惊天复制

快接 快接 快接电♥话♥
Come on, come on, come on.
接啊
Pick up.
妈 你在哪 都快十一点了
Mom, where are you? It's almost 11 o'clock.
你怎么还不回来 我给你打了五通电♥话♥
Why aren't you home yet? I've called you like five times.
我 我不知道该拿这个咬伤怎么办
I...I really, I don't know what to do about this bite.
我需要去医院吗 我该怎么做
Do I go to the hospital? What do I do?
给我
Just,
给我回个电♥话♥
just call me back.
什么鬼
What?
好了 你能对着镜头笑一个吗
All right, can you smile towards camera?
怎么笑得比哭还难看
Uh, it looks like you're in pain.
-什么 -随便吧 你就真实一点
- Really? - All right, whatever. Just be yourself.
-行 -放松点 甩甩肩
- Okay. - Relax. Shake it out.
等会 我要说些什么
Wait, we haven't gone over what-what-what do I say?
告诉他们你是谁
Just tell them who you are.
记住 全世界都在看 好好说
But remember, the world's watching so make it good.
我是谁
Who I am. Right.
我是谁
Who am I?
这是个哲学问题 扎克
Oh, a philosophy, Zach.
我就知道自己是谁 烂人一枚
I know who I am, and it sucks.
还有 你吹得越久 观众会越快退出
Plus, the longer you talk the sooner they're going to click away to
这个视频
the nutshot videos.
嘿 各位
Hey, guys.
你们好
How you doin'?
欢迎光临我们的小镇 密苏里州无名镇
Welcome to our town. Podunk, Missouri.
其实这里并不叫无名镇
It's not actually called Podunk.
但是他们一想到无名镇的时候就会想起
But this is the place they were thinking of when they came up with
这个地方
the name "Podunk".
这里和下一个鬼地方之间
It's 60 miles of forest between here
相隔六十英里的森林
and the next shithole over.
这是个夜不闭户的小镇
The kind of town where people don't even lock their doors at night.
对 大家都懒得干坏事儿
Yeah, we're officially too boring for crime.
大家好 我是兰迪·福斯特
What's up? I'm Randy Foster.
我是扎克·亨德森
And I'm Zach Henderson.
这就是我们接下来的计划
So this is what we're going to be doing.
我们会戴上这些可爱的袖珍蓝牙相机
We're going to be flying under the radar with these sweet little
低调出行 这些相机有超屌♥的微光镜头
Bluetooth cameras that have kickass low light lenses.
评论区里有购买♥♥链接 所以别当白嫖
And you can buy these from affiliate links so don't be a freeloader
我们也是要恰饭的
'cause we need cash to get out of here.
说回正题
But back to business.
我们在扎克的电脑上剪辑所有素材
So we edit everything here on Zach's sweet rig.
击掌
Up top.
我们还加了一些酷炫叼炸天的特效
And then we add some of my bangin' FX
锵锵 都在网络上了
and boom, it's on the World Wild Web.
我们会展示真实的《莫尔顿: 探索》
So we can show you the real "Multon: Uncovered."c
那位是高中橄榄球队的队长
That is the captain of the high school football team.
日安
Have a good day.
警长居然放任他去买♥♥啤酒
The sheriff is literally letting him buy beer.
小镇人的日常
Um, things to do here.
-睡醒 吃饭 睡觉 -真刺♥激♥
- Uh, you can wake up, eat, go to sleep. - It's pretty exciting.
没错
So yeah.
这里就是莫尔顿
This is Multon.
有两个半街区
All 2.5 blocks of it.
而这是我们的演员阵容
And this is our cast of crazy characters.
嘿 各位
Hey, guys!
嘿 格雷格牧师
Hey, Pastor Greg. Hey.
教堂要排一场
We're doing a production of
《耶稣基♥督♥万世巨星》音乐剧
"Jesus Christ Superstar" down at the church.
听起来不错
Oh, that sounds great.
你俩有兴趣试试吗
Are you guys interested in trying out?
呃 我
Uh, I'm...
女孩子超多哦
There will be girls.
可能吧
Maybe.
可能吧
Maybe.
到时候见
I'll see you there.
-行 -行
- Okay. - Okay.
没问题
All right.
-想都别想 -我不可能去的
- Definitely not. - I'm not gonna do it.
不可能
No.
我猜你们会问 这哥们干嘛要给我看
I bet you're wondering why are they showing us
这个又矮又无趣的丑建筑
this squat, boring ass building?
因为这个丑东西对莫尔顿小镇来说
Well, that's because this building is the best thing that ever
简直是天赐的福气
happened to Multon.
它提供的飞快网速让我们
High speed internet so we're not totally
不至于与世隔绝
cut off from the rest of the planet.
所以你们才有机会见到我们
And so you can see people like us
因为我们就是这么优秀
because we're awesome.
老弟 测试一下
Dude, check it out.
春天到了
Spring has sprung.
比塞特小姐已经穿上短裤了
Miss Bissette's got her short shorts on.
嗨 扎克 嗨 兰迪
Oh, hey, Zach. Hey, Randy.
嘿 比塞特小姐
Hey, Miss Bisette.
过来一下吧
Come here just a second.
看见没有 到处都是这些小虫子
Do you boys see those? Those little bugs were all over the place.
这个 是什么虫子
What, uh, what are they?
不知道啊
No idea.
它们从上周就开始出现了
Well, they just started showing up last week.
放开我
Let me go!
待会见吧
I'll see you boys later.
放开我
Let me go!
嗨 彼得森夫人
Hey, Mrs. Peterson!
你不是我妈咪
You're not my mommy!
那是 镇上独♥立♥书店的嬉皮老板娘
So that's our, uh, resident hippie indie book store owner chick.
TA: 家长教师协会
她突然当妈之后就成了PTA的脑残粉
She pops out a kid and becomes Ms. PTA Zombie.
看 这就是我们这个节目的重点
See this is the point of our show:
让莫尔顿人看到他们最真实的一面
to show the people of Multon the way they really are.
-讲得真好 -真的吗
- That was pretty good. - Yeah?
对 听起来很有深度
Yeah, it sounded, it sounded smart.
今天的比赛打得很好 嘿 回头见
Great game today. Hey, see you later.
老弟
Dude.
还真是这样
It's really what's goes on.
-短♥信♥联♥系♥ 拜 -嘿
- Text you. Bye. - Hey.
嘿 扎克
Hey, Zach.
那是什么 你们在偷♥拍♥别人吗
Wait, what are those? Are you guys spy-caming people?
没有
No.
没有 不是
No, uh, no.
我们在搞网络节目
It's-it's for our web show.
噢 网络节目
Oh, web show.
就像TMZ网站一样
It's like TMZ kind of stuff.
TMZ: 美国在线旗下的一个娱乐新闻网站
但不仅仅只是这样
But it's more than that.
我们在给全世界展示真实的小镇生活
We are showing the world real small town life.
好吧 或许你们能搞个真人秀
Well, maybe you guys can make it a reality show
这样你们就能一夜成名和女明星约会了
and you can both get rich and date starlettes.
嗨 各位
Hey, guys.
Joey
Joey.
-嗨 扎克 -嗨 乔伊
- Hey, Zach. - Hey, Joey.
扎克 凯拉的比赛打得怎么样
How'd Kayla play, Zach?
精彩绝伦
Like a rock star.
太棒了
Good.
等她去了西北大学
Maybe when she gets to Northwestern
就能把家族传统延续下去
she can carry on the family tradition.
你决定好要去哪个大学了吗 扎克
Have you decided where you're going yet, Zach?
还没有
Um, not really.
我可能还会继续在我家外面
I'm probably just gonna keep running
做电脑维修的生意
my computer repair biz out of my house.
那也挺好的
Well, that's nice.
想来你的父母对此会非常高兴的
Well, I'm sure it'll make your parents very happy.
好吧 这话说的越来越恶心了
All right, this is getting nauseatingly mundane and, um,
扎克需要给他的新节目加加戏
Zach, he needs some drama for his new show.