死在西部的一百万种方式

死在西部的一百万种方式
亚利桑那州 1882年
有些人生在错误的时间和地点
Some people are born into the wrong time and place.
这里是1882年的美国西部
This was the American frontier in 1882.
贫苦的人♥民♥生活在贫瘠的土地上
A hard land for hard folk.
食物短缺
Food was scarce,
疾病肆虐
disease was rampant,
人们每日艰难求生
and life was a daily struggle for survival.
这位是1880年的美国小姐
Hell, this was Miss America in 1880.
活见鬼了
Holy shit.
想在这片严酷无情的土地上生存
To build a home and a life in this harsh, unforgiving country
老树桩镇
1866年建立
老树桩镇
1866年建立
老树桩镇
1866年建立
老树桩镇
1866年建立
必须勇敢 无畏 坚毅如铁
required that a man be bold, fearless, and tough as iron.
只有有勇有谋 百折不挠的人
The men who were courageous and resilient
才能在这里闯出名堂
were the men who prospered.
但有些人只是大软蛋
But some men were just big, giant pussies.
没想到你还敢来 斯塔克
Well, well. Surprised you showed up, Stark.
你说我要是不来
Yeah, well, you said you would kill my family
就要杀我全家 烧我房♥子
and burn my house down if I didn't, so...
拔枪
Draw.
你要我怎么说
Is there anything at all that I can say
才肯罢手
to get you to call this off?
你怕了吗[黄种人] 斯塔克
You yellow, Stark?
这么说对我们勤劳的远东朋友
Oh, okay, well, that's a little racist to our hardworking friends
有点不公平啊 对吧 伙计们
over here from the Far East, right, guys?
拔枪 你个婊♥子♥养♥的♥
Draw, you son of a bitch!
我只是觉得
Look, I just feel like
我们是不是可以谈谈
if we can talk this out, you know,
找个冷静理性的解决方法
we can find a calm, rational solution
说不定以后还会拿这事说笑呢
and maybe we even laugh about it one day.
我现在可没心情笑 斯塔克
I ain't in the mood to laugh, Stark!
幽默无处不在嘛
Look, there's always humor in any...
看 这个肯定能逗笑你
Oh, hey, look. This will make you laugh.
看咱俩的影子
Look at our shadows.
看咱俩的影子 都快亲上了
It looks like our shadows are about to kiss each other.
你看
Look at that.
等等 你看 天啊查理
Oh, wait, watch this. Oh, my God, Charlie. Oh, my God.
谢谢 你真是太慷慨了
Thank you! This is so generous of you.
这个...
Oh, wow! This is...
你真是个好人
What a terrific guy you are.
咱俩都不怎么熟呢
We barely know each other,
但是该出手时就出手不是
but, hey, when it's right, it's right, huh?
我要射的时候会拍你帽子的 好吗
I'll give you a little tap on the hat when I'm good to go, okay?
笑了吧 你看大家都笑了
Look, we're laughing, right? We're laughing now.
我们为什么争执来着
What were we even fighting about?
我都不记得了 你还记得吗
I can't remember. Can you?
你那该死的羊啃光了我一半的牧草 斯塔克
Your goddamn sheep grazed up half my ranch, Stark.
草可不会重新长回来
That grass ain't never gonna grow back!
好吧 不然这样
All right, look. How about this?
我会赔偿你的损失
I'll pay you the money you lost, okay?
给我两天时间
Just give me two days
我卖♥♥几只羊
to sell off a few of my sheep
就把钱给你
and I'll get you the money.
只需要两天
All right. Just two days.
到时候收不到钱 我跟你没完
If I don't have that cash, I'm coming after ya.
没问题 非常感谢你的耐心
Okay, great. Thank you so much for your patience.
我很感激
I really appreciate it.
大家一定松了口气
And what a relief for all these people
他们来这儿就是希望
who came out here hoping
我们能和平解决 对吧
that we would find an amicable solution to this, huh?
赶紧决斗啊
Aw, somebody shoot some fucker!
老子翘了半天工就是为了看这个
I took a half-day off work for this!
好吧 我想说
Okay, I just want to point out
那家伙是我们学校的英语老师
that guy's an English teacher at our school.
先给你点厉害尝尝
Just a little taste.
艾伯特 你没事吧
Albert. Albert, are you okay, man?
老天
Oh, God.
应该只是擦伤
It's just a... A graze I think.
你还好吧 斯塔克
You all right, Stark?
你好啊 警长
Oh, hey, Sheriff.
听着 非常感谢
Hey, listen. Thanks a lot.
真是太谢谢你出面制止了
I really appreciate you stepping in
这场就发生在你办公室门口
and stopping this deadly altercation
剑拔弩张的殊死争执
going on right in front of your office.
真是棒极了
That's great.
这事不归我管 斯塔克
Not my place to intervene, Stark.
一人做事一人当
I think a man ought to fight his own battles.
你可是警长啊
You're the Sheriff.
没错
That's right.
我们付你工资就为了一件事
So the one thing we're paying you to do,
你在这个镇上唯一的职责所在
like, the one function you have in town,
而你却说这事人人有责不归你管
you're saying everyone else should do it?
去找哈珀医生看看你的脚
Go see Dr. Harper about that foot.
哈珀医生
Hey, Dr. Harper!
有人吗
Hello!
艾伯特 你好啊
Albert, how are you?
医生 我刚刚
Hey, Doc, listen, I was...
我的天
Holy shit.
别担心 我正在做手术
Oh, don't worry about this. I'm just in the middle of surgery.
我可以过会再来
I can come back if, uh...
没事 她一时半会醒不来
No, no, no. She's gonna be out for quite a while.
可怜的卡拉汉夫人
Mrs. Callaghan. The poor woman,
她肚子里的恶魔快炸开了
her stomach devil was about to explode.
我得帮她取出来
I had to take it out.
她的阑尾吗
Her appendix?
就是这个
That's the fella.
你怎么了
Well, what's your trouble?
子弹擦伤 想来检查一下
Uh, it's a bullet graze. I just need it checked out.
是听说你向查理·布兰奇求饶了
Yeah, I heard you turned yellow on Charlie Blanche.
我们来瞧瞧
Let's... Let's have a look.
你不太喜欢洗手是吧
You're, uh... You're not big on the hand-washing, are you?
伤的挺重啊
Ooh, that is a nasty one.
看来得截肢了
We may have to take that off,
要不然你就得脚残了
otherwise you might wind up with a case of toe-foot.
脚残是你编的吧
Okay, I don't think that's a real thing,
再说这只是擦伤 医生
and second of all, it's a graze, Doc.
我才不让你把我脚给锯了
I'm not gonna let you take my foot off.
随你便
Well, suit yourself.
我可见过脚残的不到一周就恶化成腿残了
But I've seen toe-foot turn into knee-leg in less than a week.
包扎下就行 谢谢
Just a dressing, thanks.
本来应该就这么了事的
I mean, that should have been the end of it, right?
我告诉他我会赔
I mean, I tell him I'll pay him off,
我们各走各路 就完事了
we go our separate ways, and that's it.
结果他给我腿来了一枪
But, no, he shoots me in the fucking leg.
虽然只是擦了一下 你看看啊
I mean, it's just a graze, but come on, look at that.
怎么了
What?
你应该跟他决斗的
You should have fought him.
我应该跟他决斗
I should have fought him?
你没开玩笑吧
You're serious.
露易丝 那家伙是附近最好的枪手之一
Louise! My God! The guy is one of the best shots around.
我跟他一比就像是帕金森病人
I look like I have Parkinson's next to him.
帕金森症是什么
What is that?
是上帝表达对我们爱的
It's just another way God
另一种神秘方式
mysteriously shows that He loves us.
跟他打简直就是自杀
But, look, it would have been suicide to fight that guy.
艾伯特 我们分手吧
Albert, I'm breaking up with you.
什么
What?
你没听错 抱歉
Yeah. I'm sorry.