坏总统（2020）

本片意在讽刺
故事来源于美国新闻媒体的报道
旨在回答自2016年11月8日以来一直困惑美国和整个世界的问题
唐纳德·特朗普是如何当上美国总统的
坏总统
2015年2月14日
就知道哭
Oh, you just cry.
真是个爱哭鬼
You're just a little crybaby.
你就只会这样
That's all you do.
爱哭鬼 爱哭鬼
Ah, crybaby. Crybaby.
闭嘴
Shut up!
愤怒
痛苦
无♥耻♥
杂碎们 我们有麻烦了
Minions, we have a problem.
撒旦
你们这些唧唧歪歪的杂碎们知道是什么吗
Do any of you bickering geniuses know what that problem is?
我们需要招人
We have a recruiting problem.
我们上次招到的那个毁灭者
It has been years since we've had anybody
已经是很多年前的事情了
in the game doing any kind of fucking damage.
谁能告诉我是为什么
Gonna tell me why that is?
说句公道话
To be fair...
我什么时候公道过
When have I ever been fair?
外面的日子很不好过
It's tough out there.
我们外出招人的时候应该怎么做
What do we do when we go out recruiting?
应该要招什么样的人
What do we look for?
贪婪的
Greed.
-还有呢 -混乱的
- And? - Chaos.
正确
Exactly.
-还有呢 -暴怒的
- And? - Rage.
这正是我要说的
This is what I'm talking about!
在如今这个混乱的世界里
Rage against everything that is decent
我们需要对任何得体事情都愤怒反抗的人
in this fucked up world.
有合适人选吗
Do we have anybody that'll fit that bill?
卡戴珊姐妹
The Kardashian sisters.
她们是女巫
They're witches!
娼妓
Succubus.
她们吸食男人的精气
They can suck a man's soul
从而窃走他们的灵魂
and his testosterone right out of his dick.
看看她们是怎么对布鲁斯的
Look what they did to Bruce.
她们永远得不到满足
They couldn't get the juice.
那家伙是有潜力的
That dude had potentials.
重找个像杰弗瑞·达默或者伯尼·麦道夫的人
Find a new Jeffrey Dahmer or Bernie Madoff.
杰弗瑞·达默是美国著名连环杀手 被称为密尔沃基食人魔
伯尼·麦道夫h美国金融精英h设计庞氏骗局令投资者损失500多亿美元
我知道一个人
I know somebody.
很不错
Somebody good.
怎么个不错
And what makes him a good one?
他满足我们的三个要求
He's got all three of our key requirements.
他是个自恋狂
He's a narcissist.
一个阴谋家
He's Machiavellian
是精神变♥态♥吗
A psychopath?
他是典型的黑暗人格
A dark triad.
指三种消极的人格特征h自恋h不择手段h精神变♥态♥
并且他想成为美国总统
And he wants to be president of the United States,
那将引起前所未有的一场混乱
which could set a new record for chaos.
我喜欢那样
I like it.
咱们说的是谁呢
Who are we talking about?
唐纳德·特朗普
Donald Trump.
怎么 他有什么问题
What? What's wrong with him?
他就是个智障
He's a fucking idiot for number one.
他是完美人选
He's perfect.
他不知廉耻
He has no shame.
二次
Number two,
三次 还是四次
three, and four.
他已经三次申请破产了
He's filed for bankruptcy three times.
他根据第十一章的规定申请重整了十一次
He's filed Chapter 11, 11 times.
美国破产法典第十一章
只要是他接触的 都会一团糟
Everything he's touched has turned to shit.
如果他不是因为有个有钱的爹
If he didn't have a rich father,
这个挨千刀的早该去
this motherfucker would be working
大力水手炸鸡店那儿卖♥♥三明治了
at Popeye's Chicken selling that fucking sandwich to people.
所以说他是完美人选啊
That's what makes him the perfect candidate.
他想成为总统
He wants to be president,
成为这个自♥由♥世界的领袖
the leader of the free world,
而你 能让他美梦成真
and you , you can make it happen.
想想他能引起的各种混乱和问题吧
And just imagine all the chaos and problems he can cause.
我告诉你 非他莫属了
I'm telling you, he's our guy.
如果他像运营他的公♥司♥那样
If he does to the world
统领这个世界
what he's done to all of his companies...
杂碎们 是时候调入人类频道了
Minions, I think it's time to tune in to human internet.
唐纳德 你喜欢我这样吗
Do you like what you see, Donald?
喜欢
I do.
你怎么不过来呢
Why don't you come over here?
你知道吗 这世上我最喜欢的
You know, there's nothing more I love in this world
莫过于性感又美貌的女人
than a sexy, beautiful woman
当然还有奶酪汉堡以及金钱
or a cheeseburger or money.
你让我想起了我的女儿 伊万卡
You kind of remind me of my daughter, Ivanka.
爸爸 您高兴就好
Whatever you like, Daddy.
我恐怕做不到让这个傻子当上总统
Not even I can make this fool president.
你要知道 我的能力也是有限的
You know, there's limits to what I'm capable of, you know?
您太谦虚了
Ah, you're just being modest.
像这种机会
I'm telling you, this kind of opportunity
几乎是半个世纪才有一次
only comes up once every half-century or so.
上次有这种适合引起混乱和苦难的人选
When was the last time you had a candidate
是什么时候了
this built for mayhem and suffering?
是希♥特♥勒♥吧
Ah, Hitler.
但是他是个天才
But he was genius.
是个疯子 也是个天才
A mad genius, but genius.
他真是太棒了
Ah, he's so good.
他对互联网电影资料库的贡献
He's got more credits on IMDb
比演员都要大
than any working actor.
他有自己的独家网络
He has his own network.
叫做历史频道
They call it the History Channel.
特朗普是混乱之王
Trump is the king of chaos.
你必须得承认这一点
You have to admit that.
他的确在这个特别时刻里
He does present a unique opportunity
有着独一无二的机会
at this particular time.
继布♥什♥和奥巴马之后
After Bush and Obama,
美国已经准备好面对
America is ripe for a greed,
贪婪和种族主义驱动之下的坍塌
racist-driven collapse.
特朗普兴许正合适
And Trump just might be our guy
把这个破事推到风口浪尖
to push the whole fucking thing over the edge, huh?
特朗普先生
Yes, Mr. Trump?
叫迈克尔·科恩进来
Get Michael Cohen in here.
2015年2月15日
你坐
Sit.
我对你不是很满意
I'm not very happy with you.
-怎么了 -俄♥罗♥斯♥那边情况怎么样
- Why? - What's going on with Russia?
一切如常呀
There's nothing new to report.
你最好有事说事
There better be something.
我想要在莫斯科建一座特朗普大厦
I want a Trump Tower in Moscow.
俄♥罗♥斯♥需要建一座特朗普大厦
Russia needs a Trump Tower.
它会像一个国家一样可信
It'll give them credibility as a country.
我遇到了些麻烦
I've run into a little bit of a brick wall.
没有人回应我
Nobody's getting back to me.
直接给普♥京♥打电♥话♥
Well, call Putin directly.
普♥京♥是爱我的
Putin loves me.
告诉他我想他了
Tell him I'm thinking about him,
我们应该多聚聚
that we need to get together.
我们已经通过和他有关联的第三方
Well, we've reached out to him through third parties
和他联♥系♥上了
that are connected to him.
然后呢
And?
没有回应
Nothing. Silence.
那么 再联♥系♥一次
Well, reach out to him again.
-好的 先生 -你知道的
- Yes, sir. - You know, two years ago,
两年前 在俄♥罗♥斯♥的环球选美小姐大赛上
Putin disrespected me
普♥京♥曾对我很无礼