生活伴侣（2014）

没长眼啊 小婊砸
Watch where you're going, bitch!
你说什么 -我谢你截我道
What? - Thanks for cutting me off!
你还差点蹭掉我的后视镜呢 小淫♥娃♥
You almost took my side view mirror off, slut!
今天你走运 要不是我急着赶路 现在非操翻你
You're lucky I have to be somewhere,or I'd fuck your ass up right now.
草泥马 - 草泥马
Fuck you! - Fuck you!
你刚是骂我小淫♥娃♥吗
Did you call me a slut back there?
嗯 我都不知道那会儿怎么想的
Yeah. I don't even know where that came from.
准备好参加同志骄傲游♥行♥了吗 - 当然 哥们
You ready to get proud? - Oh, dude. Dude.
我来了 我是基佬
I'm here. I'm queer.
你们最好习惯这个事实
Better get used to it.
或许我不该碰你 别人会误会我们是一对呢
Oh, maybe I shouldn't touch you so people won't think we're together.
是嘛 那别碰我 别挡我小♥弟♥弟♥桃花
Oh, yeah. Get off me.Stop cock-blocking me.
小妹妹吧 - 不 就是小♥弟♥弟♥
Vagina-blocking? - No. Still cock-blocking.
说不通啊 都是小妹妹啊 - 我不知道 从来没人要变个说法
Doesn't make sense. There's two vaginas.- I don't know. Nobody ever changed it.
生 活 伴 侣
谢谢你今天陪我参加骄傲游♥行♥
Thank you for coming to Pride with me today.
谢谢你留我住一晚 累得我都没劲儿开车回家了
Thank you for letting me sleep over.I was way too tired to drive home.
跟往常一样哈 等等 起来下
As usual. Wait. Hey. Get... Get up.
怎么了 - 枕错枕头了
What? - Wrong pillow.
你喜欢的是这个 笨蛋 矫形记忆枕 很合你的头
You like this one, stupid. Orthopedic.Curvy. Fits your head.
你说得对
Oh, you're right.
不行
No.
不行
No.
等等 刚那女孩呢 很可爱啊
Wait. No, what about that girl?She's really cute,
她住的离你两英里远 你都能走路过去
and she lives two miles away.You could... You could walk over there.
到时若你不喜欢她 你再走回家
And then if you don't like her,you could just walk home.
好吧 一会儿再说 - 何不现在就约呢
All right. Maybe later. - Why not now?
现在是凌晨两点好不 她对我的第一印象会很差的
Because it's 2:00 a.m.That's a really bad first impression.
她很可能会觉得我半夜无聊躺床上上网翻照片
She'll probably imagine me, like,laying in bed flicking it.
左翻翻 右翻翻 肯定会这么想
Flicking. Yes. Yes.
你是在爱抚自己吗
Are you feeling yourself up?
我左胸上有一个奇怪的凹痕
I have this weird dent in my left boob.
会不会得病了啊 恶性肿瘤之类的
Is that a thing? Like a reverse tumor?
说什么呢 我看看
What? Let me see.
没有 我什么也没看到
No. I don't see anything.
我看见了 - 天啊
I see it. - Oh, God!
这就是我没男朋友的原因 我全部时间都用在留宿
This is why I don't have a boyfriend.'Cause I spend all my time having sleepovers
和盯我最好朋友 一个蕾丝边的胸部上了
and staring at my lesbian best friend's boobs.
你之所以没男朋友是因为你太挑了
You don't have a boyfriend because you're way too picky.
我只想遇见一个可以跟你媲爱的男人 要求很过分吗
I just wanna meet a guy that I like as much as you. Is that too much to ask for?
是啊 很过分 除你之外的人我都讨厌
Yes. Yes, it is.I hate everyone but you.
我们完蛋了
We're screwed.
嗨 我叫肖妮 来自内布拉斯加州的奥马哈
Hey, I'm Shawneen,and I'm from Omaha, Nebraska.
我从不认为自己长得漂亮
I've never really considered myself pretty.
才怪 肖妮 我一秒都不信你觉得自己不漂亮
Yeah, right, Shawneen. I don't buy for a second you don't think you're pretty.
你都在参加《全美超模大赛》了
You're on a show called America's Next Top Model.
明显觉得自己漂亮嘛 - 她让我想起第三季的阿曼达
You obviously think you're pretty. - She reminds me of Amanda from Cycle 3.
是的 是的 是的 眼睛像 长得都很怪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Her eyes, they're so weird.
天啊 萨沙 - 咋啦
Oh, Sasha. - What?
阿曼达的眼睛长那样是因为人家是盲人
Amanda's eyes look like that because she was legally blind,
而且听说她上过节目后就全瞎了
and I heard after the show she went full-on blind.
哎呦
Whoops.
还喝吗 - 不了 明天我要开打一个新官司了
Do you want this? - No. No. I'm starting a new case tomorrow.
是我第一次主管的 我要全力以赴
It's my first one without the partners.I gotta be firing on all cylinders.
好吧 我运气好 每天接电♥话♥就不必费力
Well, lucky me. I don't have to fire on any cylinders to answer the phone all day.
我能来这儿吗 - 当然
I can crash here, right? - Yeah, sure.
谢谢 - 非常感谢
Thank you. - Thank you so much.
给我 - 同志们 问你们个事儿
Give me. - Guys, quick question.
凡妮莎是不是正往这里看呢
Is Vanessa looking over here?
萨沙 她是不是在跟别人聊天 - 我不知道 詹 你自己看吧
Sasha, is she talking to someone? - I don't know. Jenn, look for yourself.
珍 你看呢
Jen, is she? Is she?
嗯 她看上去很喜欢那个女孩 - 天啊
Yeah. She seems pretty into some girl. - God.
好吧 你们知道吗 太搞笑了
Well, you know what? That's funny.
我希望那个女孩知道凡妮莎现在还不想
'Cause I hope some girl knows that Vanessa isn't in the mind space
安定下来 所以
to be monogamous right now, so...
詹 你要忘了凡妮莎 都过了六个月了
Jenn, you have to get over this Vanessa thing. It's been like six months.
我完全翻篇儿了啊 只是觉得她说的那句话很可笑
I'm over it completely.I just think it's funny that she said that,
说完那句话才一周就开始和别人约会了
and then she started dating someone monogamously like a week later.
这件事我觉得好可笑 你不觉得吗
It's just, like, insanely funny to me.Is it not to you? Like, what?
珍
Jen.
天啊 为什么是个蕾丝边都叫珍呢
Oh, my God,why is every lesbian named Jen?
就是 很烦人 所以我才加了个N改名叫詹
I know. It's annoying.That's why I spell mine with two N's.
我是珍1.0版
I'm Jen 1.0.
为什么你说起来感觉跟好事儿似的 2.0版比1.0版更棒啊
Why do you say that like that's a good thing? 2.0 is better than 1.0.
或许是对你来说的 能不能坐得离我远点
Maybe to you.Could you not sit so close to me?
我不想让任何人误会咱俩是一对
I don't want anyone to think that we're together.
老天啊 好吧 不过这里的人我们都认识
Oh, my God.Okay, but there's no one here that we don't already know anyway.
我跟你讲 这里没人可约 - 是嘛 这儿至少有两个人要约会喽
I'm telling you, there is no one left. - Well, there are at least two people left
佩吉和我明晚上都有约会 谢谢哈
because Paige and I both have dates tomorrow night. Thank you.
真的吗 这太好了 非常棒
Really? Oh, that's... that's... that's great. That's awesome.
是啊 我们有天晚上喝醉了 然后一致同意上网找约
Yeah, we got drunk and agreed to go on Internet dates on the same night.
她要和一个医生约会 - 是的
And she is going out with a doctor. - Yeah.
怎么这语气 这个人咋啦
What? What...What is wrong with this one?
他在邮件中总说一些脑残的话 引用一大堆电影台词
He just says douchey things in his e-mails,quotes a lot of movies...
还总是说什么当然啦 明白啦
and says things like,"You betcha" and "Gotcha."
还有他的大部分照片中 都穿着
And in a couple of his photos,he's wearing, like,
印着句子和标语的T恤 我觉得这是他的穿衣风格
T-shirts with messages on them and slogans. I think it's like his style.
抱歉 没说你 - 没事儿
Sorry. - It's fine.
我喜欢这件T恤 - 它很棒
I like the shirt, so... - It's great.
这件写的是积极向上的句子 - 真的
That one says a positive message. - It's true.
你的约会对象呢 萨沙 我们认识吗 是谁啊
What about you, Sasha? Do we know her?Who's your date with?
你们可能认识 有没有看过《猎捕恋童癖》这个节目
Well, you might. Have you ever seen the show To Catch a Predator?
我超喜欢那个节目 - 里面有她
I love that show. - Well, she was on it.
我的约会对象演过这个节目 演的是猎捕机构的员工
My date was on To Catch a Predator. She works for the agency that catches the predator.
在网上假装成14岁的小孩和一些老男人调情
She... She goes online and flirts with old dudes, pretending to be a 14-year-old.
天啊 - 娶她吧 她可是一个明星啊
Oh, my God. - Please marry her. She's a celebrity.
嗯 嗯 我或许会娶的
Yeah. Yeah. I might.
天啊 很搞笑
Oh, God, it's so funny.
我总觉得每个人都会在我前面脱单
I just always had this feeling that everyone was gonna couple up before me.
我是说 这很好啊 只是觉得我的说法很搞笑
I mean, it's fine. I just think it's funny that I called it.
嗨 你好 我是翠西
Hey, what's up? I'm Trace.
我叫萨沙 - 见到你很高兴
Sasha. - Nice to meet you.
见到你也很高兴 - 还好吗
Nice to meet you too. - What's up?
一般 你呢 - 哦 对不起我来晚了
Not much. How are you? - Oh. I'm sorry I'm late.
老兄 今天的工作很紧张
Man, I had an intense day at work.
什么工作这么紧张 - 今天出勤设套抓坏蛋去了
What was intense about it? - I went on a sting today.
拿下了4chan上的一个窝点
Took down a board on a 4chan.
哦 4chan是什么
Oh. I... What is 4chan?
4chan嘛 是一个匿名信息窝点
Oh. 4... Yeah, 4chan's an...anonymous message board.
以前是一个图片托管网站 现在是恋童癖的聚集地
Used to be an image hosting site.Now it's a hotbed for pedophilia.
疯狂烦人的很
Crazy. Disturbing.
天啊
Oh, my God.
你没事吧 - 对不起
Are you okay? - I'm sorry.
他妈的真烦人 我来这里只是为了喝酒
It's so fucking annoying 'cause, like,I'm here, and I just want to drink,
那男的一直盯着我 我觉得他认出我了
and this guy is staring at me.I think he recognizes me from TV.
老天啊
Oh, my God.
老兄 带笔了吗 想要签名就直说
Buddy, you got a pen?You want an autograph?
什么 不要 才怪呢
No? Yeah, I didn't think so.
真奇怪
Weird.
你太漂亮了 天啊 真是太漂亮了 哇
You are so beautiful.God, you're beautiful. Wow.
除了我谁跟你说你长得漂亮
Who tells you you're beautiful...other than me?
抱歉 抱歉 只不过这里太静了
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...It's really quiet in here.
我听到的都是亲吻的声音 我去放点儿音乐
All I can hear are mouth sounds.I'm gonna put on some music.
你是个控制狂吗 - 说什么呢 不是
Are you a control freak? - What? No.
还说不是 亲吻要放歌♥ 还有四个垃圾桶
No? Well, I just thought there's this and then you have, like, four recycling bins.
我是个环境爱好者 很明显我人比你好
Well, I am an environmental lawyer and clearly a better person than you.
是嘛 没看出来 我感觉自己棒棒哒
Well, I don't know about that.I'm the best there is.
起得早 尿的好
I wake up in the morning.I piss excellence.
什么
What?
《塔拉德加之夜》里瑞奇·鲍比说的
Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights.
哦 我没看过这电影