老友有喜（2011）

嘿 亲爱的
Hey, doll.
问 你是愿意被鲨鱼还是鳄鱼吃掉
Death by shark or alligator?
额...
Oh...
我不去海里游泳
I don't swim in the ocean.
鳄鱼只出现在湖泊或是沼泽
Alligators are in lakes or swamps and marshes.
不过鲨鱼只出现在海里
But sharks are only in the ocean.
不许改规则 杰斯 你得挑一个
You can't change the rules, Jase. You got to pick.
规则假设了两种死法都有可能发生
The rules presume that both deaths could occur.
假设都会发生 不许说哪个不可能
They can. You can't mitigate risk to zero.
那我如果不去海里 那被不会被鲨鱼吃掉了
I can mitigate risk to zero on shark death if I never get into the ocean.
除非你乘飞机掉海里了
Unless you're in a plane that goes down in the ocean
且你撞击的时候还没有死
and you don't die on impact.
好吧 那就鲨鱼吧 这样快一点
Okay, fine. Shark. It's fast er.
你会先溺水再被鳄鱼吃掉 所以 鲨鱼吧 行么
Alligators drown you before they eat you. So, there. Shark. Okay?
-你高兴了 -是啊
-You happy? -Yes.
你想过来么
You want to come up?
-凯瑟琳在么 -在
-Is Katherine there? -Yeah.
哦 那算了
Then, no thank you.
啊 没事的 过来吧 她...
No, it's fine. Come up. She...
我反正很快就要和她分手了
I'm going to break up with her soon anyway.
真的么 已经到了这地步了
Really? Already?
-都三个礼拜了 -可怜的凯瑟琳
-I give it like three weeks. -Poor Katherine.
她不会有事的 她
She'll be fine. She's got a great
幽默感很强的
sense of humour.
-你真是个大混♥蛋♥ -我知道
-You're such an asshole. -I know.
-你肯定有问题 -我有好多呢
-You have a problem. -I have many.
怪我爸妈吧 还有 你为什么声音那么轻
I blame my parents. Why are you whispering by the way?
噢 我床上有个男人
Oh, there's a guy in my bed.
喔 亲爱的 那很好啊
What? Doll, that's great.
才不是呢 他就像11岁的小孩子 是个酒保
No, it's not. He's like eleven. He's a bartender.
你说我是不是有什么问题
What is wrong with me?
不会 这样的情况有几年了 是不是
Nothing. It's been like years, hasn't it?
-6个月多1个礼拜 -是啊
-Six months and a week. -Exactly.
很不正常啊 亲爱的 你需要把清扫一下蜘蛛网了
It's not natural. Doll, you got to sweep out the cobwebs.
多谢
Thank you for that.
我是说 你下面的蜘蛛网
From your vagina.
明白
Got it.
-我觉得你还是过来吧 -算了 没事的
-I think you should come up. -No, it's okay.
我去吃片药 晚上见 行么
I'm just going to take a pill. I'll see you tonight, yeah?
好 是和我们所有人么
All right. Is it all of us?
是 就我们六个人 还有凯瑟琳
Yeah, it's the six of us, and Katherine.
除非你在这之前就和她分了
Unless you break up with her before then.
-好吧 -有事随时联络
-Okay. -Keep me posted.
-晚安 亲爱的 -晚安
-Night, doll. -Night.
谢谢 好
Thank you. Okay.
行 没问题 就早饭吧
Yeah, that's fine. Just make it a breakfast.
哦 等一下
Can you hold that, please?
-我们不能总这样子碰面 -嗨 亲爱的
-Got to stop meeting like this. -Hi, doll.
嗨
Hi.
你一定要穿这样的鞋子么
Did you have to wear those shoes?
-你感觉不合适么 -你感觉到很大么
-Do you feel inadequate? -Do you feel enormous?
去你的
Fuck you.
-谢谢 -谢谢
-Thank you. -Thank you.
好厉害 亲爱的 你找了你老板做饭票吧
Well done, doll. Did you do this through your boss?
是啊 而且我只用了嘴巴 大概三次吧
Yep. And I only had to blow him like three times.
还有那个人 两次
And that guy, twice.
-嗨 -嗨
-Hello! -Hi.
-嗨 美女 -你看起来好漂亮
-Hi, beauty. -You look so pretty.
真的很漂亮呢
You look gorgeous.
我觉得我们都帅呆了
I think we both look terrific.
怎么样 见到你我很开心呐
How are you? Good to see you.
你们都很漂亮呢
You're all glowy.
-我喜欢捏你脸 -我喜欢被你捏
-I love touching your face. -I love it when you do.
杰斯 凯瑟琳呢 你们是不是在这里碰头
Jase, where's Katherine? Is she meeting you here?
那个...
Well...
-不是吧 -说真的 不会吧
-No! -Seriously?
不知道啊 别问我
I don't know. I don't know.
-可怜的凯瑟琳 -怎么了嘛
-Poor Kath. -What?
哦 我忘记了 他们是怎么说承诺这个问题的
I forget, what do they say about commitment issues?
是你讨厌你老妈 还是你想和你老妈滚床单
Is it you hated your mom, you wanted sex with your mom?
-喂喂... -我觉得是你讨厌你妈
-Come on... -I think it's hate your mom.
我觉得是怕你妈会把你阉了
I thought it was that you're afraid your mom's going to cut your penis off.
好吧
Okay.
不会吧
No!
真是谢谢你们一家了
Thank you all very, very much. Thank you.
我能不能说朱莉不能约到男人
Can I just point out that Jule can't get to a second date.
噢 太不公平了 太太不公平了
Oh, that's not fair, that is not fair.
我是在试啊
I'm trying,
我从上一个坑跳到这个 悲催的是...
I went to the last setup from this one, brutal...
等下 打断一下 你不喜欢拉塞尔么 他很迷人啊
Wait, your message got cut off. You didn't like Russell? He's gorgeous.
-他是个犯人啊 -是啊
-He's a criminal. -Yeah.
-你可以把这当成《妙警贼探》 -真的么
-White collar. You can make that work. -Really?
-有必要这样联想吗 -拜托
-Is that what it's come to? -Come on.
没什么大不了的嘛
That is not that big of a deal.
-你怎么会想到这个的 -那个监狱很灵啊
-How do you make that work? -It is a fancy prison.
等下 本和米茜是迟到 还是...
So, wait, are Ben and Missy late, or...
噢 不 他们已经到了
Oh, no. They're here.
-那... -他们去了洗手间...
-What... -They went to the bathroom...
-20分钟前 -什么
-Twenty minutes ago. -What?
-去... -是 我觉得是
-To have... -Yes. I believe so.
噢 不是吧...
Oh, my God...
去做...我觉得是意味着 那个...
To do... I think that means this, is that...
他们真的一天到晚在做♥爱♥么
Do they have sex, like, all the time?
他们做♥爱♥的次数比我们想像的要多得多
They have sex way more than anyone we know.
杰斯炮打过很多...
Jase has sex a lot...
说是这么说 但没到那个程度
I do, but not at that level.
我是说 我从来没有在小船上或者钢琴上做过
I mean, I've never had sex on a boat or a piano.
是还没有 注意是还没有
Not yet. Not yet you haven't.
还记得在我爸的葬礼上么 他们都在...
Remember at my dad's funeral? When they had sex in that...
-嘿 -嗨
-Hey! -Hi!
两位 别来无恙
What's up, guys?
-嗨 -最近如何
-Hi. -How's it going?
-欢迎回来 -多谢啦
-Welcome back. -Thank you.
-嗨 最近如何 见到你好开心 -是啊
-Hi. How are you? Good to see you. -Nice to see you.
很高兴你们回来了
Good to have you back.
我们下楼时 碰到了一些他公♥司♥里的朋友...
We ran into a couple of his friends from work downstairs...
然后我们接到个电♥话♥...
Then we were in line, a phone call...
在洗手间
In the bathroom?
-你们碰见谁了 -是啊
-Who'd you run into? -Yeah.
-我们朋友 芭芭拉和戴夫 -戴夫和芭芭拉
-Our friends, Barbara and Dave. -Dave and Barbara.
-我不认识他们诶 -够啦
-I don't know them. -All right.
-嗯 很高兴我们都到了 -是啊
-So great we're all here. -Yeah, I know.
噢 是哦
Oh, my God.
很不错...
So nice...
-你们有没有觉得不可思议 -怎么了
-Guys, can you believe this? -What?
此地奢华金贵 他们却带了个小孩
Hundred bucks a plate, and they're bringing toddlers?
他们没被禁止进入么
Are they even allowed in here?
这里是曼哈顿啊 梦幻之地
People, it's Manhattan, we're here to live the dream,
小孩子应该呆在家里
leave the kiddies at home.
我有了
We're pregnant.
-哦 不是吧 太好了 -恭喜啊
-Oh, my God, that's amazing! -Congratulations!
-那真是一个大新闻 -那太好了
-That is such great news. -That's so nice.
-太不可思议了 -我知道 不是么
-That's amazing! -I know, isn't it?
-多谢 本 -不好意思啊 我们知道了
-Thanks, Ben. -Sorry, we knew.
他们之前告诉我们了 我们知道了 不过我们没说
They told us before. We knew and we didn't want to say anything.
-不 不 我们刚刚告诉他们 -我们才刚刚说
-No, no. We just told them. -We just told them.
-他们一直都很忙呢 -很不可思议呢...
-They've been busy. -That is amazing...
请不要把我刚才的话放在心上
Please disregard what I just said.
哦 不 不 我们也讨厌他们...
No, no, we hate those people, too...
我们讨厌他们的 很讨厌...
We hate them. We hate them...