死在西部的一百万种方式

你要是再去捡那把枪
You reach for that gun again,
这就是你的下场
and this is what will happen.
如我所言 警告一次
Like I said, one warning.
天啊 克林奇
Holy shit, Clinch!
这至少值一万五
There's gotta be at least 15,000 here!
放下来
Put that down.
放下来
Put that down.
尘埃落定之前
We're not gonna touch that damn gold
谁都不去碰那些金块
until everything cools down.
我们要回老树桩镇
We're gonna go back to Old Stump,
去接安娜和路易斯
we're gonna get Anna and Lewis,
然后至少避一个月的风头
and we're gonna lay low for at least a month.
懂了吗
Understood?
-懂了吗 -懂了 老大
- Understood? - Yeah, boss.
好了 把箱子捡起来
All right. Pick it up.
你好美
You look amazing.
可能有点不舒服吧
And maybe a little uncomfortable.
糟糕
Oh, shit!
我穿得太正式了对吧
I'm totally overdressed, aren't I?
才没有
No.
我没穿过正装
I've never done formal before.
服装店的售货员叫我买♥♥这个
And the lady at the boutique told me to buy this
但别人都没穿成这样
and no one else is wearing this.
谁管他们...
Who cares what...
反正都是些混♥蛋♥ 你看起来很棒
These are all fuckers. You look fantastic.
我看着就像简·奥斯汀吐了我一身
I look like Jane Austen threw up all over me.
你才不像被简·奥斯汀吐...
You do not look like Jane Austen threw...
不 你非常美丽
No, you look absolutely beautiful.
穿着这玩意儿还能呼吸吧
You can breathe in that thing, right?
我现在最想要的
There's nothing I like more than
就是穿上宽松的衣服
putting on some loose, baggy clothes,
稍微放松一下
and just being able to relax.
是啊 你穿的这是下班后放松用的衣服
Yeah, this is an end-of-the-workday outfit you have on.
真庆幸我还记得
I'm very glad I remembered the six items
绑住裤子用的全部六样东西
I somehow require to hold up my pants.
是啊
Oh, yeah.
对了 我喜欢你的裙撑
I like your bustle, by the way.
是吗
Oh, yeah.
真是太棒了 当代女性能穿着的
I really love that the most alluring fashion statement
最诱惑的服装设计
a woman can make today
就是假装有个大屁♥股♥
is to simulate a fat ass.
-你这确实像个大屁♥股♥ -谢谢
- That is a simulation of a fat ass, right there. - Thank you.
如果我是个黑人
If I was a black guy,
这是你能对我做的最贱的恶作剧
this is the meanest trick you could play on me.
因为我会说 "天啊 快看
Because I'd be like, "Oh, my God! Look.
好大一个屁♥股♥ 我最喜欢了"
"There's a fat ass, my favorite."
然后掀开来一看 我就会说
And then I'd lift it up and I'd be like,
"见鬼 只是个玩笑"
"Oh, shit, it's a big joke."
我懂 因为如果真的掀起来
I know, exactly, because when you lift it up
里面只有一个铁笼子
there's nothing but a metal cage under there.
你还真是准备好好放松一下了
You are ready to relieve the stress of the day.
必须的
Completely.
至少能这样度过我的最后一晚
Well, at the very least, this will be a good way
还是挺不错的 对吧
to spend my last night alive, right?
艾伯特
Albert.
怎么
What?
你相信我吗
Do you trust me?
相信
Yeah, I do.
很好 你不会有事的
Good. You're gonna be fine.
如果我觉得你决斗会输
If I thought you were gonna lose this gunfight,
我就会让你取消它了 好吗
I'd make you call it off. Okay?
好吧
Yeah, okay.
相信我
Trust me.
詹姆斯的乐队怎么样
Hey, how about it for the James Gang?
谢谢 能回到老树桩镇真是太好了
Thank you. Hey, hey, it's great to be back here in Old Stump.
我记得以前这还个小破镇子[一匹马]
You know, I remember when this was just a one-horse town,
现在看看你们
and now look at you!
那匹马死了
Your horse is dead.
在场的有印第安人吗 你们怎么搞到票的
Any Indians here tonight? How'd you get tickets?
我猜猜 黄牛党[割头皮]
Let me guess. Scalpers.
开玩笑 他们是高尚的野蛮人
I kid the red man. They're a noble savage.
但要知道 我跟印第安女人们约会
But, you know, I date Indian women,
不管别人知不知道
and I don't care who knows about it.
我前几天晚上还和一个印第安妹子在一起
I was with one the other night.
我问她 "你想怎么被♥操♥"
I asked her, I said, "How do you liked to get fucked?"
她说"夺走我的土地"
She said, "Take my land."
大家举手示意下
Hey, quick show of hands, everybody.
谁喜欢妓♥女♥和戴帽子
Who likes whores and wearing a hat?
最佳搭配是吧
It's the best, right?
我前几天不小心雇了一个妓♥女♥
You know, I accidently hired a whore the other night.
我以为她说的是"谁想来我的民防团[阴♥道♥]"
I thought she said, "Who wants to be in my posse?"
去你们的 乡巴佬
Fuck you, sod-busters.
"牛仔"是个名词 不是动词
You know, "cowpoke" is a noun, not a verb.
伙计们 我跟你们说
But I tell ya, folks,
电报机那玩意儿...简直烂透了
this telegraph machine... That thing is nuts.
当然啦 它是比小马快递要快
I mean, sure, it's faster than the Pony Express,
但是不能寄自己老二的照片 要它何用
but what good is it if you can't send a picture of your dick?
要活跃活跃气氛
People gotta lighten up.
我对禁酒运动超火大
This temperance movement? That shit pisses me off.
我看了凯丽·内申的禁酒演说
I saw Carrie Nation speak.
她说"给我一个为什么男人需要喝酒的好理由"
She said, "Show me one good reason why a man needs a drink."
我说"你照照镜子就懂了 臭婊♥子♥"
I said, "Look in the mirror, bitch."
好了 他们举灯笼示意我了
Okay, they're giving me the lantern.
别忘了蹂躏你们的女服务生
Don't forget to rape your waitresses,
好好享受 希望你们享受今天的饮料
enjoy the bison and I hope you're enjoying your drinks
就像我的马享受制♥作♥那些饮料一样
as much as my horse enjoyed making them for you.
现在排好队跳甜心舞吧
Now, let's all line up for the sweetheart dance.
来吧 我们上
Come on, let's go.
不不不 我跳舞超逊的
No, no, no! I suck at dancing.
没人会注意的
No one will notice.
怎么可能不注意
How will they not notice?
因为你干什么都逊
Because you suck at everything.
哎呦 哎哟
Well, well!
你好啊 小羊羊
Hello, there, sheepie.
你好 富伊 你好 露易丝
Hello, Foy. Hey, Louise.
你好 艾伯特
Hey, Albert.
明天就是大日子了
So, big day tomorrow.
要来跳最后一支舞吗
Care for a last dance?
跟你吗
With you?
才不是跟我
No, not with me.
我是指跳舞
I mean, the dance.
是啊 我们要跳舞的
Yeah. No, yeah, no. She and I are gonna dance.
现在 为了给甜心舞助兴
And now, to serenade us for the sweetheart dance,
有请马库斯·索顿
our very own Marcus Thornton!
观众真烂
Shit crowd.
准备好跳诡异僵硬的传统西部舞了吗
Ready for weird, stiff, traditional frontier dancing?
必须的
Fuck, yes.
渴望爱情的小伙们
You men who long for love
请你们不要绝望
You mustn't all despair
只要知道一个秘诀
There's a secret you should know
就能抓住意中人的心
To capture the hearts of the fair
你也许长得丑 你也许穿得土
You may not have the looks You may not have the dash
但你一定能抱得美人归
But you'll win yourself a girl
只要你留了八字胡
If you've only got a moustache
八字胡 八字胡
A moustache A moustache
只要你留了八字胡
If you've only got a moustache
你也许很普通
You may be common folk
没什么可炫耀
Without a hint of pride
但你不需要是国王
But you needn't be a king
也能娶到美娇娘
To make any maiden a bride