最佳销售员（2021）

They just tweeted an invitation for Harris to do a reading.
是啊，是个酒吧。算了吧。
Yeah, it's a bar. Forget it.
不是一般的酒吧。
Not just any bar.
这是哈里斯当年表演口述的地方。
It's where Harris performed his spoken word back in the day.
他在那里读自己未发表的小说。
It's where he read his unpublished stories.
-那是你父亲…——发现了他。
- It's where your father... - Discovered him.
这很完美。
It's kind of perfect.
他的书。
Book him.
我去把他保释出来
And I'll go bail him out.
他已经预定了。
He's already booked.
好。
Good.
预定任何取消我们计划的谷仓和城市。
Book any damn barn, any city that canceled us.
我们正在巡演。
We are doing this tour.
我才不要坐那辆破车。
I am not riding in that crotch rocket.
喂!哇!
Wee! Whoo!
对不起。我是个好司机。我只是…这对我来说是反向的。
Sorry. I am a good driver. I just... This is backwards for me.
哟!
Whee!
这是令人兴奋的。
This is exciting.
我小时候经常求我爸带我去巡回售书。
Man, I used to beg my dad to take me on book tours when I was little.
但他永远不会。
But he never would.
他总是告诉我，这条路不适合一个年轻女孩。
He always told me that the road was no place for a young girl.
所以…
So...
你还记得那部土狼和走鹃的卡♥通♥片吗?
do you remember that cartoon with the coyote and the roadrunner?
你还记得吗?
Do you remember that?
我们经常在电视上看比赛，我爸爸会指着屏幕说，“如果你像那只roadrunner一样敏捷和狡猾，你就可以和我一起巡演。”
We used to watch it on television, and my dad, he would point to the screen and say, "You can come on tour with me when you're as quick and crafty as that roadrunner."
我一直不知道那是什么意思。
And I never knew what that meant.
你不想谈谈吗?
You don't want to talk?
我不想和你说话。
I don't want to talk to you.
走鹃的最高时速约为每小时20英里。
The roadrunner's top speed is about 20 miles an hour.
而这只土狼已经43多岁了。
And the coyote is 43-plus.
所以这幅漫画就是扯淡。
So this cartoon is bullshite.
真♥相♥总是第一个牺牲品。
Truth is always the first casualty.
这都是bullshite。
It's all bullshite.
这是巡回售书，明白吗?
This is a book tour, you see?
为什么我不读点什么呢?
So why don't I read something?
是吗?
Eh?
——哇!-拜托，伙计。
- Whoo! - Come on, dude.
“Bullshite。Bullshite。Bullshite。”
"Bullshite. Bullshite. Bullshite."
“Bullshite。Bullshite。
"Bullshite. Bullshite.
“Bullshite。Bullshite。
"Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite。”
Bullshite."
——Bullshite。——Bullshite !
- Bullshite. - Bullshite!
Bullshite。Bullshite。
Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite!
是的。Bullshite。
Yeah. Bullshite.
Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite!
Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite!
Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite!
他的伟大。
He's great.
是的。
Yeah.
是啊!
Yeah!
提醒大家这个人写过一本书。
Just a reminder to everybody that this man wrote a book.
它现在正在出♥售♥。
That it's for sale right now.
我有现场直播。
I got it live.
是的,来吧。
Yeah, come on.
再来一杯，好吗?
Another pour, will you?
是的，终于有人会读书了。
Yes, finally, someone that reads.
哇。
Wow.
所以,有t恤吗?
So, got T-shirts?
不。
No.
我有书。
I have books.
嗯…是啊，你应该卖♥♥t恤。
Uh... yeah, you should sell T-shirts.
我会记住的。
I'll keep that in mind.
呀。
Jeez.
我觉得还不错。
I thought that went rather well.
哈里斯，如果下次你能读到书里的内容就更好了。
You know, Harris, it would be helpful if at the next reading you would actually read from the book.
如果你不让我编辑，至少让我卖♥♥了，好吗，哈里斯?
If you won't let me edit it, at least let me sell it, okay, Harris?
哈里斯?
Harris?
别忘了书。
Don't forget the books.
他妈的什么?
What the fuck?
该死的。
Bloody hell.
所以…我要读一下书上的内容。
So... I'm going to read from the book.
“Bullshite。Bullshite。Bullshite。
"Bullshite. Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite。”
Bullshite."
Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite!
Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite! Bullshite!
Bullshite。Bullshite。
Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite。
Bullshite.
Bullshite。Bullshite。Bullshite。
Bullshite. Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite。
Bullshite.
Bullshite。Bullshite。
Bullshite. Bullshite.
Bullshite。
Bullshite.
Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite!
Bullshite !Bullshite !
Bullshite! Bullshite!
我不明白。
I don't get it.
潮人应该喜欢旧的东西，不是吗?
Hipsters are supposed to love old things, aren't they?
旧货店和黑胶唱片。
Thrift stores and vinyl.
共♥产♥主义。
Communism.
为什么这本书卖♥♥不出去?
Why isn't the book selling?
我们只是还没有达到临界质量。
We just haven't hit critical mass.
在那之前我可能会处于危险状态。
I may be in critical condition before that happens.
您要点菜吗?
Can I take your order?
等一等。
Hold on.
哦……嗨。
Oh... hi.
-我想要一个…——好的。
- I would like an... - Okay.
-嗨，能听到吗?您要点菜吗?
- Hi, can you hear me? - May I take your order?
你能大声点吗?
Can you speak up?
该死的。
Damn it.
哇。
Wow.
等一等。
Hold on.
信托基金，对吗?
Trust funds, am I right?
信任是什么?
Trust what?
信任和快乐，一切都会好起来的。
Trust... and have fun, and-and... and everything will be all right.
-这是我的座右铭。-你在说什么?
- That's my motto. - What are you talking about?
我不需要你那愚蠢的格言，蕾切尔，我需要的是书的销量。
I don't need your stupid mottos, Rachel, I need book sales.
——请问?-嗨。
- Excuse me? - Hi.
你可以帮我点菜了。好吧，你知道吗?
You can take my order. All right, you know what?
算了吧。我能问你一个问题吗?
Forget it. Can I ask you a question?
——你好吗?-你听说过哈里斯·肖吗?
- Hello? - Have you heard of Harris Shaw?
网上那个老疯子吗?
That old crazy dude from the Internet?
是的,是的,他。你读过他的书吗?
Yes, yes, him. Have you read his book?
他写了一本书?
He wrote a book?
他在一本书上撒尿。我不知道他写过。
He pissed on a book. I didn't know he wrote one.
奇数。这就是我说的。
Odd. This is what I'm talking about.
一定是出了什么问题。
Something must be wrong.
你去问问卖♥♥主，看看书是不是放在显眼的地方。
Why don't you check with the vendors, see if the book is placed prominently.
当然，我正在办。
Of course, I'm on it.
看看系统里有没有什么东西丢失了。
See if something got lost in the system.
你要点菜吗?
Are you going to order something?
你想要什么?
What do you want?
你好，我是斯坦布里奇出版社的。
Hi, I'm with Stanbridge Publishing.
这个要放在橱窗里。
This needs to be in the window.
这个月我们主要关注女性赋权的书籍。
Uh, we're actually focused on female empowerment books this month.
你见过露西·斯坦布里奇吗?
Have you met Lucy Stanbridge?
她是女性赋权的活生生的化身，好吗?
She's the living embodiment of female empowerment, okay?
如果她现在在这里，她甚至可能会让你振作起来。
You know, if she were here right now, she might even tell you to get your shit together.
所以振作起来。
So get your shit together.
请。
Please.
谢谢。
Thanks.
谢谢你！
Thank you.
脱口秀怎么样?