贵族大盗

你们可能知道 我有多重身份
As you may well know, I am many things.
我是艺品商 剑术高手
An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer,
枪法几乎百发百中
fair shot with most weapons.
尊敬我的人都和我...
I am loved and respected by all who know me...
不太熟
Slightly.
贵族大盗
但我始终认为少了点什么
But I have always felt there's something missing, you see.
能代表我的一种个人特色
Some final piece of my personal puzzle.
我需要独树一格的标记
I needed something bold, distinctive.
谢谢
Thank you.
它就像艺术品 足以让世人知道
The work of art with which I could declare to the heavens,
我是鼎鼎大名的查理·摩迪凯勋爵
I am Lord Charlie Mortdecai,
而这充满魅力的标记
and this little bit of magic
就是我的胡须
is my moustache.
我看
I see.
我们谈正事吧 老方
Shall we to business then, Fang?
麻烦你
Would you mind?
你要我帮你找
"Find," you said.
我也找到了
And find, I have done.
乾隆花瓶
The Qianlong vase.
稀世珍宝
Very, very rare.
文火烧制 浸没上釉
Low-fired with an immersion glaze?
长江南部的陶瓷不用文火烧制
None of the southern Yangtze ceramics are low-fired.
但你早知道了 你在考我
But you know that. You're testing me.
真是抱歉 蚊子 你看
I'm so terribly sorry. Mosquito. You see it?
你不验验这只花瓶吗
Why don't you test the vase instead?
相信你会同意 200万英镑十分划算
I am sure that you will agree it is a bargain at two million pounds.
谁不晓得你破产了
Everyone knows you're broke.
100万你就会卖♥♥
You will take one million.
天啊 好大一只
Golly, that was a big one!
恭敬不如从命 老方
Well, have it your way, Fang.
就100万英镑
One million pounds.
相信你带了债券来吧
I trust that you have brought the treasuries?
我想先把钱留着
I think I'll keep the money.
还有花瓶
And the vase.
上一笔交易你骗我
You cheated me in our last deal.
我付300万买♥♥那块织锦
I paid three million for that tapestry,
结果它只值100万
then found out it is worth only one!
你坑我 现在我要讨回公道
You took from me. Now I will take from you.
搞清楚 老方 方胖子
Now, you look here, Fang! Fat. Fang Fat.
我是艺品商 不是骗子
I'm an art dealer, not a charlatan.
流氓
A rogue, perhaps,
恶棍 无赖 随你怎么说
a scamp or scoundrel, I will grant you.
但绝非乱吹牛的江湖郎中
But never an outright mountebank.
够了
Enough!
这是你欠我的
You owe me.
一根手指应该说得过去 对不对
I believe a finger would be fair. Don't you?
才怪
No!
乔克
Jock!
我劝你别冲动
I wouldn't, mate. I really wouldn't.
乔克 谢天谢地 你到哪去了
Jockie, thank heavens! Where have you been, man?
跟平常一样在您身后 老爷
Right behind you as always, sir.
救命啊
Help.
乔克
Jock!
干得好 乔克
Well done, Jockie.
这是我的荣幸 老爷
It's a privilege, sir!
乔克 你发炉了
Jock, you're ablaze!
大功告成了
Well, I think our work here is done.
该闪人了 老爷
Time to go, sir.
香港
乔克检查了我们的财务状况
Jock laid out the state of our financial affairs.
基本上负债累累
Basically, they involved debt.
巴黎
债台高筑
Massive, crushing debt.
伦敦
我们赶回摩迪凯庄园
We hurried back to Mortdecai Manor,
我的爱妻乔安娜
where my beloved wife, Johanna,
早已听说了财务危机
having heard of our financial distress,
赶回家出♥售♥我的一些珍藏
was arriving home to sell off some of my prized possessions.
连我的骏马图都在清♥仓♥之列
Even my horsey picture was on the block.
希望我新留的胡须能逗她开心
But I was hopeful my new moustache would cheer her up.
亲爱的
Darling!
天啊 我想死你了
Oh, God, I missed you terribly.
乔安娜 我的挚爱
Johanna. Love of my life.
我的心肝宝贝
Apple of my eye_
真希望你在我身边
I so wish you had been there.
你能想像我俩在那严寒的城市
Can you imagine the two of us in that frigid city,
只有激♥情♥能温暖我们...
only our passions keeping us...
哇 那是什么鬼东西
Whoa! What is that?
趁你不在时特别留的
Just a little something I cooked up whilst you were away, my darling.
撒切尔夫人说过 亲吻没有胡须的男人
I do believe it was Maggie Thatcher who said that kissing a man without
就像吃蛋没加盐
a moustache is rather like eating an egg without salt.
别用那东西指着我
Oh, don't point that thing at me.
我就说吧
Told ya.
我可是深思熟虑才这么做
I have put no inconsiderable thought and effort into this endeavor.
嘴上这一块是男人能主宰的...
You see, the domain of a man's upper lip is his sovereign ground...
给你5分钟刮掉
You have five minutes to shave it off.
摩迪凯家的每个男人都有留 我为什么不行
Every Mortdecai man before me had the same. Why can't I?
人家真的很喜欢啦
Oh, I happen to be terribly fond of it,
很想让它继续长
and I have had every intention of seeing it through.
你是说还要留得更长
You mean it's going to get bigger?
对 它会长得很茂密
It will come to fruition, yes.
亲爱的
Oh, darling...
你真的不肯刮掉吗
You really won't shave it off?
人家不要刮啦
I can't, my duck. Not at this juncture.
根本还没长齐 它还小嘛
It's not even fully corked. It's a baby.
-乔克 -是 夫人
-Jock? -Yes, madam?
麻烦为摩迪凯老爷准备客房♥
Please, will you make up the guest bedroom for Mr. Mortdecai?
已经打理好了 夫人
Already have, madam.
晚上我不在楼下用餐
And I shan't be having dinner downstairs this evening.
端到房♥里给我吃
I'll just have a supper tray in my room.
没问题 夫人
Very good, madam.
相信乔克已经通知你了
I do believe Jock has informed you
我们眼看着就要破产了
that we are staring down the barrel of insolvency.
你打算怎么解决
What do you plan to do about it?
对 是的
Right. Yes, well...
那 哦 没错
That... Well... Quite.
首先就是卖♥♥掉那幅谢里丹的画
First thing we're doing is selling off that Sheridan.
哦 我亲爱的小野兽
Oh, my sweet little love beast,
我相信能筹到必要的资金
I am sure that we will come up with the necessary funds
就在月底前 今天几号♥ 5号♥
by the end of the month. What is today? The fifth!
26号♥ 老爷
The 26th, sir.
好吧 所以还有六...
All right. That gives us six...
五天 老爷
Four days, sir.
乔克 明早带谢里丹的画到伦敦
Jock? Please can you take the Sheridan up to London in the morning?
我要让它加入秋季大♥师♥拍卖♥♥会
I'm entering it in the Autumn Masters Auction.
遵命 夫人
Right you are, madam.
拜托 别这么急
Come, come. Let's not be rash.
哈罗 狗狗
Oh, hello, poppet.
传家宝不能随便乱卖♥♥
We cannot go about selling off family heirlooms willy-nilly.
我恐怕得坚持立场 亲爱的
I'm afraid I shall have to put my foot down, darling.
你说什么
Sorry?
当然得先获得你的恩准
With your permission, of course.
可恶 好帅的胡须
Bugger it. Oh, there he is.
她会回心转意吧 乔克
She'll come around, Jock. How could she not?
她怎能抵挡您的魅力 老爷
She's only human, sir.
稍微介绍一下乔克
A quick aside about Jock.
除了当我的仆人和打手
In addition to being my manservant and thug,
他上♥床♥的机会多到令人嫉妒
he also maintains an enviable rate of sexual intercourse,
所以偶尔会带来麻烦
which can be occasionally problematic.
我们最近卖♥♥了一幅画
Recently, after we'd concluded the sale of a painting
给一个富有的土耳其农夫之后
to a wealthy turkey farmer...