公♥司♥起草的文件
Yeah, we gotta file that for the thc corporation.
好吧
Okay.
我们现在"麻"烦缠身呢
Because we are in the weeds.
-斯特拉最近咋样 -她真是太可爱了
How's Stella? She's a cute baby.
挺不错的
It's nice.
刚开始的六个月里 我觉得一切都塌了
I think I realized for the first six months, everything is fucked.
我的世界天翻地覆
Everything changes completely. Yeah.
我想 我的生活完蛋了 一切都不同了
You're like,"my life is over!
我什么都不能做了
Everything's different!
但现在 我意识到 一切都回归了正常
But now, I realize that that's all gonna go back to normal.
-真的吗 -她马上就可以自己吸食了
You sure about that? She can start drinking soon.
现在有种带子 能测出母乳的酒精含量
They make these little strips that test your tit milk for alcohol.
你老婆就戴着那种带子
She puts them on her tits?
对啊 她的奶♥子♥现在大得惊人
Yeah, she puts them on her tits. Her tits are huge right now.
-真的吗 -不过我不能碰啦
Are they really? But I can't touch them.
她现在甚至都不让我看她的奶♥子♥
She won't even let me see them, is what's fucked up.
-啥 -我们晚上啪啪啪的时候
What? When we have sex,
她都不肯脱掉背心
she leaves a wife-beater on.
就好像在跟托尼·斯波拉罗上♥床♥似的
It's like having sex with Tony soprano.
-你就好像她情妇一样 -对 不爽哦
You're the goomah in this situation.
现在我们的朋友中 只有你现在买♥♥了房♥子
You are the only one of our friends that has a house
有了宝宝
and a kid.
对
Yeah.
就好像你一下子比大家都老了十岁一样
It's like you're, like, 10 years older than everyone, you know?
你♥他♥妈♥都离过婚了
You're divorced.
我想的是...
The point is...
现在是属于我一个人的时光 你懂吗
It's Jimmy time. You know what I mean?
当你约会的时候 周围其他的那些女孩...
And the girls, when you're dating...
-怎么 -该死
Yeah? Holy shit!
你不知道我们错过了多少
See, we missed out on the whole, kind of,
高科技的性♥爱♥时代 你懂吗
sex-tech bubble, you know what I mean?