我想结束这一切（2020）

我想结束这一切
我想结束这一切
I'm thinking of ending things.
这念头一旦出现 就挥之不去
Once this thought arrives, it stays.
它生根 发芽 支配着我
It sticks, it lingers, it dominates.
我对此无能为力 相信我
There's not much I can do about it, trust me.
它就是不肯离去
It doesn't go away.
不管我喜欢与否 它就在那里
It's there whether I like it or not.
它伴着我吃饭 上♥床♥
It's there when I eat, when I go to bed.
伴着我入睡 醒来
It's there when I sleep, when I wake up.
它一直都在 永远如此
It's always there. Always.
这念头并未伴随我很久
I haven't been thinking about it for long.
它是个全新的念头
The idea is new.
可同时又似曾相识
But it feels old at the same time.
它是什么时候出现的
When did it start?
万一这念头不是由我产生
What if this thought wasn't conceived by me,
而是尚未成熟时就已植入在我大脑里了呢
but planted in my mind, pre-developed.
一个潜伏已久 毫无新意的想法
Is an unspoken idea unoriginal?
也许我一直以来都知道它的存在
Maybe I've actually known all along.
也许一切都注定如此
Maybe this is how it was always going to end.
杰克曾说
Jake once said,
"有时想法比行为更接近真♥相♥
"Sometimes the thought is closer to the truth,
也更接近现实
to reality, than an action.
你可以随意畅言 肆意行动
You can say anything, you can do anything,
但你无法编造想法"
but you can't fake a thought."
路上空空如也
The road is mostly empty.
这里很安静 空无一人
It's quiet around here. Vacant.
比我想象中更安静
More so than anticipated.
这么多美景 却荒无人烟
So much to see, but not many people.
也没几栋建筑和住♥宅♥
Not many buildings or houses.
天空 树林 牧场 篱笆
Sky. Trees, fields, fences.
有砾石路肩的马路
The road and its gravel shoulders.
"你想下车喝杯咖啡吗" 我说不用了
"You wanna stop for a coffee?" "I think I'm OK I say.
"这是最后的机会 马上就到乡下了"
"Last chance we'll have before it becomes really farm-y."
这是我第一次拜访杰克的父母
I'm visiting Jake's parents for the first time.
等我们到达时才是
Or I will be when we arrive.
杰克是我男友
Jake, my boyfriend.
我们在一起没多久
He hasn't been my boyfriend for very long.
这是我们第一次一起旅行
It's our first trip together.
第一次开长途
Our first long drive.
奇怪的是 我怀旧了起来
So it's weird that I'm feeling nostalgic,
怀念我们的感情 怀念他 怀念我们
about our relationship, about him, about us.
我应该感到兴奋 期待着未来的许多旅行
I should be excited, looking forward to the first of many.
可我没有 完全没有
But I'm not. Not at all.
这趟路上见到的谷仓 比我几年来见到的都多
I've seen more barns on this drive than I've seen in years.
也许比我这辈子见到的都多
Maybe in my life.
它们都如出一辙
They all look the same.
有些牛 马 羊 还有牧场
Some cows, some horses, sheep, fields.
以及谷仓
And barns.
天空真广阔
Such a big sky.
我感觉已经认识杰克很久了
Feels like I've known Jake longer than I have.
有多久了来着
What has it been?
好像是一个月
Oh, a month?
六周 或者七周
Six weeks, maybe seven.
我应该知道准确时间 我觉得是七周
I should know exactly. I'll say seven weeks.
假设是正确的
The assumptions are right.
我能感觉到恐惧在膨胀 现在...
I can feel my fear growing. Now is the...
我们之间真的有火花 一种罕见而强烈的联结
We have a real connection. A rare and intense attachment.
我从没体验过这种情感
I've never experienced anything like it.
在膨胀 现在该得出答案了 只有一个问题
...Growing. Now is the time for the answer. Just one question.
只需要回答一个问题
One question to answer.
下雪了
It's snowing!
冬天来了
Winter is comin' in!
是啊
Yep.
看看这天
Look at the sky.
我想结束这一切
I'm thinking of ending things.
-什么 -你刚说话了吗
- What? - Did you say something?
没有 没说
No, I don't think so.
-真奇怪 -是啊
- Weird. - Yeah.
我想结束这一切
I'm thinking of ending things.
这样继续下去有什么意义
What's the point in carrying on like this?
我知道这段感情的走向
I know what it is, where it's going.
杰克是个好人 可是
Jake is a nice guy, but...
这样下去不会有结果 我早已心知肚明
it's not going anywhere. I've known this for a while now.
也许明知无路可走
Maybe it's human nature to keep going
却仍继续下去是人类的天性
in the face of this knowledge.
另一条路需要太多精力
The alternative requires too much energy.
还有果断
Decisiveness.
人们停留在不合适的关系中 只因这样更轻松
People stay in unhealthy relationships because it's easier.
基础物理
Basic physics.
运动物体具有惯性
An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
人们倾向于维系早该结束的关系
People tend to stay in relationships past their expiration date.
牛顿情感第一定律
It's Newton's first law of emotion.
你想下车喝杯咖啡 吃点东西吗
Do you want to stop for a coffee or something, a... a snack?
再开没多久就到乡下了
It's... it's going to get pretty farm-y pretty fast now.
不 不用了
No, no, no, I'm... I'm fine.
你确定
You sure?
我不想破坏胃口
Don't want to spoil my appetite.
好吧
OK.
我妈最近身体不太好
You know, my mother hasn't been feeling well recently.
所以...
So...
真遗憾
I'm sorry.
我只是想说 家里可能没什么吃的
I'm just saying that there might not be much of a spread,
她可能不太想做饭
that she might not be up to a lot of cooking.
-她最近不太好 -她怎么了
- She hasn't been well. - What's going on with her?
我只是说 要是你想下车吃点东西
Just saying, if you want to stop for a snack
随便吃点什么 没关系的
or anything like that, it would probably be fine...
不会破坏胃口
in terms of appetite spoiling.
其实最好吃点东西
It might even be advisable.
不用了
I'm fine.
好吧
OK.
来吧 和我一起 朋友
Come, join me, my friends,
图尔西镇冰淇淋店
从心底接纳耶稣
and accept Jesus into your hearts,
如《以赛亚书》1:18节中说道
for as Isaiah 1:18 tells us,
你们的罪虽像朱红
though your sins be as scarlet,
必变成雪白
they shall be as white as snow.
他们很期待能见到你
They really are looking forward to meeting you.
我不想让你误会
I don't want to give you the wrong impression.
-真好 -非常期待
- Aww, that's nice to hear. - ...a lot about you.
是啊 我 我
Yeah, I-I-I'm... I'm...
我也很期待能见他们
I'm really looking forward to meeting them too.
也许我不该和杰克一起来
Maybe it's unfair of me to be going on this trip with Jake...
我不确定我们的将来会是怎样 还有没有将来
When I'm so uncertain about our future, our lack of it.
毕竟 去见男友的父母
After all, going to meet your boyfriend's parents
就意味着进行到下一步 不是吗
is the proverbial next step, isn't it?
其实 我根本没告诉我父母和杰克在一起的事
The truth is, I haven't even told my parents I'm dating Jake.
我从未提到过他 也不觉得将来会提
I've never mentioned him, and I don't think I ever will.
她最近身体不太好
She hasn't been feeling well.
变老可不是娘娘腔能干的事 贝蒂·戴维斯说过
Getting old ain't for sissies, as Betty Davis said.
的确 不过
True, although...
有些人会对娘娘腔这个说法颇有微词
one might just take issue with her use of the word sissy...
-当然 确实 -用它作为贬义词
- Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yes, sir. - ...as a pejorative.
她所处的时代不同
It was a different time.
我想是因为好奇
I guess it's curiosity.
杰克是个难以捉摸的人
Jake is certainly hard to figure.
也许我想透过窗一窥他的内心
Maybe it's like a window into his origins.
俗话说三岁看老
The child being father of the man and all.
出自威廉·华兹华斯的诗《我心雀跃》
你喜欢华兹华斯吗
Are you a fan of Wordsworth, then?
-华兹华斯 -威廉·华兹华斯 那个诗人
- Wordsworth? - William Wordsworth, the poet?
不...我对他不太熟悉
Not... I'm not familiar, really.
问这个干嘛