坏总统（2020）

It's too early to say that,
但是你知道的 加里 这个国家
but, as you know, Gary, in this country, by law,
法律要求每个人都登记他的车
everyone needs to register their cars,
登记他们的枪♥支♥和武器 穆♥斯♥林♥不应该吗
register their guns and weapons, so why not our Muslims?
这恐怕跟二战前
Wouldn't that be eerily similar
发生在东欧的犹太人身上的事情
to what happened to Jewish people in Eastern Europe,
有点像
right before World War II?
我不能就发生在二战时
I can't comment on any decisions that were made
其他政♥府♥的决定发表评论
by another administration in World War II. I can only
我只能就我竞选总统的事情发表评论
comment on my campaign for president right now.
非常感谢你接受采访 特朗普先生
Well, thank you very much, Mr. Trump, for the interview.
修建隔离墙
彭斯
特朗普
昨天晚上我看电视了
I watched TV last night,
我看到了我们总统谈论伊♥斯♥兰♥恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
and I saw our president talking about Islamic terrorism
和最近的巴黎袭击
and the recent attacks in Paris.
不知道他说的是什么鬼
Didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
他根本不知道发生了什么事
He has no idea what's going on,
他还拒绝使用"极端伊♥斯♥兰♥恐♥怖♥分♥子♥"一词
and he refuses to use the term "radical Islamic terrorism."
听着
Now look,
我们都知道我们现在的总统不是美国人
we all know our current president is not American.
他来自肯尼亚 对吗
He's from Kenya, okay?
所以我们没法指望他
So what the hell should we expect?
非洲人上不起学校 也吃不饱饭
Africans have no schools, no food.
他们住在泥土做的破房♥子里
They live in mud huts.
所以 我们就让奥巴马靠边站一会儿吧
So let's give Obama a break,
但是告诉你们 对于这个"穆♥斯♥林♥问题"
but I'm telling you, we have to do something
我们必须采取点措施了
about what I call "the Muslim problem."
所以今晚 我宣布
And so tonight, I'm announcing that I'm calling for
美国全面禁止
a total and complete shutdown
穆♥斯♥林♥入境
of Muslims entering the United States
等到我们的代表们弄清楚
until our country's representatives can figure out
目前是怎么个情况再放开限制也不迟
what the hell is going on.
我们是时候正视这件事了 伙计们
I mean, let's face it, folks,
穆♥斯♥林♥和我们是不一样的
Muslims are not like us.
他们都被圣♥战♥那套东西搞得神经错乱了
They're deranged with all this jihad stuff.
所以 不能让他们踏入国境半步
So, we need to keep 'em out of our country.
这货差不多要不费吹灰之力
This guy could single-handedly start a holy war
在基♥督♥徒和穆♥斯♥林♥之间挑起一场圣♥战♥了
between the Christians and the Muslims.
他也就是不怎么擅长演讲
Besides not being a very good public speaker,
不然 一等他当上总统
he could rival Hitler
就完全可以和希♥特♥勒♥抗衡
when the time comes.
那也得等他真的当上总统才管用
That's only true if he wins.
你真觉得他能当选么
You really think he could win?
你是在怀疑我吗
You doubt me?
没
No.
要想赢还有很长的路要走
We got a long way to go.
不过马丁·路德·金说过一句名言
But in the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King,
"我们终会到达应许之地"
"We're gonna get to the Promised Land."
你觉得"我们有一个梦想"这句怎么样
What about, "We have a dream?"
我所到之处都是噩梦栖息之地
It became a nightmare when I got involved.
这家伙能行的
Don't doubt this guy.
别低估我们这位朋友
Don't underestimate our friends.
好戏还多着呢
There's a lot of good shit going on out there.
我们就坐好慢慢欣赏吧
Let's just sit back and watch it play out.
2016年一月二十日
克里姆林宫
弗拉第米尔·普♥京♥办公室内
就是他
He is the guy.
事情开始变得有意思了
This is an interesting development.
这不是你的手笔吗
It's not your doing?
普♥京♥为人独♥立♥ 但很有一套
Vlad has an independent streak, and a lot of great ideas.
我想他这回一定有什么高招
I bet you he's got something up his sleeve on this one.
让我们拭目以待吧
We'll see.
你可真美
You look so beautiful.
怎么了 进来
What is it? Come in.
好消息
Very good news.
俄♥罗♥斯♥人要来了
The Russians are on board.
太好了
Great.
我就知道准行
I knew this would work out.
普♥京♥很喜欢我 他特别喜欢我
Putin loves me, loves me.
不过说实话 我觉得他嫉妒我
Frankly, I think he's jealous.
那我们接下来怎么办
So, what do we do next?
普♥京♥手里握着一大把
Putin has a whole bunch of
那些和我们为敌的老疯子的联♥系♥方式
the psycho bitch's emails.
时机一到
When the time is right,
他们就会把这些联♥系♥方式
they're gonna release them
在维基解密上公之于众
through WikiLeaks.
干得漂亮 小唐
Good work, Don.
希望他们别错过这个时机
Let's hope they do it in the right timing.
时机就是一切 是不是啊宝贝
Timing is everything in life, right, kitten?
你的话从来不会有错 老爸
You're always right, Daddy.
2016年10月6日
你就会这一套么
Doesn't this ever get old?
没错
Never.
我很想念你
I missed you.
我一直在观察你
I've been watching.
老唐 我真是对你深有感触啊
And I have to say, Don, I'm thoroughly impressed.
是你让我变成这样刀枪不入的 不是么
That was you, made me bulletproof, right?
我还能说啥呢
What can I say?
我一向信守承诺
I'm a man of my word.
我刚才瞎扯的
I'm kidding!
我已经输了民♥意♥测试了
I'm tanking in the polls.
谁又知道这些呢
Who knew?
那你到底想要什么
So, what do you want?
这谁能说清楚呢
That's a loaded question, isn't it?
我觉得你专程飞过来总不是为了侃大山吧
I'm sure you didn't fly in here just to chit chat?
当然不是了
Of course not.
所以你想要什么
So, what do you need?
还有不到一个月就要大选了
Election night's in less than a month.
而目前为止 你获胜的几率为零
And as of right now, you have zero chance of winning,
就算现在让你别再作天作地也没用了
even if we could stop you from sabotaging your stupid ass self,
而且我们都知道这是不可能的
but everybody knows that's impossible.
听着 老唐 如果你真想当总统
Look, Don, if you really want this presidential thing,
我觉得我们应该巩固一下友谊了
I think it's time we solidify our relationship,
你懂我意思么
if you catch my drift.
我跟你说过了
I told you before,
我不会和你签订什么正式契约的
any kind of serious pact is off the table.
如果你是因为以前做的不够多
If you wanna help me, which according to the past,
才打算现在来帮我 那当然没问题
haven't been helping me that much,
但是如果你是为了自己的目的才帮我
but if you feel like you need to help me
那就是你个人的事了
for your own reasons, that's your business.
这是我们两个的事
It's our business.
你说啥 我们是绑在一起的么
What are you saying? We're partners?
好吧 现在还不是
Well, not as of right now,
但我觉得时候已经到了
but I believe it's time.
好吧 你是说出♥卖♥♥♥灵魂什么的吗
Oh, right. The soul thing?
没可能的
Not happening.
我告诉过你 比起我你更需要我
I told you, you need me more than I need you.
我们是相互需要的
We need each other.
我们都有同样的目标 老唐
We have the same goals in mind, Don.
什么目标
And what is that?
当然是一次响当当的震撼全宇宙的完胜
A positive, righteous, resounding victory.
不过 你和响当当这个词
Somehow, you and righteousness
好像不太搭调吧
doesn't really sound that great together.
无意冒犯 不过我觉得你和我半斤八两
You know, I can say the same thing about you, Donny.
小唐唐
No offense.
你是在浪费我的时间 路德
You're wasting my time, Luther.
我想到了大选的时候 一切就会见分晓了
I guess we'll see what happens when election time comes.
但是现在 你可以滚了
In the meantime, get out of here.
无意冒犯
No offense.
这就完了
So that's it?
完了
That's it.